Last week! It was Hallowe'en, and Debbie, Aston, Joe, and Alexandra were the graveyard smashes, while Jonnie, Davood, Susan and Simon made a monstrous mash of things. Mollie became the next mid-table performer to grace the bottom two after Davood's brush with it a few weeks back, but after Simon ended up there with her for his third stint, the judges decided to perform a mercy kill. Yes, even Shirley.
This week it's Non-Theme Week, so instead expect to hear a lot about how we're officially halfway through the competition, because I Just Want To Get To Blackpool Week is still one week away and we still need some sort of narrative hook to hang the whole thing from. The celebs tell us that "there's no option but to go out there and give it everything, to show the judges that I deserve to be here. I just don't want this to ever end. The competition is on", but they only read a few words each so it ends up SOUNDING like one of THOSE AUTOMATED menus you have TO ENDURE before being put THROUGH to an actual PERSON when you ring a CALL CENTRE, because the overall flow of THE SENTENCE is uneven and slightly ROBOTIC since none of them CAN HEAR how the others ARE SAYING it and also several of them are NOT ACTORS. Maybe they should have just got AJ to read the whole thing, the overall effect would have been the same and it probably would have been cheaper.
Titles! I really think they missed a trick by not having half a sandwich hanging out of Karen's mouth in Simon's segment.
There's no opening number this week, which means that Tess and Claudia get to have arm candy for their entrance: Tess is escorted in by Gorka (who is wearing a fedora, and may I extend my hearty congratulations to Vicky Gill and the wardrobe team for managing to find the one accessory that even Gorka can't make look sexy), while Claudia is accompanied by AJ so expect them to be on the front page of a tabloid this week as the show's new hottest behind-the-scenes romance. Daly Dresswatch: a black jumpsuit, and jumpsuits are always bad, sorry, do not email me I will delete it. What Winkleman's Wearing: a floor-length dress with silver sequins. Notable faces in the audience: Strictly alumni Julien Macdonald, Kimberley Walsh and Kellie Bright, and also Jane Slaughter aka Tracey The Barmaid from EastEnders [and future Strictly legend please - Rad], who is wearing a shirt with watermelon print on and I want it. Tess reminds us that Debbie chalked up a second consecutive week atop the leaderboard last week with a near-perfect score for her charleston, and Claudia reiterates that it was definitely a big shock for Mollie to be in the bottom two last week (from sixth out of 11 on the leaderboard, performing in the middle of the show, with a cha cha). The judges enter, and I'm convinced that wardrobe are on an undercover mission to ensure that Shirley's dresses are tight below the waist every week to stop her out-dancing everyone else when they come in. Although I do like how you can't even see her legs moving, just her torso shuffling like Princess Peach.
Tess says that the couples know that at the halfway point they need to start taking some risks. Considering that Debbie ended last week by vaulting over Giovanni's head and soliciting for gynaecological services from the viewing public, I think we might have reached that stage already Tess. Anyway, here are those risk-takers in full: Ruth and Anton (who, their outfits inform us, will once again be playing their latin for laughs this week), Davood and Naidya, Mollie and AJ, Gemma and Aljaž, Debbie and Giovanni, Aston and Janette (with Aston in a disco shirt and a sizeable afro, and if I hadn't seen this week's It Takes Two there is absolutely no way I would be expecting them to do a Viennese waltz tonight . In fact, even having seen It Takes Two I find myself wondering if they've made a last-minute switch), Joe and Katya, Susan and Kevin (in sequinned dungarees like they've run straight here from their audition to host CBeebies), Jonnie and Oti (Jonnie has his hair down and his chest out, does he even need to dance, I'm not sure he does), and finally Alexandra and Gorka. The numbers are slowly thinning, aren't they? [Looking at that line-up of costumes I'd have sworn it was a theme week if I didn't know otherwise - Rad]
Opening the show tonight are Alexandra and Gorka. I had a feeling that they'd put her on first tonight, somehow - probably because she's come in for a lot of stick for always being put on near the end of the show (even though this year's running orders have been very samey, with Mollie, Ruth and Gemma frequently getting stuck on in the first half and Alexandra, Jonnie and Aston often being on in the second half), so I feel like putting her on first is the clearest possible way of going "see?! see?! First half, look!" [I was expecting Jonnie to be early as well, for the same reason - Rad] Craig loved their tango last week, and Gorka feels that fate brought them together as dancers. Their routine tonight is set in a jazz club. Nice. So Gorka takes Alexandra to a real jazz club for inspiration [with about 3 people in - Rad], and Alexandra tells Gorka how much jazz means to her because she spent a lot of time in her formative years singing jazz and soul and going to open mic nights. Gorka tells her that there's an "open mic" here, as it happens, and asks Alexandra if she'd like to go and sing for him. Alexandra is all "OH WELL IF YOU INSIST" and sings 'Summertime'. Unusually for a Strictly VT that features a singer attempting to do their day job (mentioning no names, okay fine, looking directly at Mollie King, Kimberley Walsh and that time Anastacia improv-ed a song about the rumba to a terrified Brendan), it doesn't make me cringe so hard that my amygdala pops out of my ear.
