No Fox(trots) Given

Week 8: Top 9 Perform - 11 November 2017

Last week! We were truly spoilt for drama with both our first 40 of this series and our first SHOCK!BOOT as well as the latest in Anton’s campaign to demolish the entire Latin canon. Tonight! It’s the best of all the theme weeks - Week before BLACKPOOL Week. Which means I have to recap both this and BLACKPOOL Hangover Week, thank you Steve. [Yeah, sorry about that. Entirely unplanned, I swear. - Steve]

Cue credits! Pasha looked like he checked out from the very start, in hindsight.

Tess and Claudia enter on the arms of Giovanni and Kevin. Daly dresswatch: white, with some weird slittage going on and an uncomfortable gap in the midriff that makes even Tess’s slim stomach look a little chubby. What Winkleman’s wearing: a black trouser and blouse - it's OK. We also get our first glimpse of this week’s celebrity audience - including previous winner Caroline Flack and pretty much nobody else of note. [Major burn on Vincent, ouch. - Steve] Tess and Claudia remind us that BLACKPOOL is coming up and jokes that last year they said the word BLACKPOOL 283 times and this year they’re trying for the record of saying it 300 times. I can’t work out whether it’s cute or annoying that the show is this self-aware.

Cue the judges - each entering individually this week: Darcey, Bruno, Craig and Shirley. Darcey is in a red dress with slashes up the side that looks rather risqué - I love this new saucy Darcey we’re seeing. Shirley is in a white lacy dress patterned with black sequins and Craig has a purple tie replete with tie pin, whilst Bruno is wearing a black velvet jacket.

Our couples enter: Ruth and Anton; Davood and Nadiya; Mollie and AJ; Gemma and Aljaž; Debbie and Giovanni; Joe and Katya; Susan and Kevin; Jonnie and Oti; Alexandra and Gorka. Blimey, that was a lot easier than the last time I had to do this. The jigging along to the theme tune seems to have improved in the last couple of weeks as well, with only Ruth not bothering to even vaguely attempt any kind of motion and I like to think that’s less a case of willing and more a case of ability.

First tonight are Susan and Kevin, looking rather traditional with him in full bow tie’n’tails and her in a sparkly red dress with a red flower in her hair. Now on It Takes Two, we’ve been promised a set of VTs that are purely training footage, so let’s see how that goes, shall we? Theirs features both of their hair flopping about uncomfortably and deciding that they’re going to do their tango seriously, with Susan trying to pull an intense face. In their training footage, she is wearing stripy socks and the ubiquitous lip print heels. Now, these heels being used by all the female celebs has been a major talking point on It Takes Two in terms of Zoe noticing them at least, but I feel we’re overdue the actual story of them. Are they genuinely a kind of Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants type single set of shoes (meaning that all the female celebrities somehow magically have the same sized feet) or, as I suspect is more likely, did wardrobe just get a job lot of them from Wynsor’s World of Shoes’ £1 bargain bin?

For all that this has been promoted as their first serious dance, it’s still a tango being done to Katy Perry’s 'Firework' (a week too late, surely?). Her footwork isn’t bad, although she does look terrified most of the time rather than moody. Her framing is still not particularly elegant, but I kind of feel that maybe she just isn’t capable of that, due to a combination of height, weight and personality. The set is covered in sparkly fake trees, which are little distracting, possibly deliberately so? Also the singing? Sounds as you might imagine. It ends with a very dramatic pose’n’hug. Overall, a solid but unremarkable piece of dance then, and perhaps a little boring compared to what we’ve seen from them in previous weeks, which could be interesting in terms of whether or not their vote will drop.

Over with Tess, Susan is crying and trying to catch her breath. It’s always the dances you least expect that do this to them, isn’t it? Tess introduces us to Dave Arch, the band and our singers: new girl Tori, Lance, Andrea and Tommy. Are Hayley and New Boy Jamie together somehow? And is that place more fun than this one? If the show hires more than four singers at once would it bring down the whole BBC in a new expenses scandal?  Or is it just that there isn’t room for more than four in that tiny orchestra pit? [I think you've just storylined the entire next series of W1A. - Steve]

Shirley says she’s used to seeing Susan in a comedic role and then goes on to list the themes of their previous dances. She says that tonight Susan brought it, remembering every step and whilst she still needs to work on her frame, Shirley can see the real progress from week 1 to now. Bruno says she he loved how she channels the dramatic persona and felt it was like watching Suranne Jones in Doctor Foster. Susan pulls an ‘is that meant to be a compliment?’ face, which I fully understand - either you’re being lauded as a great dramatic actress, or you’re being called batshit crazy. Mind you, it is Bruno, so both are probably A-OK in his world. Bruno says she did every step at the right time, placed her heel correctly and what a way to improve. Craig says her posture is the thing that lets her down, which the audience boo, but Susan pulls a ‘yes, that’s fair, come on, even I know my frame sucks’ face. He said her face looked in pain, but he loves the serious side of her. I think that just means he likes seeing you in pain Susan, I wouldn’t take it as a compliment. Darcey says that once you get too emotional, the frame can slip, so Susan needs to keep her focus all the way through, but she’s done a much better job.

In the Clauditorium, we learn that they’ve been dancing in a car park. Wasn’t that their first VT? There really are no new stories with these two, are there? Scores: five, six ('much better', Darcey?), eight, eight for a total of 27. Kevin is very happy with the two eights, Susan looks a little disappointed with the five and six. Personally I would say it was a 6/7 so overall that score doesn’t feel too out of whack even if some of the individual elements that comprised it do. 

We are reminded that BLACKPOOL is next week and everyone starts to wave streamers about. Pasha, Neil and Brendan are doing their usual naughty trio antics - had you told me before the series that those three would become the closest thing to LADZ BANTER this show has ever had (which, to be clear, is still a million light years away from your typical BANTERLOLZ thank god) I don’t think I would ever have believed you.

In the death slot, it’s not Jonnie and Oti, even though it probably should be after he’s been late on nearly all the time, but Joe and Katya, which demonstrates how much faith they must have in his rumba. Their training footage did look like a complete car crash during ITT and doesn’t appear to be much better in this VT.  Oh well, perhaps it will look better on the actual dancefloor.

They are dancing to the Mary Blige version of ‘One’, with a large chunk of the opening verse absent. Joe’s in sleek black, whilst Katya is in a very raggedy nude colour dress.  This is actually nowhere near as bad as I was expecting-in fact, it’s pretty solid for a bloke rumba even if he does look a bit constipated throughout. He is having a really decent go at doing some of the shaping in his body. His hands are a complete state though.  God knows what he’s doing with them but they’re giving Craig an ample opportunity to get out his spatulistic word, if nothing else. A pleasant surprise there - this partnership seems to really be working. Having been on the fence about Katya last series, I’m enjoying a lot of what she’s bringing this time round. [I, unfortunately, find my tolerance for Katya's personality waning with each passing week. - Steve]

Tess reminds us that rumba is DIFFICULT FOR MEN. Bruno says he’s a sensitive lover with a caring touch, 'which you won’t find in Magaluf, Craig' (although he pronounces it Mega Loof, which sounds more like a bargain bathroom supplies outlet). Bruno praises him for correct placing and a great shape, but says his hands need to carry on the movement as they felt really odd throughout. Craig says it was a little bit juttery on dancing through the four-one, and his feet were a little bit parallel rather than turned out, with some pigeon-toed moments, but he says he hasn’t seen many celeb men do it well. Can we just put an end to this lie? Look over your statistics - men generally do as well as women and in the last couple of series have tended to be higher scorers - look at the scores you gave Danny, Ore and Jay, for example. FFS. [Also this is entirely anecdotal but in my limited experience of learning ballroom and latin dances, the rumba was the one I found easiest, SO THERE. - Steve] Anyway Darcey says there was a nice resistance between them and a good sense of balance in his legs, with him giving fabulous lines. Shirley says he is still the 'dark horse'-as with our comments on Gemma a few weeks ago, can he really be classed as dark horse given he was the second celebrity to earn tens and he’s got into a nice routine of nines and tens recently. Especially with Aston gone, surely he is the closest thing to a male front runner they have? Also, she thinks he did an exquisite job, but I’m too annoyed by the dark horse comment to care. If anyone’s a ‘dark horse’, surely it’s Davood, anyway, with his unexpected comeback narrative. 

Up to the Clauditorium they bounce, and Katya seems ecstatic by how that went, which I’m guessing is much better than in any rehearsals. Joe says he’s learned not to hate it. Scores: seven, eight, nine, nine, which both of them seem a little surprised with, for a total of 33. Katya and Claudia lie that this is a really difficult score for a male celebrity to get. No, no it isn’t.

Ruth and Anton now and they are not doing party Latin so I’m much less invested and in them this week.  And to think, they could be putting the nails in the coffin of cha cha cha (the second time Anton would have put Latin in a coffin for the sake of this show). Apparently they’re doing a dance called the slow foxtrot - since when was it called that in this show, not just foxtrot? [Dunno, but it was always called "slow foxtrot" when I was learning it. - Steve]Their VT shows Ruth struggling with her frame and saying this is the most difficult dance she’s done. Bodes well.  God, these training VTs are glum as fuck tonight.

They are wearing glam outfits – although Ruth’s dress is a mismatch of three separate ones – a lacey front panel, a striped sparkly arms and side panel with gold, silver and black stripes a white and black striped skirt which looks a little like a circus tent. Her hair is done up in an elaborate pile on her head (I’m sure there is a technical term for this, but as I only have three variations on my own hair - straight aka could be bothered drying it, wavy aka couldn’t be bothered drying it and in a ponytail aka couldn’t be bothered washing it - I’m not really the person to ask [and I'm rapidly balding so definitely don't ask me - Steve]) – which actually looks nice, although it’s arguably less fun than a wig.   They’re dancing to that old Simon Cowell staple ‘Mack the Knife’ and open with much more than 10 seconds of faffing about with hats and canes - and Ruth can’t even hold the hat at the correct angle, bless her. As they get into hold, Ruth’s hands seem quite uncomfortable - the one perched on Anton’s shoulder seems to be shaking throughout. Her footwork doesn’t seem to be entirely terrible, if a bit too fast and staccato for the foxtrot, but her frame is a real problem and towards the end that goes so wrong that it puts the footwork out of place as well, as she starts to stutter backwards and out of time, looking like she’s lost confidence. Still, she manages to catch the hat and cane when they are thrown back on stage to her and they’re both smiling at the end. With the show presumably needing to do a storyline around voting for the dancers who have the most merit following Aston’s shock boot (sidestepping the fact that the judges put him there by making him second bottom on the leaderboard), the knives could well be out for her this evening.

Craig says the side-by-side at the beginning lacked any real style, but doesn’t pull out the 10 second rule. He said they came down the stairs at completely different times and Anton says that was his own fault, not Ruth’s. Ruth’s face says probably not, but there we are. Craig says she was trotting too much like a horse in the dance.  Darcey says there was a lot of content, but no gliding and she felt that foxtrot is really challenging and that Ruth was slightly out of her depth. Foxtrots are about as good as cha cha chas this year, aren’t they? It felt like we started well with Aston’s (that was more of an American Smooth, let’s face it) and it all went downhill from there onwards. Shirley says that she feels like she has to be quite firm because they going to BLACKPOOL. She says it’s called the slow foxtrot and they just went quick quick quick quick quick the whole time. Anton said they didn’t want to labour the whole slow point. Bruno says the Fox lost the trot and it turned into a gallop and calls Anton An-TUN with a really weird emphasis on the TUN, and says the whole thing became a dash to the end.

In the Clauditorium, Claudia says she’d give them 20, then realises that’s a bad score and adds ‘out of five’. Because this school show famously scores out of five. Scores: four, five, four, five for a total of 18 and Ruth looks really deflated and starts crying. Then Susan pulls her in for a hug, and then somehow Claudia gets into the hug as well and Alexandra looks really awkward not knowing what to do. Can we get back to demolishing Latin now please? This is just too uncomfortable for all concerned.

