Jack The Giant Ringer

2014 Christmas Special: 25 December 2014

It's Christmas! (Okay, fine, it's not Christmas when I'm writing this, but it wasn't Christmas when it was filmed either, so I think you can give me that one.) This year's special is pantomime-themed, which means we can expect lots of elaborate set pieces, high-camp villains and the audience booing the fuck out of everything. No, I'm not sure how we're meant to tell this apart from a regular episode either.

We open outside the Palace Theatre in London, where Bruce climbs out of a cab to the cheers of an adoring crowd (which seems to be mostly men, so I assume they're cheering because they felt like having two women present the show was One Feminist Step Too Far or something) and makes his way into the lobby, where Aliona and Joanne are decorating a tree - before being joined by Natalie, Iveta, Robin, Ian, Tristan and Aljaž for a bit of a dance. Aliona swoops over to the side and meets her celebrity for the evening - 2012 champion Louis Smith, who's dressed as Jack (of "and the Beanstalk" fame) and brandishing a glittery axe. Presumably this means he was off somewhere getting wood. The dancers continue up to wardrobe, where 2012 "fan favourite" Lisa Riley is waiting, dressed as Dorothy and ready to be reunited with former professional partner Robin. This, of course, makes him a friend of Dorothy, very clever show, we see what you did there. In one of the other wardrobe rooms, we find 2009 champion Chris Hollins (Dick Whittington) and 2008 runner-up Rachel Stevens (Tinker Bell, and I never even knew that was two words, so I guess I've learned something already), and they are partnered with Iveta and Tristan respectively. Everyone goes down in a lift (STEADY) and makes their way to the stage door, where Aljaž meets his Christmas partner, 2013 finalist Sophie Ellis-Bextor (Sleeping Beauty). With everyone else seemingly partnered up, poor Joanne is just left to frustratedly rub her lamp (*eyebrow*) and out pops official 2011 nuisance Russell Grant as The Genie. So that's our line-up for this year - and while it's a shame not to have any unknown quantities to experience for the first time, I think this is probably better than everybody pretending that the likes of Ronni Ancona, Bobby Ball and Katy Brand are "too busy" to commit to a full run.

Then we cut to the studio, where Tess descends from the ceiling on a hula hoop wrapped in rainbow ribbon, everyone does a quick group dance to 'All I Want For Christmas Is You' and Anton gets literally wheeled on as a pantomime dame on a giant moving platform. We're informed that Bruce is "back for Christmas!" (/allowed back into the studio because it's a pre-recorded show so we can actually afford for him to fluff his lines and do re-takes), and for the first time this year, we see poor Tess have to suffer the leg-up-and-grab move that she's been spared for so long. She doesn't look especially thrilled about it. (Daly Dresswatch: strapless floor-length sequinned gown, not cut terribly flatteringly.) Bruce tells Tess that he's spending Christmas with his entire family, including his identical twin: "the same masculine features, the same dapper moustache...poor Daphne". Oy. I have not missed the Bruce jokes, I really haven't. COME BACK TESS ALL IS FORGIVEN.

Bruce tells us that "six of the best" contestants will be back to perform tonight, and Tess tells us that "a certain showbiz icon" (Bruce) will be treating us to a song and dance. [Merry FUCKING Christmas - Rad] Then he introduces the judges: Darcey, Len and Bruno, who are all dressed up for panto as the Fairy Godmother, Baron Hardup and Buttons respectively. Gosh, but where is Craig? What could possibly have delayed him? Oh, there he is: sweeping in as the Evil Queen (*sigh*) so the audience can shout "he's behind you!" at Bruce. His make-up does look fabulous, though, I will admit that.

So let's meet the stars of our Christmas show: presenter Chris Hollins and his partner Iveta Lukosiute, pop princess Rachel Stevens and her partner Tristan McManus, astrologer Russell Grant and his partner Joanne Clifton, pop star Sophie Ellis-Bextor and her partner Aljaž Skorjanec, actress Lisa Riley and her partner Robin Windsor, and finally Olympic gymnast Louis Smith and his partner Aliona Vilani. Bruce tells them that they're all his favourites, because it's Christmas. He also adds that they're all either winners, runners-up or semi-finalists...except one. Heh. I love it when they remind Russell that for all he likes to sell himself as a "fan favourite", he only made it to week eight. Tess reminds us that there's no phone vote, because this was all recorded weeks ago, so we'll have to trust the judgement of the audience. Do we have to?

