Bit of a damp squib

Top 11 - Performance show

3 November 2012

Last week!  THE HORROR!  And that was just Sid and Ola's outfits.  We also saw Victoria and Michael weirdly be very good, Lisa and Robin repeat the same dance for the third time and Erin setting the place on fire as if it were Kye Sonezzzzz she was partnering rather than Richard.

Tonight we're theme week-free, although don't expect that to also mean gimmick-free, or to mean an increase in dance quality.  But still, we've got the stage to keep us amused at least.

Bruce and Tess enter and do both the fist-bump thing and a very awkward variation on the leg-lift. Daly dresswatch: red, a bit unflattering around the bosom area (her cleavage is almost popping out in profile and then there's a baggy bit underneath the bust) and an uncomfortable looking slit right up the middle.  It's not the worst she's ever worn but it's by no means flattering.  The celebrities arrive, and their lack of enthusiasm to jig along to the theme tune remains in place.  Bruce makes a joke about us missing a 'sexy blonde dancer' and he says he doesn't mean Ola - at this point I was thinking Jerry anyway. Sorry, Ola. [I was thinking Katya. NEVA 4GET. - Steve] [Blonde? - Rad] Anyway, he meant that 'thing' Vincent had on his head this week - although this week his faux teddy-boy quiff seems hardly better. And Dani has a random pink ponytail because... I don't know, reasons or something.  Maybe a comedy VT will tell us.

On the red button this week, Karen is joined by Lionel Blair.  I can't get the red button on BBC One HD, but I am, of course, sorry to have missed that.

First up, it's Kimberley and Pasha.  Bruce calls him Pasta and Tess finally gets out a joke about him being 'a dish', which would be quite funny for Tess if we could have heard her over the audience whooping at Bruce being doddery a competent TV presenter who made an innocent mistake.  Their VT reminds us that last week Pasha tried to be a wolf but no-one in the world thought he was scary.  Bless him.  Kimberley was happy to get 8s.  Kimberley's twisted her knee and getting in pain whenever they twist... and they've got a salsa.  Pasha then attempts what I can only assume is a burn on Ola's patented starfish choreography by saying that the worst case scenario is that Kimberley stands there looking pretty and he dances around her.  Although I wouldn't call many of Ola's partners 'pretty'. Apologies Mrs Sid, Mrs Chris and The Lovely Debbie McGee, I'm sure they have a 'charm'.

Kimberley arrives on a hoop swing (looking a bit like Kylie with the way they've done her hair and make-up) to the strains of the band screeching through 'Naughty Girl'.  I know we moan about the fabulous Strictly singers a lot round these parts, but that really was one of their most excruciating moments in recent memory. The dance itself is pretty complicated with lots of twists, lifts and spins, although Kimberley's leg stiffens in places, presumably because of the knee - and I can't help wondering whether it's going to make things worse in the long run giving her such an involved routine.  Still, it's all very aesthetically pleasing.

Judges time and Bruce reminds us that Darcey wants to fist Louis (What?  That's totally what he said. Also - that idea came up a lot on Graham Norton this week when Darcey was on, and Lord help me, I quite liked her on that.) Way to make Kimberley the focus, there, Bruce.  Len says it's the 'return of Nimble Kimble' - although I thought she got her best score yet last week so I don't know. [I guess because last week was ballroom rather than Latin, and "nimble" being more appropriate in Latin because of the speed? I dunno, it's Len's mind, I try not to think too much about how it works. - Steve] Bruno, who must be having a bisexual week again this week, goes on about her saucy and seductive hips and how well she mounts and dismounts.  Craig doesn't comment so much as act like Joey in that episode of Friends where he gets the single-volume of the enyclopedia, only Craig got the L volume, so recites 'Laviscious, Licentious, Lubricious'. Bruce attempts to translate for the thickos at home saying that Craig liked it.  Darcey says they pulled off some difficult moves and he asks her what she thinks of Pasta - it's not clear whether this was a deliberate joke or Bruce screwing up again. But such is the nature of the Forsyth, I guess.

