Look north west

Week 8: Top 8 Perform - 12 November 2016

Last week! The top nine contestants performed and Louise shot to the top of the leaderboard with a frankly filthy Argentine tango, while Danny and Ore did their best to prove they belong here after stumbling at Hallowe'en - with mixed results, as Danny managed to propel himself back up to second place while Ore found himself in the dance-off. Luckily he was there against Laura and her gammy ankle and her half-a-samba, so he survived to dance once more, and possibly even beyond that, who knows?

This week: is that week in the competition where nobody's really focusing on this week specifically, but rather focusing on next week, which is BLACKPOOL, so expect lots of VTs and interviews with everybody saying just how much they want to dance at BLACKPOOL. Even from Judge Rinder who, after being delightfully iconoclastic in his pre-series interviews, has now become a full Strictly pod person with his eyes misting over at the thought of the Golden Mile and deploying his emergency grandparents to make sure he gets there. But I'm getting ahead of myself. The pre-titles VT features lots of sad, colour-drained "just £2 a month"-style shots of the remaining celebrities talking about how much they want to be in BLACKPOOL next week and footage of them all training intensively. On the bright side: no terrible jokes or indifferently-acted skits.

Titles! I'm still convinced that the reason the voters never took to Tameka was her insistence on blocking our view of Gorka's lovely face.

In the studio, Tess and Claudia enter with Giovanni and Brendan as their respective escorts. Not in that sense, obviously, although Gethin did kind of imply on It Takes Two on Friday that this is what Giovanni has to do now he's no longer in the competition. Tess is in a bright red dress, which I think they should have coupled with green tights so she could be a human poppy for Remembrance Weekend, and Claudia is, of course, all in black. Tess points out that five couples got their highest scores of the competition last week (if you're wondering: Louise, Danny, Daisy, Judge Rinder and Ed - plus Greg tied his previous high score if you want to include that as well) and the audience half-heartedly ahhhs at the reminder that Laura went home last week, although I imagine a good third of them would still struggle to identify which one Laura was even if you gave them this year's cast photograph. The judges enter, and for some reason the camera lingers on Len for his entire walk to the judges' dais, even though his dance moves this week look like someone halfway down the garden path trying to remember if he picked up his keys or not.

Here are our BLACKPOOL-adjacent Strictly stars: Louise and Kevin, Judge Rinder and Oksana, Claudia and AJ, Ore and Joanne, Daisy and Aljaž, Greg and Natalie, Ed and Katya and Danny and Oti. I keep finding myself wanting to write "Oti and Danny" rather than the other way around, which I think says a lot about his contribution to that partnership. Also if you're wondering who's flashing a bit of chest this week in a grab for pre-BLACKPOOL votes, it's Aljaž first and foremost, with Ore, Greg and Danny all contributing to a lesser extent.

Opening the show tonight are Daisy and Aljaž. Tess reminds us that Daisy has both topped the leaderboard and been in the dance-off, so the competition has been a rollercoaster for her (you can see where this is going, can't you?) but the only rollercoaster she really wants to be on is The Big One at BLACKPOOL. You can just call him "Aljaž" you know, Tess. Daisy loved last weekend and says it's the most joyful she'd felt since week one. She was particularly excited not to be in the bottom two, and hopes that her time in the bottom two is over for a while. The Ironic Edits Divison is like "neauxp" and cuts to her training for her salsa which is not really a dance that favours tall, leggy models (Abbey Clancy being a notable exception, though of course she got around it by not actually doing a salsa). Aljaž tells her that at this point in the competition they really need to work hard and make the routine as complicated as possible, and Daisy shows her dedication by practising at home and marking out the rhythm by going "doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo salsa", bless her. Aljaž points out that the lifts are difficult because they're both so tall, and Daisy reminds us that she really wants to go to BLACKPOOL.

They're dancing to 'Groove Is In The Heart', both dressed as sexy flower children with Daisy opening the routine by emerging from Aljaž's camper van of forbidden passion. Apparently she couldn't wait until next week to ride the big one after all. They throw some standard party shapes and Aljaž does a turn so spectacularly ugly that I had to watch it four times to make sure he didn't actually trip up (he didn't, it was just deeply questionable choreography) and then they get into some salsa moves. As predicted, it's not really a dance that suits Daisy terribly well - the length of her legs just highlights how languidly they are moving, and there's not really much flow from one move into the next. It is, however, delightfully camp to watch and they're both clearly having a blast, and it is nice to have a comedy routine that is tongue-in-cheek rather than playing right to the back of the room. I think she did the best she could with a dance that was never really going to work well for her, but I also think it's very unlikely she'll be avoiding the dance-off again with that one.

Daisy giggles her way over to Tess, saying how much fun she had doing that dance - which is good, because I don't imagine it'll be the last time she has to do it. Tess welcomes the brilliant singers, who start doing the 'Gangnam Style' dance - Christ, everyone, don't blow your load over that routine too early, eh? Len opens for the judges by saying he was twitching and gyrating all the way through it. Hopefully there'll be a chance for him to sort out his wedgie before the next couple dance, then. He thinks they came out and sold it, though there was a "little blunder" in there, but he praises her for dancing through it. Bruno loved the legs, the lifts and the hips, and says that it was a very tasty salsa of which Mary Berry would approve - this being a shameless opportunity to highlight the fact that Dame Mary is indeed in the audience tonight. Bruno says that some of the lifts and dismounts were difficult and that's why she occasionally lost balance, and he would "almost like to see it again". Show of hands everyone who thinks he's going to get his wish? Craig, however, thought it was haphazard and disjointed - the lifts were great, but the transitions were sticky getting in and out of them. He does love how supple Daisy is, though. Darcey finishes by saying that Daisy caught the attitude and spirit of the salsa, but she needs to soften her knees and possibly get some shorter legs from somewhere. Thanks Darce.

