Last week! The magic of the musicals brought us Joe on a
night out at G.A.Y., Ashley being reminded she has absolutely no public
support, Faye getting 40 for a demented goatherd Charleston, Charles going home
even after a strong rumba, but mostly Johannes. Lots of Johannes, pulling focus in every dance. This is not a complaint.
Tonight! All of your usual two-dance week favourites
(probably)! Judges’ holodeck! VTs about how knackered everyone is! The Tablets of Public Opinion! Wildly erratic scoring!
We open with a pre-dance montage featuring all the judges
telling us how hard two-dance week is going to be. Not as hard as it will be for me recapping
this when it’s my busiest weekend (and indeed, week) of the year.
Cue Credits! The days
of Vick Hope and Susannah Constantine feel centuries ago, don’t they? [What's a Vick Hope? - Steve]
Tess and Claudia enter on the arms of Johannes and Anton respectively
– someone got a better deal out of that, but less so out of costume: Claudia’s
in a pale pink fringed baby doll dress – other than looking a bit like a
nightie that got chucked in the shredder, it’s OK. Tess, meanwhile is in a blue strip of parachute
fabric arranged uncomfortably at a jaunty angle that exposes too much thigh. The judges enter – Bruno in a very busy jacket that looks
like he’s been rolling around in newspaper, Darcey in a fetching white power suit,
Craig in a classic black suit and Shirley in a dress made of chopped up green
and blue baubles.
Then our stars: Faye and Giovanni; Stacey and Kevin (newly clean-shaven); Lauren
and AJ; Joe and Dianne; Ashley and Pasha.
Everyone except Kevin and Stacey and Joe and Dianne dance to the theme
tune, but Kevin and Stacey were presumably saving their energy as they’re the
only ones who attempt the kick.
And speaking of Stacey and Kevin, they’re up first. Their VT has Stacey looking forward to the
Charleston as she thinks it’ll suit her personality, then the tablet of public
opinion comes out to reveal who their fans are: Scots, animal workers, Fleur East
lookalikes, shocked-looking babies, same sex dancing children, NHS staff, and a
range of ethnicities and ages.
They open as an elderly couple sitting in blankets watching
tv, remembering the old days when they went out dancing – and then they transform
into their younger selves, Stacey in a silver fringed dress and awful orangey
wig, Kevin in white slightly ill-fitting waistcoat and trousers that bunch around
the crotch. They’re dancing to ‘5 Foot 2, Eyes of Blue’. It’s a very traditional
Charleston – very cheesy and mostly well danced, although maybe not as smooth
in the transitions as it could be. As a
salvo to persuade your nan to vote for her over Joe, though? Pretty good.
We welcome Dave Arch, the orchestra and the singers: Hayley,
Jamie, Andrea and Tommy.
Shirley praises Stacey’s journey (drink!) to get to ‘full on
quality’, Bruno stands and says he wants to Charleston with her and says she
was giving it welly, like a sparkling firecracker, giving us ‘100% authentic
1920s flapper style Charleston’ – hark at Bruno being all for the purity of
dance. Craig says her left foot didn’t do
one little swivel but it was quirky and eccentric: ‘what’s not to love?’ (9,
then?). Darcey says she epitomises the
naughty flapper and it was the perfect amount of fooling around without losing technique.
In the Clauditorium, she’s breathless and says she’s been
wanting to the Charleston for ages but didn’t want to play the ‘I want to get
to the semis’ card. Scores 9, 10, 10, 10
for a total of 39. Stacey vouches to
sort her left leg out because she wants a 10 from Craig before she dies. [Ahh, the old "little Stacey from Luton's never going to be good enough for a 10 from anyone" approach didn't last long, did it? - Steve]
Terms and Conditions time – this week it’s Huw Edwards and
his odd hair, which is almost bald at side the side and looks like an 80s popstar
on top. He delivers it, news-style (albeit not as good as Moira! Because who
could be?) and Claudia enjoys it very much. Also, on the subject of Huw Edwards, in my memory he was a newsreader on
Radio 1 in the 90s, but I can’t see any evidence of that on the internet so I’m
wondering if this is one of those Mandela Effect things and I imagined it?
