No Fox(trots) Given

Week 8: Top 9 Perform - 11 November 2017

Last week! We were truly spoilt for drama with both our first 40 of this series and our first SHOCK!BOOT as well as the latest in Anton’s campaign to demolish the entire Latin canon. Tonight! It’s the best of all the theme weeks - Week before BLACKPOOL Week. Which means I have to recap both this and BLACKPOOL Hangover Week, thank you Steve. [Yeah, sorry about that. Entirely unplanned, I swear. - Steve]

Cue credits! Pasha looked like he checked out from the very start, in hindsight.

Tess and Claudia enter on the arms of Giovanni and Kevin. Daly dresswatch: white, with some weird slittage going on and an uncomfortable gap in the midriff that makes even Tess’s slim stomach look a little chubby. What Winkleman’s wearing: a black trouser and blouse - it's OK. We also get our first glimpse of this week’s celebrity audience - including previous winner Caroline Flack and pretty much nobody else of note. [Major burn on Vincent, ouch. - Steve] Tess and Claudia remind us that BLACKPOOL is coming up and jokes that last year they said the word BLACKPOOL 283 times and this year they’re trying for the record of saying it 300 times. I can’t work out whether it’s cute or annoying that the show is this self-aware.

Cue the judges - each entering individually this week: Darcey, Bruno, Craig and Shirley. Darcey is in a red dress with slashes up the side that looks rather risqué - I love this new saucy Darcey we’re seeing. Shirley is in a white lacy dress patterned with black sequins and Craig has a purple tie replete with tie pin, whilst Bruno is wearing a black velvet jacket.

Our couples enter: Ruth and Anton; Davood and Nadiya; Mollie and AJ; Gemma and Aljaž; Debbie and Giovanni; Joe and Katya; Susan and Kevin; Jonnie and Oti; Alexandra and Gorka. Blimey, that was a lot easier than the last time I had to do this. The jigging along to the theme tune seems to have improved in the last couple of weeks as well, with only Ruth not bothering to even vaguely attempt any kind of motion and I like to think that’s less a case of willing and more a case of ability.

First tonight are Susan and Kevin, looking rather traditional with him in full bow tie’n’tails and her in a sparkly red dress with a red flower in her hair. Now on It Takes Two, we’ve been promised a set of VTs that are purely training footage, so let’s see how that goes, shall we? Theirs features both of their hair flopping about uncomfortably and deciding that they’re going to do their tango seriously, with Susan trying to pull an intense face. In their training footage, she is wearing stripy socks and the ubiquitous lip print heels. Now, these heels being used by all the female celebs has been a major talking point on It Takes Two in terms of Zoe noticing them at least, but I feel we’re overdue the actual story of them. Are they genuinely a kind of Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants type single set of shoes (meaning that all the female celebrities somehow magically have the same sized feet) or, as I suspect is more likely, did wardrobe just get a job lot of them from Wynsor’s World of Shoes’ £1 bargain bin?

For all that this has been promoted as their first serious dance, it’s still a tango being done to Katy Perry’s 'Firework' (a week too late, surely?). Her footwork isn’t bad, although she does look terrified most of the time rather than moody. Her framing is still not particularly elegant, but I kind of feel that maybe she just isn’t capable of that, due to a combination of height, weight and personality. The set is covered in sparkly fake trees, which are little distracting, possibly deliberately so? Also the singing? Sounds as you might imagine. It ends with a very dramatic pose’n’hug. Overall, a solid but unremarkable piece of dance then, and perhaps a little boring compared to what we’ve seen from them in previous weeks, which could be interesting in terms of whether or not their vote will drop.