Somewhere between the start of the routine and now, Aljaž has opened his shirt even more, presumably in the hope that a nip slip might be worth a few extra votes. They flash their way up to the Clauditorium where Daisy says that she loved the routine, and it was such fun just going out and having a party on the dance floor. Scores: Craig 7, Darcey 8, Len 8, Bruno 8 for a total of 31. There's a brief shriek of "what?!" for the seven, although I think that score is about right overall? At least on the curve of this year's judging, anyway. This being the first dance of the night, it's time for our weekly terms and conditions gimmick, which this time comes in the form of a mariachi band.

This week's occupants of The Death Slot (which hasn't actually been that death-y this year because the only person it's taken out is Lesley, but I still don't trust it) are Greg and Natalie with their paso doble. In their VT, Greg thinks that last week was one of their best performances, and he was really happy with how it went and he hopes Natalie is too. Tess's VO tells us that "this week Natalie is teaching Greg how to be a manly matador", and I love the implication that Natalie is teaching Greg how to be manly. Natalie tells us that Greg needs to create a lot of shaping and resistance throughout the body. Greg admits that he'd hoped he would pick this dance up quickly, but actually he's finding it difficult, which is standard Strictly code for "lower your expectations everyone, this one's going to be a snoozer". Still, Natalie says he's giving it his all in every run-through, and Greg vents that he's getting quite frustrated when he can't get it right, but he's going to give it his all and try to be a matador.

They're dancing to 'Tamacun' by Rodrigo y Gabriela, and Natalie opens the routine with some high-level skirt-swishing. Greg removes her shawl and does a bit of ersatz-caping with it, which I think was a bad choice by Natalie - if you're going to do caping, then do it properly, otherwise it just looks naff, as it does here. Once they get into hold and start dancing it doesn't improve much, sadly - Greg looks a little too up on the balls of his feet, and doesn't seem particularly in time with the music either. Also he's putting so much work into his stern matador face that it gets a little pouty and about halfway through I start getting genuinely concerned that he's forgetting to actually breathe. That's not to say it's not still an enjoyable routine on some levels - there is some lovely choreography here and some good shaping, and as has been the case for the last couple of weeks, what Greg lacks in technique he makes up for in performance and commitment to the theming, but I suspect it has gone much better in rehearsals than it is going right now. (Still, his arse looks cracking in those trousers, that's worth at least a couple of votes from me.)

It goes down well in the studio at least, and Greg's too out of breath to talk to Tess afterwards, which I like to think is a life hack they've all started doing on purpose. I know I would. Bruno loved the virility of it all (as he would) and he loves that it was actually a very complicated routine with a lot of work in hold and difficult music to follow, but Greg lost the shaping at times and he needs to remember the artistry. "Artistry takes years to learn," chirps Tess, as if she'd know. Craig says that there was an air of panic about it to him that made it appear stiff, and he went off on the wrong foot near the judges at one point and he was off the beat, but there is a bright side to it - he loved the strong, deep lunges, the robust appel and the stag leap, and overall he thought it was a powerful performance. Darcey says that Greg has the perfect stature with natural strength, but she thinks he gave it a little bit too much this week. She wants him to lift his eye level, but she loves how into the performance he was. Len finishes by saying that there was plenty of aggression and attack, but it just lost a bit of finesse in the technique.

Up in the Clauditorium, Claudia squees that Greg is so adorable because when he's getting the feedback he's all "yep, right, yep, Natalie said that", but my favourite revelation is that apparently Paso Superfan AJ leapt to his feet at the end and said "I'm gonna tell him!", which I think is a good thing? Natalie says that Greg did everything that she asked, and he couldn't have done a better job in her eyes. Scores: Craig 7, Darcey 8, Len 8, Bruno 8 for a total of 31. I love that we've only had two dances and there's already a tie on the leaderboard.

Next is my favourite part of the entire show by a long way: Tess introduces Judge Rinder and Oksana from a seat in the audience between his grandparents who either didn't get the memo that they're supposed to wait until they're spoken to before speaking, or did get it and just don't care (I suspect the latter) - either way, his grandparents yammer away all the way through Tess's piece to camera and Tess reacts about as well as she always does when people go off-script. My favourite bit is when his Grandma Frances turns to Tess and says "I watch your husband on telly." Best nan since both of Alesha's, hands down.

Anyway, Judge Rinder and Oksana loved last week on the show, particularly getting a nine from Darcey. This week they've got the foxtrot and Oksana is explaining the intricate technicalities of it in training. Judge Rinder says that he's learning to properly lead this week, but as long as he can remember everything, he hopes it will go well.

They're dancing to 'You Make Me Feel So Young', and dressed as he is in a blazer, cream slacks and the ugliest pair of shoes I have seen in months, I think Judge Rinder's already getting into character for BLACKPOOL as a deckchair supervisor. He's got his face under control this week and there's a lovely lightness to the routine - it feels smooth and elegant and effortless. I quite like that after going for the comedy vote for the first half of the series, it's clearly clicked for either him or Oksana that they're going to be directly competing with Ed for that voting bloc and probably coming off worse, so they've decided instead to go for technique and make it clear that actually they are not here to fuck about, and you know what? I kind of like it. It's no secret that I'm not the world's biggest fan of foxtrots, but this was really enjoyable to watch.