Up first are Chris and Iveta. Iveta is dressed as a cat, so I am already more than happy. In his VT, Chris says that he can still remember winning the show as if it was yesterday, and he's very excited to be dancing again. He's been given the charleston to dance tonight, and says that the last time he did it, he got "a full house of 10s" (neat way of sidestepping the mess that was the scoring in the 2009 final, because this show has never needed and will never need five judges - also, I think even Chris knows that the perfect score was basically the judges going "eh, we all know you're going to win regardless of what we think, so let's just act like we approve before it's too late"). He adds that Iveta is not familiar with the concept of pantomime, so he's going to have to teach her about panto while she teaches him the dance (/to dance). To be perfectly honest, Iveta does not seem terribly interested in learning about pantomime. I think she's just gradually processing the horror that despite being promised an actual winner, the reality is not quite what she was expecting. When they've finished their little cultural lesson, Chris mentions that everybody talks about the swimming move from his original charleston, so Iveta "desperately wants" to incorporate it into this one. Hmmm.

They're dancing to 'Sleigh Ride' and I think this routine reveals a lot about how things have changed since Chris won. I will credit him with having good charleston swivel, but so much of the rest of his dancing revolves around gurning, and while I think he had the element of surprise the first time around, we've seen so many better charlestons since then that this just doesn't feel like the crowd-pleaser it once was, even with the swimming move incorporated. It's not terrible, it just feels dated, and I'm pretty sure the other finalists are going to wipe the floor with him.

Bruce welcomes the fabulous singers, Dave Arch, and his wonderful, wonderful orchestra, and turns to the judges. Len says that it was "more fun than roasting your chestnuts on an open fire", and "it's not Christmas without Chris". Bruno says that he's "missed that little face" and asks if Chris has overindulged on the Christmas pudding. Bit rude. He adds that it was "always fun from beginning to end", though. Craig thought it was flat-footed and lacking in swivel, but he's going to overlook that because it's Christmas and he loves Chris's "cheeky nature". Darcey thinks he wasn't as sprightly as he was in 2009 (none of us are, surely?) but he's still "just lovely and cheeky". Important audience sighting: Trent in a brilliant cardigan. [I never cared much for Chris when he was an actual contestant but the judges were so uneccesarily rude to him on this that I felt so sorry for him - Rad]

Chris and Iveta head up to the Tess Circle, where Tess purrs her approval of Iveta's catsuit, and Chris says that that was the whole point - he wanted everyone to be looking at her instead of him. Tess asks him how it feels to be back, and Chris grumbles goodnaturedly about Bruno calling him fat, but says it's fantastic to be back here. He explains the reality of teaching Iveta the swimming move ("Right, you lie down there and I jump on top of you." "...vat?") Tess asks Iveta if she'll be going to pantos every year now she knows what they are, and Iveta stares Tess right down and chirps "he's behind you!" Amazing. Scores are in: Craig 7, Darcey 8, Len 8, Bruno 8 for a total of 31.

Up next, we have Rachel and Tristan. Rachel, of course, was one of the many people who was ROBBED by Tom Chambers in series six, and ever since then she keeps coming back for Christmas specials only to get robbed again. (She once lost to Ali Bastian in a Christmas special. Ali Bastian.) However, like the tiny force of unbridled optimism that she is, Rachel's back and hoping that this will be the time she actually gets to win. Tristan breaks the news to Rachel in training that she'll get to fly in this dance, and Rachel's excited, not realising that in her absence flying has become a sort of Strictly short hand for "this person cannot dance, let's keep them off the floor as much as possible". Rachel tells us that she's had two daughters since she was on Strictly, and I get briefly sidetracked by my fantasies of how amazing it would be to have Rachel Stevens as your mum. I mean, you'd get to tell everyone that your mum made one of the all-time most underrated brilliant pop albums. Sure, she'd have that racist friend who drops around every now and again, but whose mum doesn't? Rachel and Tristan will be doing the Viennese waltz, which Rachel says is always something that she struggled with. (Rachel's score for the Viennese waltz back in series six: 32 in week six, joint second on the leaderboard. OKAY RACH.) Then Rachel brings her daughter in for training to give her some tips on how to be the ultimate fairy. Same she didn't get partnered with Robin, really, then she wouldn't have needed outside assistance. Rachel's adorable daughter Amelie explains that the secret is all about waving your wand and having wings, and then they run around the training room pretending to fly. Bless.