Up on the Tess Circle, Tess asks us whether Kimberley is still humble or a 'total goddess', because apparently you can't be both.  I audibly sigh at this because we all know what happens when women on these shows get depicted as CONFIDENT MONSTERS.  Or maybe I'm just wary after many years of paying close scrutiny to The X Factor.  Scores: 8, 8, 8, 9 for a total of 33.  Their first nine and their best score yet.  Pasha makes eyes at the camera when Tess implores us to vote for them.  I'll consider it, Pasha, once you sort your hair out (it's still so, so wrong).

Next up, Lisa and Robin.  Bruce attempts a terrible showmance joke although the punchline is that nobody fancies him.  Poor Wilnelia.  We're reminded that Lisa's footwork last week sucked and Lisa acknowledges this and says they need to improve their score.  They're going to be 'very poised and very serious' in their tango - yeah, with that music choice, good luck to you both.  Lisa says she can't take it seriously when Robin tries to be sultry.  Poor Robin.  I'd suggest that he and Erin could be partnered together one of these days for a gaymazing pro dance but I don't think there's enough room in all the world to contain the high camp that would pour forth from such a combination.

For their 'serious' tango, they're dressed in bright purple glitter and dancing to that most tango-esque choice of song, 'Let's Stick Together'.  When I compile the songs I would dance to on this show, I always have the most choices for the Tango and Argentine Tango (currently I lean towards The Smashing Pumpkins' 'Bullet With Butterfly Wings' for the former and Sebadoh's 'Beauty of the Ride' for the latter. Because mid-90s American alternative rock is just how this show rolls) but this song has never, ever crossed my mind as an option.  Nor has it crossed the mind of any sane person, because it is the WORST CHOICE EVER for a tango song. Oh, Robin.  Dancing-wise, their heads are all over the place and out of time with one another, and in some places Lisa's footwork is light and controlled, but in others it gets a bit stompy (and her kicks are pretty awkward).  She's very quick as usual.  There's some nonsense with a chair that we could have done without although Lisa seems a bit more confident dancing with the chair than  her partner.  Robin also staggers over at the end and I can't tell if it's deliberate or not, but it looked like a comedy fall. Serious, that dance was not.

Until this series, I always thought Robin was one of those pros who might be OK, given a semi-decent dancer, but now I'm not so sure.  Lisa was really good in the first week and showed some potential, and he doesn't seem to have done anything with that - it's clearly not all his fault, but it's hard to see what he's doing to push Lisa and get the best out of her.  Bruce thanks the singers, Dave Arch and the orchestra - two songs in isn't bad for him, and to have done so after the assault on Naughty Girl might have been somewhat disingenuous.

Bruno likes Lisa's energy and performance but thinks the dance needed to be sharper with stronger lines.  Craig says her footwork needed to be tighter and she needed better glide.  She also has an awkward left hand, apparently, although Len snarks that 'it's a tango' because apparently you don't have hands in a tango or somesuch, I don't know, it's Len.  There is then a massive argument about whether or not you 'glide' in a tango.  Craig then says she needs to give better head (FNAR) or words to that effect, but the routine itself was amazing.  Darcey said they probably turned too much and the head and feet could have been sharper but the performance was great, whilst Len reiterates that Lisa can PERFORM.  He says it was sharp and had attack but then says the feet and head needed refinement.  So were they sharp or not, Len?

They run up to the Tess Circle and Lisa says she really wanted to get ballroom right.  Scores: 7, 7, 6, 7 for a total of 27 - so that's ballroom 'on the way' perhaps, rather than right?  Lisa and Robin collapse into a fit of giggles.

