This week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...

- Vanessa's knickers started falling down during the first rehearsal for her dance on Saturday, so she didn't wear any during the second rehearsal. James looks like he may never recover from this revelation.

- In honour of Love Week, James was sent out to get as many people as he could to kiss him. Two of the people he managed to kiss were Artem and Pasha. Lucky swine.

- The quickstep is quick and has a lot of steps, but there are no foxes in the foxtrot.

- Vanessa has been teaching James long words like "mellifluous" and "contiguous".
- Rav Wilding still exists.  Who knew?

- Craig is going on a cruise on Tuesday.

- "Spatulistic" is not in the dictionary yet, but "armography" is - in the Macmillan one, anyway.

- Patrick falls over a lot. How he's never been in Miranda is beyond us.
- Patrick has rhythm (DRINK!). He also doesn't appear to be able to do his belt up.

- Zoe has a crush on Ashley. She whispered this to Craig when she thought she wasn't on the air. She was on the air.

- Julien thought Len had picked up the wrong paddle when Len gave him a seven. Len's got previous, so we weren't quite so surprised.

- Julien's farts are really smelly.

- Susanna has the highest score for a Viennese waltz this early in the competition. (Counterpoint: they've only been doing them this early for two years.)

- Kevin's Artem impression is quite good.

- The slower the music, the harder it is to do a good samba.
- The Strictly audience love a mistake.  This explains why...
- ...The 'British nation' are going to be picking up their phones for Dave.
- It is difficult to teach 'hands' to men.
- Every week's a different dance.  Thanks Abbey!
- As soon as Aljaž sees a wall, he has to sit down.

- Abbey squeaks when she dances. Some of the spray-tan budget may have to go on a can of WD40.

- Fiona felt more like Matthew Kelly than Grace Kelly on Saturday. Should've paid more attention when she was shaving.

- The most difficult thing about this show is doing it on Saturday nights. They've had to work out a sex schedule.

- Fiona drinks a lot of tea.

- Ian can do a développé.

- Ben and Kristina's training seems to mostly involve her shouting the names of body parts at him.

- Iveta's goal was to show Mark's comedy and acting skills in one dance and his technique in another.

- Iveta did a whole number in a harness in the Dancing With The Stars Vegas show.

- Sophie fell over twice during her samba dress rehearsal.

- Brendan can get quite…swishy during training.

- Sophie's gran's name is Sybil and she's going to be in the audience on Saturday. Clearly Sophie means business if she's getting her nans out.

- Rachel's original plan was "hang on to Pasha and see what happens". Hey, that was my plan too. At least until the restraining order arrived.

- Pasha's real name is Pavel. MY WHOLE LIFE FEELS LIKE IT HAS BEEN A LIE.

- Rachel isn't entirely sure what a bionic bum is, but she fell on it and it feels nice and soft.

- Fiona and Anton are planning a fun rumba. A fumba.

- Natalie is struggling with a back injury and has to go to the doctor.

- Susanna and Kevin's samba will have an Indiana Jones theme.

- Ben's outfit for the weekend involves velcro. Egad.

- Mark will be wearing Hammer pants in his cha cha cha.

- Dave is trying to live the attitude of the waltz all week, and he's wearing a suit to improve his posture.

- Ashley talks in baby voice quite a lot. He is 31.

- Ashley cannot say fleckerl. (This may be connected to the above issue.)

- Deborah is not tactile and does not like being up close in someone's face. Naturally, Robin is now trying to make her look into his eyes as often as possible.

- Deborah's jive no longer looks like a morris dance. At least according to Deborah and Robin, who may not be the most independent of witnesses.

- Natalie's on lots of painkillers and has had an epidural, and now she's allowed to dance on Saturday. Hooray!

- Natalie's dance involves using canes. This will be handy in case her back goes out again mid-dance.

- Lucky the It Takes Two mutt thinks Deborah and Robin will be top of the leaderboard this week.

- BIGGINS is threatening to take part eventually. Please God, NO.

- Harry was not allowed to dance to McFly when he was on the show.
- BIGGINS wants Sophie to win, Jenni Falconer wants Susanna, and Tom McFly wants Deborah. YEAR OF THE WOMAN!