Having spent that time studying up on the history of jazz, their cha cha cha is to...disco stomper 'I Got The Music In Me'. Jesus, these VTs have all the educational value of a free school run by Toby Young. It is, indeed, set in a jazz club with Alex as a vampy singer and Gorka as her loyal piano player, and Alex seduces him by knocking the fedora clean off his head, and that makes this routine worth a 10 right from the off if you ask me. Considering that this year's cha cha chas have been a general wasteland, I'm pleased to see that Gorka has packed the choreography full of recognisable steps, which Alexandra mostly pulls off with style and finesse. (I'm also pleased to see that Gorka has included a segment where he stands at the side flirting with Bruno, for different reasons.) My only real criticism is that it looks like she's slightly off-balance on one of the turns, and that there are moments where the leg movements don't seem to fully drive through into her hips, but otherwise: a real redemption moment for the series 15 cha cha cha.
They walk over to Tess, who calls Alexandra "one red hot salsa lady". 15 years, she's been doing this job, and she still doesn't know the difference between a cha cha cha and a salsa. CANCEL HER. [To be fair, half the time the party latin routines on the show are barely distinguishable, so maybe she just goes on costume. God knows what she thinks Aston will be dancing - Rad] Tess welcomes the famous original singers Hayley, Lance, Tommy and Andrea, so I guess they have no need for New Boy Jamie this week. Truly, he is the Chloe of the Strictly singers, forever being cast aside. Shirley opens for the judges by saying it was a wonderful way to start the show, and that the cha cha has proved to be quite difficult for the celebrities this year, but not for Alexandra - her forward walks looked like those of a professional. She used her arms well, had nice rotation, and she was sophisticated. Bruno calls her a "cha cha goddess" and says she had precision and cleanliness, calling it the best cha cha cha of the "season" so far. Craig says "I spy with my little eye something beginning with T", and the audience goes nuts because they think he's going to give it a 10, and then he clarifies that the T stands for "turnout". Alex starts hooting like she's walking on hot coals because she thinks this is a criticism, and then it gradually dawns on her as he elaborates that turnout is actually a good thing. Bless. Darcey calls her the dancing queen, and says it's clear that she was working so hard on it.
They sprint up to the Clauditorium, and all the way up it's clear that on an emotional scale of 1-10, tonight Alexandra is operating somewhere around a 16: she says to Claudia that she's completely overwhelmed, and that she didn't know if "turnout" was good or bad - she thought it might be like being pigeon-toed again. Scores are in: Craig 9, Darcey 10, Shirley 10, Bruno 10 for a total of 39. Alexandra cannot process any of this and spends the whole thing alternately hurling herself at Claudia and Gorka before hyperventilating into her hand.
Gracing the death slot tonight are Mollie and AJ, with a foxtrot themed around a movie set. Mollie says that she had a lot of fun last week, but she thinks she could have done better "based on the judges' comments". Well, that and the fact that nobody voted for you, hon. She doesn't want this journey to end, and AJ vows that the foxtrot will be their comeback dance. To get into character for a dance where AJ plays the besotted runner serving a glamorous movie star, Mollie asks AJ to bring her the following things: a cup of tea, some green tulips, seedless oranges with seeds in, and non-glittery glitter. I like how the script writer tasked with coming up with a list of creative but increasingly impossible demands got two items in and just went "oh fuck it, just use the word and its antonym in the same sentence, is it lunchtime yet?" AJ's skills as a runner are somewhere around the level of his skills as a VT actor, but Mollie hopes that they can still pull off an award-winning foxtrot.
They're dancing to 'Call Me Irresponsible' and AJ has very sensibly kept the bells and whistles down to the bare minimum and choreographed a slick, very classic foxtrot. The first half of it is genuinely lovely (for a foxtrot, which is never exactly the most thrilling of dances) but unfortunately just over halfway through Mollie messes up a pivot and literally trips up, only being kept upright by AJ. She recovers well and quickly, but you can absolutely see the expression of "oh, shit" on her face for the rest of the routine. [Like cha chas, though, foxtrots have not been good this series, so it was still one of the better ones -.Rad]
Tess gives Mollie the obligatory "you look like a princess!" compliment, and Mollie says that she loved every minute of it. Just perhaps not every second of it. Bruno tells her it started beautifully - well-placed and with a beautiful back, but then there was an incident on one of the turns. He asks Mollie if she went off on the wrong foot, and Mollie admits that she has absolutely no idea, so AJ jumps in and says that they "just caught each other's feet", but quickly praises Mollie in the same breath for being a professional and recovering so well. Aside from that, Bruno thought it was elegant and classy. Craig says that there were some balance issues, especially on that "disahhhstah pahhht", but she recovered well. Her pivots were sometimes on her toe or the flat of her foot rather than her heel, but she maintained her topline well and the transitions were really smooth. Darcey tells Mollie that she is turning into a very stylish and classy lady, and she's producing nice glide and flow despite the slip-up. Shirley says that she's really impressed with Mollie's comeback after the bottom two last week and she notices that she really worked hard to keep her shoulders down - but she was most impressed by the slowness and elegance of it. She feels Mollie is definitely going in a good direction, even with that slip-up.