Richard and Erin are next, dancing the foxtrot to Hey Big Spender.  Bruce makes an entirely obvious joke about Len being a tightwad, but heck, a joke at Len's expense is a joke at Len's expense.  We're reminded how last week, Len called Richard 'butch' and Richard gave the campest shocked face ever in response.  Love Richard.  If you were lulled into a false sense of security about VTs by the training footage only nature of the previous two, then it's time to snap out of it, as the comedy VTs are back! This time Richard is 'treating' Erin to chicken from tupperware and a ride on his plastic dinghy because their song is Hey Big Spender HOHO DO YOU SEE.  He then undermines it by taking her on one of those rickshaw bike thingies they have in That London and other touristy places, which are, as far as I'm aware, rather extortionate.

Their dance opens with Erin getting drunk - and it looks like she drank two people's cocktails.  Never change, Erin, never change. Richard clomps on and they're very clumsy getting into hold - then there's some business with Erin chucking fake money about.  As they dance it's a bit more controlled although Erin's essentially doing all the work, and even she looks like she's about to slip at one point - maybe the floor is extra shiny this week or something.  Then Richard totally loses his footing and it throws him, although not nearly as much as when it happens to Victoria.  They pick it back up at the end (although Richard is still mostly walking about) and Erin Boag can chalk off another success in her quest to make things as super-camp as possible (oh, and she's wearing purple sparkly gloves - I swear she and Robin are secretly in league).

Bruce rubs in Richard's mistake by constantly going 'BUT YOU WERE GREAT IN THE DRESS REHEARSAL!  YOU DID IT ONCE!  WHAT A SHAME YOU MESSED THIS UP!  WHAT A SHAME!  YOU WERE BETTER BEFORE!  BUT YOU BLEW IT!' at him.  Thanks, Bruce!  And I bet you and Tess managed a decent leg lift then, too, and you also got some laughs... oh, who am I kidding?

Craig declares it 'a complete dahnce disaster and it went horribly wrong'.  Bruce keeps going on about the dress rehearsal.  Darcey tells him to use his thighs more.  Perv.  Richard's retort? 'I'm running out of places to put it Darcey'.  Love him, but he clearly doesn't have quite as much trouble in that department as Nicky.  Bruce points out that everyone has made mistakes, which seems to me to be more a plea for people to forgive his dodderiness occasional missed cues because live TV is hard, m'kay, than anything else. Len snarks that  he's going to call Richard 'The Plodfather;' and says when pros make a mistake they overcome it, but when celebrities make a mistake it screws them up. Thanks Len!  Bruno then calls him a frozen haddock and a puppet when you cut the strings.  I think he's been sipping on whatever Erin had. Bruce declares them his favourites and they bundle up to the Tess Circle.

Richard says 'you hear these apocryphal' tales of people missing steps - oh, Richard, her name's Victoria and you've seen her do it twice in the past month.  Let's not pretend here.  He reminds us that it was perfect in rehearsal and so does Tess.  Richard seems happy that 'we're going to be on the internet for ever'. Well, you say that, but you try and find half of Zoe Ball's dances on there, Richard. [IT'S A CONSPIRACY! - Steve] He then tells an anecdote about some cab driver asking him what scent he was wearing, but it's unclear if this was in a 'phew you stink', 'phwoar I fancy you' or 'must get me some of that' kind of way.  Scores: 3, 5, 5, 4, for a total of 17.  Their phone number has 10 on it and Erin closes her eyes and says '10' and dreams of distant days before she got lumbered with comedy celebs and lumbering SPORTSMEN.

Denise and James next, but not before Bruce has got in an 'Anton Du Berk' joke.  Oh, Bruce, that insecurity will never die, will it?  Denise feels that she let James down last week - it's a bit worrying that even the uber-perky Denise has been subdued by James pushing her too hard.  He takes her to a ballroom dancing class and some old geezer pushes him out of the way to dance with Denise.  HILARITY ENSUES.

Their Viennese waltz is to 'At Last' and Denise is wearing what feels like her billionth floaty blue skirt, which is a slightly different shade of blue from James' tie.  Oh, wardrobe.  The routine is very neat and controlled apart from one bit where Denise spins out of the hold and goes a bit wobbly.  It also seems a lot shorter than Richard and Erin's foxtrot, but that could be due to lack of props.  Anyway, it was all very pretty.  Is this where I insert the BLOODY RINGER comment?

