Week 8: Top Nine Results - 16 November 2014
Last night! BLACKPOOL
brought out some fun performances, some dodgy VTs and some inflated
scores! (Business as usual, then). Simon and Pixie topped the leaderboard, Judy
remained at the bottom, with Sunetra and Steve being the lowest-scored of the
alright-and-above pack.
We open with a 1920s-prohibition-themed-costuming-to-70s-disco-soundtrack-because-BLACKPOOL
pros-and-extras Charleston-esque dance, which features the celebrities being
drunk backstage. Caroline and Judy are ‘acting’
their roles especially well. It makes
not a lick of sense and it’s not up to the standards of last year’s Ballroom
Blitz, but I still completely love it, mainly because it looks like the best
wedding disco ever and it’s full of a lot of energy and fun.
Tess and Zoe enter and do hip bumps. Daly Dresswatch: Blue, Grecian. Ball’s Gown: Black, sparkly. They’re also both donning Blackpool novelty
sunglasses and fake tan. Can you imagine
Bruce doing this? We then get a ‘they
can’t blame it on the sunshine, they can’t blame it on the moonlight, they can
only blame it on their boogie’ joke which just about works. The judges disco on and I am, sort of,
warming to disco as a dance theme if that’s what all this is leading to. I mean, rather disco as a distinct genre than
disco masquerading as salsa and getting fucking tens not that we’re still
bitter about that. Tess and Zoe tell us
former winner Harry Judd is here in the ‘home of his victory’ (remember in 2011
when they randomly combined BLACKPOOL week with FINAL week?) to play with
McBusted. OK, now I kind of wish Bruce
was here, just so he could try and bat them all away with cue cards.
Recap of last night.
Backstage bits of note: all the judges except Bruno stand on the glass
floor on top of the tower; hot Greg calling everyone to order; all the judges’ positive
comments about Judy and Anton and Sunetra and Brendan getting cut out of the
recap; Simon being happy to get the first ‘three 10s’ of the series.
First set of results. Safe are: Caroline and Pasha, Pixie and Trent, Jake and Janette. The first couple in the dance-off? Sunetra and Brendan, which I think we all saw
coming, including them. She says it’s OK
and a fair comment for her to be there, and it’ll be quite nice to dance twice
in BLACKPOOL. Craig says he was hard on
her because he believes in her and he wants her to smash it. Except the only person she’d be against where
the dance-off would genuinely make a difference is Steve, surely? The judges would save her over Judy and
everyone else except Steve over her.
In the Ball pool, Zoe is excited that Jake has a samba next
week and tells Pixie that Sophie Ellis-Bextor sang to everyone after BLACKPOOL
last year so she’d like a Pixie, Frankie and Simon supergroup please. Pixie is quite up for the idea.
First musical guests of the night are McBusted doing ‘Air
Guitar’. Matt Willis is trying to look a bit Billie Joe Armstrong these days,
isn’t he? Harry is elevated on a
platform to drum with lights all round him and the glitterball resting on his
drum kit. I never cared much either way
for McFly or Busted but as tired old pop stars who need to give it a rest go,
this is much more convincing as a performance than whatever Annie Lennox was
doing the other week and the tragedy of the S Club 7 reunion. [I got to see Harry's arms again. That was all I needed from this performance. - Steve]
Tess drags Harry up for a chat and fondles his guns. Harry reminds us of the stage invasion and
Bruce getting annoyed. He says SCD makes
being in a band really easy and he has a soft spot for Judy. See, I knew she had that cougar thing going
on yesterday.
We may be in BLACKPOOL but sadly we still have to endure Len’s
Lens. The judges are still trying to make
Mark happen. Again. Bruno talks about Judy improving. Enough to stay? We’re about to find out.
Safe are: Simon and Kristina (who thanks his lucky stars Zoe
didn’t interview his mum), Frankie and Kevin, Mark and Karen, Steve and Ola
(which I wasn’t expecting giving the bitchface she pulled the whole time, or
maybe that’s because she wants to go, if those TABLOID RUMOURS have any
substance). Judy and Anton are in the
bottom two and Judy says she’s just happy to be here. Len’s advice ‘show us what you’ve got’. Both he and Craig have given such helpful
hints tonight to the dance-offers.