Over with Tess, Susan is crying and trying to catch her breath. It’s always the dances you least expect that do this to them, isn’t it? Tess introduces us to Dave Arch, the band and our singers: new girl Tori, Lance, Andrea and Tommy. Are Hayley and New Boy Jamie together somehow? And is that place more fun than this one? If the show hires more than four singers at once would it bring down the whole BBC in a new expenses scandal?  Or is it just that there isn’t room for more than four in that tiny orchestra pit? [I think you've just storylined the entire next series of W1A. - Steve]

Shirley says she’s used to seeing Susan in a comedic role and then goes on to list the themes of their previous dances. She says that tonight Susan brought it, remembering every step and whilst she still needs to work on her frame, Shirley can see the real progress from week 1 to now. Bruno says she he loved how she channels the dramatic persona and felt it was like watching Suranne Jones in Doctor Foster. Susan pulls an ‘is that meant to be a compliment?’ face, which I fully understand - either you’re being lauded as a great dramatic actress, or you’re being called batshit crazy. Mind you, it is Bruno, so both are probably A-OK in his world. Bruno says she did every step at the right time, placed her heel correctly and what a way to improve. Craig says her posture is the thing that lets her down, which the audience boo, but Susan pulls a ‘yes, that’s fair, come on, even I know my frame sucks’ face. He said her face looked in pain, but he loves the serious side of her. I think that just means he likes seeing you in pain Susan, I wouldn’t take it as a compliment. Darcey says that once you get too emotional, the frame can slip, so Susan needs to keep her focus all the way through, but she’s done a much better job.

In the Clauditorium, we learn that they’ve been dancing in a car park. Wasn’t that their first VT? There really are no new stories with these two, are there? Scores: five, six ('much better', Darcey?), eight, eight for a total of 27. Kevin is very happy with the two eights, Susan looks a little disappointed with the five and six. Personally I would say it was a 6/7 so overall that score doesn’t feel too out of whack even if some of the individual elements that comprised it do. 

We are reminded that BLACKPOOL is next week and everyone starts to wave streamers about. Pasha, Neil and Brendan are doing their usual naughty trio antics - had you told me before the series that those three would become the closest thing to LADZ BANTER this show has ever had (which, to be clear, is still a million light years away from your typical BANTERLOLZ thank god) I don’t think I would ever have believed you.

In the death slot, it’s not Jonnie and Oti, even though it probably should be after he’s been late on nearly all the time, but Joe and Katya, which demonstrates how much faith they must have in his rumba. Their training footage did look like a complete car crash during ITT and doesn’t appear to be much better in this VT.  Oh well, perhaps it will look better on the actual dancefloor.

They are dancing to the Mary Blige version of ‘One’, with a large chunk of the opening verse absent. Joe’s in sleek black, whilst Katya is in a very raggedy nude colour dress.  This is actually nowhere near as bad as I was expecting-in fact, it’s pretty solid for a bloke rumba even if he does look a bit constipated throughout. He is having a really decent go at doing some of the shaping in his body. His hands are a complete state though.  God knows what he’s doing with them but they’re giving Craig an ample opportunity to get out his spatulistic word, if nothing else. A pleasant surprise there - this partnership seems to really be working. Having been on the fence about Katya last series, I’m enjoying a lot of what she’s bringing this time round. [I, unfortunately, find my tolerance for Katya's personality waning with each passing week. - Steve]

Tess reminds us that rumba is DIFFICULT FOR MEN. Bruno says he’s a sensitive lover with a caring touch, 'which you won’t find in Magaluf, Craig' (although he pronounces it Mega Loof, which sounds more like a bargain bathroom supplies outlet). Bruno praises him for correct placing and a great shape, but says his hands need to carry on the movement as they felt really odd throughout. Craig says it was a little bit juttery on dancing through the four-one, and his feet were a little bit parallel rather than turned out, with some pigeon-toed moments, but he says he hasn’t seen many celeb men do it well. Can we just put an end to this lie? Look over your statistics - men generally do as well as women and in the last couple of series have tended to be higher scorers - look at the scores you gave Danny, Ore and Jay, for example. FFS. [Also this is entirely anecdotal but in my limited experience of learning ballroom and latin dances, the rumba was the one I found easiest, SO THERE. - Steve] Anyway Darcey says there was a nice resistance between them and a good sense of balance in his legs, with him giving fabulous lines. Shirley says he is still the 'dark horse'-as with our comments on Gemma a few weeks ago, can he really be classed as dark horse given he was the second celebrity to earn tens and he’s got into a nice routine of nines and tens recently. Especially with Aston gone, surely he is the closest thing to a male front runner they have? Also, she thinks he did an exquisite job, but I’m too annoyed by the dark horse comment to care. If anyone’s a ‘dark horse’, surely it’s Davood, anyway, with his unexpected comeback narrative. 