Joe and Dianne are in the death slot (if there is such a thing
in two-dance week?) and their VT has Dianne saying that the Viennese Waltz is not
like a waltz (although they’re hardly at opposite ends of the dance spectrum)
and calling a fleckerl a fleck-whirl and I don’t know if it’s a pet name or if
she genuinely pronounces it that way. The iPad of public opinion reveals they
have the support of hipster couples, mixed ethnicities and most ages - but not
old people, lots of kids, and pairs of female friends.
They’re dancing to ‘This Year’s Love’, and she’s in a white
dress that would almost look nice if it weren’t for the ugly fringing on the
bust that might work if fusion week were still a thing and we were marrying this
to Lindy Hop or something. Joe, however,
looks very dapper in black trousers and waistcoat with a tie and tie pin, and
his hair slicked back. It’s a good look
for him if he’s trying to pick up yer nan’s vote. There’s dry ice everywhere, making it hard to
see, but from what I can tell, his grasp of rhythm and performance are fine,
but his feet look a little ploddy and unplaced in technique – so it doesn’t
feel very smooth overall. Shippers note, it ends with a very romantic
face to face moment in which they touch noses rather than kiss.
Bruno calls him irresistible and adorable and says that the connection
with partner is sweet, at which point he brings Shirley in for an embrace and
they almost kiss, not that I imagine many people are actively shipping them. However, he says, you have to careful as the Viennese
Waltz shouldn’t have rise and fall. Craig agrees, there was too much rise and
fall, making it appear as a regular waltz and the movement was too exaggerated and
rigid – not his best. Darcey says is had
a lovely feel and he had good posture in some parts, but the shoulder was creeping
up in hold and he struggled with fleckerls. Shirley agrees there was too much rise and fall in the natural turns,
though the reverse turns were better, and it lacked flight and glide.
In the Clauditorium, the female pros are all in short v-cut
blue dresses, whilst the men are covered right up to the neck in dark
suits. It looks a bit uncomfortable for
all concerned, really – neither outfit seems designed for standing around
in. We learn that Joe struggled in
training, and fell asleep in ballroom shoes on the sofa many times. Scores: 6, 8, 7, 8 for a YOWCH-feeling 29. Dianne looks like she might cry, whilst Joe’s
reaction is as blank as ever. This hasn’t
really done anything to convince me that the wheels of the Joe train haven’t
come well and truly off since Blackpool – although it seems the judges are now
on board with that narrative after 10-ing the most ridiculous things lately.
Ashley and Pasha now. Pasha says Ashley handled a second slot in the DDO well and she, wearing
a top with a sequinned glitterball on (which might mean to imply love of dance,
but probably would do nothing to appease the ENTITLED RINGER mob), says she’ll
come back fighting. Their audience?: sassy
black women, lone women (rather than women with friends or partners), same sex
dancing kids, fewer people overall than Joe and Stacey.
They’re dancing the paso to ‘Spectrum (Say My Name)’ and she has
voluminous crimped hair and is wearing a red dress, with black strapping over
bosom and a weird red line coming straight down from her crotch, Pasha’s in
black with red stripes up the side like 90s knock-off adidas. There’s an initial floor projection that
makes it look as though they’re dancing on a rock, and it looks so good that it’s
a shame it doesn’t go on longer. [Ohhh, I thought it was really naff and was glad it ended when it did. - Steve] Her performance
is possibly a bit too awkward – you can see she’s trying to do the exaggerated
paso face, but it just looks like she’s pouting. A lot of it – possibly too
much – is also out of hold. It suffers
from much the same problem as last week’s quickstep – it’s technically strong
and complex, but it’s all a bit too much.
Craig says she dances with real ferocity and passion though she
had a wobble at the end. Darcey says it
was intense and dramatic but busy and frantic, and it wasn’t her favourite. Shirley says she didn’t see a fall. Pasha says he stumbled, not Ashley and she
was helping him. Shirley liked the
changes in tempo but could have had more closeness between them. Bruno calls her a fire angel storming the stage,
fierce, fearless, furious, and says she was like something out of Mad Max. An excellent movie week 2019 theme there, get on it.
In the Clauditorium, we learn that Ashley’s mum is here and
we cut to her. She looks a bit like a
glammed up Tovah Feldshuh playing Rebecca’s mum in Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. Ashley
likes that they’ll get to show two different styles this week. I’m guessing she’s the only one. Scores: 9, 9, 9, 9 for a total of 36.
