This week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...

- "The quickstep's WICKED! Isn't it fun?" A quote from whom?

- Gethin and Camilla thought Head Judge Len would save them. They will be sending a Christmas card to Arlene.

- Gethin the tapir is very sad that Gethin the dancer has been eliminated from the competition. He thinks that Matt "just looks like a tapir's bottom".

- Craig and Bruno said on Monday that you cannot expect perfection from anyone. Perhaps they ought to tell Arlene and Len, then.

- Claudia wore electric blue on Tuesday. Blue! BLUE! On our Gothic Claud!

- Nicole's favourite dance of the series was Alesha and Matt's cha-cha. Good choice. It was teh awesome, and still gives your SCB team stomach-butterflies.

- Gabby, who is still gutted about being knocked out TOO SOON, seems to be quite firmly Team Alesha.

- Head Judge Len told Matt that he had never given a contestant a standing ovation before. Mysteriously, someone looking a lot like Head Judge Len was shown giving standing ovations to the previous series' finalists, as well as telling Darren Gough that he dances like A BLOKE.

- Bruce and Tess were guests on Wednesday. Tess wore a horrible dress. Shocker. She is leading the campaign to get Bruce knighted. He was a little confused about having petitions on websites.

- Craig exclusively revealed that Len and Bruno are high scorers.

- On Wednesday, Craig said that the judges ARE in fact looking for perfection.

- Craig made the dreadful faux pas of talking about S Club 7 in front of Claudia, who was ever the professional and deadpanned "I love any mention of S Club 7."

- Matt says that Alesha is the most amazing woman he has ever met, and he hopes they will be friends forever, which is the nicest compliment anyone has ever paid anyone.

- Alesha says her life is "the MC" at the moment, and she has had a very tough year, which almost made your SCB team cry. Then she had video messages from her mum Beverley ("Matt must be a very patient person") and her nan Maureen ("I can't put it into words how proud I am...she did have a rotten year"), including some baby photos, and that also almost made your SCB team cry.

- Alesha now refers to "Mattesha". It clearly puzzled Claudia.

- When Matthew was a kid, he used to wake his mum up in the middle of the night and make her watch him dance. Head Judge Len says Matt is a "charming chap".

- Flavia says winning Strictly would be the highlight of her life.

- Head Judge Len went to visit both couples to give them a Latin masterclass. He swanned around the country in a silver Merc, popped in to tell Alesha her footwork needed attention, nipped over to tell Matt to sort his hip action out, and went home again.

- Matt and Flavia's practice timetable consists of her shouting, "Dance, monkey-boy, dance!" at him over and over again so he doesn't forget the routine.

- Matt and Alesha have agreed to share custody of the trophy regardless of who wins.

- Head Judge Len wore a stupid hat on Friday's show, which set Bruno off giggling. Arlene was disapproving - "It's the FINAL tomorrow!" - but Bruno was unrepentant - "BUT IT'S CHRISTMAS!" Craig wittered on about his fear that Matt will forget his routines, and Len and Bruno tried to interrupt. Arlene pursed her lips in disgust at their lack of manners and professionalism.

- Arlene is looking for technical perfection. Bruno is looking for va-va-voom - "technique on its own is dry and cold."

- A camera was on the judges when Cliff Richard sang the other week. Bruno launched himself in passionate fashion at Len, and then proceeded to smother in kisses the photo of himself in skimpy trunks.

- Arlene has not slept since she said goodbye to Gethin. Craig kissed her hair. Bless.

- Heat editor Mark Frith is a fool.

- Zoe Ball and Melanie Sykes are TEAM ALESHA, and proceeded to chant her name prior to Friday's closing credits.

- And a final Christmas treat for us - Craig singing Winter Wonderland in less fearsomely queeny fashion, with a break in the middle for Len and Bruno. Arlene chose to retain a modicum of dignity. Len wrestled Claudia into a stomach-churning clinch.

That's the end of It Takes Two for this year. Join Carrie tomorrow for the final liveblog!