Davood and Nadiya now and we’re reminded that last week they had a somewhat unexpected breakthrough moment. Their training VT covers him saying that the Charleston is a really technically complex dance. Not really, Davood, but foxtrot and cha cha seem to be killing everyone this series whilst lots of the pasos have been epic so I’m not sure what’s what anymore.

They open with a tribute to Natalie Lowe - Nadiya playing with her tomatoes - though she doesn’t quite get the saucy wiggle and wink on point. They are dancing to the Lambeth walk, set on a market stall, with Davood in a waistcoat, shirt and slacks, and Nadiya in a dress that appears to be top half flaps of zebra and bottom half flamingo feathers. This is cheesy as you like, but full of energy and character - with Davood looking like he’s having a ball. There is an uncomfortable moment when Nadia gets upon his shoulders and he tries to swivel his legs but can’t because of the weight, but once she’s down, he gets back into it pretty effectively. It also ends spectacularly with her flinging herself upside down over his shoulder and him tucking an arm under her knee and walking around with her like a hod carrier with a load of bricks. Then he carries her around like that for ages and Tess has to tell him he can put her down now.

Darcey says he is on the way up and calls him a ‘tall strong man’ which is such a great dancing compliment, but says he was able to keep the details and the speed and control. She liked that he kept the character and that he was still swivelling when he had Nadiya on his shoulders. Well, he was trying anyway. Shirley said the choreography was outstanding and they executed it really well. I love how Nadiya doesn’t respond to the choreography comment, given that presumably it was still a specialist choreographer that did it – could that even be a slight dose of shade in relation to Nadiya’s own choreo? Bruno says he has real versatility and he’s getting better week on week (other than last week, his scores wouldn’t suggest quite that pattern, Bruno, but I guess we need a journey contestant). Craig does his ah-may-zing, and Nadiya squeals-at least she is familiar enough with the show to know what that means.

They jump up to the Clauditorium, the rustles on Nadiya’s dress bouncing all over the place.  Claudia reminds Davood that his children vote for Jonnie and he asks them to vote for daddy this week. Scores: nine, nine, 10, 10 for a total of 38. Remember when the judges started this series and they were being all strict with their numbers? Now they’re throwing tens around like they’re going out of fashion.  I have no problem with early 10s, if a dance is exceptional, but I’m not sure that all the dances that have 10ed so far have warranted it and there’s also the danger that, with little room to improve, we might not get so many real breakout dances in coming weeks. [Yeah, I know overscoring charlestons is nothing new, but I was not convinced that was a 10-worthy dance. - Steve] We cut to Davood’s wife in the audience who is crying and does not appear to be that happy with being on camera doing so.

Time for Claudia’s comedy corner. Tess asks Claudia if she’s brought a big trunk to take to BLACKPOOL and we get a fake elephant’s trunk coming into shot-made all the funnier by the fact that the runner holding it has their hands clearly in shot.

Gemma and Aljaž now. Last week they did those god-awful lifts that we’ve been reminded of ever since, poor Gemma. She’s hopeful that now they’re back to ballroom things will go well for them, however. Their VT features them both dressed in navy blue and even training in a room with blue walls and another room with blue seats. That’s some real commitment to colour blocking, right there. Aljaž wants Gemma to do as many pivots as she can, and Gemma Blair Witches to the camera that everybody is getting better and she doesn’t feel safe. What an uplifting VT.

They are dancing the Viennese waltz to ‘You Don’t Have To Say You Love Me’ and Gemma’s in a lilac and silver sparkly dress, whilst Aljaž is in a grey trousers and waistcoat with a blue shirt. The trousers are not as tight as the ones AJ was wearing the other week, but whilst you might normally be looking out for Aljaž’s bum, there is what I assume to be his mic pack sticking out like Anton’s marshmallow bunny tail, which is all rather distracting. As for the dance itself, the purple lighting makes it feel a little more elegant and romantic than it actually is. Gemma starts by looking really uncomfortable, although her face gets more into it as the routine goes on and she remembers to perform. The footwork is inconsistent - there are moments where they do pretty decent pivots and moments where their legs appear to get tangled up in each other. It’s pretty fast, and the elongated spins at the end get worse as they go along - and then Gemma collapses on him and manages not to vomit. Hooray.

Tess asks if she’s dizzy and says she know she’s been suffering from ‘rotation sickness’. Is that not just motion sickness, Tess?  Shirley says they got tangled up in the fleckerl and Gemma says her shoe nearly came off. Shirley then tries to create a catchphrase: ‘you have to get your motion and devotion to come out as emotion’. Sounds like a great Hairspray lyric. She tells Gemma to work on those inner emotions because she wants to feel what Gemma feels. What, dizzy and slightly sick? Bruno praises her for looking extremely pretty, which is always the best of starts. He said she needs to express rather than looking like she’s carrying a laundry basket everywhere. Craig says that he thought she was struggling to keep up and that it really lacked emotion. Darcey says she noticed a difference in her eye level which was brilliant and that her top line was taking too much strain but it wasn’t bad. Tess tells them there was a standing ovation in the studio. The studio audience would give a standing ovation to somebody just sweeping the floor (aka yer average Anton paso).

In the Clauditorium, Gemma takes her shoe off and throws it on the floor. You might need to find it again if you’re in the dance off, Gem. We learn that Gemma was also wearing motion sickness bands but Davood already used that narrative in his Viennese waltz VT and Gemma used her own travel sickness quota during the foxtrot, so good luck getting anyone to care about that. Scores: Seven, seven, seven, seven for a total of 28.  And how refreshing it still is to just hear ‘seven’ and not ‘Sev-UHN’. 

We get a half-time leaderboard with Davood and Joe above the three women who’ve danced so far.  Could the men finally be seeing a resurgence?  I know we’re due a female winner but the last time the men were demolished like this Jay ended up winning anyway so keeping a few around for a while may be no bad thing.

Gorka and Alexandra now for our first Argentine Tango of the series. Shirley says they’re looking for a real connection between the two performers and she wants to ‘feel’ the Argentine Tango and then she asks Darcey if she wants to feel it with her. I love that the show is no longer afraid of lady homoeroticism.

Their training VT involves the use of an enormous fan, which bodes quite well. We get our annual reminder that the tango and the Argentine Tango are nothing alike and we see Alexandra doing the banderas with her legs and we get a demonstration of how they work, which is actually fairly technically informative for a VT well done. She is also wearing the kiss shoes in some of it as well as rocking stripy socks with sandals in other parts. Not quite Debbie McGee style icon levels of training outfit yet, but I appreciate the attempt.

Alexandra’s wearing a short lacy dress, with a really weird bunch of strapping over one of her breasts that makes it look like she's sporting Mr Bump on her chest, only with black bandages instead of white. Her eye make-up involves some cute little diamonds though and she’s really rocking a dark sultry lip. They are dancing to ‘Mi Confession’ and it opens with Alexandra waving a huge red fan at the top of the staircase what a legend. Gorka joins her on the bridge as she slaps her leg over the banister like Debbie McGee reaching for a tambourine. They dance their way down the stairs having a play-off with one another, before getting into hold, and then they execute a very good Argentine Tango – it’s full-on and moody, with Alexandra’s legs looking more controlled than they have been all series [although still a bit spider-y and flaily for my tastes - Steve]. The kicking through each other’s legs works well with nobody kneeing anybody in the privates, and there’s a really neat bit of choreography where she moves around Gorka by standing on his feet-extra impressive given the length of her heels, which she doesn’t stab him with even once. Now what I would give to see Ruth and Anton demolish the Argentine Tango. In the meantime, that will have to do as a very good example of this genre that leaves me slightly disappointed we didn’t get to see Aston’s take on it and very excited for what Giovanni and Debbie might bring when they do it. In the audience we see Vincent Simone looking on and pondering his legacy on the show and why he hasn’t even been invited to choreography corner yet when Jo’s done it twice, and she was only a pro two and a half times.

Bruno calls it ‘pure undiluted passion’ and says the sequence of razor-sharp ganchos they had was extraordinary. Craig says she never ceases to amaze and that was incredible. Darcey praises the sensuality and the fact that she engages them straight away but notes that sometimes she needs to finish off her line more clearly, and that the emotion comes a little bit too much into Alexandra’s shoulders, but it was really good otherwise. Shirley says she felt like she was transported to a nightclub and loves the way they connect with one another.

In the Clauditorium, Claudia says there was huge pressure as the dance is ‘a fan favourite’ and checks that Alexandra was really supposed to step on his feet. I guess years of watching comedy contestants means you can never be too sure what’s deliberate and what isn’t (nor can the contestants, if Anton and Ruth’s protestations about their ‘fall’ last week being off the cuff). We also say hello to her friends Lance and Ryan in the audience. I love that they have names, unlike her boyfriend and brother. Scores: nine, nine, 10, 10 for a total of 38.

In the background the evicted female pros and Chloe are wearing variations of gold two pieces. Karen looks like she’s wearing cowboy trousers and Chloe’s hair is done up with a really unfortunate little curly quiff.  Not the best look for any of them, if I’m honest, especially compared to the red velvet jackets the evicted male pros and Neil get to wear.

Now we have ringer vanquishers Mollie and AJ. She cries in the VT that she’s scared and doesn’t want the journey to come to an end and we see some training footage of their Paso that looks like a complete train wreck. AJ is also wearing the most ugly t-shirt I’ve seen in a long time-grey with a blue stripe across the top and then what looks to be tyre tracks all-round it.  These millennials and their commitment to ethical consumption - if it's been run over I don't think anyone would judge you for disposing of it, AJ. Mollie then sits on camera pulling terrible Paso faces and we see her going through AJ’s legs in rehearsal and almost breaking her back. She ends by saying ‘I hope we can nail it in the Strictly ballroom’ which is a great pun very well done.

We open with AJ in the traditional Paso jacket - it’s not clarified if this is the same one of Neil's that Joe wore, in the male equivalent of the kissy shoes, but let’s say so for the sake of narrative. Also, his chest is as smooth as a Ken doll, unsurprisingly. Mollie arrives behind him in gold, with the weirdest hairstyle – I suppose it’s meant to be a bit like Robin Wright-Penn in Wonder Woman but the way a plait in the centre blends into crimped hair bunched into a multi-stage ponytail brings to mind an elaborate curtain pull. She’s clutching the big red ceiling hankies that we haven’t seen for some time. Then the music kicks in (‘Layla’) and they get into hold and the dramatic opening gives way to something much less sensational. Her arms are all over the place and her leg work is not much better. She does okay in the shaping, but once they have to travel around the floor she looks completely lost.  Her skirt wafting brings to mind Jo/Amy in their jives and her hand shaping is about as awkward as Joe’s was in his rumba. She is also staring at the floor the whole time looking like she wants to vomit, but she does manage to get flung through AJ’s legs at the end so well done her.

Craig says some of the shapes were very awkward and her shoulders were coming up too much and looking ungainly, but it did have a real sense of power and presence. Darcey said it really had attitude and drama and determination, but she did throw a lot away and she needs to think about the still moments and keeping her core tight to help her balance throughout. Shirley said there was some nice Paso content and it looked good in closed hold but when they parted it looked a bit jerky and she needs to keep her core, with her head maintaining a vertical line with her body to stop herself from falling. Bruno says she was so pumped up that she ‘popped like a Christmas cracker’ (if they’re anything like the ones I have, that means they pull without a snap and then you have to break it afterwards... which describes the last couple of week's of Mollie's narrative on this show come to think of it) and lost some control and artistry. He said something went out of time while they were travelling, and he knows it’s a difficult balance between power and clean lines but that’s what the Paso Doble requires. In a series that’s been filled with both epic and terrible pasos, having a mediocre one feels disappointing, quite frankly.

As they bound up to the Clauditorium AJ tells her that she did really well, because Saturday is his nice day.  It’s actually quite sweet. Mollie says being in the bottom two has knocked her confidence but she is grateful to have danced again. Scores: five, six, six, five for a total of 22. I don’t think it was a particularly good dance, but those fives feel a little bit mean. Still, I think they are over her at this point and have decided she can be easily disposed of if she’s in the dance off yet again – at least if she’s up against one of the favourites. [Mollie has officially become my woobie of this series. She tries so hard, trains all hours, and still can't get the hang of it. I desperately need her to have just one moment of triumph before she's inevitably dispatched. - Steve]

Jonnie and Oti now and I thought at one moment they might get yet another pimp slot. I like these two but they really have had enough second-half placings. The training footage features Oti telling Jonnie not to stick his bum out so much and trying to convince us that the foxtrot can be an amazing dance if it’s done right (i.e. not like what we’ve seen the series) and Jonnie saying that as a sprinter, his leverage comes from his bum and his knee so he finds it hard to be precise in his movement.