Lauren and AJ now. Their
fans include climbers, people in hats, mixed ethnicities, mostly adults 20-50, even
fewer people overall than the others.
They’re dancing a tango to ‘Nutbush City Limits’ and they’re
back in dark colours – maroon sparkly tops, dark purple skirts and trousers, as
well as dark make-up. Hopefully that
means it’ll be as strong as their paso. However, it soon becomes apparent it
won’t be. Lauren does lots of walking off rather than dancing, especially when
out of hold. There are some nice tricks with
legwork in places, but it’s not very exciting overall – lacking in dynamics and
finesse.
Darcey praises her fierce determination, and says that she
started well, but nerves were in the air, and that she doesn’t always maintain
things until the end – her hold is strong, but her head could have been more clipped. She gets booed and responds with, ‘We’re getting thingy, now, semi-finals’. Yes, I’d say that’s usually a good indication
of everyone’s general state at this point in your average series. Shirley says she kept character and did one
good throwaway oversway but at the end it got out of sync – she had a good frame
and some nice steps in there though. Bruno
says she scared him a bit tonight – and it was her most grown up mature
performance. [Hands up anyone who's surprised at Bruno being scared by maturity - Steve] He says when she gets out
of hold she walks off and loses character and then he does a pitch perfect
impression of it, but it honestly feels a little cruel at this point. Craig
says it was a bit pedestrian in places and it was stiff and flat-footed, and
needed more V-shaping in hold. Craig and
Shirley argue about her frame a bit, but no-one’s heart’s really in it. Craig concludes by saying she gives it her
all and he likes that.
In the Clauditorium, AJ says he will take all the positives –
she gave it everything. Lauren says she’s
honoured to get to the semi-final and dance ‘one more time’. Even Lauren doesn’t think she’s going to the
final. Scores 7, 8, 8, 7 for a total of
31.
Preview: Joe does an Argentine tango, set in Birmingham, or
as Claudia puts it, ‘Joe does a Birmingham tango’.
Faye and Giovanni are last and oh boy the tan on these
two. It feels a bit like Graeme
unleashed a competitive tanning monster on this series. Either that, or it's a long-running piece of product placement that will form part of the plot of a new episode of Doctor Who with the fake tan beast being yet another one of Chris Chibnall's fantastic special new monsters. In their VT, she’s hating samba, to no-one’s surprise,
so they sack it off and learn who their supporters are: posh children, steps
thooperfans, not many older people – and they receive a medium level of
messages which probably reflects their standing in the vote.
For their samba to ‘I Go to Rio’, she’s in a yellow dress
with pink and orange accents - I like
even if no-one else will. He’s in a gaudy
shirt that looks like a Joe cast-off, with his chest out. The whole thing is a
bit lacking – and the band sound bored, which doesn’t help. She looks awkward throughout, especially in the
samba rolls, and overall, she’s too uptight for this dance – there’s placement,
but no real fluidity or letting loose, like she’s overthinking the technique. Her arms don’t know what to do except grab her
boobs some of the time. Her timing is good, but overall it’s not her dance –
not that anyone ever expected it to be.
Shirley says she did well, there were some good shadow
reverse rolls and nice control on the footwork but her feet could be more
pivoted to allow better flow in movement. Bruno says she could party all night – and gave a lot of quality
content. Craig says the hips were bad on
the first set of voltas but good on the second and he thought the routine was
incredible. Darcey says it was like a
masterclass and a wonderful performance. Faye looks as bemused by those comments as me. In the Clauditorium, Faye says the samba can go jump in the
sea [this being as angry as Faye gets <3 - Steve], that she hates her Latin shoes and says she’s going to burn them. I love how more and more unhinged Faye gets
by the week, and Claudia also loves the new Faye. Scores: 9 (their joint WTAF reactions are a
joy), 9, 9, 10 for a total of 37. Bruno
is totally voting on an ‘it’s Faye from Steps’ basis at this point, isn’t he?
Midway leaderboard:
1. Stacey and Kevin - 39
2. Faye and Giovanni - 37
3. Ashley and Pasha - 36
4. Lauren and AJ - 31
5. Joe and Dianne - 29
Ah, classic semi-final scoring, right there.