Tess tells Judge Rinder that he's probably made Harry and Frances very proud, and Judge Rinder absolutely goes for broke by saying that "whatever's going on in the world, we're here because that generation were there for us". I think his grandparents are slightly too young to be co-opted for Remembrance points, but I can see why you might as well give it a go, it's not as if people are going to bother to look up their dates of birth. Craig tells him that his heel leads need more drive and power and it lacked swing and sway, but he's improved his face "for the first time" and he could look at him and enjoy himself for once. Judge Rinder replies "let me know when that happens for you, Craig" which I assume was a response to the "improved your face" part otherwise it doesn't really make any sense, and Craig snorts back "I haven't scored you yet, darling, so that was a stupid move." (I'm pretty sure the judges have to confirm their scores before they even give their comments so that the visual effects team have time to get the graphics ready, but let's just go with it anyway.) Darcey says that he improves each week, and she can see the effort he's put into it. She thinks he really stretched himself this week, and created flow and glide in his movements. She also noticed that he kept his shoulders down, so well done for that. Len thinks it was like a Mary Berry soufflé - light and fluffy and with no soggy bottom. Jesus, we get it, MARY BERRY IS HERE. [Unlike that TRAITOR Paul Hollywood who's left out in the cold round the bins at the back with nowt but piles of unsold soggy Clarkson-Hammond-May and Evans-LeBlanc-all-them-other-ones standees for company - Rad] (Also, why would a soufflé even have a soggy bottom in the first place?) He also disagrees with Craig about the heel leads - he had them right, but it was more the transition into the next step that was the problem, but that's only if Len is being "finicky-winicky" - it was his best dance. Bruno compliments him on being smart and well turned-out, and he thinks that he clearly worked hard this week to get it right and "overall you did", but he lost a bit of flow at times. He thinks he's seeing Robert this week, rather than "Judge Rinder". Bless.

"Robert" and Oksana skip their way up to the Clauditorium, where Claudia says that it must mean so much to get comments like that in front of his grandparents. Yes, I'm sure Harry and Frances were overjoyed to hear 'you finally got your crazy face under control' and 'you didn't have a soggy bottom', those will be going in the Christmas round robin. "Robert" says that his grandma tried to teach him to dance years ago and didn't succeed, possibly because her method didn't involve improving his television profile, and this is the one dance that he came here to do. So does he want to go home now then? Scores: Craig 7, Darcey 9, Len 9, Bruno 8 for a total of 33. The best part of this is Len doing his tiresome "BLERP BLERP IT'S A NINE!" schtick where he wants to be seen to be "correcting" Craig's score, only to be immediately followed by Bruno going "...eight" very demurely (by Bruno's standards, anyway) [+1 - I properly cackled at this - Rad]. Claudia points out that Judge Rinder's scores have never gone down, and also that was his first nine from Len. Judge Rinder says that Len has the "technical, legal eye" (lol bokay then) so that in particular means a lot to him. Yeah, screw you Darcey! Your nine is meaningless now!

Up next we have Ore and Joanne, who will be doing a rumba to John Legend's 'Ordinary People'. Ore says that he was looking forward to doing the salsa last week, but "nothing can prepare you for that red light" (ie the one that means you're in the dance-off), and it was his lowest low of the competition so far. Well yes, that's pretty much what it means. He says that your life flashes before your eyes when you're one dance away from going home (even if you're up against Laura). He thinks the rumba this week is a big challenge because it's slow and controlled, but still requires a lot of technique. Joanne tells him there are a lot of technical elements he has to remember - no heels, straight legs, feet turned out, don't do anything too contempowafty or earn the ire of Len - and also that it's a romantic dance, which Ore points out will be tricky for them as Best Mates What What We'll Have No Curse Of Strictly Here. They demonstrate this further as they both collapse giggling when Ore tries to caress Joanne's face during training, but Ore vows to get serious so he doesn't end up in the dance-off again.

Now, I know nobody's really here for blokerumbas, but I actually really like them (especially now I've had a couple of dance lessons and have a vague idea what it's supposed to look like) and I think Ore acquits himself really well here. There are a few sticky moments, like a backward drag that isn't anywhere near as smooth as it should be, but overall it's graceful and sensual and well-performed. Also I think Jo looks really stunning tonight, as long as you don't pay too much attention to the lower-half of her dress which looks a bit half-finished. I think this is actually one of Ore's better dances of the series, one where he's got the technique more or less down and he's performing at the right level of intensity. Maybe it's not a crowdpleaser, but I really liked it.

Tess tells Ore he looked very dishy doing that dance, and throws in an extra "difficult dance for men" for good measure. Darcey compliments him on the tenderness of the routine, rather than the raw sex element, and she loved his arms which come from his back rather than just from his shoulders. Len was impressed by the timing, because on the rumba you have to dance on the second beat rather than the first, and with only a piano and a vocal to guide him, Ore kept time beautifully. He would've liked to see Ore push his heel through his calf (sounds painful), but apart from that it was great. Bruno loved the tonality and the way Ore expressed the song through his body as well as the tender connection with Joanne. Craig thought he hit the dance too hard and lost a bit of fluidity, but it was very expressive and evocative.