For the foxtrot, Oti is in a lovely lemon dress with a slightly odd brown back panel whilst Jonnie is in a grey suit jacket and black trousers and a really bizarre black shirt with sparkly patterns on that almost look to be fragments of dominoes. They are dancing to ‘Someone Like You’, which apparently has not been as overdone on this show as I imagined. [It's an overdone song to begin with, although I appreciate that's not what you meant. - Steve] And… it is not good. Oti is doing her usual trick of trying to cover up Jonnie’s deficiencies, but in a dance that is devoid of acrobatics it’s hard to disguise what he’s doing too much. He looks quite uncomfortable throughout and tentative in a lot of his movements. As with Ruth, it’s not particularly smooth, although they do have the benefit of a more suitable tempo to work with meaning it probably comes out as a more assured performance overall.

Tess says Jonnie wanted to get his posture right this week and did he, Darcey? Tess really needs to stop asking this kind of question, because the answers seem to regularly be ‘no’. Darcey says it felt uncomfortable-when he’s in hold he looks like he’s straining, particularly through his shoulder and she could see that he found the dance difficult but he was better a couple of weeks ago. Two weeks ago, when he got his worst score of the series, even worse than in the week we had three judges.  Harsh, Darcey, harsh. Shirley says there were parts of the dance where he seems improved and parts where it needs improvement still. She noticed his elbows were better but he had got on the wrong side places and whilst it was okay, we’re at week eight now and he needs to improve. Bruno said it was quite emotional and he thinks Jonnie will bounce back (is that a cue for him to use the blade again?  It might not be a bad idea…). He says Jonnie’s hands are still like shovels but that’s another lesson and it’s hard to lead in a foxtrot. Is there any dance it isn’t hard to lead in according to this show? Craig calls it dull, dull, dull and Tess does a ‘how very dare you’ at him. Eh, it’s a foxtrot, Tess, they’re not noted for their entertainment qualities.

In the Clauditorium Claudia says ‘at least you were dancing in Paris’ (albeit a projection thereof not like that time Louise got to have a free holiday on behalf of the BBC) scores: four, five, six, six for a total of 21.

That means that closing the evening we have Debbie and Giovanni - pimp slot at last! Sadly, it’s for a salsa, when they’ve had at least three other dances - probably four - that would have been better showstoppers. We see Tess in the audience with Caroline Flack, forgetting which series Caroline was on and then, because the dance is set in an opticians, everyone puts glasses on and I’m not sure if this was some kind of under the radar product placement on behalf of SpecSavers or not, but you can bet the Daily Mail are trying their hardest to find out.

Debbie and Giovanni’s VT involves them still using the magical transporting special effects, which is real commitment to a bit on behalf of the VT editors. There is also some background music that seems to include the lyrics ‘I’ve got a feeling’ which is a funny nod back to last week, well done everyone. Debbie lies that she is finding lifts difficult. Sure you are Deb, sure.

In the latest from their book of porn clichés, we have Debbie as a sexy optician and they’ve gone to the trouble of sourcing two full racks of spectacles as prop backgrounds - as well as spectacle lighting effects. It opens with Giovanni reading out from the charts ‘D E B B I E – Debbie’.  Incorrect, Gio, should be an EH at the end there. They are both in bright red, Debbie with a cutout panel just above her bum, the saucy minx, and Giovanni with his shirt fully open to reveal a god-awful sun tattoo.  It’s not often you want the male pros (except Anton) to put their chests away, but it’s making me go off him a tiny little bit. [It also looks a bit like the tattoos that the Winchesters have in Supernatural to prevent against demonic possession, which makes me wonder if Giovanni hunts monsters in his spare time. - Steve] They are dancing to ‘Can’t Take My Eyes Off You’ and new singer Tori completely biffs the song, going into the ‘I love you baby’ far too early and then having to hold a note for ages to allow the music to catch up. The dance itself? A fun piece of party Latin that isn’t going to top any best dance polls of the series, but nor is it likely to put them into much danger. There is an amazing lift where Giovanni literally grabs her by the vag and spins her around at his hip, which is truly impressive, although the dismount is a bit clumsy, and there are a couple of uncomfortable moments coming out of spins, but otherwise they must just be glad to get another party Latin ticked off the list. Now give us their American Smooth already.

Tess tells Debbie she’s fearless and Debbie just shrugs like ‘I used to get cut in half on a weekly basis this is nothing’. Shirley said they had some mistakes in their spins and reverse turns where Debbie missed Giovanni’s arm at one point, but she commends how Debbie gets out and goes for it with the lifts in particular. She says Debbie is amazing but she keeps repeating that there were some mistakes just so that we dampen down the ‘judges’ favourites’ moaning that’s been out there. Bruno says she was saucy, although there was an error, and the dance was the essence of salsa, infused with the spirit of Cuba (much like Bruno every week). On replay - he actually said spirit of youth, but I prefer my mishear better. Craig says he wants something of what she is on and Darcey praises the vagina lift-although she calls it ‘upper thigh’ because were still pre-watershed.

In the Clauditorium, Claudia asks Debbie if she ever says no to Giovanni’s lifts and she says she always just assumed he is joking.  Not really the lesson in consent we’re looking for in These Troubled Times. Scores, nine, nine, eight, nine for a total of 35. Claudia opens the vote lines to ‘Viva Las Vegas’ and Neil and Brendan dance on in big pink showgirl headdresses - I guess they couldn’t fork out to get one for Pasha as well. Poor Pasha.

So that was a weird evening, wasn’t it? The foxtrot joins the cha cha as the dance most massacred this series, with the Viennese waltz chomping at their heels. At least the Argentine Tango has got off to a steady start and we got through a bloke rumba that wasn’t too trying, so hurrah for that. Tomorrow somebody will not be going to BLACKPOOL and therefore their life will no longer be worth living, but who shall it be? Join me tomorrow to find out!

This week on It Takes Two we have learnt...

- Zoe's friends somehow think she has the power to influence dance-off decisions on this show.
- LOL remember when Brendan thought it was a scandal that Charlotte had gone too soon how times change.
- That thing where they replay the judges shouting their scores in unison really only works when they all say the same thing.
- Aston wished he'd had a chance to do the jive and the charleston.  They would have done a BLACKPOOL jive if they'd got that far.
- Aston is thinking of owning a dance studio to teach kids to dance. RINGER DINGER DINGER.
- The party line after the SHOCK!BOOT is still 'if you love them, vote'.  Let's see how that message holds up if Ruth and Susan (and possibly Jonnie) are still here after BLACKPOOL shall we?
- Joanne is back for Choreography Corner, rediscovering the joy of ripping into contestants and threatening to 'have words' with the judges about their scoring. GRIMSBY VS LIVERPOOL BRING IT ON (the other three have no chance in a NORTH OFF let's face it).  This also gives us life that they might let Chloe's claws come out again next time she's on.
- It's not easy for Giovanni to drive Debbie if she's a little 'off'.  Phnar.
- The mass catering they have doesn't look all that appetising (except to KAREN LOVE FOOD).
- Ruth's thinking of setting up a Twitter for her hair.
- AJ had a birthday this week as well but NO1CURR.
- Future Strictly legend Nadiya Hussain brought brownies because she thought she'd not be allowed into the audience unles she brought cake.
- The Christmas line-up has been revealed: Jeremy Vine will be back with Karen; Katie Derham will be paired with Brendan; Colin Jackson (2005 represent) will be paired with Amy for all the WELSHness; Robbie Savage (why though) will bless Dianne with his presence;  Judy Murray will partner Neil; Kimberly Walsh will rejoin Pasha.  Poor Chloe is being Poor Chloed again.
- 2012 was the first year Jo Clifton sat in the studio audience.
- Rad might make Shirley saying 'Ruth you bring me absolute joy' her ringtone.
- Ruth grazed her knee in that fall.
- Ruth and Anton are claiming their ending was a real fall not a comedy one.  Sure, hons.
- Anton would like to partner Alan Shearer next year get to it BBC.
- Eammon Holmes commented he'd witnessed 'the curse of Strictly' before his eyes at Ruth and Anton's ending.  That's the only time he's been funny so we'll let him have it.
- Anton does put real steps in his dances in order to make the piss-ripping more on point and god love him for it.
- Anton thinks it's harder to do comedy than straight dancing.  Mmm-hmmm.
- Anton thinks foxtrot is the greatest dance in the world.  Not on the evidence of this series so far.
- There will be canes in Ruth and Anton's routine on Saturday.
- Joanne is not a ballet dancer. She said this twice, so it must be important.
- Mollie has known Aston for nearly 10 years, so it was quite an awkward dance-off.
- Mollie has been working on her core a lot for Shirley.
- Two of the contestants who were bottom two in week seven in the last three years went on to win. Really sucks to be Aston, doesn't it? (because lol Mollie's not winning)
- Zoe still occasionally breaks into a samba in the pasta aisle.
- AJ ate a lot of birthday cake on Saturday.
- Mollie is breaking out Tallulah Tango for her paso. (Petunia Paso?)
- Professional dancers don't use capes when doing competition paso, but they do it on Strictly because it looks nice.
- Chloe looks great in paso gear hint hint producers.
- The singers will be attempting 'Firework' by Katy Perry this weekend.
- Zoe and AJ can do a jumping heel click. Mollie...cannot.
- Giovanni has had two 40s so far, but he doesn't really count the one with Georgia because it was in the final.
- Debbie and Giovanni's tango is the only tango to get a 40 outside of a final.
- Debbie and Giovanni's salsa will have a lot of hip movement, sexiness, and "liftiness".
- Ian would like to inspect 'every ball'.  Guess he must have loved Kevin's jive last week.
- Ian hasn't been the same since he did his rotator cuff in.
- Tango is Zoe's favourite dance.
- Joe looks good in a kilt.
- Joe wishes he could do the charleston every week.
- Katya keeps singing 'Alexander's ragtime band' as 'Alexandra's'.  We've taken Ghostbusters, Star Wars, Doctor Who and Cars and now women are coming for your ragtime bands mwahahahaha.
- Every Strictly contestant has a triggering track that reminds them of a dance they hated. For Zoe it was 'Part-Time Lover', for Joe it's 'Castle On The Hill' by Ed Sheeran colour us shocked.
- Katya is a 'more is more' person.
- Katya loves the rumba, Joe is less keen.
- Joe and Katya spent a bunch of their rehearsal time this year performing 'My Immortal' by Evanescence - with Katya on piano and Joe singing.
- The cha cha cha has been performed more than any other dance on Strictly which is very much a case of quantity over quality.
- Shirley doesn't think Aston and Janette should have been in the bottom two, even though the judges put them there.
- Shirley has high heeled shoes with fluffy pompoms on the toe, which is... a look,  No-one let Tess's dressers see them.
- Shirley really likes calling Zoe "girlfriend".
- Alexandra forgot a whole eight-section of her cha cha cha during the dress rehearsal.
- Gorka would be happy to never get a 10 from Craig as long as the trade-off was never getting eliminated.
- Alexandra thought Aston was going to win.
- Ian doesn't think Mollie and AJ will be in the bottom two this weekend.  Maybe not in terms of judges' scores...
- Ian doesn't think Gemma wants to win enough, and that's why she hasn't topped the leaderboard yet. Yeah, I bet that's all Craig thinks about when he's scoring.
- Joe's rumba training footage looks like he's playing that radioactive Mr Burns 'alien' from the X-Files episode of The Simpsons.
- Davood is marginally embarrassed by winning sexiest male at the Inside Soap awards, but not as embarrassed as the EastEnders' team in general must have been by that being their only award (unless you count Gillian Taylforth's lifetime but that presumably also takes in her time in Hollyoaks).
- Nadiya still thinks their rumba was good.
- Nadiya hasn't been to the EastEnders set yet.
- Davood learns choreography better when he can write it down.
- Mollie's paso dress will use 14 metres of fabric.
- Kevin sent Susan's birthday presents to Scotland but they've been in London all week so she hasn't opened them yet.
- Susan thinks social media was full of comments about Kevin's 'knees' on Saturday.  If 'knees' is a euphemism, maybe.
- Jeremy Vine has got no less annoying since he was on the show.
- The Corrs still exist.
- Oti likes to warm up by jumping around to Bon Jovi whilst Jonnie does some stretches quietly at the back of the room.
- The Remembrance Sunday pro dance will involve the serious and touching use of travelators.
- Neil was born in a barracks.
- Nick Knowles comes from a family of dancers MEGA RINGER ALERT (but claims he's the least talented one) and would 'maybe' do Strictly.
- Jeremy Vine thinks swivel (or 'that thing you do with your feet') is the hardest thing for non-dancers to do.
- Jeremy Vine favours Debbie to win but says he is always wrong as a pundit on everything.
- Debbie is going to be playing a 'sexy optician' on Saturday.
- Nick Knowles thinks sexiness can alienate the audience.
- Janette and Katya think Chloe is the most excited about BLACKPOOL; Dianne thinks Giovanni and everyone else thinks Anton. Odd that nobody said Gorka, isn't it?
- Brendan thinks Kevin is the happiest pro, AJ thinks Janette, Janette thinks herself or Aljaž and everyone else is split between Chloe, Aljaž and Amy.
- Chloe is nicknamed "Little Miss Sunshine" among the other pros.
- Alexandra invented the phrase "stairography", in much the same way that she brought the phrase "elephant in the room" to the UK from America.
- Alexandra and Gorka are too hyper for the Argentine Tango.
- Giovanni and Debbie start singing together on Thursdays when they're happy with their dance.
- Joe gets Katya to teach the dances to the VT team when he wants a break.
- Gorka is always checking his chest out in the mirror.
- Gemma thinks her salsa "felt better than it looked".
- Gemma had a rib injury last week which is why she was strapped up, but she didn't mention it on the show because she didn't want it to influence people either to vote for her, or to not vote for her.
- Aljaž lied to Gemma about how much experience he had with lifts of that nature.
- Rudimental were worried about Gemma dancing to one of their songs because they'd seen her failing to dance in the mud at V festival.
- Gemma likes that the Viennese waltz is quicker than some of the other ballroom dances.
- Gemma and Aljaž's fleckerls have been going right in training about 50% of the time.
- Gethin's backstage buddy of the week is Robin Lee-Perella, aka the person responsible for the VTs and teasers/trailers so now we know who to aim those tomatoes at.  It takes a team of 42 people to make those wonderful artworks.
- Every single VT this week will be I WANNA GET TO BLACKPOOL themed, which is one of our favourite things as you all know. But at least they'll all be training-based, hurrah.
- Anna Richardson claims to want to be Ruth Langsford in a year's time. What, married to Eamonn Holmes?
- Jeremy Vine thinks Mollie should be fine because Jamelia always got through the dance off.  EXCEPT WHEN SHE WUZZROBBED neva4get. He also thinks she was in five dance-offs in a row because he doesn't even remember his own series that clearly.
- Jeremy Vine thinks Ruth will go home due to Aston backlash; Anna Richardson thinks Mollie and Nick Knowles thinks Alexandra because of what happened to Aston.
- Gethin was looking for 'new threads' and met Neil, Pasha and Brendan, because they're three of the people you'd want clothes advice from.
- Neil and Judy Murray will be doing a charleston at Christmas.