Rachel gets lowered from the ceiling in the giant hula hoop and then she and Tristan dance to 'Please Come Home For Christmas'. It's an enjoyable Viennese waltz, danced well by Rachel, although there are illegal lifts in there for no discernable reason other than to give us all a quick glimpse of Rachel's underwear. Also there's too much fussing around to get her into the hoop at the end, time that could have been spent on dancing - and I'm aware that makes me sound like a grumpy old man, but honestly, if you saw Len Goodman on Room 101 the other night, then you'll know how much worse this could actually sound. (Things Len doesn't like: choice, foreign food, and the metric system, I shit you not.) [Can you IMAGINE if this show was scored in imperial.  Egads - Rad]

Bruno calls Rachel "Tinker Bell of the ball" and "forever young", which I'm sure is music to the ears of Fat Old Chris Hollins up there in the Tess Circle. (It is amazing how Rachel basically has not aged since she was first on the show, though. If she ever releases a skincare range I will be first in line.) Craig tells Rachel that she reminds him of himself: a sweet, innocent beauty, without any need for a scrap of make-up. Heh. He'd forgotten how amazing Rachel's dancing is, possibly because he like Len believes that Lisa Snowdon is the greatest female celebrity dancer never to win the show. Darcey says she couldn't have asked for more, and she really enjoyed those "Tinker Bell lifts", which weren't actually supposed to be there. Len says it was "like a warm hug on a cold Christmas morning" and calls the performance "terrific".

They fly up to the Tess Circle, where Natalie Lowe is now dressed as famous panto character T-Bag for some reason. I don't normally do screengrabs, but look:

God help us all if she ever realises that Sally Simpkins is alive and well and currently the landlady of the Queen Vic. Tess gets all excited about Rachel having "two new additions to the family" since they last saw her, and Rachel admits that she's "been busy", which makes everyone laugh because we all know she's had sex at least twice, the hussy! Rachel says she's loved being back, and doesn't mention the word "rollercoaster" at all, which is a turn-up for the books. Tristan says she's been great to work with and they're "mates now". Scores: Craig 9, Darcey 9, Len 10, Bruno 10 for a total of 38. Well, so much for Darcey not being able to ask for more. Tess tells us that Louis was booing the nines, which I think is possibly the most invested Louis Smith has ever got in this show, including the entire series that he was on.

Bruce now introduces "2011 favourite - not mine - Russell Grant". I am quite enjoying the "for god's sake, go home Russell" subtext of this episode. Bruce says that "as you can see, Russell has been painted blue from head to toe". The camera then cuts to Russell, whose paint-job clearly ends at his jawline. Whoops. In his VT, Russell says that the public's main memory of him is being fired out of a cannon at Wembley. Yep, that's the moment that lingers in my mind, chiefly because it was the week he was eliminated, Hallelujah praise the Lord. However, Russell's own highlights were all the Latin dances - he can't pick between them, possibly because they all looked the same in the end anyway. This time around, he's been paired with poor Joanne (I may not have particularly rated her this year, but she still doesn't deserve this) [I'd like to see her with a good dancer, or even a mid-range one on a JOURNEY, to ascertain whether or not it was just KOMEDY KONTESTANT mania that made her so... so this series - Rad] who will play Aladdin to his Genie, and the two of them will do something vaguely resembling a cha cha cha after she rubs his lamp. Joanne tries to make the best of a bad situation and describes dancing with Russell as "amazing", even though he can't keep the various sections of his dance apart and keeps salsa-ing when he's supposed to cha cha cha. Joanne says that she's had to give funny names to the steps to help him stay on the right track, and somehow I suspect that even that won't get her very far. Joanne just hopes Russell will get it right on the night.

They're dancing to 'Could It Be Magic' (not entirely sure what makes that a Christmas song) and Russell-as-Genie spends about 16 bars being wafted around on his magic carpet [a move last seen being performed by the husk of Ashley Taylor-Dawson - Rad] before he actually does any dancing, which is probably a merciful outcome for us all. There's not really a lot of cha cha cha to speak of, and his timing is fairly dreadful, and frankly the best part of the whole routine is when Natalie appears in a puff of smoke as Princess Jasmine (oh, that's who she's supposed to be) and dances with Joanne in a total Robin-baiting same-sex partnership while Russell goes and has a little Stephanie Beacham-style sit down on his magic carpet. Why couldn't the whole routine have been Joanne and Natalie? That would have been much better.