On their way up to the Clauditorium, Joanne tells Ore how proud she is of him, and Ore says he was getting emotional at the end and everyone's all "oh god, here he goes". Heh. He says it was a hard dance, but he loved doing it. Scores: Craig 8, Darcey 9, Len 9, Bruno 9 for a total of 35, tying him with Danny for the highest rumba score of the series so far.

After a quick preview of what's coming up later on the show, it's over to Ed and Katya, who are dancing to 'Gangnam Style' this week. You may not have heard about that, the show has kept it very quiet. In his VT, Ed repeats that line he's been playing all week about how this was the first time people were talking about his dancing rather than the entertainment value, which is odd considering that last week's routine was about 70 per cent "entertainment value" and absolute maximum 30 per cent quickstep, but never mind. Ed tells us that they will be doing "a seltzer" this week. Bodes well. Their training VT is all about how wacky and unpredictable Ed is in his interpretation of her choreo, and they go on to explain how they'd planned a move where Ed falls backwards onto Katya, because apparently she hasn't diced with death enough yet this series. Ed promises that whatever happens this weekend, it won't be dull. Well, there's a first time for everything I suppose.

I will start with the positives: despite pretty much all of the training footage focusing on the lifts and the official 'Gangnam Style' dance, there is actually a fair bit of salsa at the top of the routine. Certainly more salsa than we ever got from Will Young. It's not danced terribly well, but at least it's there. Then it all descends into madness as Ed throws himself crotch-first at Katya, knocking her to the ground as she holds onto his thighs while kicking out, and crab-running from one side of the floor to the other. Once again I can't help but applaud Katya for her sheer fearlessness when it comes to the lifts, because every single one leaves just a hair's breadth between "success" and "concussion", but if people are going to insist on telling me each week about how Ed is "really improving" and "actually trying to dance", routines like this aren't going to be what persuades me. (Also: Ed was on The Last Leg this week claiming that his routines are some kind of antidote to what's happening in the real world with the Trumpocalypse upon us, as opposed to yet another example of talented women being rejected in favour of a mediocre white man taking the piss. I remain unmoved.)

It gets a standing ovation of course, and Tess applauds the band for singing in Korean. Len says that there are no words in the dictionary to describe what he has just witnessed, but what he loves is the sense of anticipation before Ed dances. Not least by the paramedics on standby in the wings for Katya. Len loves watching Ed for his entertainment value, and he thinks something will be missing from the show if Ed doesn't make it to BLACKPOOL. Bruno said it left him feeling "queasy and queer" - so business as usual then? He thinks it was like one of those dishes that you know is going to give you indigestion, but you lap it up anyway. He declares it "the best worst dance I've seen". Craig offers up three letters: "OMG". Darcey says it will go down in Strictly history. Oh, I don't doubt it'll be right there in every montage of "FUNNIEST DANCES EVER LOL!!!!!11!" right next to Russell Grant being shot out of a cannon, while Nancy Dell'Olio's salsa and Alison Hammond's American smooth remain woefully underappreciated.

Up in the Clauditorium, Claudia points out that Ed's little brother Andrew appears to have been scarred for life by what he's just seen. Scores: Craig 4, Darcey 7, Len 8, Bruno 6 for a total of 25. Len's so checked out, isn't he? He just doesn't care any more. [Except about people HAVING A GO at him even when they're not - Rad]

The couple with the unenviable task of having to follow that are Claudia and AJ. Tess opens for them by saying that we're all enjoying Claudia's Strictly experience, but not as much as Claudia herself is, which sounds like a bit of a burn if you think about it too long. Last week's paso went down well, and AJ and his flyaway training hair (which is my favourite version of AJ, if anyone's wondering) say that although they were mid-table they still survived, and they just have to keep their heads down and get to BLACKPOOL. Claudia vows to give it everything. In training, Claudia struggles to pronounce "fleckerl" and says that it's hard to be graceful and floaty when you're a gymnast, so she has to find her "inner loveliness". Someone's been hanging out with Anastacia. AJ says that they can't do any lifts this week, so they're going for a freefall spin at the end, and Claudia says that it's hard for her because she has to keep one toe on the ground if she doesn't want to piss Len off.

They're dancing to 'Breakaway' by Kelly Clarkson, which is an excellent music choice, and it's all very lovely and pretty, but it doesn't quite have the impact I was expecting it to, considering how good it looked in their training footage. It just feels a little bit slower than it should be, and perhaps just a bit too gentle? Maybe they're suffering from being right behind Ed in the running order and our brains not having quite readjusted from what we've just witnessed, but it feels rather 'pleasant but forgettable', which is a shame because I was really looking forward to this one.

Claudia tells Tess she's a bit dizzy afterwards, and Bruno tells them that they're "adorable" and "the cutest couple in the land" to get our infantilisation of the week out of the way. He liked how they went out of the fleckerl right on the breath. Craig loved their movement around the floor, but Claudia is occasionally spotting the floor when she's out of hold. He thought it was gorgeous, though. Darcey calls her "Clawdia" (yikes) and says that there was a lovely, romantic feeling between the two of them throughout and it was all very smooth and serene. Len concludes by saying it had grace, maturity and wonderful style.

In the Clauditorium, Claudia W asks if this was difficult because gymnastics is all about learning to stop, whereas this was all about creating a continuous flow. Apparently AJ has been telling Claudia F to "stop being gymnasticky" all week. Scores: unanimous nines for a total of 36. Claudia W tells us that Claudia F has never been to BLACKPOOL.