Beat(en) Again

Week 7: Top 10 Results - 5 November 2017

We open with the promised pro dance to a Prince medley. Apparently due to budget cuts, everyone's outfits for this number have been sourced directly from Neil's wardrobe. That's the best reason I can come up with for the...alarming array of different prints on everyone, anyway. (Unless...oh my god, it's a prints medley. Vicky Gill, you're a sly one.) The first song is 'Let's Go Crazy', which segues into 'When Doves Cry' as the women dangle from clothes rails on casters (couldn't they have just got Rachel Stevens to come back and do her Argentine tango again?) and of course it ends with 'Purple Rain' as Neil and Katya get the showcase spot while everyone else wafts purple umbrellas around in the background. The umbrellaography is very good, but I feel terrible for the runner who's going to have years of bad luck for opening them all indoors.

Enter Tess and Claudia, wearing an asymmetrical maroon dress and a white lace dress with black chevrons respectively. They outline for us what we can expect from the rest of tonight's show, which essentially amounts to: the results, the dance-off, Stereophonics, the dance debrief, and someone going home. Talk about a shit sandwich.

First, though: bonus backstage footage! Debbie is feeling nervous this week, Alexandra feels that it is such an honour to have made it this far (calm down, babe, we're not even at Blackpool yet), Gemma hopes the dance will work out okay, Susan thinks that everyone who works at Strictly is wonderful (has she been possessed by Brendan, can somebody check this please), Aston checks out his wig and says it's why he said yes to Strictly (I'll take "statements you'll reconsider in the morning" for $500, Alex), Ruth wants the wardrobe team to live with her forever, Mollie never wants it to end, Davood things the studio is incredible without anyone in it, Joe's really enjoying the charleston and hopes everyone else will too, Aston thinks it's hard to see people leave the competition (foreshadowing!) and Jonnie hopes that the judges are in a good mood. With the show underway, Joe thinks that getting a 9 from Craig is like getting a 10 under any other circumstances, Susan thinks that Strictly is about fun and going for it, Davood really enjoyed this week's performance, Mollie was pleased to have lovely comments but wishes she'd done better, Jonnie's love of lifts apparently extends to the backstage area as well, Gemma thinks her scores weren't great but she had fun, Ruth will never forget her paso (and neither will I), Janette reminds Aston that he's still here and still alive and kicking, Alexandra's holding Family again, and Debbie can't believe she got all those 10s.

The cue cards have decided who is at risk tonight, and Tess is merely their powerless messenger. The following couples are safe and through to next week: Alexandra and Gorka, Jonnie and Oti, Debbie and Giovanni, and Susan and Kevin. And the first couple in the dance-off is...Aston and Janette. Mollie literally says "WHAT" out loud (I love her so much), Katya looks ill, and Davood is basically doing the exact same expression he wore for his rumba last week. Aston and Janette have a long walk over to Tess past a bunch of other couples who are doing their best to be supportive, particularly Gemma who practically hurls herself off the stage trying to give him a reassuring pat on the arm. Tess tells Aston that they're all shocked, and Aston says he feels like he's let Janette down a bit. Yeah, I think the problem might be the opposite of that. Shirley advises Aston to focus on the performance this time around, because that will elevate it.

The four safe couples so far have joined Claudia through a rift in space and time, and the first item on the agenda is that it's Susan's birthday on Monday, and it will be the best birthday in all of her 43 years because she's still on Strictly, and all she wants for a present is to keep dancing because it is the best thing that has ever happened to her. I mean, I'm glad Susan's having a lovely time, but also: I think we get it. [They are... quite a gushy bunch this year.  Except Davood who barely ever says anything - Rad] Claudia tells Jonnie that he's back to ballroom with foxtrot next week, and Jonnie says he felt quite worried this week, but it's amazing to have people voting for him, and he hopes that he'll be back up to standard next week. Debbie says that every day has got better this week, and she's in a dream - she can't remember having a feeling like the one she had doing her tango [A++ punning on your song there Debbie very good - Rad]. Alexandra and Gorka have the first Argentine tango of the series next week, and Alexandra is a little apprehensive but she knows that Gorka (/whichever choreographer for hire is assigned to it) will create something truly special.

Next: Stereophonics with their new single. Nope. Not even Chloe actually getting to dance to this one can persuade me to sit through it. Sorry Chloe.

Once we're finished with that, it's Dance Debrief time again, and the first thing Claudia wants to know is if her posture's all right this week; Shirley assures her it's beautiful. First up for analysis is Davood, and Shirley says that he really stepped up his game "today" (oops) with wonderful footwork and a beautiful frame and of course That Lift. Darcey is asked about Gemma's lifts, and that first lift is played back in slow-motion, which is such a cruel thing to do that it makes me wonder if Gemma's fallen out with someone backstage. Darcey reiterates that it's important to lift out of your core and not sink into it - she needs to stay long and flat. Amirite, ladies? Craig, of course, is reminded that he bowed at the feet of Debbie McGee this week, and he clarifies that he's not ill, he was just really impressed by a really great ballroom tango with technical proficiency. Alexandra's cha cha cha is shown as an example of precise and clean foot placement, and Bruno says that she's able to sell it without shorting on the accuracy. And of course we end with a slo-mo shot of Ruth and Anton collapsing at the end of their paso. Icons, both.

Who's joining Aston in that dance-off? Well, it's not Joe and Katya (who scream and throw their hats in the air) [BUT WHERE DID THEY LAND? - Rad], Ruth and Anton, Davood and Nadiya or Gemma and Aljaž (who are left until last and really seem to be sweating), leaving poor Mollie and AJ in the dance-off for the second week in a row. Mollie tells Tess that she's gutted to be here again, but it was entirely her fault that she tripped and she just has to try to do it better now. Bruno tells her that the first performance was very well-judged and she mustn't think about the part where she messed up because that will make her tense, so she should just treat it like a first performance and give it her all.

In the Clauditorium of Safety, Claudia reminds Gemma that she got motion sickness just doing the foxtrot, so it's not the best of news that she has the Viennese waltz next week. Gemma remembers the judges advising her to spot, so she's going to take that on board. Ruth giggles that her paso was "unforgettable", and has decided to carry on the use of wigs into her everyday life, which I can only applaud. Claudia congratulates Davood on the bum lift and he says he's happy to incorporate that into everyday life, and for a minute I think Joe and Katya are going to tell us that they're going to dress like wooden soldiers every day from now on, but thankfully no, they just talk about doing the rumba next week and Joe says he's going to come in with an open mind and "wiggly hips".

So Tess and Claudia are on the balcony with our two endangered couples of the week, and Tess says that it's worth remembering that Ore was in the dance-off at this time last year and he went on to win. I mean he's more of an outlier than an example to follow, but I guess you take your comforts where you can find them. Claudia asks Mollie if she's going to smash it, and she says she's very sad because she's loved the journey, but she's going to give it her all in the dance-off. She heads down, and Aston says that his is a great routine to one of his favourite songs, so it's all fine.

Mollie and AJ reprise their foxtrot first, and I worry briefly when her feet leave the floor the first time AJ spins her around since that technically makes it an illegal lift, but she nails the pivot this time
around and gets a little smatter of approving applause from the audience for doing so. It's not quite the barnstorming redemption that a poster on Digital Spy was claiming, but she does clear up the obvious mistake that hampered her score in the first place, so I think she can call that a win. Aston and Janette do their Viennese waltz next, and it's still sluggish and lacking in dynamism and contains too much rise-and-fall. I don't know if there's much Aston could've done to save it in the time that he had, really, because it's a dud of a routine, but he doesn't even really bring that much more performance this time around like Shirley asked.

So, let's see where the judges fall on this one. Tess stresses that their decision should be based on that dance and that dance alone, and that Shirley gets the casting vote in the event of a split decision. Craig thinks both couples improved, but based purely on technique, he votes to save Mollie and AJ. Darcey wishes she didn't have to choose between them (but ya do, Blanche! Ya do!), but the couple she wishes to save "based on a more assured performance" is Aston and Janette. Bruno would love to keep them both because they're both much improved and they both ironed out some problems from Saturday night, but he felt that the performance that had much more power and impact was Aston and Janette. So Shirley's vote comes into play for the first time since the first elimination, and she says it's a difficult decision, but for technical accuracy and beautiful flow, she's going to save Mollie and AJ.