Up to the Clauditorium they bounce, and Katya seems ecstatic by how that went, which I’m guessing is much better than in any rehearsals. Joe says he’s learned not to hate it. Scores: seven, eight, nine, nine, which both of them seem a little surprised with, for a total of 33. Katya and Claudia lie that this is a really difficult score for a male celebrity to get. No, no it isn’t.

Ruth and Anton now and they are not doing party Latin so I’m much less invested and in them this week.  And to think, they could be putting the nails in the coffin of cha cha cha (the second time Anton would have put Latin in a coffin for the sake of this show). Apparently they’re doing a dance called the slow foxtrot - since when was it called that in this show, not just foxtrot? [Dunno, but it was always called "slow foxtrot" when I was learning it. - Steve]Their VT shows Ruth struggling with her frame and saying this is the most difficult dance she’s done. Bodes well.  God, these training VTs are glum as fuck tonight.

They are wearing glam outfits – although Ruth’s dress is a mismatch of three separate ones – a lacey front panel, a striped sparkly arms and side panel with gold, silver and black stripes a white and black striped skirt which looks a little like a circus tent. Her hair is done up in an elaborate pile on her head (I’m sure there is a technical term for this, but as I only have three variations on my own hair - straight aka could be bothered drying it, wavy aka couldn’t be bothered drying it and in a ponytail aka couldn’t be bothered washing it - I’m not really the person to ask [and I'm rapidly balding so definitely don't ask me - Steve]) – which actually looks nice, although it’s arguably less fun than a wig.   They’re dancing to that old Simon Cowell staple ‘Mack the Knife’ and open with much more than 10 seconds of faffing about with hats and canes - and Ruth can’t even hold the hat at the correct angle, bless her. As they get into hold, Ruth’s hands seem quite uncomfortable - the one perched on Anton’s shoulder seems to be shaking throughout. Her footwork doesn’t seem to be entirely terrible, if a bit too fast and staccato for the foxtrot, but her frame is a real problem and towards the end that goes so wrong that it puts the footwork out of place as well, as she starts to stutter backwards and out of time, looking like she’s lost confidence. Still, she manages to catch the hat and cane when they are thrown back on stage to her and they’re both smiling at the end. With the show presumably needing to do a storyline around voting for the dancers who have the most merit following Aston’s shock boot (sidestepping the fact that the judges put him there by making him second bottom on the leaderboard), the knives could well be out for her this evening.

Craig says the side-by-side at the beginning lacked any real style, but doesn’t pull out the 10 second rule. He said they came down the stairs at completely different times and Anton says that was his own fault, not Ruth’s. Ruth’s face says probably not, but there we are. Craig says she was trotting too much like a horse in the dance.  Darcey says there was a lot of content, but no gliding and she felt that foxtrot is really challenging and that Ruth was slightly out of her depth. Foxtrots are about as good as cha cha chas this year, aren’t they? It felt like we started well with Aston’s (that was more of an American Smooth, let’s face it) and it all went downhill from there onwards. Shirley says that she feels like she has to be quite firm because they going to BLACKPOOL. She says it’s called the slow foxtrot and they just went quick quick quick quick quick the whole time. Anton said they didn’t want to labour the whole slow point. Bruno says the Fox lost the trot and it turned into a gallop and calls Anton An-TUN with a really weird emphasis on the TUN, and says the whole thing became a dash to the end.

