Re-opening night

Week 7: Top 6 Perform (Musicals Week) - 5 December 2020

So if you were wondering why Andrew Lloyd Webber turned up for the Friday panel on It Takes Two this week only to barely get two sentences out because he was on the same episode as Tom Allen, the beginning of tonight's episode helps to contextualise things a little more: in honour of Musicals Week, we get a special VT fronted by Lord Eyebags himself, sombrely reminding us that the 'rona has been devastating for the theatre and live music industries. Although personally I would argue that Love Never Dies alone did far more damage to musical theatre than COVID-19 ever could. (Yes, I saw Love Never Dies. In fact, I am one of the very few people who went to see Love Never Dies despite having never seen The Phantom Of The Opera. I had my reasons.) 

He's in the London Coliseum, the home of English National Opera (and also one of the goddamn coldest theatres I've ever been to in my life, seriously, if you're ever going, wear some extra layers), ostensibly to watch each of our couples do a little dance on the stage, although whether any of these people were genuinely there at the same time as him is...well, let's just say "unproven". HRVY says he misses going to the theatre and can't wait until he can go again (does HRVY strike you as a regular theatregoer, I can't say I'm convinced). [On ITT he said he'd never even seen a musical in a theatre, though I guess he could be into plays - Rad] Jamie predicts that this week will be "glamour and sparkles and joy", at which point Andrew declares that Jamie is "a star", which reminds me very much of Strictly's first-ever first boot Jason Wood publicising his Edinburgh show. JJ says that Musicals Week is the full package, and Bill says that they get to put on costumes and act out characters. In an edit-heavy clip reminiscent of Homer Simpson talking about Ashley Grant's sweet, sweet can, Andrew says that he's going to have to get Bill on stage when the theatres open up again. Ranvir says that the theatre industry is on its knees at the moment (oh, she's heard those rumours about Jay McGuiness too then) and this will be a real tribute to those people. Andrew says that Strictly paying tribute to musical theatre is exactly what we need, and Maisie says it's an honour that they get to put on a show for the whole nation.

Titles! I'm still so upset that Caroline and Johannes didn't make it to Musicals Week, though I suppose they anticipated it on some level and got it out of the way in Movie Week.

We open with the hotly-anticipated Priscilla, Queen Of The Desert number, where Anton of all people has been placed atop the bus with a trailing cape and asked to look full of the joys of alternative lifestyles, and if you're telling me that Anton doesn't make "bums against the wall, lads" jokes on the regular then I can only assume you are a sweet and trusting person who is too pure for this terrible world. It begins with all the pros wearing denim cut-offs and flannel and that sort of thing, dancing to 'Go West', before Johannes, Giovanni and Gorka retreat behind the bus and emerge in drag to dance to 'Finally' by CeCe Peniston. Obviously Johannes is the star, but I will say that Gorka makes a surprisingly femme drag queen and Giovanni doesn't scrub up too badly either. Anyway, I have officially headcanoned that this entire routine is the sequel to the supermarket-themed pro dance where Johannes cruised Daddy Gorka, obviously they swapped numbers, one thing led to another and now they're in a throuple with Giovanni and running a travelling drag show together with a whole bunch of gaybies in the back of the van, and I for one am happy that this show is offering the queer youths of today a glimpse of what you can achieve if you're willing to work for it. Also, there are not one, not two but three same sex couples in this routine: Johannes and Aljaž, Gorka and Graziano, and Giovanni and... the guy with the silvery hair whose name I do not know, sorry. Anyway, hooray for the gays, and boo to all the homophobes and transphobes who went straight on the internet to claim that this was not suitable for family viewing, you are wrong and your life must truly be awful if you devote this much of it to ensuring other people don't get to live authentically.