Craig calls it "wickedly eccentric", and says that he loved the disco diva stuff. Darcey declares it "unforgettable". Len says it was "camp as Christmas" and says that Russell was "like a turkey chasing the stuffing". That doesn't even make sense! Bruno tells Russell that he's always fantastic with his feet in the air, and I'm sure it's not the first time Russell's been told that. Bruce then expresses his own concern about those moments when Russell gets "that look on his face...like he know's what he's doing". Indeed, truly those are the most terrifying moments of all.

Russell and Joanne float up to the Tess Circle, and Tess says that if she had a wish, she'd wish for Russell to be on the show every week. I thought he already was? Tess asks Russell if he's kept up the dancing, and Russell says that he has, because he's been keeping fit and losing more weight. Joanne says that she had three wishes for her partner: to be fun, to be happy and to be enthusiastic, and they were all granted. Scores: Craig 7, Darcey 8, Len 7, Bruno 7 for a total of 29. Russell points out that this is his highest mark ever on Strictly. I hate to break it to you, Russell, but a Christmas score is like a Donny 10: it doesn't count.

Up next are Sophie and Aljaž, and you can tell that Bruce really hasn't missed having to pronounce "Skorjanec" while he's been gone. In her VT, Sophie says that it's lovely to be back on the show, and that Christmas is a big family affair for her. She thinks that Aljaž will make a very charming Prince Charming, so the pressure is on her not to send the judges to sleep with her Sleeping Beauty. Aljaž (wearing a reindeer hat, because reasons) reminds us that last year he and Sophie were rivals, but now they're working together on an American smooth foxtrot. Sophie tells us that this is Aljaž's first Christmas away from his family, so she's bringing a bit of Christmas into the training room to cheer him up: they put a tree up and exchange gifts. She's bought him a novelty Christmas jumper that lights up (which Aljaž is very excited about) and he has given her a coupon for a free dance lesson. Hmm.

They're dancing to 'White Christmas', and the most important thing is that Vicky Gill's Christmas present to us all has been to put Aljaž in white trousers again so we can remember how truly glorious his ass is. As far as the actual dancing goes, it's a lovely, gentle American smooth with some very elegant lifts, and I briefly wonder whether the outcome of series 11 might have been very different if Sophie had been partnered with Aljaž all along, but I don't want to start messing around with history too much in case I create a parallel timeline where That Charleston never existed and everyone just kept gurning through that genre instead. *shudder*

Bruce asks Princess Sophie how long she was asleep for. "A hundred years," Sophie replies, to which Bruce's response is "you must be dying for a grapefruit." Congratulations, writers, I think you have definitely found the most old-man punchline in history. Darcey says that she will "never forget how stylish you are when you come out on that dancefloor all that time ago". Remember kids, this is how Darcey sounds with the benefit of retakes and editing. Yeah. Think about that. She thinks Sophie created a "sweet, stylish American smooth" and it was a pleasure to watch. Len says that it was a classic Christmas song, and a classic American smooth to go with it. Bruno tells Sophie that she dances with style, and it was a magic Christmas treat. Craig calls it "bewitching", with beautiful lifts, and summarises it as "really fantastic stuff". Bruce sends Sophie off to have a grapefruit. Sophie pulls a face that makes it clear she doesn't really care for grapefruit.

Up in the Tess Circle, Sophie dorks that waking up inside the Strictly ballroom is one of the most surreal things she's ever done. Tess asks the former rivals what it's been like to work together, and Sophie says that it's been really nice because they were already friends, and she's very happy to be with Aljaž if she can't be with Brendan. Tess asks Sophie what it would be like to win, and Sophie says that although she came here for fun, "if you give it to me, I won't give it back". Hee. Tess asks what it was like to go back into training, and Sophie says that she basically made all the same mistakes, and Aljaž told her all the same things that Brendan did, so she figures she must have just remembered all the wrong stuff. God, I love Sophie. WHY DIDN'T SOPHIE WIN? Scores: Craig 9, Darcey 10, Len 10, Bruno 10 for a total of 39. Tess points out that this equals Sophie's best ever score on the show, and Sophie mock-protests that she didn't get 40.