In the Clauditorium, Claudia says she’d give them 20, then realises that’s a bad score and adds ‘out of five’. Because this school show famously scores out of five. Scores: four, five, four, five for a total of 18 and Ruth looks really deflated and starts crying. Then Susan pulls her in for a hug, and then somehow Claudia gets into the hug as well and Alexandra looks really awkward not knowing what to do. Can we get back to demolishing Latin now please? This is just too uncomfortable for all concerned.

Davood and Nadiya now and we’re reminded that last week they had a somewhat unexpected breakthrough moment. Their training VT covers him saying that the Charleston is a really technically complex dance. Not really, Davood, but foxtrot and cha cha seem to be killing everyone this series whilst lots of the pasos have been epic so I’m not sure what’s what anymore.

They open with a tribute to Natalie Lowe - Nadiya playing with her tomatoes - though she doesn’t quite get the saucy wiggle and wink on point. They are dancing to the Lambeth walk, set on a market stall, with Davood in a waistcoat, shirt and slacks, and Nadiya in a dress that appears to be top half flaps of zebra and bottom half flamingo feathers. This is cheesy as you like, but full of energy and character - with Davood looking like he’s having a ball. There is an uncomfortable moment when Nadia gets upon his shoulders and he tries to swivel his legs but can’t because of the weight, but once she’s down, he gets back into it pretty effectively. It also ends spectacularly with her flinging herself upside down over his shoulder and him tucking an arm under her knee and walking around with her like a hod carrier with a load of bricks. Then he carries her around like that for ages and Tess has to tell him he can put her down now.

Darcey says he is on the way up and calls him a ‘tall strong man’ which is such a great dancing compliment, but says he was able to keep the details and the speed and control. She liked that he kept the character and that he was still swivelling when he had Nadiya on his shoulders. Well, he was trying anyway. Shirley said the choreography was outstanding and they executed it really well. I love how Nadiya doesn’t respond to the choreography comment, given that presumably it was still a specialist choreographer that did it – could that even be a slight dose of shade in relation to Nadiya’s own choreo? Bruno says he has real versatility and he’s getting better week on week (other than last week, his scores wouldn’t suggest quite that pattern, Bruno, but I guess we need a journey contestant). Craig does his ah-may-zing, and Nadiya squeals-at least she is familiar enough with the show to know what that means.

They jump up to the Clauditorium, the rustles on Nadiya’s dress bouncing all over the place.  Claudia reminds Davood that his children vote for Jonnie and he asks them to vote for daddy this week. Scores: nine, nine, 10, 10 for a total of 38. Remember when the judges started this series and they were being all strict with their numbers? Now they’re throwing tens around like they’re going out of fashion.  I have no problem with early 10s, if a dance is exceptional, but I’m not sure that all the dances that have 10ed so far have warranted it and there’s also the danger that, with little room to improve, we might not get so many real breakout dances in coming weeks. [Yeah, I know overscoring charlestons is nothing new, but I was not convinced that was a 10-worthy dance. - Steve] We cut to Davood’s wife in the audience who is crying and does not appear to be that happy with being on camera doing so.

Time for Claudia’s comedy corner. Tess asks Claudia if she’s brought a big trunk to take to BLACKPOOL and we get a fake elephant’s trunk coming into shot-made all the funnier by the fact that the runner holding it has their hands clearly in shot.

Gemma and Aljaž now. Last week they did those god-awful lifts that we’ve been reminded of ever since, poor Gemma. She’s hopeful that now they’re back to ballroom things will go well for them, however. Their VT features them both dressed in navy blue and even training in a room with blue walls and another room with blue seats. That’s some real commitment to colour blocking, right there. Aljaž wants Gemma to do as many pivots as she can, and Gemma Blair Witches to the camera that everybody is getting better and she doesn’t feel safe. What an uplifting VT.