Bruno loved it and then everyone says fleckerl about fifty times because we didn't have enough of that with Flavia the other week.  Craig's 'one word' is 'A-ma-zing' and Bruce effuses about how wonderful it was.  On the Tessanine, Denise says the dizziness was difficult and then there is some dizzy blonde banter LOL before the revelation that the dress rehearsal was awful, because apparently the dress rehearsal is now a thing we need to care about.  Scores 9, 8 (and some boos for this), 9, 9 for an impressive 35.  Bloody Ringer etc.

Next it's Victoria and Brendan doing the samba, and she looks terrified even before it starts.  In their training, she's wearing huge gloves and he's wearing jeans. So professional.  Victoria sulks about it being hard and then Brendan says 'It will never be fantastic, sambas never are'.  BURN.  (But also somewhat true, at least in terms of this show and what it calls a samba). [I dunno, off the top of my head, Alesha's and Zoe's were both pretty good. - Steve] Victoria then STORMS OUT of training.
When she comes back, it's in a woolly hat.  How cold ARE those training rooms?

They're dancing to 'It's Not Unusual' and the lighting is all golden with a huge Vegas sign on the back wall with their names emblazoned upon it.  Although Vegas as a theme is no Blackpool, let's face it.  There are also some showgirls... and we see Victoria emerge with a fluffy stole from behind the judges' desk.  As she gets onto it, Darcey's face wears the terrified expression of someone who is fully expecting a stiletto to the face (which I can only assume happened in the dress rehearsal). [Accidentally on purpose. - Steve] There are two showgirl-dressed dancers bobbing up and down at the side of the table for no apparent reason other than perhaps Brendan is storing them as emergency reserve dance partners should Victoria, well, be Victoria.  She does some half-hearted sub-samba roll motions, before Brendan (who is on the dance floor) takes her hand and they have a weird height mis-matched dance for a bit - maybe in empathy for Colin and Kristina, who can say?  Victoria is literally just stepping from side to side here.  When they get onto the dancefloor, Brendan is basically dragging her around and pushing her into position and her face screams 'I HATE THIS' louder than Tess's when Bruce forces her into a leg lift. It's fortunate Victoria is in a short dress tonight because there's no doibt she'd have caught her heel on it yet again if she weren't. A couple of the turns are OK but then she loses pace with him and then basically gives up and eye rolls the camera.

Bruce calls her saucy and Len says 'we came out of the recession this week' - did we? Or is Len just a Tory? (I realise both things could be true...) [I believe we did, technically, but I didn't even get that was what Len was doing - I just thought he was making some sort of grand allusion to a "dance recession" or something. - Steve] This is a precursor to a comment about her coming out of her shell and being 'brave'. Brave is never a compliment on these shows, is it? It's a side-step away from 'performance' in the Strictly book of backhanded compliments.  Bruno says it was very shaky and not very samba-esque, calling it choreography of the hangover.  BURN.  Craig says it was awkward and her free arm needs work and her cicadas (I think?  I'm not so up on my terminology, even after watching eight series and a few bits of this show) weren't great, which then  prompts her to do one with more energy and verve than she bothered to muster up on the dance floor, and it still looks like a drunk aunt shouting 'ave it!' when some Take That (early era) comes on at the wedding disco.  He lies that Victoria coped well with the routine, which I can only presume is to protect her because she's fragile.  Darcey says not to give away when they're coming to the end of the dance, even though the music clearly tells us anyway.

Up on the Tess Circle, Victoria shakes.  Tess reminds her that she is brilliant at cycling but rubbish at dancing, AND HOW DOES THAT FEEL NOT BEING THE BEST or words to that effect.  Tess reminds Brendan that his sambas always suck and Brendan's pleased it's over.  Scores: 6, 6, 6, 5 for a total of a hugely overmarked 23.  They then dance about some more and I suspect several people have been at Erin's cocktails tonight.