Their mics are up throughout the run up to see Claudia, so we hear AJ's absolute barrage of "don't worry! You picked it back up! You're so professional!" and I know we rag on AJ quite a lot for being such a massive narcissist, but it's nice to hear him being properly supportive and encouraging when Mollie's clearly quite upset with herself for messing up. Mollie says that they've worked so hard all week, and she feels so bad for AJ because she's just ballsed it up when it counted. She says that they're loving every minute, and she's having so much fun, so she's just keeping her fingers crossed for it to continue. Scores: Craig 6, Darcey 7, Shirley 7, Bruno 7 for a total of 27 - the same score as last week. Claudia teases Aston and Janette's upcoming routine set in a hairdresser's, and is all "yeah, I had a haircut once". Heh.
Couple number three this evening is Joe and Katya. Joe is really pleased with how last week's routine went, although he says there is always room for improvement. This week he's got a charleston where he and Katya will be playing wooden soldiers, so Katya takes him to meet the Romford Drum and Trumpet Corps (and in her voiceover, Tess pronounces it like "corpse", ffs) where they proceed to Dandrew the hell out of it. Well, I'm sure it's more useful than actually training.
They're dancing to 'Alexander's Ragtime Band' and the theme is that they are the little figures who walk out of a clock when it strikes the hour, and that's fine, but when why has someone taken the decision to CGI 20 Joe and Katyas onto the floor in front of them when they walk out? Why would you need that many soldiers in your clock? [Also, don't clocks usually have a pair of twee heteronormative villagers? And good song choice for a Charleston but what does it have to do with the outfits. So. Many. Questions. - Rad] This is a question that doesn't look like it will be answered any time soon. Regrettably but perhaps predictably, they've gone for a gurny charleston (I make it approximately a 3.6 on the Hollins scale) so it's a lot of pulling faces and leapfrogging over each other. It's danced reasonably well, but it just leaves me quite cold - the charleston choreography this series has been very hit and miss, and this one (the work of Jenny Thomas, if I've interpreted the "additional choreography" credits at the end of the show correctly) falls into the latter category for me. It's just too aggressively gimmicky.
Tess coos that they're so cute dressed as soldiers and says that they put a smile on all of their faces, then asks Craig if there's a smile on his face too. Craig: "It put a smile on...more than my face, darling, actually." Is...is he saying it gave him a boner? Let's not think about that too closely. Anyway: he loved it, let's move on quickly. Darcey says he gave all of the charm of the silent movies (yeah, and all of the subtlety too) and his timing was immaculate. She loved the little details, and thought it was a great charleston. Shirley says that her new name for him is "DJ" for "Detail Joe", or possibly "Dark Horse Joe". I mean if we carry on like that "DJ" could also stand for "Do You Happen To Have The Time I Appear To Have Mislaid My Watch Joe". She calls him "the one coming from behind", so of course Bruno pulls an "OOH MADAM!" face which gives Shirley the giggles. She thought it was effortless and well-timed, oh and apparently the charleston is now HARD FOR THE MEN as well. Can't wait until series 16 when the men get praised for walking on at the beginning, because that's HARD FOR THE MEN, you have to put one foot in front of the other and wave and everything. Bruno liked the festive feel to it, like The Nutcracker, and then makes a slightly baffling comparison to it being "very well-judged, as a child would put it together". I think children have been putting a lot of things together tonight: Bruno's logic process, Mollie's VT, Anton's outfit...
They march up to the Clauditorium, where Joe expresses his joy at getting to play a very different character from last week, and thanks Jenny for putting the routine together for them. Claudia gives a shout-out to Joe's cute nephews, and then we're over to the scores: nines all round for a total of 36. Claudia suggests that seven weeks in, Joe might have hit some sort of consistent upswing. Well, we'll see.
Gemma and Aljaž are next, and Gemma's appraisal of her own performance last week is once again "not bad, could have been better", and they bicker a little over whether she got it wrong at the beginning: Gemma thinks she did, Aljaž thinks she didn't. She's pleased that they got a good score, and vows to come back fighting. This week she has a Hawaiian-themed salsa (???), where she woos Aljaž the bartender at the end of his shift. They get in the mood for this (sigh) by going to a tiki bar and wearing lots of cultural appropriation. Aljaž mixes a horrible drink for them, and then they actually do something vaguely useful maybe by getting a quick hula lesson from hula dancers Natalie and Lucy.