They are dancing the Viennese waltz to ‘You Don’t Have To Say You Love Me’ and Gemma’s in a lilac and silver sparkly dress, whilst Aljaž is in a grey trousers and waistcoat with a blue shirt. The trousers are not as tight as the ones AJ was wearing the other week, but whilst you might normally be looking out for Aljaž’s bum, there is what I assume to be his mic pack sticking out like Anton’s marshmallow bunny tail, which is all rather distracting. As for the dance itself, the purple lighting makes it feel a little more elegant and romantic than it actually is. Gemma starts by looking really uncomfortable, although her face gets more into it as the routine goes on and she remembers to perform. The footwork is inconsistent - there are moments where they do pretty decent pivots and moments where their legs appear to get tangled up in each other. It’s pretty fast, and the elongated spins at the end get worse as they go along - and then Gemma collapses on him and manages not to vomit. Hooray.

Tess asks if she’s dizzy and says she know she’s been suffering from ‘rotation sickness’. Is that not just motion sickness, Tess?  Shirley says they got tangled up in the fleckerl and Gemma says her shoe nearly came off. Shirley then tries to create a catchphrase: ‘you have to get your motion and devotion to come out as emotion’. Sounds like a great Hairspray lyric. She tells Gemma to work on those inner emotions because she wants to feel what Gemma feels. What, dizzy and slightly sick? Bruno praises her for looking extremely pretty, which is always the best of starts. He said she needs to express rather than looking like she’s carrying a laundry basket everywhere. Craig says that he thought she was struggling to keep up and that it really lacked emotion. Darcey says she noticed a difference in her eye level which was brilliant and that her top line was taking too much strain but it wasn’t bad. Tess tells them there was a standing ovation in the studio. The studio audience would give a standing ovation to somebody just sweeping the floor (aka yer average Anton paso).

In the Clauditorium, Gemma takes her shoe off and throws it on the floor. You might need to find it again if you’re in the dance off, Gem. We learn that Gemma was also wearing motion sickness bands but Davood already used that narrative in his Viennese waltz VT and Gemma used her own travel sickness quota during the foxtrot, so good luck getting anyone to care about that. Scores: Seven, seven, seven, seven for a total of 28.  And how refreshing it still is to just hear ‘seven’ and not ‘Sev-UHN’. 

We get a half-time leaderboard with Davood and Joe above the three women who’ve danced so far.  Could the men finally be seeing a resurgence?  I know we’re due a female winner but the last time the men were demolished like this Jay ended up winning anyway so keeping a few around for a while may be no bad thing.

Gorka and Alexandra now for our first Argentine Tango of the series. Shirley says they’re looking for a real connection between the two performers and she wants to ‘feel’ the Argentine Tango and then she asks Darcey if she wants to feel it with her. I love that the show is no longer afraid of lady homoeroticism.

Their training VT involves the use of an enormous fan, which bodes quite well. We get our annual reminder that the tango and the Argentine Tango are nothing alike and we see Alexandra doing the banderas with her legs and we get a demonstration of how they work, which is actually fairly technically informative for a VT well done. She is also wearing the kiss shoes in some of it as well as rocking stripy socks with sandals in other parts. Not quite Debbie McGee style icon levels of training outfit yet, but I appreciate the attempt.