Bruce is then flanked by the showgirls and makes a threesome joke, which is probably less than wise in this era of NO SEX AT BBC EVER PLEASE.  Speaking of which, Louis and Flavia are up next and it's our cue for another DARCEY IS A PERV joke.  They were pleased to get some 9s last week.  In their samba rehearsals, Louis is also wearing a hat, although coupled with a vest so his room can't be as cold as Victoria's (unless the effect is to make his nipples stand out, phwoar ladies and gay gents amirite etc).  They make a nod to the comedy VT by bringing in comedy inflatable props for a second or two.  Not really trying hard enough, you two.

They're dancing to Ricky Martin's 'La Bomba' (no, me neither) and Flavia, god bless her Dirty Dancing obsession, has dressed them as Patrick Swayze and Cynthia Rhodes from said film. [Another reference entirely lost on me. - Steve] Except Cynthia Rhodes never wore sunglasses.  Louis lolls on the bar (AGAIN!  No wonder the dances are a bit lacklustre this week) looking a bit disinterested (as usual) before doing some moves with his legs and then starting to dance with Flavia - which sounds pretty rubbish when written down, but looked pretty good on screen.  For much of the time, Flavia is doing way more work than him, and he walks around flicking his arm out, but he does so in a stylish way (with an open V on his shirt) so as to detract from him being less good than usual.  There's a bit where they separate and he does some solo moves, which mainly involve him waggling his hips and pointing at his tits.  There's some nice knee dancing at the end though.  It wasn't terrible by any means, but I did feel a bit emperor's new clothes about it all, and it felt more salsa-y than samba-like but then, this show and its interchangeable latin...

Bruno goes on about Louis' hips and also says the dance was a bit too like salsa.  Craig says the samba can look 'mincey' but he made it look masculine (if by masculine you read: don't give two hoots, then sure) although he missed a few moves.  Darcey was a bit disappointed and says it was too safe, at which Bruno's all 'what, THOSE HIPS?'  Oh, put it away.  Len says 'every dance studio in the Britain will be congratulating you' because it had a lot of recognisable samba steps and this bladdy latin is bladdy rubbish anyway and it's hard for SPORTSMEN.  Or something like that.

On the Tess Circle, Tess talks about Louis 'getting it out' and loving his hips.  Filthmonger.  Scores: 6, 7, 8, 8 for a total of 29.  Tess talks about Louis' abs some more.  Never change, Tess.

Colin and Kristina next and Bruce makes a joke about both he and Colin acting with dames, only his were of the panto variety.  Last week they were in the bottom two and Colin is relieved hit to be there this time.  Their foxtrot is to 'Accentuate the Positive' and they try and make out like their ridiculous height difference can be used to do that.

The singer decides to 'accentuate' accentuate by pronouncing it 'Accent-tuate' which riles me RIGHT UP and means I'm already predisposed to hate this, no matter what Colin and Kristina do.  Nice job, Strictly singers!   The dance starts well although clearly hampered by the height difference, but about halfway through, his knees go to pot and then there's an awkward bit where Kristina stops to blow a kiss to Len and Colin does a 'no no' motion with his finger that stilts the whole rhythm of the piece. Then there are some ill-advised kicks and Colin losing his footing a bit but it ends in a nice pose.

Bruce declares himself a fan of the kicks.  Darcey says he has LONG LEGS as if we didn't know and compares his kicks to John Cleese's funny walks.  Len says it was like gliding on a shagpile carpet and the audience boo, at which he snaps 'I LIKED IT.'  Oh, Len, you know on this show you always need to start on a positive if you want the audience on your side, which Bruno then amply demonstrates by getting in his compliments before his critiques and receiving whoops from the audience for his trouble.

In the Tess Circle, Tess demands more kicks from Colin and then makes up some nonsense about them being the highest in Strictly history, like that's a thing.  Scores: 6, 7, 7, 7 for a total of 27 and Colin's personal best score.