Back in the ballroom, Gemma struts into Aljaž's bar like a woman who knows what she wants, and signals for him to join her as the band plays 'Sun Comes Up' by Rudimental featuring James Arthur. The first few bars are fine, but then there's a truly Snowdance-esque lift and everything seems to go rapidly downhill after that. Gemma's giving it lots of attitude, and there are some nice individual moments, but significant chunks of it are quite heavy-footed and the lifts are ungainly. I don't want to go all Natalie Cassidy here, but I think part of the problem is that Gemma is the same height as Aljaž, and in heels she maybe even has the edge on him. The whole thing just feels like it was choreographed for someone who isn't Gemma, if you catch my drift. Someone petite like, say, Georgia May Foote could've potentially blown the roof of with that routine, but someone tall and long-limbed like Gemma I think needed something more grounded.
Darcey declares it "hot and saucy" but says that the first lift looked laboured and that stayed with her. She advises Gemma that the trick to pulling off an elegant lift is to remain taut, because if you allow yourself to collapse inwardly, you make it much harder for the man who is lifting you. (Can I take a little moment here to say how much more I'm enjoying Darcey this series? Her critique is so much more on-point and useful, and I'm absolutely convinced it's at least partly because she feels more comfortable with this new judging line-up and no longer being the only woman there. See, gender parity benefits everyone!) [Also I think after Shirley critiqued her critique, she's decided to step up, which I entirely approve of - Rad] She knows what Gemma is capable of, and she knows that she can do it, so she wants her to take that advice into the next dance. Shirley says she would've liked to see Gemma point her feet in the splits, but she was really pleased to see Gemma point her feet in the direction she was supposed to be moving the rest of the time. Bruno says that Gemma is a good dancer, but she has to let herself go a little bit more - he can see her anticipating the lifts, and it's interrupting the flow of the dance. Craig says that there was no real figure-eight rotation in her hips, though she has very good side-to-side. He finishes by saying "I loved what you were going for", which feels like quite a backhanded compliment.
In the Clauditorium, it becomes increasingly clear that Gemma wasn't massively comfortable with those lifts, and she's just mostly relieved not to have been dropped. Scores: Craig 5, Darcey 7, Shirley 7, Bruno 7 for a total of 26.
After a quick preview of the dances yet to come and Claudia's comedy corner (involving her "giving us some Bach" on the piano, and I'm sure you can complete the punchline for yourselves), we move on to Aston and Janette. Last week's paso was a highlight both for the episode and for Aston himself - it's probably the first time I've been genuinely wowed by Aston in a routine, though it's a bit of a shame for him that the paso was also a wow dance this year for Debbie, Alexandra, Gemma, Joe, and hell I'm feeling charitable let's throw Jonnie in there too. What I'm saying is it's still probably not going to be remembered as the standout paso of the series, despite being very good. [Spoiler alert.
So it begins with Aston asleep in the chair at the barbershop, dreaming of Janette and I think somehow willing her into existence? He takes her hand and they proceed to dance around the chair, and he seems weirdly disengaged in this routine. The footwork is precise, as far as I can tell, but his face looks kind of bored and his frame seems a bit ragdoll-ish. It's odd - as I said earlier, I'm rarely blown away by Aston but at least I usually find him to be consistent and skilled, and he just doesn't feel terribly present for this routine. It ends with a floor spin, because Janette, and then Aston falls asleep in the chair again. Janette shouts "wake up!" from the side of the stage, and I think she might have been better to shout that at the start of the routine rather than the end. [Also, what the fuck was that theme? The world is not ready for 70s Viennese Waltz. Did Janette think fusion week was back and she was having to smush it up with a salsa? Just stick him in a dapper suit like in week 1- Rad]
Tess tells Aston that she loves his afro, and then touches it. I know it's a wig and everything but NEVER DO THAT. Tess reminds Aston that he was second on the leaderboard last week, and Shirley says that Aston always brings his own unique style to the routines, and while she thought there was "a good attempt at a fleckerl" and some good footwork, she wants to see him flying a bit more flat - it was too bouncy for her, and not his best dance. Bruno says that it lost its way and didn't quite find its way to Vienna - he liked the concept, but it needs to be smooth and weightless and he felt that the character detracted from that. He feels like this was a risk that didn't quite pay off. Craig says that it had too much attack and lacked grace and elegance - his feet weren't closing and his bottom was sticking out, and there was far too much rise and fall in a dance that should have very little. Darcey says that they have high expectations for him, and he comes alive out of hold, but the energy dies when he's in hold.
Claudia tells Aston that he's sorry and he's pretty chipper about it, he says that he did feel excited about it, and they had fun out there. Claudia points out Aston's dad and grandma Charlie and Mavis in the audience, here for the first time tonight. Scores: Craig 4, Darcey 7, Shirley 7, Bruno 7 for a total of 26. I rarely exclaim during the scores, but I must admit that even I screeched "what?!" at that four. It wasn't that bad, surely? [Agreed. Though I thought Mollie was undermarked as well. Fpour smacked of Craig being pissy at things other than the dance itself. - Rad] Claudia offers Janette the right to reply, and Janette says that a four is still better than a three. She's happy, and they had fun, and that's what's important.