Alexandra’s wearing a short lacy dress, with a really weird bunch of strapping over one of her breasts that makes it look like she's sporting Mr Bump on her chest, only with black bandages instead of white. Her eye make-up involves some cute little diamonds though and she’s really rocking a dark sultry lip. They are dancing to ‘Mi Confession’ and it opens with Alexandra waving a huge red fan at the top of the staircase what a legend. Gorka joins her on the bridge as she slaps her leg over the banister like Debbie McGee reaching for a tambourine. They dance their way down the stairs having a play-off with one another, before getting into hold, and then they execute a very good Argentine Tango – it’s full-on and moody, with Alexandra’s legs looking more controlled than they have been all series [although still a bit spider-y and flaily for my tastes - Steve]. The kicking through each other’s legs works well with nobody kneeing anybody in the privates, and there’s a really neat bit of choreography where she moves around Gorka by standing on his feet-extra impressive given the length of her heels, which she doesn’t stab him with even once. Now what I would give to see Ruth and Anton demolish the Argentine Tango. In the meantime, that will have to do as a very good example of this genre that leaves me slightly disappointed we didn’t get to see Aston’s take on it and very excited for what Giovanni and Debbie might bring when they do it. In the audience we see Vincent Simone looking on and pondering his legacy on the show and why he hasn’t even been invited to choreography corner yet when Jo’s done it twice, and she was only a pro two and a half times.

Bruno calls it ‘pure undiluted passion’ and says the sequence of razor-sharp ganchos they had was extraordinary. Craig says she never ceases to amaze and that was incredible. Darcey praises the sensuality and the fact that she engages them straight away but notes that sometimes she needs to finish off her line more clearly, and that the emotion comes a little bit too much into Alexandra’s shoulders, but it was really good otherwise. Shirley says she felt like she was transported to a nightclub and loves the way they connect with one another.

In the Clauditorium, Claudia says there was huge pressure as the dance is ‘a fan favourite’ and checks that Alexandra was really supposed to step on his feet. I guess years of watching comedy contestants means you can never be too sure what’s deliberate and what isn’t (nor can the contestants, if Anton and Ruth’s protestations about their ‘fall’ last week being off the cuff). We also say hello to her friends Lance and Ryan in the audience. I love that they have names, unlike her boyfriend and brother. Scores: nine, nine, 10, 10 for a total of 38.

In the background the evicted female pros and Chloe are wearing variations of gold two pieces. Karen looks like she’s wearing cowboy trousers and Chloe’s hair is done up with a really unfortunate little curly quiff.  Not the best look for any of them, if I’m honest, especially compared to the red velvet jackets the evicted male pros and Neil get to wear.

Now we have ringer vanquishers Mollie and AJ. She cries in the VT that she’s scared and doesn’t want the journey to come to an end and we see some training footage of their Paso that looks like a complete train wreck. AJ is also wearing the most ugly t-shirt I’ve seen in a long time-grey with a blue stripe across the top and then what looks to be tyre tracks all-round it.  These millennials and their commitment to ethical consumption - if it's been run over I don't think anyone would judge you for disposing of it, AJ. Mollie then sits on camera pulling terrible Paso faces and we see her going through AJ’s legs in rehearsal and almost breaking her back. She ends by saying ‘I hope we can nail it in the Strictly ballroom’ which is a great pun very well done.

We open with AJ in the traditional Paso jacket - it’s not clarified if this is the same one of Neil's that Joe wore, in the male equivalent of the kissy shoes, but let’s say so for the sake of narrative. Also, his chest is as smooth as a Ken doll, unsurprisingly. Mollie arrives behind him in gold, with the weirdest hairstyle – I suppose it’s meant to be a bit like Robin Wright-Penn in Wonder Woman but the way a plait in the centre blends into crimped hair bunched into a multi-stage ponytail brings to mind an elaborate curtain pull. She’s clutching the big red ceiling hankies that we haven’t seen for some time. Then the music kicks in (‘Layla’) and they get into hold and the dramatic opening gives way to something much less sensational. Her arms are all over the place and her leg work is not much better. She does okay in the shaping, but once they have to travel around the floor she looks completely lost.  Her skirt wafting brings to mind Jo/Amy in their jives and her hand shaping is about as awkward as Joe’s was in his rumba. She is also staring at the floor the whole time looking like she wants to vomit, but she does manage to get flung through AJ’s legs at the end so well done her.