So that's how it ends for Aston: not with a bang, but with a whimper. I have to say, right up until yesterday I was utterly convinced that Aston was guaranteed for the final, because I couldn't see him losing a dance-off to anyone except perhaps Alexandra or Debbie, and the possibility of any of those three being in the same dance-off seemed fairly remote, and now here he is losing a dance off to Mollie, of all people. But honestly, if we're taking the rules of the dance-off at their word and saving purely based on the 'save me' performance, then I think it was the right call: of course Aston was stronger overall, but Mollie was better tonight. And yes, she had better materials to work with, but them's the breaks sometimes. [Agreed... but I'm shocked they didn't save Aston for a bullshit reason given on Saturday their comments and scores indicated how over Mollie they were.  Still, I guess if he isn't picking up votes in a week where he was clearly in danger, then... - Rad]

Aston tells Tess that he's got friends who have done this show before and they've told him he's going to love it, and they weren't wrong. He thinks everyone on the show is amazing, particularly his castmates, and with a little prompting from Tess says that he won't forget being a Troll for Movie Week in a hurry. Janette is choked with emotion and says "I don't think I'm ever going to have the opportunity to dance with someone like you again" (and yep, I think that's true in many ways, because I think Janette's had all the ringers she's going to get now - she's had three and managed to do progressively worse with each one) because he's so talented and lovely and such a good friend, and there's a bit of an awkward cut here, which I'm guessing may be a result of some serious sobbing.

Tess promises a special group routine for Remembrance Day next week, and then Aston and Janette have their final dance to 'Easy' by the Commodores, which Aston opens with a cartwheel into a back somersault. I bet his showdance would've been really something. As you'd expect, those post-elimination reactions tonight are quite sombre: Susan can't believe Aston and Janette are gone, Debbie thinks they're superstars who lit up the studio every week, Gemma thinks no one should have been in the bottom two, Mollie says that being there for the second time in a row felt like a nightmare come to life, Davood is feeling bittersweet about still being in the competition at Aston's expense, a visibly upset Alexandra is grateful to the people who've supported her (and Gorka appears to be crying too), Jonnie is thankful for the voters every week, Joe is looking forward to the rumba, and Ruth and Anton stage one more pratfall for the road.

Quite an eventful week, wasn't it? Join Rad next week to see if this is just the tip of the iceberg...

Reversals of fortune

Week 7: Top 10 Perform - 4 November 2017

Last week! It was Hallowe'en, and Debbie, Aston, Joe, and Alexandra were the graveyard smashes, while Jonnie, Davood, Susan and Simon made a monstrous mash of things. Mollie became the next mid-table performer to grace the bottom two after Davood's brush with it a few weeks back, but after Simon ended up there with her for his third stint, the judges decided to perform a mercy kill. Yes, even Shirley.

This week it's Non-Theme Week, so instead expect to hear a lot about how we're officially halfway through the competition, because I Just Want To Get To Blackpool Week is still one week away and we still need some sort of narrative hook to hang the whole thing from. The celebs tell us that "there's no option but to go out there and give it everything, to show the judges that I deserve to be here. I just don't want this to ever end. The competition is on", but they only read a few words each so it ends up SOUNDING like one of THOSE AUTOMATED menus you have TO ENDURE before being put THROUGH to an actual PERSON when you ring a CALL CENTRE, because the overall flow of THE SENTENCE is uneven and slightly ROBOTIC since none of them CAN HEAR how the others ARE SAYING it and also several of them are NOT ACTORS. Maybe they should have just got AJ to read the whole thing, the overall effect would have been the same and it probably would have been cheaper.

Titles! I really think they missed a trick by not having half a sandwich hanging out of Karen's mouth in Simon's segment.

There's no opening number this week, which means that Tess and Claudia get to have arm candy for their entrance: Tess is escorted in by Gorka (who is wearing a fedora, and may I extend my hearty congratulations to Vicky Gill and the wardrobe team for managing to find the one accessory that even Gorka can't make look sexy), while Claudia is accompanied by AJ so expect them to be on the front page of a tabloid this week as the show's new hottest behind-the-scenes romance. Daly Dresswatch: a black jumpsuit, and jumpsuits are always bad, sorry, do not email me I will delete it. What Winkleman's Wearing: a floor-length dress with silver sequins. Notable faces in the audience: Strictly alumni Julien Macdonald, Kimberley Walsh and Kellie Bright, and also Jane Slaughter aka Tracey The Barmaid from EastEnders [and future Strictly legend please - Rad], who is wearing a shirt with watermelon print on and I want it. Tess reminds us that Debbie chalked up a second consecutive week atop the leaderboard last week with a near-perfect score for her charleston, and Claudia reiterates that it was definitely a big shock for Mollie to be in the bottom two last week (from sixth out of 11 on the leaderboard, performing in the middle of the show, with a cha cha). The judges enter, and I'm convinced that wardrobe are on an undercover mission to ensure that Shirley's dresses are tight below the waist every week to stop her out-dancing everyone else when they come in. Although I do like how you can't even see her legs moving, just her torso shuffling like Princess Peach.

Tess says that the couples know that at the halfway point they need to start taking some risks. Considering that Debbie ended last week by vaulting over Giovanni's head and soliciting for gynaecological services from the viewing public, I think we might have reached that stage already Tess. Anyway, here are those risk-takers in full: Ruth and Anton (who, their outfits inform us, will once again be playing their latin for laughs this week), Davood and Naidya, Mollie and AJ, Gemma and Aljaž, Debbie and Giovanni, Aston and Janette (with Aston in a disco shirt and a sizeable afro, and if I hadn't seen this week's It Takes Two there is absolutely no way I would be expecting them to do a Viennese waltz tonight . In fact, even having seen It Takes Two I find myself wondering if they've made a last-minute switch), Joe and Katya, Susan and Kevin (in sequinned dungarees like they've run straight here from their audition to host CBeebies), Jonnie and Oti (Jonnie has his hair down and his chest out, does he even need to dance, I'm not sure he does), and finally Alexandra and Gorka. The numbers are slowly thinning, aren't they? [Looking at that line-up of costumes I'd have sworn it was a theme week if I didn't know otherwise - Rad]

Opening the show tonight are Alexandra and Gorka. I had a feeling that they'd put her on first tonight, somehow - probably because she's come in for a lot of stick for always being put on near the end of the show (even though this year's running orders have been very samey, with Mollie, Ruth and Gemma frequently getting stuck on in the first half and Alexandra, Jonnie and Aston often being on in the second half), so I feel like putting her on first is the clearest possible way of going "see?! see?! First half, look!" [I was expecting Jonnie to be early as well, for the same reason - Rad] Craig loved their tango last week, and Gorka feels that fate brought them together as dancers. Their routine tonight is set in a jazz club. Nice. So Gorka takes Alexandra to a real jazz club for inspiration [with about 3 people in - Rad], and Alexandra tells Gorka how much jazz means to her because she spent a lot of time in her formative years singing jazz and soul and going to open mic nights. Gorka tells her that there's an "open mic" here, as it happens, and asks Alexandra if she'd like to go and sing for him. Alexandra is all "OH WELL IF YOU INSIST" and sings 'Summertime'. Unusually for a Strictly VT that features a singer attempting to do their day job (mentioning no names, okay fine, looking directly at Mollie King, Kimberley Walsh and that time Anastacia improv-ed a song about the rumba to a terrified Brendan), it doesn't make me cringe so hard that my amygdala pops out of my ear.

Having spent that time studying up on the history of jazz, their cha cha cha is to...disco stomper 'I Got The Music In Me'. Jesus, these VTs have all the educational value of a free school run by Toby Young. It is, indeed, set in a jazz club with Alex as a vampy singer and Gorka as her loyal piano player, and Alex seduces him by knocking the fedora clean off his head, and that makes this routine worth a 10 right from the off if you ask me. Considering that this year's cha cha chas have been a general wasteland, I'm pleased to see that Gorka has packed the choreography full of recognisable steps, which Alexandra mostly pulls off with style and finesse. (I'm also pleased to see that Gorka has included a segment where he stands at the side flirting with Bruno, for different reasons.) My only real criticism is that it looks like she's slightly off-balance on one of the turns, and that there are moments where the leg movements don't seem to fully drive through into her hips, but otherwise: a real redemption moment for the series 15 cha cha cha.

They walk over to Tess, who calls Alexandra "one red hot salsa lady". 15 years, she's been doing this job, and she still doesn't know the difference between a cha cha cha and a salsa. CANCEL HER. [To be fair, half the time the party latin routines on the show are barely distinguishable, so maybe she just goes on costume. God knows what she thinks Aston will be dancing - Rad] Tess welcomes the famous original singers Hayley, Lance, Tommy and Andrea, so I guess they have no need for New Boy Jamie this week. Truly, he is the Chloe of the Strictly singers, forever being cast aside. Shirley opens for the judges by saying it was a wonderful way to start the show, and that the cha cha has proved to be quite difficult for the celebrities this year, but not for Alexandra - her forward walks looked like those of a professional. She used her arms well, had nice rotation, and she was sophisticated. Bruno calls her a "cha cha goddess" and says she had precision and cleanliness, calling it the best cha cha cha of the "season" so far. Craig says "I spy with my little eye something beginning with T", and the audience goes nuts because they think he's going to give it a 10, and then he clarifies that the T stands for "turnout". Alex starts hooting like she's walking on hot coals because she thinks this is a criticism, and then it gradually dawns on her as he elaborates that turnout is actually a good thing. Bless. Darcey calls her the dancing queen, and says it's clear that she was working so hard on it.

They sprint up to the Clauditorium, and all the way up it's clear that on an emotional scale of 1-10, tonight Alexandra is operating somewhere around a 16: she says to Claudia that she's completely overwhelmed, and that she didn't know if "turnout" was good or bad - she thought it might be like being pigeon-toed again. Scores are in: Craig 9, Darcey 10, Shirley 10, Bruno 10 for a total of 39. Alexandra cannot process any of this and spends the whole thing alternately hurling herself at Claudia and Gorka before hyperventilating into her hand.

Gracing the death slot tonight are Mollie and AJ, with a foxtrot themed around a movie set. Mollie says that she had a lot of fun last week, but she thinks she could have done better "based on the judges' comments". Well, that and the fact that nobody voted for you, hon. She doesn't want this journey to end, and AJ vows that the foxtrot will be their comeback dance. To get into character for a dance where AJ plays the besotted runner serving a glamorous movie star, Mollie asks AJ to bring her the following things: a cup of tea, some green tulips, seedless oranges with seeds in, and non-glittery glitter. I like how the script writer tasked with coming up with a list of creative but increasingly impossible demands got two items in and just went "oh fuck it, just use the word and its antonym in the same sentence, is it lunchtime yet?" AJ's skills as a runner are somewhere around the level of his skills as a VT actor, but Mollie hopes that they can still pull off an award-winning foxtrot.

They're dancing to 'Call Me Irresponsible' and AJ has very sensibly kept the bells and whistles down to the bare minimum and choreographed a slick, very classic foxtrot. The first half of it is genuinely lovely (for a foxtrot, which is never exactly the most thrilling of dances) but unfortunately just over halfway through Mollie messes up a pivot and literally trips up, only being kept upright by AJ. She recovers well and quickly, but you can absolutely see the expression of "oh, shit" on her face for the rest of the routine. [Like cha chas, though, foxtrots have not been good this series, so it was still one of the better ones -.Rad]

Tess gives Mollie the obligatory "you look like a princess!" compliment, and Mollie says that she loved every minute of it. Just perhaps not every second of it. Bruno tells her it started beautifully - well-placed and with a beautiful back, but then there was an incident on one of the turns. He asks Mollie if she went off on the wrong foot, and Mollie admits that she has absolutely no idea, so AJ jumps in and says that they "just caught each other's feet", but quickly praises Mollie in the same breath for being a professional and recovering so well. Aside from that, Bruno thought it was elegant and classy. Craig says that there were some balance issues, especially on that "disahhhstah pahhht", but she recovered well. Her pivots were sometimes on her toe or the flat of her foot rather than her heel, but she maintained her topline well and the transitions were really smooth. Darcey tells Mollie that she is turning into a very stylish and classy lady, and she's producing nice glide and flow despite the slip-up. Shirley says that she's really impressed with Mollie's comeback after the bottom two last week and she notices that she really worked hard to keep her shoulders down - but she was most impressed by the slowness and elegance of it. She feels Mollie is definitely going in a good direction, even with that slip-up.

