This week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...

- Zoe still has nightmares about Russell Grant. Don't worry, Zoe: so do I.
- They've got A NEW SET!!! I bet Claudia's kicking herself for not coming back.
- A complication with the lift in Saturday's pro dance rehearsal involved Ola kicking James in the face.
- Kids love Strictly, and kids love Dani Harmer. That's an excerpt from the forthcoming self-help book All That Muckin' Abahht: Len Goodman's Guide To Parenting.
- Anton deliberately choreographed a content-free cha cha cha for Jerry to allow her to go out on the dancefloor and get it done and build up her confidence. Yeah, Brendan.
- Bill Wyman chose the music for Jerry and Anton's routine last weekend. So at least now we know who to credit for the "my baby couldn't do the cha cha cha" in-joke.
- Someone appears to have kidnapped Artem and replaced him with a compliant robot lookalike.
- According to Karen Hardy, Victoria needs to think "Brendan is my bicycle".
- Lisa Riley's working on Waterloo Road again. Oh no, LOOK OUT SCOUT!
- Sid Owen still has those ridiculous hipster glasses. ♥
- Ola spends most of her rehearsal time with Sid telling him to get away from her. Well, she did have Paul Daniels as a partner two years ago; old habits die hard.
- Denise would've preferred Brendan as a partner.
- James has choreographed a cartwheel for Denise's jive, presumably on the basis that it worked so well for Gabby Logan.
- It is genuinely impossible to determine who out of Ian and Karen has the worst intro VT for their regular segments. Karen's looks like a post-apocalyptic horror movie; Ian's looks like something off CBeebies.
- Ian will be getting his wand out every Wednesday and waving it around.
- Kimberley is training in Uggs, just like Chelsee did last year. We've no idea what it is about Pasha that makes his partners so resistant to proper training shoes, so answers on a postcard please.
- Darcey's favourite routines are the Argentine tango and the salsa. She likes party dances. SEXY PARTY dances, no doubt.
- The BBC is the most organised company Iveta has ever worked for. As a former BBC employee myself, I can only assume the BBC is the only company Iveta has ever worked for.
- Johnny and Iveta had to change the first quarter of their cha cha cha routine after the studio rehearsal on Friday before their performance on Saturday.
- Iveta thinks Johnny has a gentleman inside of him. I imagine this was quite a shock for Zoe.
- Aliona has been told to rest for four more weeks, and then she can come back to the show.
- Colin Salmon is 50 years old. No, that's not a typo.
- Kimberley is struggling with brain space at the moment. Like when she took that home wine-making course and forgot how to drive!
- Denise suffered whiplash rehearsing for her jive. And she wasn't even dancing with Erin!
- "The Tweeters" have named Kimberley and Pasha "Pasherley". I really wish they hadn't.
- Victoria tried to be like Grace Kelly, but all her looks were too sad, so she tried a little Freddie, mmm - she's gone identity mad!
- Erin thinks there's never been a hugely camp waltz in all ten seasons. This suggests to me that she's not completely familiar with her own work.
- Victoria hasn't watched her cha cha cha back since Friday...until she was pretty much forced to on It Takes Two. Unsurprisingly, she didn't enjoy it very much.
- It Takes Two want us to stage our own recreations of iconic dances. I'm going for Matt Di Angelo's foxtrot. Specifically, the end of it.
- Kimberley's overall strategy is to cling on to Pasha and hope for the best. Hey, mine too!
- It Takes Two's mystic meerkat Jimmy thinks Sid and Ola will be top of the leaderboard this weekend.
- Karen Hauer is now claiming the lift was a "jump". Oh Karen, just let that one go now. It's a fight you aren't going to win.