Halfway leaderboard:
1. Alexandra & Gorka - 39
2. Joe & Katya - 36
3. Mollie & AJ - 27
4. Gemma & Aljaž - 26
5. Aston & Janette - 25
I know there are still five couples to go, but who ever thought we'd see Aston at the bottom of any sort of leaderboard? What a time to be alive.
The camera cuts back to Tess a little too early and catches her unaware. Sadly she's having a laugh with Craig rather than picking her nose or scratching her arse, but I'll take whatever I can get. Ruth and Anton are next with their paso doble. Ruth says she's still nervous each week but she's really learning to enjoy the dances, and Anton asks if there's any chance they can enjoy the dances and also not make mistakes at the same time? Ruth tells him that she'll try, but not to get his hopes up. Heh. Ruth says that she's finding the paso really fast and fiery, so she's really having to bring the performance and not be self-conscious. It's also difficult because the rhythm changes during the dance, and she has to remember where that happens, so Anton encourages her to count out loud in training to help her keep timing. She gets a bit teary in rehearsals, but says that these are mostly the product of frustration and embarrassment - she's enjoying the routine and working hard, and just hopes that it will all come together on Saturday. Wait, was that...an informative VT based entirely around the week's training? Involving Anton? Will wonders never cease?
They're dancing to what I'm informed is 'The Shady Dame From Seville' from Victor/Victoria, but I cannot vouch for that, being entirely unfamiliar with it. It starts with Hayley (as in the fabulous singer Hayley) giving matador Anton a rose to offer to Ruth, who's stood at the top of a staircase fanning herself furiously. To the surprise of precisely nobody, they're playing the whole thing for laughs as Ruth descends the stairs while Anton comes up the back (fnar), so she's now at the bottom with him at the top. Ruth starts looking down the camera lens severely, and I'm genuinely scared by how much they've made her look like Katie Hopkins this week. One of those is more than sufficient, thank you. Once they get into hold and start dancing, Ruth's still a little bit loose in the frame but you can tell she's been working really hard all week on trying to get the shaping and the footwork right, and I think she's actually done a pretty decent job of it. She needs more intent in her arms, but she's keeping up with Anton, she's really present in the routine, and even handles the rhythm change well. There's also a genuinely hilarious moment where the camera pans away from Ruth and Anton to focus directly on Hayley as she hits a particularly high note, then cutting back to Ruth and Anton who shrug as if to say "well, we can't compete with that" before resuming the routine. The routine ends with Ruth doing a drop back over Anton's leg and the stage being pelted with roses, before Anton overbalances, falls on his back, and Ruth climbs on top and straddles him. I swear on my life, not a word of that is fabricated - all of this happened on primetime Saturday night BBC One. As much as I would love to believe that was entirely unplanned, a quick check of the original reveals it to be a hat-tip. However much I love Ruth, even I would struggle to believe that her response to her dance partner unexpectedly falling over on live television would be to dry-hump him. [I voted for Anton for what I think is the first time ever. I am living for him demolishing the entire Latin canon.through parody rather than what he usually does in Latin . Then he can go because she's not good enough to get me to care about their ballroom - Rad]
And if you'll permit me a sidebar here, I would just like to talk about Ruth for a minute. In general, I probably tend to be more on the "purity of dahnce" side than the "WOO COMEDY" side, as my distaste for the Jeremy Vines and Ed Ballses of this world would suggest. (Obviously I loved Nancy Dell'Olio, but I feel like Nancy transcended mere comedy and produced genuine art.) But I love Ruth. I look forward to her every single week, and I've voted for her regularly, and it's exactly because of routines like this. I love that she's quite happy to turn up on Saturday night and play a routine for laughs, but even when that happens she's still the sort of person to work hard in training and do her best to nail the basic technique that she needs to pull off the gag in the first place. There's a real joy in her performances: she's clearly so thrilled to be on the show, and doesn't particularly mind that she's not a naturally gifted dancer, but still tries her hardest to do whatever is asked of her. I just find that absolutely delightful and refreshing: normally the comedy types start off trying hard and eventually just give up on the technique because they know they can coast on lols, so Ruth's determination to try and improve her dancing week-on-week really warms my soul, and I hope this lasts for the entire duration of her stay on this show. I know she's never going to be mentioned in the same breathy tones as "EDBALLSLOL", but for me, this is the standard by which all future comedy contestants will be measured. Thank you very much for your time.
Cut to Eamonn Holmes and their son looking like they're really not sure what they just watched, naturally.