Nicky and Karen are up next and we're reminded about it being his best dance even though it wasn't his highest score, such is this series' consistency.  Their VT is all about how Nicky's posture sucks.  Their rumba is to 'Don't Wanna Miss a Thing', which is a song I absolutely hate.  Nicky's 'romance' face appears to also be his 'about to crack up at any moment' one.  The routine consists of him mainly standing and occasionally doing Hong Kong Phooey arms (/poses) and there's a bit where the singer totally messes up the words and just goes 'Do-ey do-ey do-ey do' and Nicky and Karen both look like they're about to burst with laughter and Karen pulls her best 'WTF' face.  Nicky then awkwardly drags her back and does a very staggery turn and overall it looks about the standard you'd expect from a John Sargeant or Russell Grant rather than a contender.

Darcey says he had some nice poses but it wasn't very seductive.  Bruno says he had a lot of purpose and Nicky was playing the girl.  All concerned with lipstick and shoes like these wimminz tend to be.  Craig says if the dance had been about merely presenting the girl, then, fine, but otherwise he needed to do more.  Len looks perturbed because it was a BLOKE RUMBA and as we all know, they are truly THE HARDEST OF ALL THINGS.  However, we don't actually get to hear his pearls of wisdom on this matter - but on the Tess Circle, reminds us of this fact.  Scores: 4, 7, 7, 7 for a ridiculously overmarked total of 25.  I can accept Len's 7 because, Len, but the other two?  Bonkers. [I can't decide what was the most ridiculous score of the night - Darcey scoring Nicky's not-rumba the same as Louis's samba, or Craig scoring Louis's samba the same as Victoria's. - Steve] Also, for package watchers, he was on black, which kind of disguised things a bit from the front, but when he was in profile, it was still very prominent. [The Bulge deserves its own spot in the opening titles at this point. - Steve]

Next up, it's Fern and Artem's tits and a terrible joke from Bruce which I won't repeat.  Bad firework safety protocol was involved though.  Last week, Fern had a nightmare but this week she has a comedy acting coach to teach her how to use a fan for their paso doble.

The Strictly website tells me they're dancing to Espana Cani, which sounds suitably bull-fighting ish and even more suitably absent of singers.  Hooray!  As if that wasn't spoiling us enough, Artem is topless.  Fern is wearing a slightly odd blue dress that does her no favours but allows her to waft the skirt around a lot as is her wont.  The dance is a bit clompy and walky and Fen loses her footing a few times, but then, who hasn't tonight?  The floor spins aren't as bad as they might otherwise be, but generally it's an exercise in Artem scowling and pushing his tits out to distract us.

Len stretches the firework puns by saying it fizzed but never exploded.  Bruno says she wasn't fiery enough and looked like she was polishing the floor a bit.  Craig says he was distracted by Artem's tits and Fern licks her lips.  Artem runs to get the cape and the audience boo, then Fern removes it to a cheer.  SHAMELESS PERVS ALL OF YOU. Darcey liked it, but then she WOULD, because she is FILTHY.  Speaking of which, Tess interviews them by staring straight at Artem's chest the whole time.  Worryingly, in place of Artem, I typed Anton half the time and had to go back and alter it. Why my brain is trying to conjure up Anton topless, I do not know, but I will be acquainting it with bleach the moment I finish this recap.  Scores: 6, 6, 6, 6 for a total of 24.  Fern pervs over Artem some more and Richard covers the poor boy's dignity with a 'Fern, please!'  Bless him.

Next up, Michael and 'his partners' Natalie.  I know Natalie is all kinds of awesome, Bruce, but I think there's still only one of her.  Last week, Michael was good and apparently this is some sort of excuse for the soundtrack to give me some Take That (later period).  There is never any excuse (except when Steve is on recap and 'The Flood' plays because I have a sadistic sense of humour like that). [You're mean. - Steve] To remind us that Michael is a cricketer, the profession so beloved of male winners, he and Natalie have a dance around at Lords.

