Top of the Bill

Week 9: The Final - 19 December 2020

Well, in this strangest of years, we made it - COVID-19 might have crushed our plans to see our families this Christmas, but it couldn't stop the Strictly Come Dancing final. (Let's have a moment of appreciation for this year's finalists, not to mention the presenters, judges and the production team, since I'm sure at least some of them had their plans for Christmas whisked away a couple of hours before they went on air, and they still plastered on a smile and put on a show for us.) And it's a long one this year (145 minutes!), so make sure you're sitting comfortably and pray that my RSI doesn't kick in halfway through this recap.

This week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...

 Monday

- Ranvir has cried a bit, mostly when people message her to tell her how inspirational she was.

- She also ate a family-size bag of Wotsits to crush her feelings.

- Giovanni thinks Ranvir has accomplished the most of any of his partners since he joined the show.

- Ranvir has a collection of pictures of Giovanni in the sailor outfit. And possibly out of it as well, who can say.

- The show has been a bit like therapy for Ranvir.

- Ian thinks he and Zoe looked like they should be getting married in their tango, and that if they had babies the babies would be like giraffes.

- Ian is still revelling in the fact he 'killed' Zoe in the tango.

- Ian once gave Girls Aloud some choreography for a tour and thought Kimberley was the best dancer even then.

- The Tango is now officially in the DIFFICULT FOR MEN pantheon.

- Bill would have been on board with being fired out of a cannon if they'd asked him to.

- Oti absolutely has the 'I want two wins in a row' glint in her eye.

- The judges' have picked Bill's quickstep to do again, and Bill and Oti have picked their Couple's Choice.

- Bill's showdance is to 'The Show Must Go On'.

Singh off

Week 8: Top 5 Results (Semi-Final) - 13 December 2020

We open with a rumba-contempowaft pro dance to 'Running Up That Hill' in which Luba and Graziano are in love, he gives her a massive necklace and a sad and lonely Karen wears a trenchcoat and watches them. Aljaž plays some sort of demon feeding on Karen's jealousy, and he gives her the same necklace as Luba, which is her cue to go all Single White Female and dress the same as Luba before snaring Graziano by the power of, er, the same jewellery he just bought someone else, then all the other pros play some sort of polyamorous sex demon minions tempting both Karen and Graziano and doing weird cheerleading towers (but from hell). Then Luba wears Karen's trenchcoat of loneliness, Aljaz and Graziano spit roast Karen, Karen takes the necklace of evil off and Luba ad Graziano get back together. Also loads of fire goes off everywhere, and there's a rotating dancefloor the whole time, and it's completely bonkers but quite enjoyable.

I Don't Want Two Dance

Week 8: Top 5 Perform (Semi-Final) - 12 December 2020

Last week! Musicals week actually broadened its reference points for a change – favourably in the case of Ranvir’s Waitress-themed Viennese Waltz, and less so with JJ’s Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Charleston, which saw him and Amy sent home in the dance-off by a disappointingly-not-in-drag-Jamie and Karen. 

This week! Everyone’s favourite episode of the series – Two-dance week! All of our favourite features are likely to be here: Judges’ holodeck; underwhelming routines from fatigued celebs trying to learn two drastically different new dances; fans bickering about who the producers’ favos are, along with something brand-new: Bill Bailey tangoing to ‘Enter Sandman’. I’m both excited and terrified about that last one especially.

This week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...

 Monday

- Zoe lives for Johannes, Giovanni and Gorka in drag.

- JJ is currently the fittest he has been in his post-surgery body, and that's as good as any prize as far as Amy is concerned.

- JJ has taught Amy to have a new outlook on life.

- JJ misjudged Jamie coming into the competition - he didn't say precisely how, but the suggestion is that he thought he was going to be a bit of a bellend.

- Ian thought Gethin's jive was overmarked and standards have improved since then. Miaow!

- Zoe didn't like her outfit for the jive. Or the dance itself, and rumour has it she can't hear 'Part Time Lover' anymore because of the routine.

- The jive was Ian's last-ever competitive dance on Strictly (unless you count the week he stood in for Brendan during series 8).

- Amy was not feeling too confident about her performance in the pro challenge, and watching it back she thinks her technique looks horrendous.

- Amy completed 23 fleckerls with two disqualifications, putting her joint top with Johannes and Nancy, so she needn't have worried.

- General consensus is that Gorka and Neil are the silliest pros backstage, and that Katya is the hardest trainer (Oti thinks she is, however, quelle surprise).

- Most of the pros prefer comedy to horror, except Neil, Johannes and Giovanni.

- Janette thinks Musicals Week is the best week to take a risk.

- HRVY's tailcoat was very tight under the arms.

- Tails are great for male celebs' ballroom frame because there's no room for movement.

- HRVY preferred his American smooth to his Couple's Choice.

- Janette hopes that it will be an advantage that no one else has done a rumba this year.

- Zoe is a rumba fan. HRVY is not.

- HRVY and Janette will be doing the only rumba this series. *Glares at Gorka and Maisie's dance card*.

- HRVY's other dance for this week is a charleston.

JJ KO-ed

Week 7: Top 6 Results (Musicals Week) - 6 December 2020

As we spent all of our pro-dance capital last night, we're straight into the arrival of Tess and Claudia this evening. Daly Dresswatch: a strapless blousy black top such as you might see on a particularly sexy pirate, paired with black trousers. What Winkleman's Wearing: a black pleather top with a massive bow, and also black trousers. That's a lot of black, is what I'm saying.

Re-opening night

Week 7: Top 6 Perform (Musicals Week) - 5 December 2020

So if you were wondering why Andrew Lloyd Webber turned up for the Friday panel on It Takes Two this week only to barely get two sentences out because he was on the same episode as Tom Allen, the beginning of tonight's episode helps to contextualise things a little more: in honour of Musicals Week, we get a special VT fronted by Lord Eyebags himself, sombrely reminding us that the 'rona has been devastating for the theatre and live music industries. Although personally I would argue that Love Never Dies alone did far more damage to musical theatre than COVID-19 ever could. (Yes, I saw Love Never Dies. In fact, I am one of the very few people who went to see Love Never Dies despite having never seen The Phantom Of The Opera. I had my reasons.) 

This week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...

Monday

- The response to her elimination has reaffirmed Clara's faith in the goodness of humankind.

- Clara realised she was going wrong during the kicks section.

- Aljaž is never going to leave. By 2084 it'll just be him, Anton and the cockroaches, dancing abominable sambas forever.

- Aljaž wants HRVY to win because he's with Janette.

- Luba doesn't think a woman will win the fleckerl pro challenge.

- Luba managed 15 fleckerls with zero disqualifications, putting her currently in second place.

- We have a new segment where Ian and Gethin look at classic dances from the archive.

- It is jarringly weird to see the old judges' desk with them all crammed together.

- Ian thinks Abbey did the best lady waltz ever on the show.

- Gethin is still a bit bitter that he didn't win the Christmas special.

- And he seems to think getting 40 at Christmas counts, bless him.

- Ian is very clear that it does not, however.

- Gethin loves Nancy Dell'Olio's waltz.  

- Gethin thinks Fiona Phillips loved doing this show, despite all evidence to the contrary.

- Ranvir finds it weird that you don't really get a chance to speak to your partner after you've done the dance to find out if they were happy with it or not.

- Giovanni basically confirmed that their lifts were low-key because things were going wrong in rehearsal.

- Ranvir screams a lot.

- Ranvir has never been a waitress. Zoe has, and she made good tips doing it.