- Rylan's dance moves suggest he would have been a contender if he'd ever been a contestant on this show.
- There's a funky new set for this show, but it reminds me of The Circle.
- Kelvin was quite shy when they first met, and Oti wasn't sure whether to "give him all of Oti". (Yes, that's a direct quote.)
- Oti thinks Kelvin is 'quite intelligent'.
- Kelvin and Oti weren't sure if their samba was any good because no one else had seen it, but then they did their studio rehearsal and Kevin Clifton absolutely lost his shit over how good it was.
- Kelvin has never done a samba before but he likes to shake his hips at parties.
- Zoe still likes to do impressions of Iveta.
- Zoe thinks Kelvin's dance was 'fast and furious'. Now there's a movie week theme yet to be exploited.
- Kelvin's racing pals have tagged his car "Twinkle Toes".
- This week Kelvin and Oti will be waltzing to 'What The World Needs Now Is Love'.
- Katya could probably give Motsi a run for her money in the microphone-busting stakes.
- Michelle's rehearsal tops are quite revealing.
- Chris had never been spray-tanned before this weekend.
- Lisa Riley and Tamzin Outhwaite think they're Kelvin and Emma's mums, respectively.
- Anneka thought being lowered in "by helicopter" really helped her.
- Anneka couldn't even clap in time with the music on day one.
- Anneka thinks of choreography like a giant map. It's yet to be confirmed if Wincey Willis is standing by it calling out instructions, but VT editors, you're welcome to that storyline if not.
- Anneka is always FaceTimeing Stacey to compare notes.
- This week Anneka and Kevin are also waltzing, but theirs will be to 'Run To You' by Whitney Houston.
- Anneka hates long skirts and dresses and never wears them.
- Anneka didn't even look at her wedding dress until the day before because she didn't care about it.
- Anton has gone a bit ringer-mad - he's talking about he and Emma are going to 'create the work' together. Steady on, Martha Graham.
- Dianne was one of Dev's favourite pros even before he got her as a partner.
- Catherine has a very tiny bladder and she's always weeing.
- Amy has had the oldest man in the cast as a partner for the last two years, and this year she's got the youngest. (Still no idea how old he actually is, though?)
- Saffron's watched some of AJ's vlogs, and she thinks they're a bit shit.
- David's got some really nice sneakers.
- David's happy face looks like pure fear.
- Rylan was having a nice Thai green curry while he watched the show on Saturday.
- David has two grandchildren.
- David's family had a Strictly party and his mum didn't get home until 1am.
- David and Nadiya's team name is #TeamDakova which is a bit of a rogue mix of first and last names, but I kind of like that refusal to play it differently.
-- David's drawn a sillhouetted logo for them which looks like some kind of Lovecraftian horror from my nightmares.
- Mark Foster is the one who talked David into doing the show.
- This week David and Nadiya have the paso doble.
- Stacey and Joe are very jealous of this year's contestants.
- Joe dances around with a mop at home, and Dianne's still teaching him new moves.
- Stacey views Anneka as "a beautiful, mad, excited aunt".
- Nobody has briefed Rylan that Aliona was the first pro to win twice.
- Stacey's big tip for this year's contestants: "go for a wee before they sew you into your dress".
- Stacey's favourites are Anneka, Mike, Alex and Kelvin. Joe couldn't think of anyone apart from Dev and Dianne.
- The Viscountess has given Rylan permission to call her "Emma".
- RYLAN PERFORMED A SPICE GIRLS MEGAMIX AT EMMA'S WEDDING, WHAT THE HELL.
- Aljaž doesn't know what "stingy" means.
- Aljaž is still doing that thing where he's completely unfocused in interviews until he's read what they've written on his chyron.
- Croquet is "not exactly the number one sport" in Slovenia.
- Emma's son asked her if she could see him through the TV, and she told him she could.
- Rylan likes Emma's neck.
- Emma and Aljaž are doing a tango to 'Sucker' by the Jonas Brothers.
- Rylan thinks Craig is scared of Michelle.
- Vincent thinks Saturday was 'the most performance, sizes, variety' from the couples.
- Vincent thought Michelle was "the lady of the night", and whether he knew what he was doing with that or not is up for debate.
- 'Cha cha locks' are one of the most difficult moves.
- Vincent thinks the foxtrot is not a 'performance' dance.
