This week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...

- Janette took a knock to the nose during the pro routine and bled all over Artem's chest.
- James and Pasha are feeling threatened by the new boys who are 'much younger' than them.  By which I presume they mean Aljaž who is 23 to their "35" (which is the even more amusing "33" according to the Strictly website.  Whatever, James) and 33, rather than Kevin who is... 31 next week.
- The sight of Pasha in a dressing gown is surprisingly easily ruined when the camera pans down to reveal he's wearing black socks and formal shoes.
- Sophie had some awesome two-tone eyeshadow on at the weekend that we didn't get to see in its glory... until now!
- Vanessa's make-up last weekend was meant to be an attempt at youth and virginity.
- The studio they film in has a purple sparkly exterior.
- Len thinks it's simple to do Strictly - you just need great performances and technique.  THANKS LEN.
- Aliona's ever-changing hair remains a mystery as it now seems half-way between red and blonde and halfway between short and long.  WHAT IS THE TRUTH?
- Aliona thinks "we" accomplished "our" goal and "we" are very pleased.  The goal being a first boot, that is.
- Tony's wife Astrid wants to go to dance classes with him now, so he's going to keep it up.
- Chris Parker began life as a model.  Not began his career, or fame, but began life itself.
- Ashley is tipping on style, which Craig is delighted with.
- Dave is Craig's new BFF offstage.  The race to be the star of Strictly Confidential 2 hots up!
- Julien did the most training out of anyone last week. Poor Janette.
- You have to be good at the technical side of dahnce to get more than 6 from the judges.  Except Darcey.  Or Len.  Or Bruno when he's having one of his turns. Or Craig if you just happen to be one of his random favourites.
- Zoe seems to have stopped calling Kevin from Grimsby Kevin from Grimsby.  This makes my Grimbarian heart break a bit.
- Susanna puts the "go" in "tango" and Kevin puts the "tan" in it. Although who puts the tan on Artem is really the bigger question here.
-When Kevin from Grimsby is nervous, his heart beats like a rabbit.
- Kevin from Grimsby's Len impression is almost spot on.  He just needs to shout about SPORTSMEN a bit more. We're not quite sure why his Darcey sounds German, though.
- Craig is having a hip operation but once that's over, he'll do some dancing on the show, pinky swear.

- Julien does not think that all the hours he spent in training last week paid off.

- Julien has trouble telling his heels from his toes and his shoulders from his elbows. That's rather worrying, considering his day job.
- Whatever attacked Ola's hair at the weekend seems to have got Khoreography Karen too.

- Khoreography Karen thinks Brendan is out to be the first pro to win twice. Well, ha-duh.

- One thing Karen teaches her students is "if in doubt, stick 'em out". I know a few people who got very far in life with that motto.

- Rachel is eating dark chocolate with chilli to spice up her Latin.

- Rachel really loves training. We're sure that has nothing to do with being stuck in a room with Pasha Kovalev.
- If you've got Grace Kelly, you should be showing her off on the dance floor.  Though she might smell a bit and put the audience off their tea, Khoreography Karen.

- Mark plans to ignore the scores and listen to the comments. Sensible chap.

- Iveta sings a lot during rehearsals. Her rendition of 'All By Myself' is really quite something.
- Ben is a bit stiff in rehearsals for his rumba.  Insert your own joke about Anton - I'm off to buy more brain bleach.
- Brendan Cole has his own dictionary of DAHNCE.  Unlike Karen's, it is not food related.
- Vanessa only does heel leads when out of hold with James.
- Dave is Karen's hairy beast and can't be tamed.
- The way Zoe says Dave and Karen sounds a bit like David Cameron and made me momentarily worried about this show.

- Robin's technique for getting Deborah to pull herself together is to tell her that he'll pull the problematic parts out of the routine. Apparently that motivates her to get it right much faster.

- Robin doesn't think anyone's ever seen him cross. We certainly haven't, but we bet it's adorable when it happens.

- Deborah is not really a smoochy person.

- Mark and Iveta are hoping to look more classy this week. Yeah, well, it's love week, so good luck with that.

- Natalie gets really tense really quickly.

- Natalie is an incorrigible giggler.

- Rachel has kicked Pasha a few times in training for the cha cha cha. BE CAREFUL WITH HIM, RACHEL - YOU ARE HIS CARETAKER FOR THE NEXT GENERATION.

- Artem requested a pastel colour for Natalie's rumba dress, so she's got peppermint.

- Sophie's going to have a multicoloured samba dress, inspired by her eye make-up from last week.
- Vicky from wardrobe likes Dave the best.  This caused Zoe to dress her down for not being properly BBC.
- The Viennese Waltz is making Susanna dizzy.
- Good news, armpit watchers!  Kevin from Grimsby seems to have invested in a better antiperspirant

- Abbey would like us to know that she "did not have a cob-on" at the end of her dance last week. Unlike Anton, EH LADIES?

- Aljažž is still learning the name of that river in Liverpool. The Meddey? The Medley? You know, that one.

- Aljaž supports Barcelona FC, or Stoke City, depending on whether you believe him or Abbey.

- Ashley and Ola missed a day of training this week because she was ill. But she's fine now, don't worry.

- It's Ola and James's 10th wedding anniversary on Saturday. D'awww.

- Ben's bottom served him well in his sporting days. Make of that what you will.

- Before they went on last week, Patrick told Anya he'd forgotten his routine.

- It was Fiona's birthday on Thursday. It's been a big week, hasn't it?

- Nancy Dell'Olio is still as spectacular and wonderful as ever. Can she come back for an all-stars series soon please?
- Not only has Matt Goss's singing voice gone to pot, he can seemingly only talk in a whisper these days.

- Lionel Blair's favourites are Natalie, Abbey and Susanna, but he can't remember Natalie's name.

- Nancy's favourite dances were tango and paso doble. SHE WAS THE CAPE!!!!!!!
- Zoe prefers to prefix Meat Loaf's name with the definitive article.
- Matt Goss thinks being graceful 'could be a good thing or could be a bad thing'.  Thanks, Matt Goss!

- Lionel Blair thinks that if you trust your professional partner, they will get you out of trouble. Nancy thinks "not always".

- Brendan has been eliminated on a samba three times. NO PRESSURE SOPHIE!