Preview of what’s coming up in which Joe says getting to the
semifinals makes it feel like England in the World Cup, and… it’s so weird that
we are actually living in a time where England being in the semifinals of the
World Cup is not a joke.
Stacey and Kevin are next, so we seem to be seeing everyone in the same order as part one, and it’s time for our annual trip
to judges’ holodeck. Craig loves her Minions
and considers her the surprise of the series; Shirley loves the ways she takes
on feedback; Darcey thinks she can be a bit wild, but she and Kevin work well
together and… SHE HAS A STRONG CORE (drink). In training footage, Kevin says they’re hoping to impress the judges
with endless fleckerls in their Viennese Waltz. Well, it’s worked for many before them.
They’re dancing to ‘You’re My World’, which isn’t the best fit
for the Strictly singers, even if it does play directly into the hands of fans of
Kevin Clifton mid-20th-century-themed-lovely-ballroom. Stacey’s in a frock with a strange top line –
it has a bust panel that looks fine, then a random extra bit over the shoulder
than looks like it belongs to a different dress entirely. As for the routine, we all know I don’t much care
for VW as a dance, but it’s well executed as these things go; nicely lit, well
performed and going right for the hearts of the nation’s nans (take that, Joe!).
Bruno says it’s wonderful watching her as she has a wholesome
quality and looks as though she enjoys everything, but out of hold… Stacey
knows – her free hand. But once they got
in hold: exquisite – and he gestures out to try and lamp Shirley as usual. Craig says it was a dance of two halves, and
he thought the first half was too much like an American Smooth and he thinks
that was cheating a bit, which Kevin facially WTFs at, as if we’re suddenly
getting all PURITY OF DAHNCE in this series where Bruno is just ‘10’-ing
everything because he can’t be bothered thinking of critiques, Graeme can do an
aerobics workout and it be called a salsa (see also: Megamix; Joseph), and bouncing
basketballs badly is deemed revolutionary. He liked the second half though. He says he recognises the music is partly at
fault, and says Stacey’s taking pivots on her toes too much, but it was very
beautiful. Darcey praises Stacey having
an understated quality but does exaggerate her left elbow too much. Shirley says there was quality in the way worked
with the music and kept pressed into Kevin.
As they bound up to the Clauditorium, Stacey makes some
confused noises and Kevin tells her ‘well done’. Kevin says they were watching their dances back
and were unsure about the first two weeks but they’ve been putting in long days
and he’s never seen as much improvement in a celebrity. Scores: 8, 9, 10, 9 for a total of 36.
Joe and Dianne now. Their judges’ holodeck – reiterating the idea of him being a JOURNEY
contestant, even though he arguably peaked in Blackpool; might have trouble doing
sensual dances (like the rumba? Nah, not
this series – joint fewest rumbas EVER along with S10) – including their next dance, the Argentine Tango.
They’re dancing to ‘Red Right Hand’ and it’s nice to have a
bit of Nick Cave on this show – has no-one ever danced to ‘Into My Arms’? And surely we need more than just Matt and Aliona’s
outing of ‘Where the Wild Roses Grow’? Anyway,
everyone’s been hyping this as the theme to ‘Peaky Blinders’ in yet another
example of BBC self-promo. I’ve never watched it so all I know is it involves
wearing caps, like Joe is here, whilst Dianne plays a flapper who got lost on
her way to find the missing Charlestons (fewest in a series since S9). And on the subject of scarce dances, whilst
the Argentine Tango is rarely performed more than a handful of times, they do
usually get more people on it who, well, might be able to do it. Instead of Ashley and Charles (who I reckon
could have done a decent stab at it), we get a broken Kate, Lauren and…
this. It’s not in the same trainwreck league
as the previous two, but that isn’t saying much. It’s ploddy, he looks awkward rather than
moody or sensual and it doesn’t feel as though he’s very comfortable or confident
in it. [Mind you, it was this or a rumba, and I'm just going to be grateful they went for this one. - Steve] Hooray for two-dance week!
Tess says Craig didn’t like his first dance and asks if this
was better. Craig is a negative on that –
it was stompy, too placed and didn’t feel as though he was leading the
dance. Tess says ‘well, it’s hard for the
man to lead’ and dear Lord are we still not over hard for the men by series
16? No wonder the male ringers get no stick
(Danny JJ aside) and men always win this thing these days. And Joe himself said he thought it was harder
for the women last week after getting lifted.