The seventh couple of the night are Danny and Oti with an Argentine tango to a Marvin Gaye song. Tess says that she thinks it will be good because she "heard it through the grapevine', and the audience jeers. Ha! In their VT, Oti gloats about how well the jive went, and says that since having fun worked for Danny last week, they'll need to keep having fun. In this dance, he'll have to be a strong, masculine character. Danny asks if that means he has to be angry all the time - all right there, Captain Toxic Masculinity - and Oti says no, he'll need to express a lot of different emotions. Danny's concerned about all the intertwining leg flicks because the routine has the potential to be really good. Oti says she'll be devastated if it goes wrong on the night.

It opens with a ringing phone on the stage which Danny goes to answer before suddenly dropping it and going off to slink his way around an Argentine tango. It looks a bit like he's a sleeper agent who's just been given his activation trigger, although maybe I've been watching too many Marvel movies. The arrangement of 'I Heard It Through The Grapevine' to fit an Argentine tango just about works, but the tempo feels too fast overall, which makes the performance feel too fast and frantic. There are sections that are lovely and sharp, but there are also sections that feel rushed and sloppy in the footwork. I'm disappointed, because I think Danny could've done an amazing Argentine tango with a better soundtrack, whereas this is just a quite-good one. Oti's clearly thrilled with how it went though.

Craig says that Danny needs a bit more of an A-frame and he needs to lead with the solar plexus rather than the arms, and it was a bit too aggressive for his liking, but it was incredible all the same. Darcey says it was "frantic and busy" (oof) and she agrees with Craig, it was too aggressive. She would've liked a story through the moves with more intensity and desire, and she thinks it was too hard to do it at that speed. Len says that normally he likes the Argentine tango to be small and intimate, but the clarity of movement and precision throughout that dance converted him - he thought it was brilliant. Bruno thinks Danny's on the boil (geddit?) with a raging passion, and he thinks this dance is about storytelling - this story was about an argument. He thought the ganchos and the precision made it a killer Argentine tango.

After they climb up to the balcony, Oti says that they were both nervous about this dance, but Danny did so well. Danny says that Oti's supported him through a very tough week this week, and dedicates the routine to his dad. I don't actually know what's going on with his dad, and Google doesn't seem to know either, but credit to him for keeping it quiet and not milking it for votes, anyway. Scores: Craig 9, Darcey 9, Len 10, Bruno 10 for a total of 38.

That leaves Louise and Kevin to close the show. Last week's Argentine tango was a real moment for them, and Louise is "chuffed to bits" that it went well. This week they have the "American smooth foxtrot" - "okay, so are they not all foxtrot?" asks Louise. I know what she means, but it would be hilarious if she'd thought every single dance she'd done so far was a foxtrot. Kevin says that the judges will be getting really critical by this stage (dare to dream, Kevin, dare to dream) and Louise says that they'll be dropping in a bit of Fosse-inspired choreography - which she's always loved watching, but she doesn't quite know if she can do it or not. Kevin says the routine is also quite slow in the footwork, so the judges will be able to see everything. Louise finishes the VT by saying that it was great to do so well last week, but now she needs to go out and fight to get to BLACKPOOL.

They're dancing to 'Big Spender' so inevitably it is camp as hell. It begins with Louise wafting a load of feathers around and high-kicking, and it doesn't get any less gloriously theatrical as it goes on. It's great, after so many weeks of seeing Louise being technically skilled but not really bringing the performance element home, watching her really come to life in a routine like this. Kevin's choreography is excellent and uses all the accents of the music perfectly. My only real criticism is that it could've used a better end pose, because like a few of Kevin's routines (Kellie Bright's charleston springs to mind), it sort of fizzles out after 90 seconds of pure drama, but other than that: dance of the night for me, easily. [I was a bit underwhelmed - I think it could have been bigger and more spectacular, like it was aiming for the campest, showiest, Bassey-ist dance ever, but only got about 80% of the way there - Rad]

Darcey tells Louise that she looked the part and danced the part - it was the perfect routine for her. There were a few moments in lifts where her shoulders crept up, but that's the only real criticism that Darcey has to offer. Len tells Louise that it's a terrific dance to choreograph to, and all of that was on the money - big spender, big attitude, and he thinks she's going to get a big score. Bruno loved how she vamped it up, having a "leading lady diva" moment - he thinks there was so much in the dance, the way she picked up all of the accents with all of the subtle intonations of her performance. Craig finishes by saying his cork was well and truly popping - he loves her musicality, he loved the elements of jazz in there, and the way that Kevin showed Louise off rather than showing himself off. He thought it was beautifully judged, though that might just be Craig congratulating himself, who knows?

Claudia's line of questioning afterwards is all about how much work it takes Louise to get into character and stop feeling self-conscious, and Louise says that they probably have to spend more time on that than on the dance itself (lol ringer) because she feels silly trying to play a character on her own in a cold training room on a Monday morning. Claudia points out that the judges all praised Kevin's choreography as well, and Kevin asks why he wouldn't show off Louise, because look at her? I hope this is everyone just trying to massively shade Giovanni for that spin section last week. Scores: Craig 9, Darcey 9, Len 9, Bruno 10 for a total of 37. Joanne and Karen start jumping down and shouting "undermarked! Undermarked!" and I personally agree (or at least some of the dances tonight were overmarked, because by my reckoning this should have had a clear lead on everyone else), but I also think it's stuff like this that gets people's backs up about the Clifton Clique trying to big each other up all the time.