Tess and Claudia arrive. Daly Dresswatch: a black dress that stops several inches shy of the collar it's attached to by placket alone. What Winkleman's Wearing: a simple but effective white trouser suit. Now that the stage is set, Tess declares that it's time to let the critics in, so we bring on the judges: Shirley Ballas in a sky-blue off-the-shoulder dress, Motsi Mabuse in a black dress with a ruffle so large it could cover the entire borough of Southwark, and Craig Revel Horwood in a grey velvet tuxedo. Claudia reminds us that just six couples remain, and here they are: JJ and Amy, Maisie and Gorka, Ranvir and Giovanni, Jamie and Karen, HRVY and Janette, and Bill and Oti. The most important thing to note is that Jamie is not in drag despite the fact that his routine is based on Everybody's Talking About Jamie, and I think he deserves to go home for that alone tbh. 

JJ & Amy as Caractacus Pott(s) & Truly Scrumptious

JJ and Amy are opening the show this week, and in their VT Amy informs JJ that it's "Musical Week" (yes, in the singular), and they have a Chitty Chitty Bang Bang-themed charleston, which is perfect. JJ says he's done some serious and moody pieces lately, but this is much more light-hearted and closer to his own personality. But it's a very tricky dance because it's all feet and arms and gurning, which he's not used to. Still, it seems to be going well in rehearsals, so much so that they have time to goof off and drive a replica Chitty around Elstree Studios. 

They're dancing to [Beanie Feldstein voice] the titular song, and I had my concerns about how this routine would go, but on the whole I think JJ dances it pretty well - there's some decent swivel in there, he's light on his feet, and he gets some good elevation on the jumps. He can't quite make up his mind whether he's singing along or not, though, and it does all feel a bit disjointed at times, like you can see him transitioning between each individual step of choreography. I think it lacks a little energy, at least by the general standards of charleston on this show, and that's why it feels, to me, like it goes on far longer than it should. Also, I spent the whole routine mentally singing along with these lyrics, which was quite distracting. [I didn't love it but I was still glad to see another Charleston this series rather than more Couple's Choice - Rad]

Tess thanks Dave Arch and his live singers for their contribution to the evening, and Shirley opens for the judges by saying that her heart was going with the whole thing. She hadn't realised how long JJ's legs are, and he did a great job of co-ordinating his arms and feet and executing the simple choreography. Motsi liked seeing his fun side and his smile - she thinks his acting skills have improved, and he never missed a beat - but he needs to be careful not to fully stop in the 'stopping' moments and continue those movements through his spine. She thinks he's a new JJ, though. Craig agrees with Motsi that it was too stop-and-start for his preference, and JJ needs to kick the back of his heel up more on the basic charleston steps. He thinks the characterisation was good, but JJ could have hammed it up more. Craig loved the elevation in the jumps, though.

Amy chirps "well done, Mr Potts!" on the way up to the Clauditorium, and once they arrive, Claudia asks him what it was like to open the quarter-finals in Musicals Week - and JJ points out that actually the pros opened this week's show with their amazing routine. What a gent! He was determined to go out there and have fun, and he really enjoyed getting into the character. Amy says that the physio team said today that he's doing moves that should be impossible, and she can't believe how far he's come since the beginning. Scores: Craig 6, Shirley 7, Motsi 7 for a total of 20, and so the gradual deramping of JJ begins. [Oh gosh yeah, spoiler alert, but tonight was massively about separating the ringers from the jurnee contestants, score-wise - Rad]

Doing this week's terms and conditions, Anne Hathaway (no, not that one) and William Shakespeare from & Juliet, featuring a lot of fairly laboured gags about anachronisms.

Ranvir & Giovanni as Jenna Hunterson & Dr Jim Pomatter

Tess opens this routine by saying that Waitress is the story of one woman's journey of self-discovery, and how that's something Ranvir knows all about. This show is really committing to erasing 90% of the show's storyline - such as the lead character becoming pregnant by her abusive husband, trying to win a competition to make enough money to leave him and take the baby with her, and conducting a clandestine affair with her gynaecologist p- just so they can smear a generic female empowerment narrative on it for Ranvir's benefit, huh?