- Vincent thinks Karim is a "nice cute little boy" who should be able to do what he likes, rules be damned.
- Vincent thinks Anneka was using her arms too much to compensate for her 'ips.
- Choreography demonstrations between the pro and the presenter are better when the presenter in question hasn't competed on the show before, let alone made the final (sorry Zoe, we still love you).
- Interview AJ is still a bit uncanny valley.
- Saffron's nans are called Ivy and Pam and they cried a lot on Saturday.
- This week Saffron and AJ have got the cha cha cha. It's the dance she was dreading the most, and now she's actually had to do it she knows why.
- Saffron has run a marathon.
- Saffron has been petitioning AJ to include some Thai boxing in a routine.
- Dev has never been described as graceful before.
- He's only just learned what a heel and a toe are.
- Rylan was excited to hear Dev was wearing a 'man bra' in training but disappointed to learn it was just a plain old girdle.
- Dianne started yelling at Dev from the first moment the celebs met the pros.
- Dogs love Dev.
- Vincent can relate to Mike because he is a little man.
- Vincent thinks that in the world of dance, performance beats technique.
- Rylan clearly hadn't been briefed about Vincent and his 'standing ovulations'.
- Vincent wants the judges to LEAVE CHRIS-NEY ALONE because he's never danced before.
- Don't tell me someone didn't have a bet with Rylan to get 'wild in the aisles' in his script for a subtle Supermarket Sweep shout-out.
- Anton thinks their jive was very technical.
- Emma B has got a very busy schedule but is trying to remember all the time in her career that she spent unemployed and be grateful.
- Linda Henry thinks Emma B has a wind problem.
- Emma and Anton have got the foxtrot this week and she's finding it lovely to be in hold with the King of Antons.
- Anton is threatening to wear shorter and shorter shorts the longer they stay in.
- Luba thinks we should feel sorry for James because 'it's hard to dance with an orchestra'. 17 series in and I think that's a new line?
- James got a lot of critiques on his tango while he was doing his big shop on Sunday.
- Luba wasn't scared on Saturday because James was "excited-nervous".
- James is a big fan of a nice lie-down.
- Zoe tried to reassure James by saying it wasn't the lowest week-one score ever, but the only person lower than him was Quentin Willson and he tied with Fiona Phillips, so...
- James's parents' verdict was "it could have been worse".
- James has got a jive this week. Heaven help us.
- James told Luba on Monday that he has one move, so she's put it in the choreography for this weekend.
- Kelvin needs to learn to tuck his 'cheeky' bum under in his waltz steps.
- Ian thinks Karen might be under-dancing in their Charleston rehearsal footage.
- Ian doesn't think there's any actual foxtrot in Karim and Amy's routine.
- No-one snaps like AJ.
- Zoe has taken to calling Dev and Dianne "the double-D team", which is now going to make us very conscious of Dianne's breasts.
- Nancy grew up in a very small town in China, and when she's not dancing, she likes to make tiramisu.
- She likes to play different characters in her dances and has quite the range of scary dance faces which could make her quite fun if she gets any airtime.
- Neil thinks the quickstep is a good dance to have in week one.
- Alex was aiming for 20 as an opening score so she's very happy with 21.
- Alex messed up her footwork on Saturday because she got distracted by Jamie Laing in the audience.
- Alex still can't say chassé. Michelle tried to teach her but she just ended up saying "sashay".
- Neil is teaching Alex the cha-cha-cha rhythm by having her say "beans on toast, beans on toast, beans on toast".
- Anton is planning on giving Emma the quintessential foxtrot.
- Ian thinks Catherine and Johannes were undermarked on Saturday.
- Ian thinks it isn't helping Alex's technique not to be wearing the right shoes in training.
- Ian says he is proof that TALL PEOPLE can dance.
- Much as we love Ian, when the show has 45 minutes to fill and eight million contestants to cover, the warm-ups don't half go on.
- RuPaul is still doing that "British" accent a lot.
- Michelle was expecting '4s' and '5s' on Saturday. Who wouldn't have been with that random opening run of MEEN JUDGING we got?
- Janette's started doing Aljaž's bit.
- Janette 'saw it coming' that Will
- Will sang along the whole way through his quickstep.
- Janette always tries to showcase the strengths of her celebrities. That's how she got to be two-time Strictly Christmas champion, you know.
