This week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...

- Kevin's hair seems to be thinning.
- Giovanni is a fan of a showercap.
- The set has had a makeover, including new flooring and an interactive device called SID.
- SID's voice sounds marginally sarcastic.  And it's only one week in - this is not going to end well.
- The caption people are getting all their puns out.  They're going to be struggling by the end if they're not careful.
- Kate and Zoe once bumped into each other on holiday at an airport and Kate hinted back then that she wanted Aljaž.
- Aljaž will not be drawn on whether it was Janette or Giovanni who was responsible for the kiss mark on his neck on Saturday's show.
- Kate doesn't do long hair well. She was meant to wear a long wig for her cha cha cha, but it made her look like "Rod Stewart in drag" and freaked her out.
- Kate is up for wigs in general, though. She's coming for Ruth Langsford's crown!
- Kate and Aljaž spend more time laughing than dancing in training.
- Kate has got the tango this week.
- Ranj injured his groin at the weekend.
- Susannah loves Anton popping out of her legs.
- Hot Greg is back. Hooray!
- Lee is an Eagles thooperfan.
- Lee thought he slipped on Nadiya's dress, but it was a star. It says here.
- Lee's mum Sheila has got bags of personality.
- This week Lee is doing a jive to 'Blue Suede Shoes'.
- A six paddle was held up 23 times on Saturday.
- When you're doing the whisk in the samba, you need to keep your feet on the floor.
- Erin quite likes disco Latin. Et tu, Erin?
- She is, on the other hand, not here for foxtrots that look like American Smooths.
- Erin refuses to believe that Joe is 27.
- The Walsh Snap is all Seann's own work.
- Seann hasn't seen The Bodyguard. Whether he was referring to the film (correctly) or the television series (incorrectly) remains undetermined.
- Seann isn't remotely bothered about "Hairgate" and very much sees Shirley's point.
- Seann has got extremely flat feet, and because of his insoles Katya has to tape his feet into his shoes every day.
- This week Seann has a jive to 'I'm Still Standing', lol whoops
- Erin hates any limb that dangles.
- Erin thought Kate was "very classy".
- Zoe wants to go on a night out with Charles and Karen.
- Karen would've liked more "constructive feedback" from Shirley (apparently "you got the entire thing wrong" isn't clear enough).
- Karen describes Charles's hip action as "intense" and "like a blender".
- Charles is now bringing a Strictly flavour to his CPR work on Casualty.
- Dianne got all emotional at how good Joe got on Saturday because she remembered how crap he was at the beginning.
- In dress rehearsals, you do routines three times in a row, and Joe got hot doing all that dancing in that terrible suit.
- Joe is now a housewives' favourite.
- Joe wants to provide his services to people at weddings. People who need a plus-one, that is.
- Joe isn't sure if his granddad saw him on the show on Saturday because they were quite late in the running order and he thinks his granddad might have fallen asleep.
- Joe is doing a charleston to 'Cotton Eye Joe'.
- Zoe has taken to calling Erin "Boagy".
- Erin is #teamshirley in the battle of Seann's hair as a short back and sides elongates the lines.
- Erin's advice to all of her partners was "no matter what happens, you have to look like the champion".
- Ian straddled a unicorn on holiday.
- Erin had to look up "discombobulated" after Shirley used it.
- Danny seems to have a bowler hat in every colour.
- Danny's dress rehearsal went so badly that he worried it was a "career-killer".
- The practice shoes made Danny's feet swell up.
- Gymnastics is the only thing Danny can remember from school.
- This week Danny is doing a cha cha cha to 'Beggin''.
- Janette knows what Ranj is thinking at all times.
- Ranj thinks salsa and cha cha cha are very similar.  Well they can be on this show, yes...
- Ranj and Janette will be doing a salsa to 'Fireball' this week.
- Ranj wasn't aware of Janette and Jake's salsa.
- Ranj's rehearsal wardrobe continues to impress.
- Ranj's two favourite things are eating and sleeping.
- Ranj is going to be a godparent for the first time.
- Ian cut his holiday short to come back on the show.
- Ian wears formal shoes with no socks, we need to have words.
- Everyone is struggling with body positioning in ballroom this week, particularly when it comes to tucking their bottoms in.
- Katie is feeling positive and optimistic this week. Hooray!
- Katie and Gorka have the paso doble this week and she is getting confused with 'ola' and 'Ole'.  It's easy - one of them likes to do a sexy Starfish and the other winds up people on Digital Spy simply by his presence.
- Vick thinks she needs to be more of a swan and less of a giraffe.
- Ashley accidentally called the Viennese waltz the "Vietnamese waltz".
- Ashley's mum thinks Pasha is hilarious.
- Pasha has de-discoed the choreography for Ashley's cha cha cha after Shirley's comments to Charles and Karen.
- Ashley and Pasha are both fans of a 'booty pop' which appears to be the same thing as a twerk.
- The word incredible is 'incredible' in Italian.
- Apparently Faye's son Benjamin's verdict on her dance was "brava!" (Benjamin is nine.)
- Zoe thinks Giovanni's face is beautiful when he's grinding.
- Zoe thinks Ranj has the best teeth ever.
- Vicky Gill and the team have already had to take quite a lot of the outfits in because everyone's losing so much weight.
- Ashley's top for this week has 500 large gems on it.
- The fashion segment has a new 'colour in the sketch' gimmick.  Although it just looks like they chucked a green filter over a grey pencil drawing.
- Susannah was quite pleased with how her samba went, but would also be quite happy never to see or discuss it again
- Zoe watched Saturday's show on delay and lots of people messaged her to watch out for Anton's trousers.
- Anton would like to argue that their dance was full of pure samba content.
- 'Hold me closer Constantiney dancer' is actually genius, well done caption writers.
- Craig made good on his offer to show Susannah some moves in the bar.
- Susannah's uses the phrase 'Tonya Harding moment' to describe talking back to the judges, and...honestly, I think that would not be the first thing most people would think of when asked to picture a Tonya Harding moment.
- Zoe's son will be old enough to go to university next year.
- Susannah thinks learning a new dance is like being an embryo again.
- Ian likes to circle Ranj's crotch.
- Ashley needs to improve her Cuban breaks.
- Katie's paso face looks a little like petulant teenager right now.
- Kate needs to flick her toe up a bit.
- Ian thinks Seann is too flat-footed.  Bodyshamer.
- Graeme is bored of hearing about Danny Mac.
- Oti knows nothing about cricket.
- Graeme has been thirst-posting on Instagram and has been referred to as a "shock sex symbol" in the papers.
- The cricketing world has been very kind to Graeme about his samba. Stuart Broad sent him a message of support.
- Graeme thinks all cricketers want to do this show.  Not sure how we feel about that, to be honest.
- Graeme's youngest keeps hiding his dancing shoes.
- Graeme has been wrangling with chairs and other props in training.
- Oti has been threatening to force Graeme to maintain his ballroom frame even when he's sitting on the ITT sofa.
- Graeme is confident they aren't going to be first boot.
- The Friday gimmick was to use TOTP-style credits in aid of special guest performer Tiffany, hooray.