Anton suggests they skip the judges' comments entirely. DON'T YOU DARE! Bruno says that Anton looks like Manuel from Fawlty Towers on Spanish night, and Anton feigns offence. Craig says that it's a drag act in Victor/Victoria, and that's essentially what they got tonight. He thinks Anton is being very smart in choosing to favour entertainment over technique because it's a vote-winner, but obviously he can't be seen to encourage it. Darcey praises Ruth's ability to hold the narrative for the entire dance and she really enjoyed the controlled stalking kicks, and she advises Ruth not to give up on the technique because she's going somewhere. Where, specifically, she doesn't say and I suspect that's wise. Shirley says she doubts there's a household in England that didn't enjoy what she just watched. Scotland, of course, is all "the fuck did I just watch?" (And the same in Wales, but with "boyo" on the end, obviously.) She likes that they are going for parody, and she says she's laughing with them not at them - and she did spot some good basic steps in there.
Claudia declares it the best thing she's ever seen, and Ruth asks Anton if she tripped him up, and now I'm confused again because she really is selling her surprise very well if she genuinely did know that end bit was a reference to the film. Claudia says that it was fun, and Anton is all "how dare you, madam, it was art". Scores: Craig 4, Darcey 6, Shirley 6, Bruno 6 for a total of 22, the same as last week. Claudia decides to end it by having Anton lie on the floor and having everyone lie on top of him, which I think may be a subtle ploy to get Gorka to lie on top of her, and who can blame her if it is?
Following that will be tough, but if anyone can do it, it's Debbie and Giovanni. Debbie was pleased to get 39 for her charleston last week, and recognises that the only way up from here is a perfect score - but she's going to give it a go. It was Debbie's birthday this week, so Giovanni took her on a helicopter tour of London which she very much enjoys. Yes, fine, it has nothing to do with her tango, but it's her birthday so I'm willing to overlook it JUST THIS ONCE.
They're dancing to 'I Gotta Feeling' by the Black Eyed Peas, which: really? [I blame the song for her STILL not getting the pimp slot - Rad] Fortunately Giovanni has taken this absolute lemon of a song choice and turned it into limoncello ice cream, as their tango is crisp, staccato, clean, frosty and dare I say even a bit regal? I could maybe do with a tiny bit more tension in her arms as her frame gets very slightly wobbly once or twice, but otherwise it's another very strong performance and I for one am thoroughly enjoying the Debbie McGee experience.
Tess asks Craig to start for the judges, and Craig wordlessly gets up from behind the judges' desk to bow on the floor in front of Debbie before taking his seat again. Darcey: "Well, that was strange, wasn't it?" Honestly, Darcey is absolutely earning whatever they're paying her this year, do not include her in any future complaints about inflated BBC salaries. She says that Debbie gave her tingles down her back, and she doesn't think she's ever seen a celebrity do a tango like that. Shirley says that it was a beautiful international tango with fast beats and soft legs and absolutely no rise and fall, so she thinks it was outstanding. Claudia Fragapane applauds demurely from the audience. Bruno thinks it was a tango masterclass.
Everyone is on their knees for Debbie in the Clauditorium (STEADY) as well, and Claudia tells us that Ed Sheeran revealed he's a fan of Debbie this week. It's fine, I won't hold that against her. Scores: a clean sweep of 10s for a perfect score of 40. Claudia informs her that this is the earliest anyone has ever got a perfect score. (Unless I'm mistaken, the previous record was held by Ali Bastian, who got one in week eight for her Viennese waltz, so it's...well, not necessarily the best omen. Although she'd already been in the bottom two once by that point anyway.) Debbie's stunned. Giovanni's ecstatic. Claudia gives the website a push by telling us we can go there to see Davood's collection of rare snow globes, and Debbie cackles "I'm looking forward to seeing Davood's snow globes!" and then has one of her trademark gigglefits. Has she officially attained "national treasure" status yet? It can't be far off.
Who's next? Ah, Jonnie and Oti. Last week's cha cha cha did not go well, and Jonnie was fearing a dance-off, but they managed to avoid it. This week they have the salsa, which Jonnie is pleased about because he can do lots of lifts and generally avoid dancing. Oti says that she loves coming up with dangerous lifts, and we see a montage of Jonnie repeatedly dropping her on her head in training. He says that the salsa is about having fun and having a good time, so they're just going to try to focus on that.