Their mics are up throughout the run up to see Claudia, so we hear AJ's absolute barrage of "don't worry! You picked it back up! You're so professional!" and I know we rag on AJ quite a lot for being such a massive narcissist, but it's nice to hear him being properly supportive and encouraging when Mollie's clearly quite upset with herself for messing up. Mollie says that they've worked so hard all week, and she feels so bad for AJ because she's just ballsed it up when it counted. She says that they're loving every minute, and she's having so much fun, so she's just keeping her fingers crossed for it to continue. Scores: Craig 6, Darcey 7, Shirley 7, Bruno 7 for a total of 27 - the same score as last week. Claudia teases Aston and Janette's upcoming routine set in a hairdresser's, and is all "yeah, I had a haircut once". Heh.

Couple number three this evening is Joe and Katya. Joe is really pleased with how last week's routine went, although he says there is always room for improvement. This week he's got a charleston where he and Katya will be playing wooden soldiers, so Katya takes him to meet the Romford Drum and Trumpet Corps (and in her voiceover, Tess pronounces it like "corpse", ffs) where they proceed to Dandrew the hell out of it. Well, I'm sure it's more useful than actually training.

They're dancing to 'Alexander's Ragtime Band' and the theme is that they are the little figures who walk out of a clock when it strikes the hour, and that's fine, but when why has someone taken the decision to CGI 20 Joe and Katyas onto the floor in front of them when they walk out? Why would you need that many soldiers in your clock? [Also, don't clocks usually have a pair of  twee heteronormative villagers?  And good song choice for a Charleston but what does it have to do with the outfits. So. Many. Questions. - Rad] This is a question that doesn't look like it will be answered any time soon. Regrettably but perhaps predictably, they've gone for a gurny charleston (I make it approximately a 3.6 on the Hollins scale) so it's a lot of pulling faces and leapfrogging over each other. It's danced reasonably well, but it just leaves me quite cold - the charleston choreography this series has been very hit and miss, and this one (the work of Jenny Thomas, if I've interpreted the "additional choreography" credits at the end of the show correctly) falls into the latter category for me. It's just too aggressively gimmicky.

Tess coos that they're so cute dressed as soldiers and says that they put a smile on all of their faces, then asks Craig if there's a smile on his face too. Craig: "It put a smile on...more than my face, darling, actually." Is...is he saying it gave him a boner? Let's not think about that too closely. Anyway: he loved it, let's move on quickly. Darcey says he gave all of the charm of the silent movies (yeah, and all of the subtlety too) and his timing was immaculate. She loved the little details, and thought it was a great charleston. Shirley says that her new name for him is "DJ" for "Detail Joe", or possibly "Dark Horse Joe". I mean if we carry on like that "DJ" could also stand for "Do You Happen To Have The Time I Appear To Have Mislaid My Watch Joe". She calls him "the one coming from behind", so of course Bruno pulls an "OOH MADAM!" face which gives Shirley the giggles. She thought it was effortless and well-timed, oh and apparently the charleston is now HARD FOR THE MEN as well. Can't wait until series 16 when the men get praised for walking on at the beginning, because that's HARD FOR THE MEN, you have to put one foot in front of the other and wave and everything. Bruno liked the festive feel to it, like The Nutcracker, and then makes a slightly baffling comparison to it being "very well-judged, as a child would put it together". I think children have been putting a lot of things together tonight: Bruno's logic process, Mollie's VT, Anton's outfit...

They march up to the Clauditorium, where Joe expresses his joy at getting to play a very different character from last week, and thanks Jenny for putting the routine together for them. Claudia gives a shout-out to Joe's cute nephews, and then we're over to the scores: nines all round for a total of 36. Claudia suggests that seven weeks in, Joe might have hit some sort of consistent upswing. Well, we'll see.

Gemma and Aljaž are next, and Gemma's appraisal of her own performance last week is once again "not bad, could have been better", and they bicker a little over whether she got it wrong at the beginning: Gemma thinks she did, Aljaž thinks she didn't. She's pleased that they got a good score, and vows to come back fighting. This week she has a Hawaiian-themed salsa (???), where she woos Aljaž the bartender at the end of his shift. They get in the mood for this (sigh) by going to a tiki bar and wearing lots of cultural appropriation. Aljaž mixes a horrible drink for them, and then they actually do something vaguely useful maybe by getting a quick hula lesson from hula dancers Natalie and Lucy.

Back in the ballroom, Gemma struts into Aljaž's bar like a woman who knows what she wants, and signals for him to join her as the band plays 'Sun Comes Up' by Rudimental featuring James Arthur. The first few bars are fine, but then there's a truly Snowdance-esque lift and everything seems to go rapidly downhill after that. Gemma's giving it lots of attitude, and there are some nice individual moments, but significant chunks of it are quite heavy-footed and the lifts are ungainly. I don't want to go all Natalie Cassidy here, but I think part of the problem is that Gemma is the same height as Aljaž, and in heels she maybe even has the edge on him. The whole thing just feels like it was choreographed for someone who isn't Gemma, if you catch my drift. Someone petite like, say, Georgia May Foote could've potentially blown the roof of with that routine, but someone tall and long-limbed like Gemma I think needed something more grounded.

Darcey declares it "hot and saucy" but says that the first lift looked laboured and that stayed with her. She advises Gemma that the trick to pulling off an elegant lift is to remain taut, because if you allow yourself to collapse inwardly, you make it much harder for the man who is lifting you. (Can I take a little moment here to say how much more I'm enjoying Darcey this series? Her critique is so much more on-point and useful, and I'm absolutely convinced it's at least partly because she feels more comfortable with this new judging line-up and no longer being the only woman there. See, gender parity benefits everyone!) [Also I think after Shirley critiqued her critique, she's decided to step up, which I entirely approve of - Rad] She knows what Gemma is capable of, and she knows that she can do it, so she wants her to take that advice into the next dance. Shirley says she would've liked to see Gemma point her feet in the splits, but she was really pleased to see Gemma point her feet in the direction she was supposed to be moving the rest of the time. Bruno says that Gemma is a good dancer, but she has to let herself go a little bit more - he can see her anticipating the lifts, and it's interrupting the flow of the dance. Craig says that there was no real figure-eight rotation in her hips, though she has very good side-to-side. He finishes by saying "I loved what you were going for", which feels like quite a backhanded compliment.

In the Clauditorium, it becomes increasingly clear that Gemma wasn't massively comfortable with those lifts, and she's just mostly relieved not to have been dropped. Scores: Craig 5, Darcey 7, Shirley 7, Bruno 7 for a total of 26.

After a quick preview of the dances yet to come and Claudia's comedy corner (involving her "giving us some Bach" on the piano, and I'm sure you can complete the punchline for yourselves), we move on to Aston and Janette. Last week's paso was a highlight both for the episode and for Aston himself - it's probably the first time I've been genuinely wowed by Aston in a routine, though it's a bit of a shame for him that the paso was also a wow dance this year for Debbie, Alexandra, Gemma, Joe, and hell I'm feeling charitable let's throw Jonnie in there too. What I'm saying is it's still probably not going to be remembered as the standout paso of the series, despite being very good. [Spoiler alert. Ruth's Anton's about to memory hole the lot of them. Rad] This week they're doing a Viennese waltz to 'Who's Loving You?' by The Jackson 5, which gives Janette the perfect opportunity to get all Embarrassing Mum about Aston and make him show the nation that clip of him as a nipper being Michael Jackson on Stars In Their Eyes. Aston jokes that he's still the same height that he was then. Janette says that if he can channel his hero like that again, he'll be amazing on the night. Yes, Michael Jackson was renowned for all those Viennese waltzes he did. I don't remember ever not seeing him mid-fleckerl.

So it begins with Aston asleep in the chair at the barbershop, dreaming of Janette and I think somehow willing her into existence? He takes her hand and they proceed to dance around the chair, and he seems weirdly disengaged in this routine. The footwork is precise, as far as I can tell, but his face looks kind of bored and his frame seems a bit ragdoll-ish. It's odd - as I said earlier, I'm rarely blown away by Aston but at least I usually find him to be consistent and skilled, and he just doesn't feel terribly present for this routine. It ends with a floor spin, because Janette, and then Aston falls asleep in the chair again. Janette shouts "wake up!" from the side of the stage, and I think she might have been better to shout that at the start of the routine rather than the end. [Also, what the fuck was that theme? The world is not ready for 70s Viennese Waltz. Did Janette think fusion week was back and she was having to smush it up with a salsa? Just stick him in a dapper suit like in week 1- Rad]

Tess tells Aston that she loves his afro, and then touches it. I know it's a wig and everything but NEVER DO THAT. Tess reminds Aston that he was second on the leaderboard last week, and Shirley says that Aston always brings his own unique style to the routines, and while she thought there was "a good attempt at a fleckerl" and some good footwork, she wants to see him flying a bit more flat - it was too bouncy for her, and not his best dance. Bruno says that it lost its way and didn't quite find its way to Vienna - he liked the concept, but it needs to be smooth and weightless and he felt that the character detracted from that. He feels like this was a risk that didn't quite pay off. Craig says that it had too much attack and lacked grace and elegance - his feet weren't closing and his bottom was sticking out, and there was far too much rise and fall in a dance that should have very little. Darcey says that they have high expectations for him, and he comes alive out of hold, but the energy dies when he's in hold.

Claudia tells Aston that he's sorry and he's pretty chipper about it, he says that he did feel excited about it, and they had fun out there. Claudia points out Aston's dad and grandma Charlie and Mavis in the audience, here for the first time tonight. Scores: Craig 4, Darcey 7, Shirley 7, Bruno 7 for a total of 26. I rarely exclaim during the scores, but I must admit that even I screeched "what?!" at that four. It wasn't that bad, surely? [Agreed. Though I thought Mollie was undermarked as well. Fpour smacked of Craig being pissy at things other than the dance itself. - Rad] Claudia offers Janette the right to reply, and Janette says that a four is still better than a three. She's happy, and they had fun, and that's what's important.

Halfway leaderboard:
1. Alexandra & Gorka - 39
2. Joe & Katya - 36
3. Mollie & AJ - 27
4. Gemma & Aljaž - 26
5. Aston & Janette - 25

I know there are still five couples to go, but who ever thought we'd see Aston at the bottom of any sort of leaderboard? What a time to be alive.

The camera cuts back to Tess a little too early and catches her unaware. Sadly she's having a laugh with Craig rather than picking her nose or scratching her arse, but I'll take whatever I can get. Ruth and Anton are next with their paso doble. Ruth says she's still nervous each week but she's really learning to enjoy the dances, and Anton asks if there's any chance they can enjoy the dances and also not make mistakes at the same time? Ruth tells him that she'll try, but not to get his hopes up. Heh. Ruth says that she's finding the paso really fast and fiery, so she's really having to bring the performance and not be self-conscious. It's also difficult because the rhythm changes during the dance, and she has to remember where that happens, so Anton encourages her to count out loud in training to help her keep timing. She gets a bit teary in rehearsals, but says that these are mostly the product of frustration and embarrassment - she's enjoying the routine and working hard, and just hopes that it will all come together on Saturday. Wait, was that...an informative VT based entirely around the week's training? Involving Anton? Will wonders never cease?