And if you thought that sounded like a very Couple's Choice VT intro, then a very Couple's Choice VT is what we're getting, even though Ranvir is actually doing a Viennese waltz this week. They're dancing to 'She Used To Be Mine', and Ranvir describes her character as someone who "slowly but surely grows in confidence" and, again, we're omitting quite a significant amount of the plot there just so we can all gasp at how incredibly apt this is for Ranvir's journey on Strictly Come Dancing. Ranvir says that doing the show has made her confront how she thinks about herself, because she has to feel braver about her body every week after hiding it under a big coat for 20 years. She says it's lovely to realise there are so many women and mums watching the show who are recognising themselves in her journey. Anyone else starting to feel like we're gearing up for a Ranvir win here? [Possibly - I still think Bill because of how much I hear people talk about him, but as the wheels are slowly coming off the Bailey train she's becoming a close contender. Now she needs to do a grotfest rumba please - Rad] I'm just saying this feels very similar to what they did with Little Mix on their series of The X Factor. Ranvir's family talk about how proud they are of her for doing this alongside her day job, and Ranvir talks about how much she loves her son and how being a single mum means she has to work twice as hard. She wants to do a beautiful dance this week to thank everyone for supporting her, and to prove to herself that she deserves to be here.

This dance, and this concept, were always going to play to Ranvir's strengths and that is very much how it plays out: it's soft, tender, romantic, a little bittersweet and genuinely beautiful to watch. Also I keep thinking about how much I cried when I saw Kat McPhee perform this song in the West End. (Almost as much as I cried when I saw how much money Kat McPhee donated to the Republican Party.) 

Ranvir's clearly quite moved by the whole experience, as is Giovanni. Motsi says that she was moved by Ranvir's words in her VT and every mum can understand what she was talking about, but she's more emotionally connected to Ranvir's dancing, and she loved Ranvir's standing spin. Craig loved the storytelling - apart from the pastry-rolling at the beginning. He loved her frame and her backbend, but the running away looked messy - she needs to run away like a dancer, and remember to spot when she spins back in. Shirley says she was captivated by the whole performance, and feels like Ranvir has found herself. She thinks Ranvir's fleckerl was the best one she's seen on Strictly (is it just me, or is "the best one I've ever seen on Strictly" being thrown around with such regularity this series that it's starting to lose all meaning?), and reiterates how much she loves Ranvir's frame.

In the Clauditorium, Ranvir says that a friend of hers advised her to dance with her heart and her feet will follow, and that's what she really tried to do tonight. Claudia says that every weekend after the show, Ranvir Facetimes her niece Kyra - but they've got her on the line now early, as a treat! Kyra has clearly inherited her aunt's ease at speaking on the telly, and tells Ranvir how fabulous and elegant she was tonight. Scores: Craig 9, Shirley 9, Motsi 9 for a total of 27. Claudia says that Ranvir has never danced before. That's so weird, because I could've sworn I've watched her dance for the last six weeks?

Maisie & Gorka as Audrey Fulquard & Seymour Krelborn

This week's VT gives us a bit of a day in the life of Maisie, including her waking up at 9am. 9am! I mean, if you're going to follow on immediately from Ranvir's story of being a hardworking single mum who gets up in the small hours to present breakfast television, maybe don't rub in how much more of a lie-in you get in comparison. This week, they've got a jive to 'Little Shop Of Horrors' from Little Shop Of Horrors, and Maisie continues running us through her schedule: they practise the routine non-stop and stop for a bite to eat around 2pm or 3pm, then get straight back to work. She gets home and goes to bed at 11:45pm, so I guess that justifies the 9am alarm a little more. [Since working from home full-time I'm way more on Maisie's side here - Rad]

First of all, I'm not saying that these two have figured out what the voters want and that's why the routine opens with Gorka bending over as he cleans the window of the flower shop, but I'm not not saying it. Speaking of giving us what we want: this is a really good jive. Like, I'm almost afraid to say it, but perhaps Halfpenny-level good? It's extremely clean, precise, light and there are so many rhythm changes and Maisie nails all of them. And on top of all of that, she's got the character down perfectly too. The only issue I have with it? The AR inclusion of Audrey II at the end, largely because neither Maisie nor Gorka responds to it in any tangible way so it feels a bit... odd. But otherwise: yep, brilliant. [It really was great, and maybe the only jive I've properly enjoyed this series, though I still preferred their quickstep and think it was robbed of 30 last week - Rad]

