Saturday 1 December 2012

This week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...

- This is a competition, not a friendly picnic.
- Louis is very particular when it comes to mashed potato.
- Michael had his hands all over Nicky's banana at the weekend.
- Brendan originally predicted that he and Victoria would last eight weeks. He should've put some money on it.
- The Westlife song that Nicky's fans most want him to dance to is 'Uptown Girl'. So apparently even Westlife fans don't like actual Westlife songs that much.
- Darcey does not have a cruise ship named after her, but she does have a rose.
- Craig thinks 10s shouldn't just be thrown around willy-nilly. That still doesn't explain Lisa Snowdon, but we doubt anything ever will.
- Michael thinks his performance in the dance-off was his best performance of the whole series. He's wrong, but he thinks that nonetheless.
- Natalie has no fear of the samba. Then again, she's in a relatively safe position having already survived this series' designated Killer Dance, the salsa.
- Barbra Streisand makes Karen Hardy go a bit funny-peculiar.
- Kimberley needs to give Pasha a little bit of weight in the arms. I'D GIVE PASHA A LITTLE BIT OF W---hang on, that doesn't really work as innuendo, does it?
- Robin thinks Lisa's rumba was technically the best dance she's done so far. Especially since it didn't involve him standing on her foot.
- Kimberley's tango dress was changed by costume designer Vicky Gill at the last minute because she didn't think the original one suited the routine. Don't worry, licence-fee payers, they're still going to use the original one, probably in the Christmas special.
- This year's Christmas special celebrities are: Fabrice Muamba, Merry Christmas JLS, Bobby Ball, Katy Brand, Helen Skelton and - saving the best for last - Sheila "I don't give a fuck about your sob story, just be small and truthy" Hancock.
- Pasha trains Kimberley using reverse psychology - he's a sneaky one, is Pasha.
- Louis has an extensive shoe collection.
- Louis prefers people to enter round the back. OF HIS HOUSE, obviously, because the sofa is currently blocking the front door. Honestly, you're all such perverts.
- Dani's fans are already whining that she hasn't had a 10 yet. They can, quite frankly, fuck right off.
- Zoe can say "the parrot is dead" in Italian. If Vincent's hilarious culture-clash comedy carries on, we'll be lucky if he can say that in English by the end of the series.
- Flavia thinks the judges were only marking on performance on Saturday and also that dancing is EASIER FOR RINGERS. She's totally over it, in other words.
- Flavia has finally started to use bondage with Louis – and they got Blue Peter badges for their trouble.  SICK BBC FILTH etc.
- ‘With Charleston you can do anything’ – like American Smooth, Flavia?
- Ian Waite is the least convincing cowboy ever.
- The Argentine Tango is one of few dances that allows you improvisation
- The Tango is actually a watered-down Argentine Tango
- The reason the woman leans back so far in the Argentine tango is because of the smelly gauchos that Len's always going on about.
- Some of the more elaborate dresses on the show can be sold for up to £2,500.
- Lisa still insists on renaming everything, right down to the actual dances.
- Denise is struggling with her latest dance in rehearsals. WHODATHUNKIT. [Normally we each write a handful of these.  But for this one, we both had exactly the same phrase in our notes]
- Aliona is silly.
- I will be refusing to repeat anything from Russell Grant's stats corner in the hope that if we ignore him he will fuck off. [Steve]
- I, on the other hand, wish to note that I was APPALLED by the overuse of Mickey Bubbles and Robbie Williams (or rather, songs that they covered) over the ten series of this show. [Rad]
- Zoe and he who shall not be named get in their costumes on Saturday nights and run around going ‘it should have been me’.
- Zoe has been raiding Mary Berry’s wardrobe of colourful jackets.
- Once again Denise and James are preparing to be dead humble in case they're in the bottom two, since they've convinced themselves it's happening at some point. Anyway, James knows exactly why they'll be in the bottom two this week: it's because the public DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THE SALSA.
- This week's cutesy animal is a lemur, and it predicts Kimberley and Pasha will be top of the leaderboard.
- June Whitfield is acquainted with the moves of Gangnam Style.  She is also about half the height of Miranda Hart.
- Everyone loves Tom Ellis.
- Bring Me Sunshine is Miranda Hart’s favourite song in the world.
- Dani thinks Louis is definitely one of the best boys left in the competition.  DAMNING WITH FAINT PRAISE!
- Shocking News! Brendan seems much happier to be dancing with Kelly Brook (at Christmas) than Victoria. What about Natasha, Brendan? Oh yeah. That.

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