They're dancing to what I'm informed is 'The Shady Dame From Seville' from Victor/Victoria, but I cannot vouch for that, being entirely unfamiliar with it. It starts with Hayley (as in the fabulous singer Hayley) giving matador Anton a rose to offer to Ruth, who's stood at the top of a staircase fanning herself furiously. To the surprise of precisely nobody, they're playing the whole thing for laughs as Ruth descends the stairs while Anton comes up the back (fnar), so she's now at the bottom with him at the top. Ruth starts looking down the camera lens severely, and I'm genuinely scared by how much they've made her look like Katie Hopkins this week. One of those is more than sufficient, thank you. Once they get into hold and start dancing, Ruth's still a little bit loose in the frame but you can tell she's been working really hard all week on trying to get the shaping and the footwork right, and I think she's actually done a pretty decent job of it. She needs more intent in her arms, but she's keeping up with Anton, she's really present in the routine, and even handles the rhythm change well. There's also a genuinely hilarious moment where the camera pans away from Ruth and Anton to focus directly on Hayley as she hits a particularly high note, then cutting back to Ruth and Anton who shrug as if to say "well, we can't compete with that" before resuming the routine. The routine ends with Ruth doing a drop back over Anton's leg and the stage being pelted with roses, before Anton overbalances, falls on his back, and Ruth climbs on top and straddles him. I swear on my life, not a word of that is fabricated - all of this happened on primetime Saturday night BBC One. As much as I would love to believe that was entirely unplanned, a quick check of the original reveals it to be a hat-tip. However much I love Ruth, even I would struggle to believe that her response to her dance partner unexpectedly falling over on live television would be to dry-hump him. [I voted for Anton for what I think is the first time ever. I am living for him demolishing the entire Latin canon.through parody rather than what he usually does in Latin . Then he can go because she's not good enough to get me to care about their ballroom - Rad]

And if you'll permit me a sidebar here, I would just like to talk about Ruth for a minute. In general, I probably tend to be more on the "purity of dahnce" side than the "WOO COMEDY" side, as my distaste for the Jeremy Vines and Ed Ballses of this world would suggest. (Obviously I loved Nancy Dell'Olio, but I feel like Nancy transcended mere comedy and produced genuine art.) But I love Ruth. I look forward to her every single week, and I've voted for her regularly, and it's exactly because of routines like this. I love that she's quite happy to turn up on Saturday night and play a routine for laughs, but even when that happens she's still the sort of person to work hard in training and do her best to nail the basic technique that she needs to pull off the gag in the first place. There's a real joy in her performances: she's clearly so thrilled to be on the show, and doesn't particularly mind that she's not a naturally gifted dancer, but still tries her hardest to do whatever is asked of her. I just find that absolutely delightful and refreshing: normally the comedy types start off trying hard and eventually just give up on the technique because they know they can coast on lols, so Ruth's determination to try and improve her dancing week-on-week really warms my soul, and I hope this lasts for the entire duration of her stay on this show. I know she's never going to be mentioned in the same breathy tones as "EDBALLSLOL", but for me, this is the standard by which all future comedy contestants will be measured. Thank you very much for your time.

Cut to Eamonn Holmes and their son looking like they're really not sure what they just watched, naturally.

Anton suggests they skip the judges' comments entirely. DON'T YOU DARE! Bruno says that Anton looks like Manuel from Fawlty Towers on Spanish night, and Anton feigns offence. Craig says that it's a drag act in Victor/Victoria, and that's essentially what they got tonight. He thinks Anton is being very smart in choosing to favour entertainment over technique because it's a vote-winner, but obviously he can't be seen to encourage it. Darcey praises Ruth's ability to hold the narrative for the entire dance and she really enjoyed the controlled stalking kicks, and she advises Ruth not to give up on the technique because she's going somewhere. Where, specifically, she doesn't say and I suspect that's wise. Shirley says she doubts there's a household in England that didn't enjoy what she just watched. Scotland, of course, is all "the fuck did I just watch?" (And the same in Wales, but with "boyo" on the end, obviously.) She likes that they are going for parody, and she says she's laughing with them not at them - and she did spot some good basic steps in there.

Claudia declares it the best thing she's ever seen, and Ruth asks Anton if she tripped him up, and now I'm confused again because she really is selling her surprise very well if she genuinely did know that end bit was a reference to the film. Claudia says that it was fun, and Anton is all "how dare you, madam, it was art". Scores: Craig 4, Darcey 6, Shirley 6, Bruno 6 for a total of 22, the same as last week. Claudia decides to end it by having Anton lie on the floor and having everyone lie on top of him, which I think may be a subtle ploy to get Gorka to lie on top of her, and who can blame her if it is?

Following that will be tough, but if anyone can do it, it's Debbie and Giovanni. Debbie was pleased to get 39 for her charleston last week, and recognises that the only way up from here is a perfect score - but she's going to give it a go. It was Debbie's birthday this week, so Giovanni took her on a helicopter tour of London which she very much enjoys. Yes, fine, it has nothing to do with her tango, but it's her birthday so I'm willing to overlook it JUST THIS ONCE.

They're dancing to 'I Gotta Feeling' by the Black Eyed Peas, which: really? [I blame the song for her STILL not getting the pimp slot - Rad] Fortunately Giovanni has taken this absolute lemon of a song choice and turned it into limoncello ice cream, as their tango is crisp, staccato, clean, frosty and dare I say even a bit regal? I could maybe do with a tiny bit more tension in her arms as her frame gets very slightly wobbly once or twice, but otherwise it's another very strong performance and I for one am thoroughly enjoying the Debbie McGee experience.

Tess asks Craig to start for the judges, and Craig wordlessly gets up from behind the judges' desk to bow on the floor in front of Debbie before taking his seat again. Darcey: "Well, that was strange, wasn't it?" Honestly, Darcey is absolutely earning whatever they're paying her this year, do not include her in any future complaints about inflated BBC salaries. She says that Debbie gave her tingles down her back, and she doesn't think she's ever seen a celebrity do a tango like that. Shirley says that it was a beautiful international tango with fast beats and soft legs and absolutely no rise and fall, so she thinks it was outstanding. Claudia Fragapane applauds demurely from the audience. Bruno thinks it was a tango masterclass.

Everyone is on their knees for Debbie in the Clauditorium (STEADY) as well, and Claudia tells us that Ed Sheeran revealed he's a fan of Debbie this week. It's fine, I won't hold that against her. Scores: a clean sweep of 10s for a perfect score of 40. Claudia informs her that this is the earliest anyone has ever got a perfect score. (Unless I'm mistaken, the previous record was held by Ali Bastian, who got one in week eight for her Viennese waltz, so it's...well, not necessarily the best omen. Although she'd already been in the bottom two once by that point anyway.) Debbie's stunned. Giovanni's ecstatic. Claudia gives the website a push by telling us we can go there to see Davood's collection of rare snow globes, and Debbie cackles "I'm looking forward to seeing Davood's snow globes!" and then has one of her trademark gigglefits. Has she officially attained "national treasure" status yet? It can't be far off.

Who's next? Ah, Jonnie and Oti. Last week's cha cha cha did not go well, and Jonnie was fearing a dance-off, but they managed to avoid it. This week they have the salsa, which Jonnie is pleased about because he can do lots of lifts and generally avoid dancing. Oti says that she loves coming up with dangerous lifts, and we see a montage of Jonnie repeatedly dropping her on her head in training. He says that the salsa is about having fun and having a good time, so they're just going to try to focus on that.

They're dancing to 'Turn Me On' by Kevin Lyttle, which is an absolute tune, so it makes sense that they're playing DJs at the start of the routine. It's clear from the word go that Jonnie is not remotely here for the actual dancing part of it and just wants to do the lifts, so it's a good job that Oti has obligingly thrown in some real showstoppers. The bits where he notionally has to do some salsa, though: his posture is weirdly stooped, his movement is sluggish, and he doesn't look comfortable at all. But, as I mentioned at the top of the recap, his hair is down and his shirt is unbuttoned, and we all know I'm basic enough for that to override any objections I might have. [I think he's easily the most attractive male celeb - and it's not as though the other remaining men are ugly - but it did nothing for me and I think it was the horrible mum shirt they put him in. I'm not sure if this or Gemma were worst but they were easily my two least favourite of the night.  Sorry Jonnie. - Rad]

Darcey says it was a hot series of lifts (it was certainly a hot something, my notes say "mess" but differing opinions are what make us special) and she loved how he handled Oti throwing herself at him, and she liked the way he managed the leading. She thinks he lacked hip rotation, but he makes up for it with the ease in his upper body. Tess asks Shirley to go next, and Shirley sits there very still, and then quietly says "Bruno", and for a moment I think that's her just outright refusing to comment on the performance, but it does appear to be genuine confusion over who's meant to go next. Tess of course handles this slip-up with a cool head and professionalism, by which I mean she goes into a flap apologising and then saying that actually Shirley is meant to go first. Bizarrely it's Bruno who ends up getting things back on track by basically going "who gives a shit whose turn it is, I'll go now if the alternative is dead air" and tells Jonnie that he really delivers in the lifts and he had a very nice groove in his upper arms, but it needs to translate down into his hips. Jonnie jokes that he needs some private lessons from Bruno, and Bruno's all "I've cleared my diary for the next two months, call me". Tess, ever the class act, follows this by saying "Shirley, I was right, it was you." Way to throw the new girl under the bus there, Tess. Real fine talk from someone who couldn't tell a cha cha cha from a salsa 60 minutes ago. Anyway, a slightly flustered Shirley gets existential and asks "what is rhythm?" and says that Jonnie had a pulse going in his upper body which was nice, even if it stopped at the waist. Craig would have liked to see him do more salsa, but he thinks he presented Oti well and the lifts were spectacular.

Claudia reminds Jonnie that he didn't like the cha cha cha last week, but says that he looked joyful in the salsa this week, and Jonnie says that he's trying to have fun, even if he hasn't got the whole "hip movement" thing figured out yet. Scores: Craig 6, Darcey 7, Shirley 7, Bruno 7 for a total of 27. The audience doesn't react at all to Craig's score, which is really odd. I think it's fair to say they probably think he scored it too highly, but because they're the audience and their entire job is to go "boo! Hiss! Mean judges!" they don't actually have a way of expressing that so they just keep quiet.

Two couples left and the one in the antepimp slot is Susan and Kevin. Tess is now sat in the audience, trilling at all of the famous faces in the front row: Claudia Fragapane! Kellie Bright! Julien Macdonald! Kimberley Walsh is down there off-camera somewhere! I feel a little bad for the woman sitting to the right (/our left) of Claudia Fragapane, whose obvious non-celebritiness has just been really hammered home to the viewers. (Also I love how the camera operator briefly considers pulling back to get Kimberley in the shot as well and then decides not to bother.) Kellie cheers loudly for Kevin, as you'd expect. Susan really enjoyed Hallowe'en week, even if the judges weren't really feeling it, and vows to never give up. This week they have the jive, and Susan's Lovely Wife Lee comes to watch them training. Lee says that watching Susan jive is utterly joyful, and Susan gives her Lovely Wife the chance to dance with her Dance Boyfriend, and what a heartwarming portrayal of a modern family. (I look forward to the Daily Mail and/or Express informing me for the rest of the week that this was sick propaganda trying to force alternative lifestyles down the throats of ordinary decent god-fearing hard-working poppy-wearing Brussels-hating British folk, of course.)

They're jiving to 'This Ole House', as the theme is of two people doing DIY together before deciding to bin it off in favour of a nice jive. It's actually a much stronger performance than the training footage I saw during the week led me to believe - Susan gets a good amount of bounce action going (as do Kevin's genitals, which appear to be flying around freely underneath those dungarees, may I recommend a jockstrap) and like Lee said, there's just so much joy flying out of this performance. Like Ruth, Susan may not be one of the most naturally-gifted dancers in the competition, but she too is working hard to ensure that nobody can accuse her of not trying her hardest to actually learn how to dance, and I love it. There are a few moments where she could point her feet a bit more precisely, but the infectious energy of the whole thing is hard to argue with. [Loved it. Ruth and Susan are easily my favourite comedy contestants in years - Rad]

Susan's in need of some gas and air by the end of it, it seems. Shirley says that she's got some bad news: she's not going to let Susan paint her house. But she can jive around Shirley's kitchen any time! She was impressed with the slip-kicks hitting Susan's bottom at the back (which I think was something Shirley flagged up fairly recently on It Takes Two, if my memory serves me correctly, so well done whichever teacher's pet in this couple was taking notes at that point, and it could conceivably have been both of them), and she liked how Kevin used the basic choreography steps but still turned them into a fun and entertaining routine. Bruno thinks she didn't just sell the jive, she gazumped it. (Except "gazumping" is a buying thing, rather than a selling thing. /pedantscorner) He thinks she had great rhythm and great timing. Craig says she'll definitely be getting more than a three and it was a vast improvement, but it was still a little bit flat-footed. Darcey says that Susan was pumping out the kicks, and the stamina was great. She also loved Susan's facial expressions throughout, and thinks this is definitely her dance.