Maisie and Gorka are both gasping for breath, and Craig compliments Maisie on her energy and her musicality. This is one of his favourite musicals, and he loves this character ("she's hard done by, but then meets the love of her life" - I notice that we're leaving out the part where she dies?). Shirley agrees that Maisie smashed it - she did a 360-spin with grace, and Shirley particularly loved Maisie's lovely ladylike feet. Motsi finishes by saying that the rhythmical changes in the routine were so difficult, but Maisie pulled them off while always maintaining the character and a sense of play.

Up in the Clauditorium, Gorka grins that he got so excited that his glasses ended up on upside down. Maisie says that she was particularly nervous today because she wanted to make Gorka proud because he believes in her so much, and the fact that it went to plan makes her so happy. Maisie reiterates that it's an honour to be here and putting on a show, and she's very grateful. Scores: Craig 9, Shirley 10, Motsi 9 for a total of 28. Motsi inadvertently pulls off an amazing fake-out by taking a while to pull her paddle out so you think she's about to give it a 10, but actually she's just got it stuck under the desk and it's actually a 9, lol. Gorka does his pouty "votes please!" face which I love, it's so adorkable, especially when he's dressed like that.

Bill & Oti as The Phantom Of The Opera and Christine Daaé

After a preview of tonight's remaining three dances, which reveals that Jamie will be in the pimp slot tonight, it's over to Bill and Oti with an Argentine tango. Last week's jive had a few hiccups, and being left to the very end to be declared safe reminded Bill that they're at the point of the competition where things are genuinely getting tough. Once again they are dancing to the title song (indeed, only Ranvir and HRVY aren't dancing to the title songs of their respective shows tonight, and that's because neither show actually has a titular song), and Oti reminds Bill how important it is to stay in character. Bill says that he doesn't want to be "an apologetic Phantom" and this segues into a comedy VT where Bill Bailey asks Phantom Bill if Phantom Bill has any advice for him. Phantom Bill tells him that he needs to have presence, command of the situation, attitude, and to look like he lives in a lair. So that's that then. Oti explains that the Argentine tango isn't about anger, but it's about power in silence. Bill says there's a lot to try to portray through a cloak and a half-mask. Oti says she really wants to see Bill take charge and lead the dance.

There's a lot of dry ice on display at the beginning, as you'd probably expect for a Phantom-themed number. Regrettably, this song isn't any better a fit for the Argentine tango than it was the night that Davood tried it - let's be honest, at best it's a paso [it's clearly a paso, it was such a stupid choice to front-load all the pasos rather than give us one for Musicals or NotBlackpool - Rad], but it's not an Argentine tango (also fuck me, Kara was good, wasn't she?). Bill's doing his best at the intensity side of things but unfortunately his Phantom does indeed come off as a little hesitant and apologetic, so there isn't really any of the tension or the staccato movement that an Argentine tango really needs to come alive. Even Oti seems to be struggling with this one a little bit? It's not been a great series for Argentine tangos so far, it really hasn't. Although I suppose it's still a better series than it has been for rumbas, mumble grumble.

There's a notable lack of standing ovations for this routine compared to all the others tonight, and Shirley opens by saying that it's much easier for a male professional dancer to lead a celebrity lady than it is for a celebrity man to lead a female professional dancer, but she thought Bill did a good job on that front nonetheless. She noticed that he was off-balance at the end too, but he pulled it back. Motsi says she was nervous about the prospect of Bill dancing an Argentine tango, but she thinks he pulled it back - she loved seeing how he used his feet and how he took Oti in the frame. She would have liked to see him being a bit softer up top, but she thinks she didn't need to be so nervous after all. Craig says there was a sticky moment during the rondé when his weight went onto the wrong leg, but he had complete command of the dance and he thought it was phantasmagorical. Thanks, Craig, for coming up with adjectives that I have to look up how to spell, is my life not hard enough already? Tess tells Bill that Andrew Lloyd Webber wants him to start on Monday, as his fragility could really redefine the role of the Phantom. Or something.