Dear Lord, show. Clearly there
are slightly different challenges for men and women but they probably balance
out overall. Lord knows how this show
will cope to find a narrative other than ‘the man’s part, the woman’s part’ (see
Joe and Stacey this series doing ‘the other role’ being sooo revolutionary) if
it ever implements same-sex dances. Harrumph. Anyway, Darcey says you
need a strong CORE to be in command of the dance, and he’s lucky that Dianne
has great balance as he wasn’t holding her in place properly and she had to
achieve the moves without him – it was not bad, but not good either. Shirley says ‘taste is debatable’ and it was
stompy but there were some parts that were difficult that he managed, such as
lifting Dianne. Bruno says there isn’t a
nasty bone in Joe’s body (more’s the pity in Bruno’s world?) [*boak* - Steve] and AT needs
spicing up a bit, and it needs to be more like ‘a Cat’ in that you never
anticipate what it might do next: fluff a quickstep, give an interview to the
Sun about being A STAR, fall out with its partner, have a massive flounce on Twitter.
In the Clauditorium, Dianne says Joe’s gone from ‘zero to my
dance hero’. Scores: 6, 8, 8, 8 for a
total of 30. My favourite part of that
was Graziano in the background booing and thumbs-downing the 6 and displaying
more personality than he has all series.
Ashley and Pasha now and Tess reminds us that she was the first
one to get 40 and is also the least popular remaining contestant. Judges holodeck? Strengths: Brilliant, fantastic performances. Weaknesses: so-so party Latin, relies on
music more than technique (isn’t relying on the music usually a good thing
here?), Kryptonite with the public.
They’re dancing the American Smooth to ‘Ain’t That A Kick In The Head’ (or most of it, as Tommy misses some words) and they’re in sugary
pink, but Ashley’s outfit is really distracting – it’s a shorter skirt with a
big slit up it and the whole time it gets so pulled up in the lifts that we
repeatedly see her knickers. It’s not
exactly the glamour we associate with AS, bad wardrobe monkeys. That mars what’s otherwise a great dance –
lots of cheesy grins, fantastic – and tricky – lifts (including one where Pasha’s
hand appears to vanish right up her foof), tap dancing on a prop car, nice
foxtrot steps, Pasha pulling cute faces. Yer gran, though? Will just be focusing on how often you see
her pants.
Bruno and Shirley give it a standing ovation. Darcey says the lifts were tricky but they
made them beautiful and quite balletic – it was glamorous and a great
success. Shirley says the foxtrot and
American Smooth components were perfectly balanced, Bruno calls it ‘an American
Splendor’ (I feel the US spelling is needed here) with out of this world lifts,
and Craig just claps – which usually means either he’s gonna 10, or the show’s running
over time.
In the Clauditorium, Pasha says Ashley’s taught him to push
himself and never give up. Not exactly playing
down the ringer status there. He says he
sees her love for dance and it melts his heart. Scores: 10, 10, 10, 10 for a total of 40.
Lauren and AJ are next. Their judges’ holodeck comments? She’s a great sportswoman, when she embraces the dance it works, she has
a great relationship with AJ. Weaknesses? Not the best
performer, AJ always crashes out in the semis. The judges say for her to get to the final she has to give a larger than
life performance in the samba. Or beat
everyone in the public vote.
They’re dancing to ‘Rock the Boat’ and begin on a mock-up
boat which is so big that it hides a lot of the dancing – cunning move, AJ and design
team – because, unsurprisingly, it’s not her dance. She looks cute in her 60s-inspired dress (AJ
wearing an oversized blouse that’s mostly undone just looks unkempt) – and there’s
some bounce in it, but the footwork is clearly all over the place and she seems
to be making a lot of mistakes and not being sure how to recover – her face reads
panic for quite a lot of the time. When
they’re travelling it’s less evident but when the camera gets them in close-up,
it doesn’t look great. Charles aside,
this has not been a good year for Latin, has it?