Their foxtrot (ANOTHER ONE?) is to '(I Get the) Sweetest Feeling' and they're both in yellow with yellow lighting, which is automatic 10 for me, as it's my favourite colour, but I digress.  There's some random nonsense with Candy Floss, which is entirely pointless, and then they're into the dance.  Their backdrop is carousel horses to attempt some semblance of a fairground theme, but it's not exactly necessary.  The dance itself is sweet and mostly controlled, if not quite the triumph of their quickstep.  There's a bad bit where Michael gurns but overall it's a pretty decent attempt.

Bruno says Natalie needs to keep up their ballroom potential in the Latin (oh God, Michael's Latin...).  Craog says they're good but need style, swing and sway.  Darcey tells him he's wonderful at ballroom but needs to watch his neck.  Len declares it the best foxtrot of the night.  I concur, but it hardly had much competition, let's face it.

Up on the Tess Circle, Michael says his confidence picked up after last week and Natalie says, in a terrified voice, that they have salsa next week.  Scores: 7, 8. 8, 8 for a total of 31, which Natalie is ecstatic with, as she should be, being probably the best ballroom choreographer - at least when it comes to choreographing the celebs - on the show right now.

Dani and Vincent next and the opportunity for more AntonLOLS as they recall him being their monster last week.  They say that the feel of their song is 50s so why they're dancing to the fifth horseman of the Apocalypse (Olly Murs) is anyone's guess.  Vincent ribs that Dani was born 'five minutes ago, in the 80s', which makes little sense and makes me wonder how old Vincent really is.  His profile claims he was born in 1979, so only a few months before the 80s.  And I was born in the 80s (albeit only a few weeks into them) and I'm 32 - older than at least five of the celebrities (and even more of the pros) this year.  By X Factor terms, I'd have been OLD in all but series one, so it's not like the 80s were especially five minutes ago... Anyway, what he actually means is she was born in 1989, which makes her 23, which is pretty young, but older than I actually thought she was, and certainly not as young as SIXTEEN.

Anyway, their comedy VT has a Happy Days theme which is actually worse than it sounds as other than a sub-Fonze character, they're both playing characters that resemble nothing like the actual Happy Days characters.  It's excruciating and none of it explains Dani's pink hair.

The song is lyric-changed to say 'My name is Vinny' instead of Olly, and the lighting says 'Rock & Roll' like Olly Murs has ever been either.  As for the dance, there are some awkward arms at the start but generally it's pacy and fun and suits Dani rather well.  There are a couple of stilted bits when Danni goes through Vincent's legs but the kicks and flicks are all rather good.

Craig says Danni didn't close her legs when she went through Vincent's legs and he saw so much vagina he almost turned straight - or that was the gist of it, anyway, and certainly what the audience took it to mean.  Darcey loved it but tells her to watch her turns.  Len declares it 'crisp as a Pringle', but given that Pringles are not technically crisps, this could be a burn disguised as a compliment.  Bruno goes incomprehensible and stands up and then says she hit every beat.

On the Tess Circle, Tess points out Vincent's wig and he shows off that his jacket has 'Vinny' on it.  He's so not a Vinny.  Scores: 8, 8. 9, 8 for a total of 33 and their highest score of the series so far.

To the leaderboard!

1st Denise and James (35)
2nd Kimberley and Pasha (33)
2nd Dani and Vincent (33)
4th Michael and Natalie (31)
5th Louis and Flavia (29)
6th Lisa and Robin (27)
6th Colin and Kristina (27)
8th Nicky and Karen (25)
9th Fern and Artem (24)
10th Victoria and Brendan (23)
11th Richard and Erin (17)

There's some rum scoring going on, right there, not mentioning any names *cough* Nicky and Karen, Victoria and Brendan *cough*.

Tess implores us to vote as Richard, Erin and Natalie have a big old hug, and it cheers my heart that those three might be friends (they'd certainly be my choice of people to go out drinking with at any rate), and Nicky tries to elbow James and make him laugh, whilst James looks faintly pissed off.  Tomorrow!  One couple will be leaving and Andrea Bocelli and The Wanted will be performing.  *Strokes fast forward button*.  Oh, and Bruce is having next week off, apparently.  Lazy sod.