Craig says some of the shapes were very awkward and her shoulders were coming up too much and looking ungainly, but it did have a real sense of power and presence. Darcey said it really had attitude and drama and determination, but she did throw a lot away and she needs to think about the still moments and keeping her core tight to help her balance throughout. Shirley said there was some nice Paso content and it looked good in closed hold but when they parted it looked a bit jerky and she needs to keep her core, with her head maintaining a vertical line with her body to stop herself from falling. Bruno says she was so pumped up that she ‘popped like a Christmas cracker’ (if they’re anything like the ones I have, that means they pull without a snap and then you have to break it afterwards... which describes the last couple of week's of Mollie's narrative on this show come to think of it) and lost some control and artistry. He said something went out of time while they were travelling, and he knows it’s a difficult balance between power and clean lines but that’s what the Paso Doble requires. In a series that’s been filled with both epic and terrible pasos, having a mediocre one feels disappointing, quite frankly.

As they bound up to the Clauditorium AJ tells her that she did really well, because Saturday is his nice day.  It’s actually quite sweet. Mollie says being in the bottom two has knocked her confidence but she is grateful to have danced again. Scores: five, six, six, five for a total of 22. I don’t think it was a particularly good dance, but those fives feel a little bit mean. Still, I think they are over her at this point and have decided she can be easily disposed of if she’s in the dance off yet again – at least if she’s up against one of the favourites. [Mollie has officially become my woobie of this series. She tries so hard, trains all hours, and still can't get the hang of it. I desperately need her to have just one moment of triumph before she's inevitably dispatched. - Steve]

Jonnie and Oti now and I thought at one moment they might get yet another pimp slot. I like these two but they really have had enough second-half placings. The training footage features Oti telling Jonnie not to stick his bum out so much and trying to convince us that the foxtrot can be an amazing dance if it’s done right (i.e. not like what we’ve seen the series) and Jonnie saying that as a sprinter, his leverage comes from his bum and his knee so he finds it hard to be precise in his movement.

For the foxtrot, Oti is in a lovely lemon dress with a slightly odd brown back panel whilst Jonnie is in a grey suit jacket and black trousers and a really bizarre black shirt with sparkly patterns on that almost look to be fragments of dominoes. They are dancing to ‘Someone Like You’, which apparently has not been as overdone on this show as I imagined. [It's an overdone song to begin with, although I appreciate that's not what you meant. - Steve] And… it is not good. Oti is doing her usual trick of trying to cover up Jonnie’s deficiencies, but in a dance that is devoid of acrobatics it’s hard to disguise what he’s doing too much. He looks quite uncomfortable throughout and tentative in a lot of his movements. As with Ruth, it’s not particularly smooth, although they do have the benefit of a more suitable tempo to work with meaning it probably comes out as a more assured performance overall.

Tess says Jonnie wanted to get his posture right this week and did he, Darcey? Tess really needs to stop asking this kind of question, because the answers seem to regularly be ‘no’. Darcey says it felt uncomfortable-when he’s in hold he looks like he’s straining, particularly through his shoulder and she could see that he found the dance difficult but he was better a couple of weeks ago. Two weeks ago, when he got his worst score of the series, even worse than in the week we had three judges.  Harsh, Darcey, harsh. Shirley says there were parts of the dance where he seems improved and parts where it needs improvement still. She noticed his elbows were better but he had got on the wrong side places and whilst it was okay, we’re at week eight now and he needs to improve. Bruno said it was quite emotional and he thinks Jonnie will bounce back (is that a cue for him to use the blade again?  It might not be a bad idea…). He says Jonnie’s hands are still like shovels but that’s another lesson and it’s hard to lead in a foxtrot. Is there any dance it isn’t hard to lead in according to this show? Craig calls it dull, dull, dull and Tess does a ‘how very dare you’ at him. Eh, it’s a foxtrot, Tess, they’re not noted for their entertainment qualities.