Our penultimate couple for the evening is Lisa and Robin. In her VT Lisa says that Strictly is the best thing that ever happened to her, and she also got her best friend Robin out of it [I feel it's at the stage where someone needs to stage an intervention and rescue Robin from her as it's all got a bit Stickholm Syndrome.  And I don't even much care for Robin - Rad]. Now I'm picturing Lisa, Robin and Marcus Collins all hanging out together, and thinking how that is a party that I am quite happy not to receive an invite to. Her favourite moment was doing the splits at Wembley, and she's happy to be back with Robin doing what they do best: filming obnoxious segments for It Takes Two that feel like they go on for hours. Sorry, that should be "bringing that bundle of fun that we always have been straight to the dancefloor". In training, it all comes flooding back to Robin that Lisa is incredibly bossy and refuses to be led (BEST FRIENDS!), so he brings in a pantomime horse costume. Apparently being a horse's ass will help her to learn to follow properly. Robin claims that wearing the costume helped to get the two of them in synch (although the filmed evidence...suggests otherwise) and Lisa says she just wants to get out there and make people smile.

They open their jive to 'Step Into Christmas' with Lisa on the stairs, dressed as Dorothy, clicking her heels and lisping "there's no place like Strictly" in a baby voice. I have genuinely not been this freaked out by an adult dressed as a child since Coco Montrese on season five of RuPaul's Drag Race. As well as Robin as the Tin Man, Lisa also briefly as Ian as the Scarecrow and Natalie as the Cowardly Lion, and I'm quite sad they're not around for longer - mostly because the routine is the usual bunch of Lisa 'n' Bobby tricks, like him doing all the bits that you'd normally expect the woman to do, and because Lisa's footwork is really leaden. It ends with Lisa doing a forward roll and giving the camera a thumbs-up. Lisa Riley is 38. [I HATE that Natalie and Ian only get to be prop dancers.  Stupid show - Rad]

Len says that it's not Christmas if you don't see a Robin, and says that the routine was "great fun, lovely dancing, well done". Bruno says that Lisa doesn't just perform, "she explodes on stage". Yes, whether she's meant to be there or not. Sounding like he's giving a quote for her panto poster, he adds that you can rely on Lisa for festive fun for everyone. Craig snarls "I'll get you my pretty, AND YOUR LITTLE DOG TOO!" at her, and people boo like he actually meant it, and this is the audience that is going to pick our winner tonight, good grief. He says it's fantastic to have her back (like Russell, I wasn't particularly aware that she ever left) and he's missed her "energy and commitment". Darcey finishes off by saying that Lisa "brought the dancefloor alive".

LISA AND BOBBY BEST FRIENDS 4EVA make their way up to the Tess Circle where they get showered in gold confetti. Tess asks them what it's been like being back together, and Lisa says it's like nothing's changed and that they could have just done it in the living room. I think many of us would have been more than happy with that. Scores: Craig 8, Darcey 8, Len 8, Bruno 8 for a total of 32. That is apparently Lisa's joint highest-ever score, along with her foxtrot.

Rounding off the performance part of the show, we have Louis and Aliona. Bruce tells us that Louis will be introducing a pantomime cow in his routine, and once again I am saddened by the total lack of respect that this show affords Aliona. The show makes the mistake of saying what an important year 2012 was for Louis, because winning Strictly was basically the third best thing that happened to him that year, after the two Olympic medals and the MBE. It's not the best advert for your brand, is it? Louis says that he misses Strictly all the time (but probably most when he had to be a judge on Tumble for six weeks in the face of widespread public indifference). His favourite memories from the show are his charleston and doing the Dirty Dancing lift in his salsa, and being a previous winner, he doesn't want to let himself down tonight. Louis will be doing the quickstep, which he never actually did in his original series, so Aliona has a bit more teaching to do than some of the other pros. Louis says that he struggles remembering to smile while he's dancing, and Aliona offers to help him by bringing in a panto dame to create the atmosphere. Louis does not look impressed when "Dame Dotty Trotty" turns up to assist, although the good dame does appear to get some actual expression out of his face in their short workshop together, so all's well that ends well say I.

They're dancing to some horrible Bublified version of 'Jingle Bells', and it's a lively quickstep, though I'd say his frame is a little bit loose. It's perhaps a bit sloppy about the edges, but it's enjoyable and very energetic and there's enough going on at all times to ensure that your attention doesn't wander away, with some nice gymnastic tricks thrown in for good measure.