They're dancing to 'Turn Me On' by Kevin Lyttle, which is an absolute tune, so it makes sense that they're playing DJs at the start of the routine. It's clear from the word go that Jonnie is not remotely here for the actual dancing part of it and just wants to do the lifts, so it's a good job that Oti has obligingly thrown in some real showstoppers. The bits where he notionally has to do some salsa, though: his posture is weirdly stooped, his movement is sluggish, and he doesn't look comfortable at all. But, as I mentioned at the top of the recap, his hair is down and his shirt is unbuttoned, and we all know I'm basic enough for that to override any objections I might have. [I think he's easily the most attractive male celeb - and it's not as though the other remaining men are ugly - but it did nothing for me and I think it was the horrible mum shirt they put him in. I'm not sure if this or Gemma were worst but they were easily my two least favourite of the night. Sorry Jonnie. - Rad]
Darcey says it was a hot series of lifts (it was certainly a hot something, my notes say "mess" but differing opinions are what make us special) and she loved how he handled Oti throwing herself at him, and she liked the way he managed the leading. She thinks he lacked hip rotation, but he makes up for it with the ease in his upper body. Tess asks Shirley to go next, and Shirley sits there very still, and then quietly says "Bruno", and for a moment I think that's her just outright refusing to comment on the performance, but it does appear to be genuine confusion over who's meant to go next. Tess of course handles this slip-up with a cool head and professionalism, by which I mean she goes into a flap apologising and then saying that actually Shirley is meant to go first. Bizarrely it's Bruno who ends up getting things back on track by basically going "who gives a shit whose turn it is, I'll go now if the alternative is dead air" and tells Jonnie that he really delivers in the lifts and he had a very nice groove in his upper arms, but it needs to translate down into his hips. Jonnie jokes that he needs some private lessons from Bruno, and Bruno's all "I've cleared my diary for the next two months, call me". Tess, ever the class act, follows this by saying "Shirley, I was right, it was you." Way to throw the new girl under the bus there, Tess. Real fine talk from someone who couldn't tell a cha cha cha from a salsa 60 minutes ago. Anyway, a slightly flustered Shirley gets existential and asks "what is rhythm?" and says that Jonnie had a pulse going in his upper body which was nice, even if it stopped at the waist. Craig would have liked to see him do more salsa, but he thinks he presented Oti well and the lifts were spectacular.
Claudia reminds Jonnie that he didn't like the cha cha cha last week, but says that he looked joyful in the salsa this week, and Jonnie says that he's trying to have fun, even if he hasn't got the whole "hip movement" thing figured out yet. Scores: Craig 6, Darcey 7, Shirley 7, Bruno 7 for a total of 27. The audience doesn't react at all to Craig's score, which is really odd. I think it's fair to say they probably think he scored it too highly, but because they're the audience and their entire job is to go "boo! Hiss! Mean judges!" they don't actually have a way of expressing that so they just keep quiet.
Two couples left and the one in the antepimp slot is Susan and Kevin. Tess is now sat in the audience, trilling at all of the famous faces in the front row: Claudia Fragapane! Kellie Bright! Julien Macdonald! Kimberley Walsh is down there off-camera somewhere! I feel a little bad for the woman sitting to the right (/our left) of Claudia Fragapane, whose obvious non-celebritiness has just been really hammered home to the viewers. (Also I love how the camera operator briefly considers pulling back to get Kimberley in the shot as well and then decides not to bother.) Kellie cheers loudly for Kevin, as you'd expect. Susan really enjoyed Hallowe'en week, even if the judges weren't really feeling it, and vows to never give up. This week they have the jive, and Susan's Lovely Wife Lee comes to watch them training. Lee says that watching Susan jive is utterly joyful, and Susan gives her Lovely Wife the chance to dance with her Dance Boyfriend, and what a heartwarming portrayal of a modern family. (I look forward to the Daily Mail and/or Express informing me for the rest of the week that this was sick propaganda trying to force alternative lifestyles down the throats of ordinary decent god-fearing hard-working poppy-wearing Brussels-hating British folk, of course.)
They're jiving to 'This Ole House', as the theme is of two people doing DIY together before deciding to bin it off in favour of a nice jive. It's actually a much stronger performance than the training footage I saw during the week led me to believe - Susan gets a good amount of bounce action going (as do Kevin's genitals, which appear to be flying around freely underneath those dungarees, may I recommend a jockstrap) and like Lee said, there's just so much joy flying out of this performance. Like Ruth, Susan may not be one of the most naturally-gifted dancers in the competition, but she too is working hard to ensure that nobody can accuse her of not trying her hardest to actually learn how to dance, and I love it. There are a few moments where she could point her feet a bit more precisely, but the infectious energy of the whole thing is hard to argue with. [Loved it. Ruth and Susan are easily my favourite comedy contestants in years - Rad]
Susan's in need of some gas and air by the end of it, it seems. Shirley says that she's got some bad news: she's not going to let Susan paint her house. But she can jive around Shirley's kitchen any time! She was impressed with the slip-kicks hitting Susan's bottom at the back (which I think was something Shirley flagged up fairly recently on It Takes Two, if my memory serves me correctly, so well done whichever teacher's pet in this couple was taking notes at that point, and it could conceivably have been both of them), and she liked how Kevin used the basic choreography steps but still turned them into a fun and entertaining routine. Bruno thinks she didn't just sell the jive, she gazumped it. (Except "gazumping" is a buying thing, rather than a selling thing. /pedantscorner) He thinks she had great rhythm and great timing. Craig says she'll definitely be getting more than a three and it was a vast improvement, but it was still a little bit flat-footed. Darcey says that Susan was pumping out the kicks, and the stamina was great. She also loved Susan's facial expressions throughout, and thinks this is definitely her dance.