So here's that overall scoreboard:

1. Danny & Oti - 38
2. Louise & Kevin - 37
3. Claudia & AJ - 36
4. Ore & Joanne - 35
5. Judge Rinder & Oksana - 33
6=. Daisy & Aljaž - 31
6=. Greg & Natalie - 31
8. Ed & Katya - 25

So that's it! An interesting lack of ties this week, which makes things slightly more difficult for the people at the bottom. I think Ed's probably fine, all things considered, so my money's on a Daisy vs Greg dance-off, and I think it could potentially go either way. My instinct is that they'd probably send Greg home, but it may well come down to the actual performance on the night. Wouldn't that be a turn-up for the books? Join us tomorrow (hopefully, work schedules permitting) for the results...

This week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...

- Giovanni was not familiar with 'How Am I Supposed To Live Without You' before this weekend.
- Laura's main thought during her samba dance-off was "wheeeeee!".
- Laura wants Ore to win because that means she could claim she could've been second. Sort of. Not that anyone ever comes second on this show these days.
- Karen Hardy thinks that all of the remaining couples are brilliant and amazing. #bringbackchloe
- Ed is really jealous that Louise got to do the first Argentine tango because he's always wanted to do one, and when if/when he gets to do one, Ed wants to be the girl.
- Hot Greg the floor manager spends half his time looking for Anton.
- Anton is a massive fan of Gary Barlow.  Le sigh.
-  Anton loves it when you get surprise pairings in the dance-off.
- Taking part in this year's Christmas special are: Denise Lewis, Pamela Stephenson, Melvin Odoom, Frankie Bridge, Ainsley Harriott and Gethin Jones. This would appear to be what we call "a mixed bag" in the trade. (Please partner Gethin with Gorka, Gorkin 4eva.)
- This was the first week people talked to Ed more about the dancing than the "entertainment" (even though there was less dancing to talk about).
- Ed and Katya were more impressed with a 6 from Craig than an 8 from Bruno.
- Ed's salsa will involve some of the 'Gangnam Style' choreography. No word on whether it will include any actual salsa yet.
- Ed and Katya will be trying to recreate and improve the lift from their American smooth this week. She'll only have herself to blame when she's in A&E with concussion.
- Ore was prepared to be in the bottom two because everyone's so good at this point.
- Joanne's response to being in the dance off was that they just need to dance better.
- Joanne had expected Ore to fall to pieces in the dance-off because he's so emotional.
- Ore's rumba will not be all that sexy because Joanne thinks they are not sexy people.
- Karen H still has a problem with Danny's posture because he sticks his chin out.
- Apparently 'I Heard It Through The Grapevine' is now Argentine tango music.
- 'Groove Is In The Heart' is older than all the following pros: AJ, Chloe, Oti, Gorka and Giovanni. Just kill me now
- This week the pro outreach programme saw Neil learning bhangra dancing. No, seriously.
- Bhangra originated as a dance of farmers in the Punjab region.
- Greg correcting his thumb during his Viennese waltz wasn't actually in response to Craig glaring at him, that was a coincidence.
- Natalie and Greg didn't get the chaise longue until very late in the rehearsal process so they had to blag their way through a little bit.
- In Saturday's rehearsals, Natalie's heels kept ripping the velvet upholstery on the chaise.
- Greg's paso will be "very raw and authentic". Here for it.
- Natalie got 35 for her pasos with Ricky Whittle and Scott Maslen. Not Tim Wonnacott, sadly.
- BREAKING NEWS: the rumba is still a difficult dance for a man.
- Ore still hasn't learned to do a figure 8 with his hips.
- AJ is still persisting with the chin-fluff and it's still not quite working.
- Claudia has to stroke AJ's face in the Viennese waltz but she's struggling to do it without laughing.
- Claudia's gymnastics career has taken her many places but never to BLACKPOOL.
- The less complex you made a foxtrot, the better it is. (That must be what was wrong with the series six final; all the foxtrots were too complex.)
- Anton thinks Strictly foxtrots tend to be too 'clonky' to get perfect scores.
- Foxtrot is apparently a difficult dance for women, not that we ever hear about that.
- Louise doesn't think she can be as camp as Kevin.  She's not that familiar with some of her own pop videos, in that case.
- Darcey thinks her tenure as a Strictly judge doesn't feel as long as it has actually been. Speak for yourself, bab.
- If Darcey were competing on the show, she'd want to dance with Natalie, Oti or Aljaž. Solid choices.
- Judge Rinder's iPod doesn't really have any music on it dating later than about 1950.
- Laura may have been this year's designated superfan, but it appears that Judge Rinder has been watching It Takes Two for years.
- The foxtrot was the dance Judge Rinder always wanted to do, because his 90-something grandparents have always loved dancing it and are coming to see him on Saturday.
- Danny Mac has a selection of rehearsal outfit poppies.
- Vicky Gill says "layer" the same way that Mary Berry does.
- Danse avec les stars is currently in its seventh series in France and averaging five million viewers.
- Theme weeks in France include personal stories week and new dances week (featuring Bollywood and flamenco), so our theme weeks don't look so bad now, huh?
- Their staging and props are also more cumbersome than ours.
- The "flamboyant judge" on the French version spends even less time in his seat than Bruno does.
- Daisy was dreading being made to dance to 'Daisy Bell' because she was teased with it since being a child.
- Following the success of the Viennese waltz, Aljaž is going to put bicycle moves in all of Daisy's routines from now on.
- Daisy goes "wheeeeeee!" every time Aljaž lifts her.
- Aljaž has been struggling to learn the words to 'I'm a Little Teapot', substituting teacup for teapot, and sprout, stout and snout for spout.
- Zoe can totally rock a bright pink jumpsuit.
- Danny kept forgetting his jive right before the show last week.