- Lauren doesn’t know how good she is, and if we extrapolate from that using One Direction logic, that’s what makes her good.

- AJ reckons he and Lauren are the most competitive couple in Strictly history. Maybe this is because he wasn’t born when Kelly and Brendan were on the show.

- AJ is still quite defensive about almost dropping Lauren on the launch show.
- Johannes is excited to be 'on the best show in the world', but he said this in a pre-record before he didn't get a partner so who knows if he still feels the same.
- He was formerly a pro in South Africa.
- Luba thinks her responsibility this year is different from the responsibility of hanging out in the background and doing a bit of choreography.  Not entirely sure how, apart from having a split-second role in the credita.

- Graziano grew up on a farm.

- This week’s Friday panel is BIGGINS, Gemma Atkinson and Alex Zane. BIGGINS and Gemma were in the jungle together 11 years ago.
- But he is presumably also still biphobic and anti-semitic, so sod giving him any blogspace.

- AJ has got Lauren filming his Instagram stories for him.

- The “Miss Vanjie” meme has now reached Strictly courtesy of Dr Ranj/Miss Ranjie.
- The light tunnel they use in promo footage actually looks really cool.

- Graziano appears to have no arse.

- Vick thinks Graziano is “very compelling”.

- Graziano’s family speak no English.
- Amy has a t-shirt that says “Éternel” on it, she must be so upset she wasn’t on the same series as Louise.
- Getting a spray tan right before you go on It Takes Two is not the best idea.
- Sinitta is a fan of Stacey and Kevin; less of grammar. She also thinks that Stacey is a cockney. (Stacey is from Luton.)
- Stacey thinks she's quite eloquent and getting posher with the years.
- Jason Donovan also loves Stacey and Kevin but only because he heard they were dancing to Kylie and thought it might be 'Especially for You'.
- Kevin and Stacey seem to have some 'Single Ladies' moves in their cha cha cha going on 'demo time'.

- Seann thinks the camerapeople walking around them dancing is really stressful.

- Shirley is trying to justify scoring Ranj so high because something about egg timers apparently.
- Apparently Seann's hair is becoming 'hairgate'.  Crickey, even Jay took a few weeks for it to be a proper storyline and he was a contender.
- Shirley thinks Seann could be the dark horse - like Joe McFadden last year.
- After dancing with Will Ferrel on Graham Norton, Shirley would rate his dancing an 8 (same as Ranj).
- This week's pro dance is a tango-passion F*s**n involving the homoerotic adventures of Neil'n'Kevin, Gorka'n'AJ and possibly also Karen'n'Luba, and the heteroerotic coupling of Dianne and Anton.  Sexy.
- Biggins says that when he watched Vick and Graziano he couldn't tell which one was the pro, which suggests he is the latest in a long line of people to turn up for the Friday panel having not bothered to watch the show first.
- Gemma Atkinson think Oti is 'crazy in the most adorable way'.
- Zoe thinks Graeme is the 'mum crush' of the series even though I thought earlier in the week they said it was Joe.
- Alex Zane thinks Susannah is going home, Gemma refuses to say, Biggins probably still thinks holocaust jokes are acceptable so fuck his opinion.
- Gethin would quite like a piece of Faye.
- Ranj thinks that facing down the elimination is like having to put down your favourite pet.
- Tiffany has a new album out.