Susan's still out of breath in the Clauditorium, but wheezes that the whole point of the show is taking the judges' comments on board and to keep dancing. Claudia's all, "oh, is that why we say it?" Kevin says he's so proud of her for working so hard and being so positive after a couple of weeks of poor comments. Scores: Craig 6, Darcey 7, Shirley 8, Bruno 8 for a total of 29.

Closing the show tonight then are Davood and Nadiya, and it's quite odd to think that Davood's had the pimp slot twice before Gemma/Debbie/Joe have even had it once. Davood loved last week's routine, but not so much the reception it got - however he still came out of it feeling like he had benefited from the experience. This week they have the American Smooth foxtrot, and Nadiya's being the stern taskmaster in training to make sure that he gets his footwork right. Davood acknowledges that it's hard work, but thinks it could look amazing if he gets it right on the night. I make that four out of 10 VTs tonight that actually focused on the training instead of some silly schtick, so the producers are getting a "shows improvement" on their report card this week.

They're dancing to 'This Will Be (An Everlasting Love)', and it's going to be impossible to follow in the footsteps of Dida Ritz, but let's see how they get on. It's no secret that I've not been the biggest fan of Nadiya, her teaching, or her choreography thus far, but credit where it's due: she's absolutely brought it home tonight. Davood looks comfortable and confident out there for the first time all series, he's elegant and dare I say even debonair, the lifts emerge organically out of the choreography (even the one that's basically "lol he can lift me right into the air with one hand on my bum"), there's proper content in there and the whole thing is just perfectly pitched. I actually misted up a bit watching this the second time around because it's an actual proper Moment for Davood which he and Nadiya have clearly worked really hard for, and it's so great to see it come together for them. [Credit due. Not Nadiya's biggest fan, but this really was great. Also, I feel like we need more American Smooths this series, specifically from the female celebs - Rad]

Bruno's on his feet and says they were like movie stars out there, the dashing leading man and his gorgeous leading lady. Tess, incidentally, keeps chiming in over the top of this and I don't quite know why she thinks anyone wants to hear her contributions when the actual professionals are talking. Can we slip the sound mixer a few quid to mute her microphone during the judges' comments next week? I might set up a GoFundMe. Bruno likens it to Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire and, er, The Incredible Hulk (for strength), while Craig says that it could've done with slightly more swing and sway, but he still loved it. Darcey loved the control and the smooth transition, and also clarifies that the technical term is indeed "a bum lift". I feel like Darcey's done better work tonight than she did for series 10 to 14 combined. Shirley thinks he was totally awesome.

Davood, bless him, is so thrilled with how that went that he does little mini fist-pumps all the way up the stairs. Claudia says that Nadiya predicted this would be a breakout dance during rehearsals, and Davood's all "I did not get that memo". Scores: Craig 8, Darcey 9, Shirley 9, Bruno 9 for a total of 35. Davood's little face is an absolute picture at that score, he is so happy. (I realise this entire paragraph probably sounds really condescending, but I mean it all completely sincerely: I'm so pleased that after so many weeks in the wilderness it's all come together for him.)

Final leaderboard:
1. Debbie & Giovanni - 40
2. Alexandra & Gorka - 39
3. Joe & Katya - 36
4. Davood & Nadiya - 35
5. Susan & Kevin - 29
6=. Mollie & AJ - 27
6=. Jonnie & Oti - 27
8. Gemma & Aljaž - 26
9. Aston & Janette - 25
10. Ruth & Anton - 22

Some very interesting things going on there. Aston's vote being put to the test for the first time, and Gemma's too. I feel like I really can't call the bottom two this week: I feel like Gemma might really be in trouble if she's in the dance-off because I'm not sure I see many scenarios where she wins - maybe against Mollie or Jonnie, but both of them got higher scores than her this week and Mollie has the added advantage of potentially being able to show improvement by not tripping second time around. And could Aston maybe genuinely be in danger here too? Surely if he were in the dance-off they'd save him based on previous form if nothing else? Maybe this is the end of the road for Ruth, but then that routine was a real crowdpleaser. It really could go any number of ways, but I feel like we might be in for a genuine shock of some sort in this week's results shows.

We recap the night's events: Alexandra breaking the cha cha cha curse, Mollie's fumbled comeback, Joe's schticky charleston, Gemma's uneven salsa, a rare misfire for Aston, Ruth's perfectly-pitched paso, Debbie's literally perfect tango, Jonnie's nipples, Susan's triumphant jive, and Davood's elegant American smooth. That's it! Join us for the results, where we find out just how popular at least two of the perceived frontrunners actually are...

This week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...

- Simon was surprised and thrilled to make it to week 3, never mind 6 (not least as he was bookies' favourite for first boot).
- Karen doesn't believe in food waste, which is a fair ethical point, even if it reinforces that KAREN LOVES FOOD.
- But she didn't realise quite how big a bite she'd taken on Saturday.
- Simon seems to be happier about his Halloween look being compared to Harold Steptoe than Noel Fielding or Poldark.
- Before the results, Simon told AJ that if the red light came for him and Mollie, it'd look good with their red outfits.  Oops.
- Simon thinks that there has never been a northern winner of Strictly. I know we all like to forget Abbey Clancy and Darren Gough ever existed, but come on (and Jill might have been a long time ago, but before she got memory holed by Jay and Ore she was the original 'that jive').
- Another twofer on Choreography Corner this week as Darren and Lilia are back!
- They're both working on multiple international versions of the show - as well as Darren's judging gigs, they also have creative and choreography input in different countries.
- Darren thinks the core is like 'a drawstring'.
- Anton could be a bingo caller if this all goes tits up, look surprised.
- If the pros were to invite another pro round for 'dinner' (I think they mean 'tea' but let's give them the benefit of the doubt), Dianne would ask Giovanni because he's gorgeous; Giovanni Kevin because he makes him laugh all the time; Kevin Karen because she'd kill him if he didn't say her; Karen Anton 'because he makes her laugh like no other man can' (us too, maybe or maybe not for the same reasons) and Aljaž and Janette say each other because they're still newlywed enough to do that.
- When asked who the most 'fit' pro is, Chloe says Anton 'for not looking a day over 50' and for asking the questions; Karen says Kevin but only via taking the piss out of him; everyone else says Gorka, except AJ who says himself.
- Jonnie dropped a prop on Saturday and it all went wrong from there.
- Jonnie says 'should of' and 'could of' and not gonna lie, he just became a little less attractive.
- Oti called Jonnie “Danny” in training last week.
- There is a move known as the “grip and rip”, where the pro grabs their celebrity and forcibly drags them into position when they mess up. Gorka did this to Alexandra during the tango, and according to Darren, Lilia did it to Darren Gough every week.
- Darren convinced Lilia to watch Game of Thrones on the back of Susan and Kevin's foxtrot.  Which was so totally representative of the tone of the show.
- Watching Zoe, Darren and Lilia standing in a line in height order and marching is quite something.
- Katya’s mum is called Tanya.
- Kaye Wragg kicked Joe in the ankle when she was helping him practice the charleston on set at Holby City.
- Joe’s charleston will not incorporate the flappy bird.  Probably a good job as Joe CANNOT do it.
- Joe and Katya will be playing 'wooden soldiers from a cuckoo clock' (?!) this week.
- Joe would like to dance in a kilt, and he is 'a true scotsman', take note.
- The Black Eyed Peas' 'I Gotta Feeling' was the first song to sell over 1 million on downloads in the UK.
- The 'hating every moment' facial expressions on the model they're using for hair and make-up demos are almost enough to make up for not using Chloe any more.  Almost.
- Anton nearly had a wardrobe malfunction with the fluffy bunny tail when his bum accidentally brushed against the set.
- Anton calls Ruth 'Ruthie' because humans like to lengthen one-syllable names just as they like to shorten multiple-syllable names.  Speaking from experience.
- Ruth thinks dance-counting is the stupidest thing she has ever heard, but the one thing she has learned is that it never goes up to nine.
- Ruth and Anton’s paso will have no caping because Ruth WILL BE THE CAPE.
- Anton will be doing the 'chuck and slide' with Ruth - his name for the move where you, er, chuck the woman and she slides along the floor.  Filing that one with the 'grip and rip' in our glossary of technical terms.
- Hip action in general is DIFFICULT FOR THE MEN.
- Craig pretty much thinks nobody will ever get 40 for the rumba but maybe Debbie might if she does hers again in the final.
- Craig thinks Bruno likes to show off how short he is.
- Giovanni is anticipating the judges' critiques for the tango based on previous celebrities' comments ('there is no rise and fall in the tango', 'close your fingers') - but does this include the 10-15-who-cares-second-rule?
- Wait a minute hold the phone Gorka thinks the cha cha cha is a difficult dance FOR THE WOMEN.
- Nadiya thinks there were a lot of rumba basics in their dance.
- Davood likes protein bars. This is not really a surprise, is it?
- Wearing Cuban heels is HARD FOR THE MEN.
- Aston and Janette have the highest cumulative score of the series so far try to look shocked.
- Zoe's son hasn't got the hang of what time his mum films.
- Alexandra and Gorka and Aston and Janette call themselves “Team 45” because that’s the name of the studio where they all rehearse together.
- Mollie wanted to be sassy in the cha cha but couldn't manage it so ended up just smiling.
- Mollie doesn't hate latin, repeat Mollie doesn't hate latin, that is fake news.
- Mollie needed a small army of people to get her out of her devil costume so she could have a wee.
- Mollie dances with dinosaur hands.
- Since Natalie and Joanne left, Anton is the closest this show has to a 'Queen of Ballroom' smh.
- Ruth had a twitter 'meltdown' about her dance earlier in the week.
- Ian has taken to wearing shirts that blend into the set.
- Oti wants to wear trousers.  Vicky Gill has other ideas.
- Debbie has got a problem with the giggles again.
- Debbie couldn't do her charleston back-to-back in rehearsals and Giovanni calculated that she needed four minutes between attempts to get her breath back.
- Giovanni pronounces "Hulk" as "ooolk" and "charleston" as "Charlie-stan".
- Giovanni seems to have caught Karen's habit of doing cat noises in training.

- Seeing it in action has not made us feel better about ‘I Gotta Feeling’ as a tango.

- Gorka has been hiding a nice line in dorky 80s dance moves.

- Gorka always smells amazing, according to Alexandra.

- This week’s pro dance is a Prince tribute choreographed by Christopher Scott off of So You Think You Can Dance.

- This week’s Friday panel was LITTLE LISA RILEY FROM MANCHESTER, Tom Allen, and Martine McCutcheon.

- Martine has done something unfortunate to her face.

- Straight women still get weirdly obsessive and possessive over funny gays.

- Brendan, Dianne and Chloe think Karen has the most attitude (whatever that means), while Kevin, Karen, Aljaž and Katya think it’s Oti.

- Quizzed on which pro was the best dancer, Gorka and Chloe think it’s Anton (we can perhaps blame the language barrier for Gorka not understanding but what’s Chloe’s excuse), while Katya picked Pasha, Dianne chose Kevin, AJ, Giovanni and Neil picked themselves, and Kevin and Aljaž picked Neil. Not a ringing endorsement for the female pros, is it?

- The paso is Anton’s favourite latin dance because it’s the one that’s the least like a latin dance.

- Kevin and Susan were planning to do a Game Of Thrones number together before they were even partnered, the nerds.

- Grace is literally Susan’s middle name, “which is a shame”, she thinks.

- Zoe is a big fan of coriander but Susan hates it.

- One of Pasha’s favourite dances was his fusion week dance with Kimberley Walsh. He’s always been an odd one.

- Kimberley still comes to watch Pasha dance every year, with her mum.

- Gemma’s jive was meant to open with walking towards Aljaž and then doing a four-step sequence. Instead she just walked towards Aljaž and…stopped.

- Gemma would feel safer lifting Aljaž than having him lift her.

- Tom Allen likes it when they do the crissy-crossy legs in the charleston.

- Martine McCutcheon thinks lively, bouncy latin dances really suit Susan.

- Rev Richard Coles sends everyone an individual good luck message every week.