Susan's still out of breath in the Clauditorium, but wheezes that the whole point of the show is taking the judges' comments on board and to keep dancing. Claudia's all, "oh, is that why we say it?" Kevin says he's so proud of her for working so hard and being so positive after a couple of weeks of poor comments. Scores: Craig 6, Darcey 7, Shirley 8, Bruno 8 for a total of 29.
Closing the show tonight then are Davood and Nadiya, and it's quite odd to think that Davood's had the pimp slot twice before Gemma/Debbie/Joe have even had it once. Davood loved last week's routine, but not so much the reception it got - however he still came out of it feeling like he had benefited from the experience. This week they have the American Smooth foxtrot, and Nadiya's being the stern taskmaster in training to make sure that he gets his footwork right. Davood acknowledges that it's hard work, but thinks it could look amazing if he gets it right on the night. I make that four out of 10 VTs tonight that actually focused on the training instead of some silly schtick, so the producers are getting a "shows improvement" on their report card this week.
They're dancing to 'This Will Be (An Everlasting Love)', and it's going to be impossible to follow in the footsteps of Dida Ritz, but let's see how they get on. It's no secret that I've not been the biggest fan of Nadiya, her teaching, or her choreography thus far, but credit where it's due: she's absolutely brought it home tonight. Davood looks comfortable and confident out there for the first time all series, he's elegant and dare I say even debonair, the lifts emerge organically out of the choreography (even the one that's basically "lol he can lift me right into the air with one hand on my bum"), there's proper content in there and the whole thing is just perfectly pitched. I actually misted up a bit watching this the second time around because it's an actual proper Moment for Davood which he and Nadiya have clearly worked really hard for, and it's so great to see it come together for them. [Credit due. Not Nadiya's biggest fan, but this really was great. Also, I feel like we need more American Smooths this series, specifically from the female celebs - Rad]
Bruno's on his feet and says they were like movie stars out there, the dashing leading man and his gorgeous leading lady. Tess, incidentally, keeps chiming in over the top of this and I don't quite know why she thinks anyone wants to hear her contributions when the actual professionals are talking. Can we slip the sound mixer a few quid to mute her microphone during the judges' comments next week? I might set up a GoFundMe. Bruno likens it to Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire and, er, The Incredible Hulk (for strength), while Craig says that it could've done with slightly more swing and sway, but he still loved it. Darcey loved the control and the smooth transition, and also clarifies that the technical term is indeed "a bum lift". I feel like Darcey's done better work tonight than she did for series 10 to 14 combined. Shirley thinks he was totally awesome.
Davood, bless him, is so thrilled with how that went that he does little mini fist-pumps all the way up the stairs. Claudia says that Nadiya predicted this would be a breakout dance during rehearsals, and Davood's all "I did not get that memo". Scores: Craig 8, Darcey 9, Shirley 9, Bruno 9 for a total of 35. Davood's little face is an absolute picture at that score, he is so happy. (I realise this entire paragraph probably sounds really condescending, but I mean it all completely sincerely: I'm so pleased that after so many weeks in the wilderness it's all come together for him.)
Final leaderboard:
1. Debbie & Giovanni - 40
2. Alexandra & Gorka - 39
3. Joe & Katya - 36
4. Davood & Nadiya - 35
5. Susan & Kevin - 29
6=. Mollie & AJ - 27
6=. Jonnie & Oti - 27
8. Gemma & Aljaž - 26
9. Aston & Janette - 25
10. Ruth & Anton - 22
Some very interesting things going on there. Aston's vote being put to the test for the first time, and Gemma's too. I feel like I really can't call the bottom two this week: I feel like Gemma might really be in trouble if she's in the dance-off because I'm not sure I see many scenarios where she wins - maybe against Mollie or Jonnie, but both of them got higher scores than her this week and Mollie has the added advantage of potentially being able to show improvement by not tripping second time around. And could Aston maybe genuinely be in danger here too? Surely if he were in the dance-off they'd save him based on previous form if nothing else? Maybe this is the end of the road for Ruth, but then that routine was a real crowdpleaser. It really could go any number of ways, but I feel like we might be in for a genuine shock of some sort in this week's results shows.
We recap the night's events: Alexandra breaking the cha cha cha curse, Mollie's fumbled comeback, Joe's schticky charleston, Gemma's uneven salsa, a rare misfire for Aston, Ruth's perfectly-pitched paso, Debbie's literally perfect tango, Jonnie's nipples, Susan's triumphant jive, and Davood's elegant American smooth. That's it! Join us for the results, where we find out just how popular at least two of the perceived frontrunners actually are...
2 comments:
I've gone off Ruth for claiming on ITT that the fall was unintentional. I suppose it's just about possible that Anton didn't tell her it was coming, but that fooled no-one in our house. Don't people know by now that reality TV contestants do these things to get attention from televoters? It worked! Rad voted for Ruth, so did many more than must have voted for Aston or Mollie.
I guess their commitment to the bit is admirable, but I don't believe a word of it either.
Post a Comment