Claudia gives a shout out to Hayley and Tommy for singing that, and Bill says he enjoyed the theatricality of the character. There's a video message for Bill from OG Phantom Michael Crawford, who wanted to wish them the best of luck, and saying that playing the Phantom was one of the best things he's ever done in his life. He knows that Bill can do it, because he's amazing. Aww. Bill seems genuinely touched. Scores: eights all round for a total of 24.

HRVY & Janette as... idk, let's just say they're Mike Costa & Cassie Ferguson, does it even matter, isn't the whole point that the characters we know as individuals become anonymous members of an ensemble anyway

Last week HRVY got the first prfct scr of the series, and now Janette tells him that they're doing an American smooth to 'One Singular Sensation' from A Chorus Line. Cue me screaming at the screen repeatedly throughout this entire VT that the song is just called 'One', not 'One Singular Sensation'. HRVY has never seen A Chorus Line, so Janette gets the movie for him. (I watched the movie with my flatmates in the first year of uni and didn't really get what all the fuss was about tbh.) HRVY says he needs to bring the feel of the film to the dancefloor. They work very hard on technique and footwork all week, and HRVY hopes that they can nail it on the night.

They're in matching gold sparkly tailcoats, and while I'm getting super-pedantic about A Chorus Line, I would just like to express my annoyance over the indecision in the pronouns in the band's rendition of 'One'. I think they should have just stuck with 'he' throughout, but they alternate between 'he' and 'she', presumably so as not to leave Janette out, but like, the song is called 'One', not 'Two', so just pick a pronoun and stick with it for 90 seconds, it's not that hard. (Unless they're trying to make it a non-binary anthem, but I don't think that was the intention.) HRVY slips briefly right before they take hold, and there's a moment where he loses his balance ever so slightly after a spin, but for the most part this is a very slick performance. I wish he wasn't letting the concentration show quite so much on his face, but otherwise it's pretty hard to fault it. Also, Janette remains capable of just the most ridiculous acts of gravity denial, what is that woman even made of. [It was a great choice for Musicals Week - in fact, I think they made much better, and more diverse, musicals choices all round this year than usual, Bill and Oti's dance aside - Rad]

Also, 'One' just absolutely slaps, doesn't it? I'm not that big a fan of A Chorus Line in general, I think it sounds really dated now, but that track remains an absolute bop.

Tess declares HRVY the king of lifts now, and Motsi says she just needs to calm herself down before she delivers her verdict. She says the choreography really challenged HRVY, and they knew he was a fabulous talent from the beginning, but he isn't sitting on his talents - he's showing his skill and taking risks, because if he'd missed one step it would have all crumbled. She thinks it was the dance of the season, nay, the decade. Craig says that HRVY missed the timing of the double chainé and was a little bit early at the end, but he thinks it's like looking in the mirror because HRVY is a triple threat, and he's considering changing his name to CRH. Not CRG? Shirley completes things by telling HRVY that he brought theatre to the show tonight, and also mentions that it's Janette's first time in the quarter-final - which it isn't, because she made the semis with Jake Wood back in 2014. (However, Janette making the final for the very first time seems like a distinct possibility, and I notice how muted that storyline is compared to every time Anton's come within sniffing distance of it.) Shirley compliments Janette on her choreography, and tells HRVY that he kept up well and even carried on despite a snafu with the hat.

Up in the Clauditorium, Janette says that A Chorus Line was her first ever musical when she was 13, although I'm unsure whether she was on stage or just in the audience, Marge Simpson-style. HRVY says it's a dream come true to hear such nice comments, and he second-guesses himself a lot, but Janette always pulls him out of that. He says it's made his night to get such praise. Scores: Craig 9, Shirley 10, Motsi 10 for a total of 29.

