Strictly Come Fact-Finding

Yes, folks, it's that time of year again - no, not time for Strictly to return to our screens, but time to fill an hour of Saturday night's schedule with warm-up material. So here are some things we've learned this evening:

1. Kenny Logan is "the stiffest thing [Craig] has ever seen".
2. Bruno didn't really feel sorry for Anton, who had to put up with Kate "Two Left Feet" Garraway last series - actually it quite amused him.
3. Craig doesn't mean to make people cry - it just happens.
4. Bruno doesn't want to be a policeman.
5. Arlene would have liked a peek under Kenny Logan's kilt.
6. Len was disappointed in his mum when he discovered that she voted for Matt Di Angelo six times after his quarter-final meltdown when he forgot his entire routine.
7. Brendan doesn't believe in rules. But he does believe in Father Christmas. Probably.
8. Erin wants to go all the way with Austin Healey, and is looking oddly youthful.
9. Vincent thinks all the women love him. He doesn't realise it's because he's so diddy, you just want to pick him up and keep him in your handbag.
10. Rachel Stevens doesn't remember the words to S-Club hit "Reach". But Vincent does.
11. Vincent wanted a partner who's young and hot. Subtext: he is in crisis over Flavia's Di Angelo dalliance and wants to get his own back.
12. Vincent is "a proper Italian stallion in every sense of the word", according to Rachel. Oo-er.
13. John Simpson knows how to handle a powerful woman - he knew Margaret Thatcher.
14. For new pro dancer Kristina Rihanoff, dancing isn't her job, it isn't a hobby - it is her LIFE.
15. Gillian Taylforth *hearts* Anton, as do many women of a certain age. Well, as do we, to be honest.
16. Gary "Snake Hips" Rhodes has had six Michelin stars and an OBE, and has cooked for Princess Di and Stevie Wonder. But don't expect any of that to impress Craig.
17. James Jordan really needs a haircut and a shave. Does he realise he's on national telly?
18. James is promising to be "a real gentleman" this series, because Cherie is "a true lady". What's he saying about Gabby and Georgina?
19. The last time Andrew Castle danced was on his wedding day - 18th May 1991.
20. Don Warrington is a Proper Actor. He's done Shakespeare and everything.
21. Christine Bleakley is worried her dad will think her skirts are too short. Not sure it's the bottom half she should be worried about.
22. Tom Chambers is Holby City's answer to George Clooney.
23. Tom has had to cancel his honeymoon to appear on Strictly. Take note, Camilla: this one is strictly off-limits.
24. Mark Foster is modestly taking credit for Team GB's swimming success at the Beijing Olympics.
25. Mark is used to wearing Lycra in the water, but not for land-based activities.
26. Jodie Kidd has represented the country at polo, and is a part-time motor-racing driver.
27. Ian is "the most competitive person on the planet". Fact.
28. In the '90s, Phil Daniels did a song called "Parklife" with a band called Blur. Doesn't ring any bells.
29. Phil is dancing with Flavia, whose partner was Matt Di Angelo last year, who plays Phil's son in 'Enders.
30. Phil is a big fan of pink satin.

If that hasn't whetted your appetite, I don't know what will. We'll be here with our own special patented brand of insightful commentary every weekend for the foreseeable future, and we'd be delighted if you'd join us. The fun all kicks off next Saturday at 6.10pm.