In the Clauditorium Claudia says ‘at least you were dancing in Paris’ (albeit a projection thereof not like that time Louise got to have a free holiday on behalf of the BBC) scores: four, five, six, six for a total of 21.

That means that closing the evening we have Debbie and Giovanni - pimp slot at last! Sadly, it’s for a salsa, when they’ve had at least three other dances - probably four - that would have been better showstoppers. We see Tess in the audience with Caroline Flack, forgetting which series Caroline was on and then, because the dance is set in an opticians, everyone puts glasses on and I’m not sure if this was some kind of under the radar product placement on behalf of SpecSavers or not, but you can bet the Daily Mail are trying their hardest to find out.

Debbie and Giovanni’s VT involves them still using the magical transporting special effects, which is real commitment to a bit on behalf of the VT editors. There is also some background music that seems to include the lyrics ‘I’ve got a feeling’ which is a funny nod back to last week, well done everyone. Debbie lies that she is finding lifts difficult. Sure you are Deb, sure.

In the latest from their book of porn clichés, we have Debbie as a sexy optician and they’ve gone to the trouble of sourcing two full racks of spectacles as prop backgrounds - as well as spectacle lighting effects. It opens with Giovanni reading out from the charts ‘D E B B I E – Debbie’.  Incorrect, Gio, should be an EH at the end there. They are both in bright red, Debbie with a cutout panel just above her bum, the saucy minx, and Giovanni with his shirt fully open to reveal a god-awful sun tattoo.  It’s not often you want the male pros (except Anton) to put their chests away, but it’s making me go off him a tiny little bit. [It also looks a bit like the tattoos that the Winchesters have in Supernatural to prevent against demonic possession, which makes me wonder if Giovanni hunts monsters in his spare time. - Steve] They are dancing to ‘Can’t Take My Eyes Off You’ and new singer Tori completely biffs the song, going into the ‘I love you baby’ far too early and then having to hold a note for ages to allow the music to catch up. The dance itself? A fun piece of party Latin that isn’t going to top any best dance polls of the series, but nor is it likely to put them into much danger. There is an amazing lift where Giovanni literally grabs her by the vag and spins her around at his hip, which is truly impressive, although the dismount is a bit clumsy, and there are a couple of uncomfortable moments coming out of spins, but otherwise they must just be glad to get another party Latin ticked off the list. Now give us their American Smooth already.

Tess tells Debbie she’s fearless and Debbie just shrugs like ‘I used to get cut in half on a weekly basis this is nothing’. Shirley said they had some mistakes in their spins and reverse turns where Debbie missed Giovanni’s arm at one point, but she commends how Debbie gets out and goes for it with the lifts in particular. She says Debbie is amazing but she keeps repeating that there were some mistakes just so that we dampen down the ‘judges’ favourites’ moaning that’s been out there. Bruno says she was saucy, although there was an error, and the dance was the essence of salsa, infused with the spirit of Cuba (much like Bruno every week). On replay - he actually said spirit of youth, but I prefer my mishear better. Craig says he wants something of what she is on and Darcey praises the vagina lift-although she calls it ‘upper thigh’ because were still pre-watershed.

In the Clauditorium, Claudia asks Debbie if she ever says no to Giovanni’s lifts and she says she always just assumed he is joking.  Not really the lesson in consent we’re looking for in These Troubled Times. Scores, nine, nine, eight, nine for a total of 35. Claudia opens the vote lines to ‘Viva Las Vegas’ and Neil and Brendan dance on in big pink showgirl headdresses - I guess they couldn’t fork out to get one for Pasha as well. Poor Pasha.

So that was a weird evening, wasn’t it? The foxtrot joins the cha cha as the dance most massacred this series, with the Viennese waltz chomping at their heels. At least the Argentine Tango has got off to a steady start and we got through a bloke rumba that wasn’t too trying, so hurrah for that. Tomorrow somebody will not be going to BLACKPOOL and therefore their life will no longer be worth living, but who shall it be? Join me tomorrow to find out!