Jamie & Karen as Jamie New & Pritti Pasha

Reflecting on last week's performance in his VT, Jamie says that he's gone from 17 for his first-ever ballroom to 24 for his tango, and Motsi adds that Jamie has developed so much and become dynamic on the dance floor. However, last week Jamie found himself back in the dance-off again - being saved by Shirley was such a relief, and he's going to keep going until there's nothing left in the tank.

They're doing a jive to 'Everybody's Talking About Jamie' from Everybody's Talking About Jamie (or 'Everybody Is Talking About Jamie', as Jamie puts it) [That made me snort so hard, bless him, I kind of want a Jamie/Viscountess spin-off now - Rad], and Karen explains that the musical is based on a true story, so they arrange a video call with Jamie Campbell, the real Jamie. Jamie C tells Jamie L about going to the prom in drag and how he wasn't even sure he was going to be let in. I'm glad they did at least acknowledge that the music is about a teenage drag queen, because after the bowdlerising that they did on Waitress earlier I was fully expecting this to also be something vaguely about "a young man growing in confidence". Jamie C goes on to explain to Jamie L that the song in the show comes after Jamie N (this is getting confusing) has just done his first drag show, and everyone at school is gossiping - so he just wants Jamie L to give it some sass. Jamie L wraps up by saying that it's a beautiful story with an amazing message, and they want to go out and make Jamie C proud.

Which they do by not being in drag, at all. I mean, come on. I get that if you want to be contextualise it within the show then no, the character Jamie would not be in drag at this point, but given the desire to channel the message of the show, would a bit of glitter have been too much to ask for? Some eyeliner? A bit of blush, some contouring? At least make an effort, you know? [I was RAGING. I mean, the outfits and settings for this song in the musical itself are exactly the same as the ones they used here, but since when did anyone care about accuracy in musicals week? - Rad] Anyway, this getting the pimp slot seems more a result of HRVY and Maisie both having had it too recently to close the show again just yet, so Jamie gets it for narrative reasons because the routine itself is pretty workmanlike: it's a bit too into the ground, and there's an entire section where Jamie stands on a desk and Karen stands between his legs and the camera so we can't even see if he's doing the steps properly, for crying out loud. Also, I know there are extremely valid reasons for not having additional backing dancers for theme weeks this year, but I felt like this routine in particular suffered for their absence, because you just can't create that gossipy atmosphere with only two people. [Yeah, it would have looked great with backing dancers. I enjoyed the performance of it and I love these two a lot, but I'm not going to pretend it was a good jive. Of the non-ringers, only Ranvir's had a good evening, really - Rad]

Tess asks Jamie if he ever thought he'd see his name up in lights and, he's been on television for nine years Tess, he's probably seen his name in lights on many occasions. Craig says he would have liked to see more technique (maybe he would have if Karen hadn't been in the way?) and a bit more retraction, but he is a powerhouse. Shirley says she got the musicality that she wanted, and she thought Jamie was light on his feet, but there was a misstep in the middle. She thought the choreography was great, and Jamie gave it 150%. Motsi loved the use of the props and the moving of them, and the fact that Jamie was light on his feet with his weight forward. She tells him to keep working on his technique - "trust me, it will come" - is that shade? It's Motsi, so I don't think so, but you never know.

Up in the Clauditorium (this routine does not play back well in slo-mo by the way), the lighting is slightly different and I can't quite tell if Jamie's overdone the spray tan this week or if he's just red in the face from exertion. He was nervous about closing the show, and he says that he might come across confident but going last is very scary. Scores: Craig 8, Shirley 8, Motsi 8 for a total of 24.

Leaderboard

1. HRVY & Janette - 29

2. Maisie & Gorka - 28

3. Ranvir & Giovanni - 27

4=. Bill & Oti - 24

4=. Jamie & Karen - 24

6. JJ & Amy - 20

Claudia declares the vote well and truly open, and we review our six performances of the night. Coming up in the results show: Marisha Wallace sings 'Climb Ev'ry Mountain'! Join us for that, and the reveal of this year's semi-finalists...