In the Ball Pit asks if BLACKPOOL gave Steve a boost – he says
it sort of did, but also made it more scary. She reminds us Mark is a PROPER PRESENTER and is going out to work in
Spain next week but he says he’ll still have time to rehearse. Simon is happy with his three tens and the
judges boosting his score so he doesn’t end up in the bottom two confidence.
The next guest is Dame Shirley Bassey singing ‘Goldfinger’
with Brendan and Iveta, Pasha and Janette and Aliona and Trent picking the keys
from the bowl and doing sex writhing in front of her, including some very
literal choreography where Brendan gives Iveta the kiss of death and she
collapses. Also: memo to that person in
the Radio Times who said this week that guest performers are better without pro
dancers: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no. Especially when their evidence was Annie Lennox’s dad dancing the other
week. [Never believe anything you read in the Radio Times. - Steve, Who Writes For One Of The Other Listings Magazines That Are Available] Although we’d feel less guilty
about fast forwarding them if they didn’t have the dancers, I suppose.
Tess and Zoe fangirl about the Bassey and we cut to a trail
for ITT with Ian and an angry donkey statue. Not sure where Robin is this week, maybe Lisa Riley wouldn’t let him
out.
Judy gets her lines right and says she gets to ‘fly across
the floor with the king of ballroom and fly up to the roof… perfect’ as she and
Anton get ready to dance. Sunetra says
she’ll have to enjoy her dance because they’re in BLACKPOOL. Brendan tells her to fill up the space with
her personality and ‘danceability’.
Judy and Anton dance first and she seems more relaxed,
perhaps because she doesn’t really care so much this time. It’s better than first time round and if she
does leave tonight, she has definitely acquitted herself well and her dancing
saw more improvement than, say, Gregg, Jennifer or Scott’s.
Sunetra also benefits from the ‘ah, fuck it’ factor and
relaxes into her dance more. It’s still
sloppy as all hell in terms of precision but the drunk woman dances with
lothario barman works even better second time round and the sloppiness kind of
works with the character of the dance. She
also keeps up with the pace better than before. [Although she does blatantly trip over at one point and would've gone flat on her face if Brendan hadn't been there to catch her. - Steve]
Craig and Darcey save Sunetra and Brendan. Bruno says both couples were entertaining but
he’s saving Sunetra and Brendan. Len
would also have saved Sunetra and Brendan but thought Judy and Anton gave a
great performance. Judy thanks Anton for
being an incredible teacher and having a great sense of humour. Anton says he’s
been thrilled with how Judy’s experience has been and praises her humour,
spirit and personality. She looks like
she’s going to cry, bless her. They exit
to ‘Save the Last Dance for Me’ with a very undignified knicker-showing leap
from Judy and a patented Anton chuck your partner at the floor move. Caroline, Frankie and Sunetra all talk about
how close they were to Judy and Simon says he’ll miss her smile and her
shortbreads. Steve enthuses about
BLACKPOOL and Jake promises his hips will be back next week.
Steve will see you through it all (and offer you protection,
a lot of love and direction) then!
3 comments:
It's clear that these Strictly scores were Blackpool-assisted, in the same way that sprinters clock extra-fast times at high-altitude venues such as Mexico City.
Now Judy has been expelled, the judges know they don't need to inflate the scores of others who might have needed up in the bottom two. Whichever man has the worse Rumba will go next week.
I think there's a high chance someone whose name begins with S will leave, and an outside chance of it being Mark.
But Rumba IS HARD FOR MEN (like every other sodding dance this year) and they're likely to compensate for that this series (except for Steve maybe)
Yes I agree with that prediction. Also Steve is due a death slot. I can see Len plumping for Sunetra over Steve in a tie-break. For the second year in a row, the muscleman finishes 8th.
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