- Danny has been waiting his entire life to get 10s for a jive.

- Gloti (Oti’s nickname over at Monkseal’s blog) has officially been incorporated into canon (or used in a caption on this show, which is close enough)

- Danny’s legs are still hurting after the jive and he’s been taking ice baths to try and help.

- Oti and Danny weren’t entirely sure about the choice of ‘Heard it through the Grapevine’ for their Argentine Tango.

- AJ and Chloe are going to front this week’s group dance.  Justice for Chloe at last!

- Zoe’s way of introducing this week’s Friday panel of Anneka Rice, Mel Giedroyc and Dave Myers? ‘Two TV legends and a hairy biker’ #shaaaaade.

- Anneka Rice thinks Louise is sassy. I guess these things are relative, huh?

- Mel Giedroyc has decided Louise reminds her of Pamela Stephenson. I am struggling to imagine their being forthcoming columns about the sexual energy between her and Kevin.

- Anneka Rice decided to cope with Trump by getting pissed and (imagining?) shagging Ore.  WHAT, THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID.

- Dave Myers thinks the foxtrot dance is the same thing as the fox hunting foxtrot and says he can imagine Judge Rinder out hunting foxes. I'd be careful what you say about lawyers, Dave...

- In the Christmas show, Ainsley will dance with Karen; Gethin with Chloe (hooray!); Janette with Melvin again; Frankie with Gorka; Pamela with Pasha and Denise with… Anton?!? The Friday panel are all over Pasha and Pamela.

- Mel Giedroyc has officially opened the campaign for Anneka Rice on Strictly 2017. It does kind of feel like she should have done it years ago, after all.  I await the inevitable helicopter entrance…

- The strategic positioning of a scarf over the word ‘Jordan’ on Greg’s sweater doesn’t hide the massive and very recognisable Nike Jordan logo, BBC branding police. Unless they just didn't want anyone to think of James and Ola.

- Greg and Ore walk around together in their shanks all the time.

- Craig thinks that ‘this year’ the audience will decide the winner. Has no-one actually told him in the past few years?

- Bruno is this series’ highest scorer with 650 points awarded this series, followed by Len on 639 and - Darcy on 635. Craig has given 563, which he says is because he’s the only one scoring in a British way. 

- Gethin’s behind the scenes interviews aren’t even pretending to be live in the evening now, as he’s saying ‘morning’ to the stars with bright sunlight streaming into the rooms.

- Gethin calls VTs ‘films’ bless him.

- Gethin and Daisy like to hang out watching Greg playing with his belt.

- Oti has the most beautiful face Anneka Rice has ever seen, coupled with the most amazing boots.

- Mel Giedroyc would like Danny and Oti vs Greg and Natalie in the dance-off to shake things up.

- Dave Myers thinks one of his dances had the biggest standing ovation in Strictly history.  The notion of a standing ovation on this show lost any meaning about 10 series ago, so that’s not an especially interesting or impressive boast.

- The ‘let’s get Ed to BLACKPOOL and no further’ journey storyline has begun in earnest.

- Mel thinks any of the previously non-dancing-off couples could go this weekend, Dave thinks Daisy and Anneka thinks Greg.

- The show thinks the perfect music to soundtrack the celebs waxing lyrical about their pros is Daniel Merriweather’s ‘Red’, a song about one partner’s unhappiness in a controlling relationship.  It’s uncertain if this was a cock-up or a mega burn.

- The lifts in Kevin and Louise’s American Smooth might be underwhelming.

- Louise’s eldest son wasn’t keen on the sexiness of their AT.

- AJ’s advice for Gethin on working with Chloe is to get it right first time. We believe it.

- AJ and Chloe are playing a real couple in their dance for Remembrance Sunday and the couple themselves will be in the audience.

Whit-no-more

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(Argentine) Tango to the top

Top 9 perform: Saturday 5 November 2016

Welcome back! Last week was Halloween and bottom two zombie goddess Anastacia was finally laid to rest! The leaderboard was rattled with subpar performances from most of the alleged contenders and we got to see who, in the absence of Pasha, could be picked on most by hair, make-up and wardrobe (answer: Ore & Jo).

Tess and Claudia enter - Tess in a cobalt blue pants suit, with a kind of cap sleeve on one shoulder and a series of spaghetti straps on the other. It’s one of those things that would look better were one shoulder bare or both shoulders equal. ["Better" very much being a relative term, mind. - Steve] I swear Tess gets her outfits from Ugly Asymmetrical Shoulderlines R Us. This, as with many of her other outfits, would look all right otherwise. Claudia is wearing a black dress with white trim and a very high split up the middle. Risqué! Tess reminds us that it’s fireworks night tonight and I’m always surprised that this show hasn’t done a bonfire night theme. I mean once you’d gone past Katy Perry’s ‘Firework’ (Cha Cha Cha), Roxette’s ‘Fireworks’ (American Smooth), The Crazy World of Arthur Brown’s ‘Fire’ (Paso Doble), Knife Party’s ‘Bonfire’ (Samba), Mary Wells’ ‘My Guy’ (Foxtrot) and the collected works of Catherine Wheel (I don’t know, Tango probably, it seems to be the dance that they dump all the unsuitable music upon) then you would be running out of options, but that’s never stopped this show pursuing a fairly weak theme to the nth degree before.