Bruno tells Louis that he pushed all the right buttons and jingled all the right bells. Craig calls it "fab-u-lous!" ("Fab-u-Louis", surely?) Darcey calls it "amazing", and Len finishes off by saying that he agrees with Craig for once, before pretending that he's going to get up and show Louis how to do a cartwheel properly. Yikes.

Louis and Aliona climb up to the Tess Circle, where Louis says that Aliona has been working very hard. He adds that he messed his quickstep up last time (while he didn't do an actual quickstep, he did a quickstep-based American smooth at Wembley), so it was good to have a chance to come back and correct his mistakes. He tells Tess that the backflips were in there just in case he messed the rest of it up. Tess asks if it's competitive behind the scenes, and Louis says that apart from Chris having a few digs at everyone (JUST JOKING TOP BANTS etc), it's all very harmonious. Scores: 10s all round for a total of 40.

Christmas leaderboard, then:

1. Louis & Aliona - 40

2. Sophie & Aljaž - 39

3. Rachel & Tristan - 38

4. Lisa & Robin - 32

5. Chris & Iveta - 31

6. Russell & Joanne - 29

No ties. How novel. After a quick recap of the evening's performances, Tess welcomes "the ultimate Christmas cracker" to the floor, because it's time for Bruce to arrive and speak-sing his way through 'Winter Wonderland', accompanied by Natalie, Joanne, Iveta and Aliona as his dancing girls. Point of interest: Aliona only looks fractionally less comfortable dancing with Bruce than she did with Gregg Wallace. Also, Natalie is called upon to give him an Eskimo kiss which so alarms Bruce that he stops the song there and then - if only we'd known that years ago, think of the pain we could've spared ourselves. [My dad beat me to the loo during this, so I had to actually endure it.  I'm such an amateur - Rad]

As per the terms of her contract, Tess declares that Bruce has "still got it!" before joining the class of 2014, who are in the audience. If you'd like to read anything into the seating arrangements, as far as we can discern them from this camera set-up: Alison, Kristina, Simon, Judy, Tim, Mark and Karen are in the front row, Brendan, Sunetra, Gregg, Steve, Thom and Trent are in the third, and Jake is several rows behind. (Apparently Jake and Sunetra were doing It Takes Two the day this was filmed, which may explain this.) Tess explains that this lot have been spreading some Christmas cheer, which involved Alison, Aljaž, Anton and Joanne going to the Sunrise Residential Home to treat the residents to a Strictly tea dance. In a segment clearly filmed separately, Frankie says that she is looking forward to it, and thinks that if the residents are anything like her granddad, they'll be well-up for some dancing. Judy speaks to a woman who is 94, a sprightly old man offers to try and lift Frankie, Janette speaks to a woman who explains that you went to tea dances to find a boyfriend, Kevin hands around some mince pies, one resident tells Frankie and Kevin about dancing with his wife and Frankie has a bit of a cry. Then Aljaž and Joanne do an American smooth for everyone, while Judy seeks out 92-year-old Renee, who's "the queen of this place" and fist-bumps her. Alison says that some of the residents really know their stuff, and Joanne says that her current partner is better than Anton. Jake says it's been great to recreate the atmosphere from their youth, and the residents of the Residential Home wish us all a very merry Christmas.

And now it's time to reveal the results. After a quick reminder of what the judges said about each couple, the Christmas champions of 2014 are...

...Louis and Aliona! So they take home their second trophy each, while Rachel and Sophie sadly go home empty-handed once again. Tess asks Louis how it feels to be the Christmas champion, and Louis says that it's "a nice present" and they've had a really fun time together. 

To round things off, we have the big finale to this year's panto: Strictly Cinderella, with Natalie Lowe as Cinders - an apt piece of casting for several reasons. Fairy Godmother Darcey arrives to allow Cindernatalie to go to the ball, where her prince is Ian Waite in some very tight trousers. Wicked Queen Craig interrupt the party to try on the shoe that will tell the prince the identity of his loved one (hang on, this plot is all back-to-front), and perches in the throne with one leg over the side, looking uncannily like Dr Frank N. Furter. Bruno Buttons attempts to remove Wicked Craig's shoe without success, and then once they give up, Baron Hardlen kicks them out so Natalie can take her rightful place on the throne and wear the shoe, and dance with her prince to 'I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday' while all of this year's Christmas contestants parade around them.

Once it's over, Bruce plugs his new show Bruce's Hall Of Fame, and then it's all over for another year. Now, when do the casting rumours start for Strictly Come Dancing 2015?