This week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...

- James and Nicky were shirtless and comparing pecs last week. I don't know who won, but I counted three pairs of tits.
- Johnny thought he could've won the dance-off, but then he did the worst run of his foxtrot they've ever done. He also tried to wink at Darcey, but missed and winked at Craig instead. I don't quite know how that's possible, but then I'm not 74.
- Craig is a keen gardener. HURR HURR UPHILL GARDENER MORE LIKE etc.
- Karen had been planning a big comeback for her and Nicky this week. Sucks to be her, huh?
- Nicky is one lazy-ass man.
- Richard has kept that dry weave that they glued in to serve as his quiff on Saturday.
- Richard and Erin are doing a quickstep to '9 to 5' this weekend. Well, that answers the "is Erin going to stop gaying it up" question, doesn't it?
- Jerry's posture during her foxtrot would've been acceptable in the 1920s, because that was the style at the time (as long as you tied an onion to your belt). It's not so good nowadays, however.
- Flavia's always wanted to do a fleckerl.
- It's very hard for female pros to save their male celeb partners in a jive if it goes wrong because they spend the whole thing being flung around.
- Ola hasn't smiled all week. Being married to James will do that to a person.
- Ian's Machine now has the ability to put crowns on people.
- Lisa is training in her boots as well. Tsk tsk, naughty naughty.
- Jerry thinks she's Anton's feather boa constrictor. SHUT YOUR MOUTH JERRY, YOU'LL NEVER REPLACE NANCY DELL'OLIO IN OUR HEARTS.
- Colin's Argentine tango is James Bond-themed. I know, you're all so surprised, I really should've made sure you were sitting down before breaking that news.
- Michael doesn't have the natural talent of some of the others. I KNOW, ENOUGH WITH THE SHOCKING NEWS ALREADY STEVEN.
- Brendan has "got on with 70, 80 per cent of my partners". *coughSarahMannersClaireKingBloodyLulucough*
- Victoria can do squats with Brendan on her shoulders.
- Michael learns better when Natalie sings to him. Awww.
- Michael's two goals for the show were to get a seven from Len and to be Brucie's favourite. I think he has very low self-esteem if that's all he's aiming for.
- Denise can hold 19 grapes in her mouth at once. James managed an impressive 32.
- Dani and Vincent's The Wizard of Oz-themed foxtrot will involve live animals. Whether Jodie Prenger was involved in the search for said animals is as yet unconfirmed.
- Pasha's hair is starting to grow out. It's not quite there yet, but it's definitely better.
- Pasha brought Zoe a cake but he eated it :(
- The It Takes Two meerkat predicted Kimberley and Pasha to be top scorers this weekend.
- Dionne Warwick has a new greatest hits album out, with two new songs written by Burt. (That's "Bacharach", in case you were wondering.)
- Rufus Hound has shaved.
- Nancy Dell'Olio is still rarely at a loss for words, even if none of those words seem to fit with each other.
- Dionne Warwick fancies Colin.