This week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...

- No one has ever survived the bottom two four times.
- Audley thinks it would help Anita to spend more time on Twitter and Facebook. Because I'm so sure that's where her fanbase is lurking.
- Ruby from London is our new favourite caller ever for ringing in and telling Len to "buck up your ideas".
- Craig gives Russell an extra 1 point for entertainment, but that's it.
- Robin thinks he and Anita were in the bottom two this week because people just assumed they were safe. Because that's a mistake that people make nine series in. Still, it beats "it's because she's not on Twitter", I suppose.
- Anita refers to the other couples as her "teammates", which is...misunderstanding the nature of the competition somewhat.
- The choreography is like the Picasso line drawing, and the dancing itself is the colour and the texture. (Thanks Karen!)
- A foxtrot should be like a monkey swinging through the trees. If Karen meant "smelly and covered in fleas", then she clearly feels broadly the same as I do about the foxtrot.
- Despite appearances last weekend, James has not learned to gracefully accept Craig's comments and is still in fact always a GIANT DOUCHE about it. I know, huge surprise. Poor Alex.
- Alex liked her cheerleader outfit because it was "really comfy". Bless.
- If they get Melissa Odabash on every week, I might just start paying attention to the wretched fashion segment.
- Russell is such a giant gay that it is apparently physically impossible for him not to acknowledge this in his outfits, according to fashion experts.
- It's not a proper series of Strictly if they don't somehow find an excuse for Artem to do a homoerotic rumba with one of the other male pros.
- The theme for the music this week is "Best of British".
- Holly is stealing Alesha's quickstep music. THIEF!
- Robbie went home early from training on Wednesday because he wasn't feeling well. Wimp.
- Chelsee is still rehearsing without her shoes on, tut tut.
- It Takes Two is basically encouraging us to stare lasciviously at Harry's arse at this point.
- Ian's dance teacher used to grab him by the back of somethingorother, but thanks to Zoe's intervention, we shall never know how that story ends.
- GIANT LADY is choreographing the newsreaders' number for Children in Need.
- Russell's aggressive humility is still pretty grating.
- Kylie Minogue doesn't really know what jazz hands are.
- Holly likes wearing long dresses because they help cover up her "horrible technique".
- Artem's doctor has told him he can dance if he wants to this weekend, but it depends on "the pain levels in his spine". All right then.
- The female pros don't like wearing pink shoes. Not sure about the men, mind.
- Robbie wouldn't mind going out if he was between Ola's thighs when it happened. FILTH.
- Vincent pronounces "hamburger" as "ambooger". Teehee.
- Chelsee was a massive Spice Girls fan and used to dress up as Scary Spice.
- Pasha claims to "trim" his chest hair, while Chelsee maintains he "shaves" it.
- Shane claims to be the best dancer in Westlife. This would be interesting if anyone cared.
- The dancefloor at Wembley is four times the size of the usual Strictly dancefloor.