Friday 30 October 2015

This week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...

- Presenters wearing poppies season is officially upon us.
- Natalie has been crying a lot since Ainsley got eliminated.
- Ainsley’s jive was “more of a rock ’n’ roll”. Quite why Natalie thought this would be a good idea when the last time she danced a rock ’n’ roll was the week she comprehensively lost all chance of winning series seven is anyone’s guess.
- Ainsley seems to think Aliona’s name is “Leona”.
- There is a whole 'tanning day' in the Strictly week.
- The show has its own in-house physio.
- Hot Greg’s job is to get everybody on the floor. (*coquettish giggle*)
- Hot Greg has a calendar out in time for Christmas. (Not really, this was just one of Zoe’s jokes, but if we’re pure of heart and we truly believe we can MAKE IT HAPPEN.)
- Aliona has been making Jay do press-ups because he’s not wew buff like Harry.
- Jay’s mum has become a bit of a celebrity and now she can’t go to the shops without his Auntie Helen there for protection.
- Halloween is Zoe's favourite week of the series.  
- Joanne has idiosyncratic names for the “headography” in ballroom when she teaches it to children. This is not a huge surprise.
- Joanne thinks Jamelia is an 'amazing Latin dancer' because she did a good Charleston.  Mmmm, bokay.
- Jeremy is blaming Elvis Costello for Bruno finding his waltz dull and old-fashioned.
- Karen is not convinced by Jeremy’s impression of her accent.
- Kellie and Kevin’s top-secret briefcase contained a banana, a stapler, a couple of post-it notes and a sparkly pen. Allegedly.
- According to Jamelia, the sadness of being in the dance-off only lasts about half an hour, and then you’re just happy that you’re still in the competition.
- Tristan thinks you can't worry about how well anyone else is doing.  In a competition.
- Tristan thinks that being called a “cheerleader” is emasculating. Someone needs to watch Bring It On, doesn’t he?
- Tristan put the (illegal?) lift into the foxtrot because Celine Dion’s ‘Because You Love Me’ is so boring and he wanted to perk it up a bit.
- The legs in jive need to operate like a yo-yo going up and down.
- Kristina was very jealous of Kellie’s hat on Saturday.
- Joanne and Kristina are both pretty good at Choreography Corner. Karen Hardy should watch out.
- It’s hard to jive at 10:30pm.
- 'My first, my last, My Keverything' is a great caption.
- Zoe will be temporarily taking over the role of Linda Carter in EastEnders to give Kellie some time to rehearse. (Not true, but wouldn’t it be great?)
- Related to that, Kevin has been playing Mick Carter for her in rehearsals while she runs her lines.
- It's hard to teach Kellie to walk.
-Anton gets jealous when the other pros don't pick him as their favourite.
- If Kevin weren’t a dancer, he’d be a pro wrestler. Joanne would be playing Glinda in Wicked, and Tristan would be a fireman.
- After his leather ensemble last week, Gleb has been likened to Guy of Gisborne and Ross Poldark.
- Arlene still watches the show.
- Anita is happy to wear skimpy clothes because she doesn't normally get the chance.
- Anita is being Maleficent for Hallowe’en week, and in her head this means she’s Angelina Jolie.
- Gleb likes to talk about clothes.
- Katie is ballet-trained, meaning 'Poor Anton' has a DIRTY RINGAH.
- Some of the training rooms have been decked out with Halloween bunting, but mainly the ones in church and school halls rather than actual gyms, presumably because gym managers are fun sponges.
- Just when you thought Russell Grant was over... he's BAAAACK.  Halloween week indeed.
- Peter had no idea who he was trying to be in the rumba.
- Janette doesn't get competitive with the other pros.  What is it with these new-ish pros and their lack of raw determination?
- Peter has never heard of Burn The Floor.
- Janette and Karen Clifton have a playfight while speaking Spanish to each other before every show begins.
- Georgia did six spins in a row on Saturday and then went into the lift.
- Georgia and Giovanni don't yet know if they're getting prop guns for their Ghostbusters dance.
- Jamelia and Tristan are trying to recreate the magic of TIME WARP because the show is clearly bereft of new ideas.
- Hair pieces get glued, stapled and sewn into the stars' hair to keep them in.  Ouch.
- Anita will be wearing a head piece made of chicken wire, covered in felt, covered in hair.
- Natalie has taken up modelling for the make-up team since exiting the show.
- Doing the rumba with Pasha is getting Carol all hot and bothered. As it would.
- Pasha does not remember being called “Carlos” by Zoe last year when he wore the curly wig for Hallowe’en. Neither do we, tbh.
- Michael Flatley is giving up dance to paint and do “some television work”.
- Pasha trying to do Irish dancing is adorable.
- Helen didn't understand the quickstep, even while dancing it.
- Helen and Aljaž have the most points overall from the judges, with 157.  Jay and Aliona and Kellie and Kevin are joint second with 153.
- Aljaž has been in the dance-off on Hallowe’en every year since he joined the show.
- Helen doesn't think the samba makes sense.
- Doing latin and shaking her hips makes Helen feel “the most British I have ever felt”.
- Tristan doesn't want to be sent home in a week where you look dodgy, but would be happy to go home in Halloween gear.  Riiiiight.
- Jamelia ducked out of the apple bobbing contest because she thought it 'unhygienic'.  Instead, Tristan beat Kevin.
- Marian Keyes thinks rumba is horrible and is 'the dance of a dysfunctional relationship' rather than the dance of love.
- Marian Keyes thinks Jamelia and Tristan should end their dance by both saying 'I'm knackered'.
- Matt Flint from So You Think You Can Dance is still choreographing the group routines.
- The theme of the group dance this week will be 'celebs crash Brendan and Natalie's wedding'.  Someone call OK magazine, quick!
- There is some SAME SEX DANCING in the group dance.
- Gleb cares not for choreography in group dances and thinks you should just freestyle it.
- Brendan thinks the dance-off changed Kirsty's mentality and made her more determined.
- Kirsty doesn't expect to win.  What is it with all these people and no drive this year?
- Kirsty really, really loves lifts now.
- It’s quite difficult to mummify someone on live TV using only toilet paper.
- Kirsty's dress for this weekend was made originally for someone else in a different week. BUT WHOM AND WHEN? We may never know.
- Anton has been at the bottom of the leaderboard on Hallowe’en three times.
- Vicky Gill hasn't been watching ITT this week, given she thinks Anita's theme is a 'surprise'.
- Ladies love Jeremy.
- Jay is not currently planning to give up singing for a full-time dance career.
- The Wanted are technically “on hiatus”, not disbanded.
- The first record Jay bought was ‘Ignition’ by R Kelly.
- Louie Spence thinks Anita needs to be more precise to get to the top of the leaderboard.
- Marian Keyes is disappointed in Gleb's accent because he doesn't sound like Pasha.
- Katie has the best legs Louie Spence has seen on Strictly.
- Anita Dobson thinks Carol and Jeremy are in danger; Louie Spence thinks Carol; Marian Keyes thinks Carol as well.  Anita is excited about Aliona and Jay; Louie Kirsty and Marian Jeremy.
- Georgia and Giovanni WILL be getting prop guns after all.  Huzzah!
- Nancy Dell'Olio's rumba is the lowest scoring dance in the history of Strictly Hallowe'en weeks, which just goes to show how unjust this world is.
- Jack Pack must be stopped immediately.

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