- The wardrobe team have done special shoes for Will to help accommodate his disability.
- Janette is really trying to make "beast mode" happen as an explanation for Will's...enthusiasm.
- Will is finding shimmying hard.
- Jive training has made Dev sweat a lot.
- Catherine has lost a toenail.
- This week's group dance is flamenco, and it's about a love triangle between Gorka, Oti and Graziano. Not the good kind, unfortunately. It involves a professional flamenco dancer from Spain who has come to play Gorka's inner rage.
- Oti keeps ending in the wrong spot in rehearsals.
- Alesha won the vote of "whose first dance would you most like to see out of Alesha's, Tom's or Ore's?", which reminded us what a fucking haemorrhage the singer made of Christina Aguilera's 'Hurt' that week.
- Anneka's wearing a frock this week.
- Vicky Gill wouldn't like it if someone made her put a frock on.
- David and James are so tall that Vicky Gill doesn't have many spares in stock if they ruin their outfits.
- Zoe likes to call Mike 'Rhinestone cowboy'.
- Catherine is wearing a crop top this week but Vicky's team will put some fabric between it and the skirt of she feels uncomfortable having her midriff out.
- Michelle's dress for the weekend will have the Italian flag referenced in it.
- Oti says that if Kelvin throws up in training, he'll just have to swallow it.
- It Takes Two contacted the National Association of Teachers of Dance after Craig's comments like a right load of fuckin' narks, but it turned out that they thought Karim's cha cha cha was great and he would have got high marks for it in an exam.
- Amy has put Karim in a sort of ballroom brace to help him get his posture right, but it has made it hard for him to get to the toilet.
- Oti gets nicer the longer you train with her. According to Oti.
- Michelle has been teaching Giovanni some of RuPaul's mannerisms.
- Chris's has been training in his old school.
- Karen STILL LOVE FOOD.
- The male pros have been telling Chris to wear tighter underwear.
- Chris's son Robin is adorable.
- Gorka has learnt how to say "thank you" in Chinese from Nancy.
- Nancy is apparently living her dream. Yes, I'm sure not only being sidelined , but not even having any kind of official introduction was just what she wanted out of this show.
- Motsi's first appearance on the show last Saturday was her idea of "quietly stepping in".
- Motsi's two biggest surprises from the launch show were Michelle and Kelvin.
- Motsi thinks anyone who tries should get at least three points, and you should get two just for putting on your shoes.
- Amy has put Karim in quite the harness during training. It looks like something from the Saw films.
- This week's Friday panel: Chucky Venice, Jamie Laing and Su Pollard.
- Chucky Venice was looking very suave, and is throwing round words like 'capricious'. I've missed him.
- Su thinks James needs to improve by 120 per cent or he might as well just go home.
- James can't even clap, going on the training footage.
- Jamie is convinced he's been replaced with an actual professional dancer.
- Jamie thinks Alex is going to be hard to beat.
- Sue likes Alex because she's short. At least I think that's what she meant, it's never that easy to decrypt Pollardese.
- Catherine was "very volatile" during her Viennese waltz training.
- Catherine seems vaguely disappointed not to have done a 'showbiz vomit' in her VW.
- Catherine is "sensational" in socks but very clumsy in heels.
- Johannes agrees with Ian that they were undermarked last weekend.
- Catherine's son Alfie is obsessed with Johannes because he doesn't know many tall people.
- Catherine has done a lot of Instagram videos that she opens with "STRICTLY KLAXON!" but was quite embarrassed to be confronted with the evidence and admits "It's quite annoying when you hear it back, isn't it?"
- Catherine and Johannes have character names each week: last week they were John and Bella, this week they are Milady and Shakazulu.
- Following the toenail loss, the rest of Catherine's toes are 'hanging off the cliff'.
- Chris has sustained a cartwheel injury during rehearsals.
- Kevin needs to drag the dancer in Anneka out. RuPaul's Drag Race coming to a BBC Three near you soon!
- Mike thinks Katya is renowned for her surprises. That's certainly one way of putting it.
- Katya's fashion choices this week were... something.
- Giovanni is never happy with Michelle. We miss Debbie McGee too, Gio.
- Jamie thinks James is going this weekend, Su thinks it's Anneka or James, Chucky thinks it's Anneka.
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