Shirley says there were mistakes right from the start but it
is difficult to learn two dances so she applauds her for that. Bruno says he felt for her as he could see
her wanting to have fun, but then getting on the wrong foot and forgetting the
choreography – still, she got to the end and tried to cover it up. Craig says if you do go wrong, try to overact
or throw your hair about or something. [Ahh, "the Pamela Stephenson". - Steve] Darcey says there’s always ‘one dance’ that people don’t get – which one
of Lauren’s are you picking, Darcey? Contemporary? Salsa? Argentine Tango? Tess says they’ll
need the public vote to ‘sail through’ to next week.
In the Clauditorium, Claudia says they shouldn’t really have
had to do the samba after Faye had made it illegal. Lauren says at least she got a boat, the ‘Lady Lauren’ out of it. It ain’t no ‘Lovely
Debbie Mcgee’, hun. Poor Lauren, always
an afterthought. AJ says her journey has
always been about ability, not disability and she’s the most inspirational
person ever. Scores: 5 (which gets boos
and ‘whaaats’), 6 (dead silence), 6, 6 for a total of 23. OOF. [Lowest score in the semi-final since James Martin, I'm reliably informed. - Steve] That feels quite harsh at this stage in the series, even if it is a tactic to try and convince the voters that she shouldn't be in the final. Lauren tries not to cry and it’s all a bit
awkward.
Finishing out the show? Faye and Giovanni. The judges state that she’s a contender,
great at ballroom, has a lot of details in her dances, but her weaknesses are
emotional connection, lacking in confidence and attitude, a bit wobbly at
Latin.
They’re dancing an Argentine Tango (please be the one good
shot at it this series) to ‘La Cumpisitar’ and I know people like traditional
music for this dance, but this particular one is a right ruddy racket with
violins set to peak ‘screech right through my soul’. She’s in a slightly mumsy purple dress with
her hair in a huge cob loaf style and a big red flower, whilst he’s in a blue suit
with red and black accents. The dance
itself is, thankfully, very watchable. There’s one moment at the start where you can see her top line shaking,
but as she gets into it, her frame sorts itself out and the legwork is really
nice, with some well-executed lifts, hooray.
Tess says she’s literally covered in goosebumps. Well, that piece of fabric they’ve put you in
doesn’t look the warmest, I’m not surprised. Bruno says she combines the smoothness of silk with the clear cut
brilliance of a diamond; the stealth of a tiger with the grace of a gazelle and
she has musicality he rarely sees – her foot and leg action made it look like
she was conducting the orchestra. In the
audience, Huw Stephens agrees. Craig
says there was a clumsy moment where they went for some kind of back roll –
Darcey says it was tiny, but Craig says it still happened. Darcey says it was scrummy and she
appreciated how they slowed down the dismounts and praises Giovanni (or the guest
choreographers?) for giving her room to express. Shirley says ‘Giovanni, I’m totally in love…
with her feet’ and says you can see they’ve worked on the tiny details in the
footwork.
In the Clauditorium, Faye says she loves the Argentine Tango
and the flicky legs and we learn she had to ignore her wedding anniversary this
week and she cut her feet to ribbons dancing this. Giovanni says she’s working really hard and
every week she delivers a beautiful performance. Scores: 9, 10, 10, 10 for a total of 39.
Leaderboard:
1=. Ashley and Pasha - 36 + 40 = 76
1=. Faye and Giovanni - 37 + 39 = 76
3. Stacey and Kevin - 39 + 36 = 75
4. Joe and Dianne - 29 + 30 = 59
5. AJ and Lauren - 31 + 23 = 54
Wow, that’s quite the ‘three goddesses of dance plus two
also-rans’ isn’t it? I’d guess that being
joint top rather than top outright won’t work in Ashley’s favour, and whilst
Lauren’s been doing very well in the vote so far, I suspect she’ll have been
placing third rather than top two – so that score plus AJ’s general storyline
of going out in the semi-finals is likely to finally see her sent home.
The vote lines are opened with a Formula 1 themed set of
props (no idea why? Is there a thing happening?)
including Janette dressed as Mario from Mario Kart (or Lewis Hamilton, same thing)
and Giovanni awkwardly holding a massive set of traffic lights aloft.
Tomorrow night! A ‘red’
themed pro-dance, Little Mix, and we discover who’ll make it to the final and
who’ll (presumably) beat Lauren in the dance-off!
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