This week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...

- Len is annoyed that they didn't call on him when they needed a drunken sailor.  There's a Bruno joke in there somewhere...
- Susanna thinks 'the more you dance, the more energy you get'.  She said this whilst manically cry-laughing.  Susanna may be broken in a different way to Natalie.
- Since their real-life partners are in the final, Karen and Janette have taken to calling themselves “the Desperate Housewives of Strictly”.
- Anya normally agrees with Craig, but not when he said that the paso showed Patrick’s weaknesses. So there.
- Iveta’s favourite routine of the series was ALL OF IVETA’S DANCES. Sorry, that should say “Natalie and Artem’s Viennese waltz”.
- Len thinks it’s always the right four in the final. Quite how this applies to all of those finals that only had two or three couples in, we’re not entirely sure.
- Sometimes Len thinks the Argentine tango is “a bit of a silly dance”. Well, that’s fine because I always think the foxtrot is shit.
- Argentine tango is a social dance that you do in the streets with people you don’t know. FILTHY.
- Zoe thinks Natalie’s used to leading the dance because tall girls always have to be “the boy” in dance classes as a kid. Zoe speaks from experience.
- The judges’ choice dance for Natalie is her cha cha cha from week one. Natalie’s choice is her American smooth, and they won’t be doing more of it in hold because Natalie likes the swooshing and Artem thinks it’s her journey to be conducted as she sees fit. And her show dance is going to be an uptempo version of ‘Steppin’ Out With My Baby’.
- Karen Hardy didn't think Sophie would be in the final because she clearly doesn't read the internet.
- - The prime locations for the microphone packs in a woman’s dress are either just above the ass if it’s backless, or in the boobs.
- Iveta always remembers everybody’s birthdays, while Pasha, Anton and Kristina all have poor punctuality. (So do James and Ola, but they’re given a pass for living farther away than everyone else.)
- Anton thinks he's the most thoughtful dancer.  He doesn't specify what those thoughts entail.
- Abbey had a dream about eating an orange one night.
- Abbey is reprising her waltz and her quickstep. She is desperate to go back and point her toe in her waltz because she knows so much more about dancing now. That’s actually quite sweet. Also, they’re doing their showdance to ‘Sweet Child Of Mine’, and it’s going to be a tango/paso kind of thing.
- Ian Waite is Zoe’s favourite man, apart from her husband and Ryan Gosling.
- Susanna’s show dance is to the Moulin Rouge version of ‘Your Song’ and Sophie’s is Whitney Houston’s ‘I Wanna Dance With Somebody’. Do Brendan and Sophie not know the curse of that song?
- Sophie had a dress malfunction at the start of her paso which she was stuck with for the entire routine. She says that it “made her more cross”.
- The judges have chosen Sophie’s Viennese waltz for her to reprise in the final. Sophie, of course, has chosen the charleston.
- Mel and Gordon got married last week. Gordon wore a kilt. The wedding dance went well.
- The costumes from this year’s show will go on to be used on the French version and then the Lebanese one.
- Sophie Raworth has trained for two marathons with Susanna, and can confirm that she works very hard.
- Tyrone off Corrie doesn't think Natalie on Strictly is like the Natalie he knows. As he twitches and hopes she doesn't hurt him some more.
- Kimberley Walsh thinks it’s really hard when you get one of your biggest scores early on. Quite what she would know about this is anyone’s guess.
- If Abbey wins, Peter Crouch will do the Robot dance. With pain in his eyes. Tyrone from Corrie will do the running man if Natalie wins. Sophie Raworth and Kimberley (supporting Sophie) don't reveal what they will do if their friends win.
- Kevin’s had a lot of messages from salsa dancers this week congratulating him on doing a proper salsa. (Notice they contacted him, not Susanna. Or Abbey, for that matter.)
- Susanna is quite bossy in training.
- People still seem to think that a 10 from Craig is this lofty accolade even after some of the utter shit he’s given a perfect score to in the past.
- Apparently it's OK to call an all-woman final a cat fight.
- Zoe has still got some moves.
- Deborah has now had a dance lesson with her husband. They did an American smooth.
- Ben thinks Susanna is going to win.
- Abbey and Aljaz's dance will be half paso and half tango. Aaaargh! Fusion has snuck in again via the back door!
- It’s hard to point your feet in ballroom shoes because they don’t shape with your foot. Aljaž cannot confirm or deny this, however, because he has never danced in women’s shoes.
- Abbey’s brother calls Aljaž “bro”.
- Artem has returned to week one tan-level for the cha cha cha.
- Artem doesn’t really want to be Rasputin.
- Natalie’s brain is a little bit like a computer, in that she has stored all of her old choreography away in the Recycle Bin. (Or “Empty Trash”, as she called it, which could lead to a hilarious mix-up.)
- Natalie plans to use the tour to wean herself off the drug that is Strictly.
- Artem is happy with just the one glitterball.
- The judges could never have predicted an all female final. They didn't pay much attention to which men had been cast in that case.
- Bruno’s favourite dance of the series was Dave’s cha cha cha. Len’s was Patrick’s charleston AND his quickstep. Darcey’s was Patrick’s American smooth. (Craig was busy doing panto. ) They’re all going to be shit out of luck in the final then, aren’t they?
- Len had very little expectation for Abbey because she’s a tall model girl and “normally they’re never that good”. This from the man who claimed Lisa Snowdon was the greatest female dancer never to win.
- All four finalists don’t mind who wins, they just want to put a good show on. (This is Sophie’s take on the matter, incidentally.)
- People are always stopping Brendan and Sophie and wishing them well, to a level that Brendan has never experienced before on the show. I am SHOCKED that people did not wish Bloody Lulu well.
- People are still coming up to Zoe and telling her they loved her tango all these years later.
- Janet Ellis will be voting for Sophie. That was probably a given, to be fair.
- Sophie’s great-grandmother used to perform the charleston. IT’S IN THE GENES!
- Susanna thinks that whoever was in charge of pairing up the couples is a genius, because they put everyone with exactly the right person. (I would LOVE to hear James Jordan’s feelings on this. Or Aliona’s.)
- Kevin is going to miss everything, even all those Virgin Trains journeys to Manchester. My god, he’s got Stockholm Syndrome.