The judges enter, Len showboating so much that we don’t even get to see Craig’s entrance. For those keeping watch of such things, tonight is the night that we officially see poppies affixed to everyone’s attire. Our couples enter: Louise and Kevin; Judge Rinder and Oksana; Claudia and AJ; Ore and Joanne; Daisy and Aljaž; Greg and Natalie; Adam; Laura and Giovanni; Danny and Oti. For those of you with a conspiracy theorist mindset, when they talk about couples leaving the competition, the camera is focused on a fairly unenthusiastic looking Laura and they’ve not even danced yet.

The first couple tonight are Danny and Oti. We are reminded that last week, their routine went all kinds of wrong and we see footage of them kicking each other, standing on each other’s feet and struggling with the red ribbon that was tied between them. Their VT centres on their routine being based in a pool hall, and Danny asks Oti if she is any good at pool, to which she replies that she is amazing and we see her hustle her way through potting everything using a variety of trick shots. Were this any other pro dancer, I might suspect that they had either rigged this or used a stunt player, but come on, it’s Oti.

Danny’s dressed in high-waisted trousers, braces and a quiff the size of an iceberg, whilst Oti is looking great in red and green (is there a colour she doesn’t look great in?  She seems to suit most styles). They are jiving to ‘Long Tall Sally’, and the poor gimmick is only used in so far as Danny is attempting to play pool than Oti shouts ‘Yo, Danny Mac!’ and he ditches the pool cue and they start jiving. [All dances to start with Oti shouting "yo, Danny Mac!" in future please. Even dances that don't actually feature Danny. - Steve] It’s a frenetic, energetic and nimble routine. He is pulling faces that will make Judge Rinder look sedate, wonder if they will pick him up on this in the comments as they would with Rinder though? He’s got plenty of bounce and kick and there’s a couple of impressive splits where he bounces straight back up again. Technically it might be a little bit more accomplished than Ore and Jo’s, at least in terms of the amount of different steps involved (some of the finishing isn’t quite sharp enough) although perhaps lacking the initial impact of that one simply by virtue of them being the second of the two couples to perform the jive. It ends with him dancing on the pool table and then jumping over Oti’s head. A very good routine, but is there room in the holy Trinity of jive for a fourth member?

Tess asks if he needs a breather and he gasps ‘please’, so she introduces the singers and Dave Arch and co. Len says his legs could have perhaps been straighter in places, but it was full of content, technique and energy. Bruno exclaims that he doesn’t know what’s going on this season (sic) with having ‘all these boys and jives’. Yes dear, we’ve had two good ones from two dancers who have been pretty good in most genres, calm down. He praises the complexity of the choreography and says that all played out in an unexpected way (I’m not entirely sure what he means here, but… Bruno) and he stands up, claps and he eulogises it some more. Craig says it wasn’t that good, but he did enjoy it, he loved the pirouettes, the split jump over the table and a number of the other techniques-he thought the retractions could have been crisper but otherwise it was incredible. Darcey fans herself, calls them amazing and says she is not surprised that the sharpness of the retractions always though given the speed of the dance. Danny and Oti both seem delighted with those critiques - Danny especially, presumably as he’s going to get less stick in training this week than he must’ve done last.

In the Clauditorium, Danny praises Oti and her choreography as it’s been a tough week, but he’s enjoying it. Scores: 9, 10, 9, 10 for a total of 38. Whilst that has put an end to the when will Poor Danny get 10s narrative, it does mean that we are now officially on the quest for the first 40 and that, I’m guessing, will probably happen in BLACKPOOL, the land of all dance related miracles. Truly, its bouncy dancefloor is the equivalent of the healing waters of Lourdes. Claudia says that it is lovely that all the other dancers were cheering for him and Danny says it’s given him a newfound respect for all and looks around to find him, but he isn’t there. Claudia says ‘he wasn’t clapping’.  Hee.

This week’s terms and conditions are delivered with Chas and Dave (Chas & Dave?  Chas’n’Dave?  They kind of feel like they should be an ’n’) a.k.a. contenders for the Christmas special in 2021 when the Conservatives have ripped all the funding from the BBC even further and the only professional dancers left are Anton and Brendan and the Daily Mail descends into yet more GAY PANIC BAN THIS SICK BBC PC FILTH NOW and then Donald Trump presses the big red button and we all die anyway hooray. [U ok hun? - Steve] Chas’n’Dave lead everyone in a singalong of ‘Snooker Loopy’ (albeit without the Matchroom Mob). Unsurprisingly, Kevin knows all the words, because of course he does. (Yes OK so do I what of it). Claudia tries to make this connect with Oti and Danny’s pool based routine, but I suspect that there is probably some enmity between pool and snooker purists who would be horrified at the thought that the two things could ever be conflated in much the same way that people get pissy about the differences between salsa and samba-oh wait, not on this show they don’t, never mind.

Daisy and Aljaž next, and Tess tells us that as their dances on a flower store, Aljaž has been making sure his Daisy is well watered and given plenty of sunlight. I’m sure that wasn’t meant to sound as filthy as it did.

We are reminded several times the Daisy was in the bottom two last week and nearly died from hyperventilation, so if we could avoid that this week, that would be very nice thank you. As their dances going to be set in the market, they take to a market for their VT. It’s one of those markets in that London where they always send the Apprentice candidates and I suspect that, just out of shot, there’s a bunch of them smelling woss selling, given that, with BBC cutbacks, it only makes sense that they film two shows on one shoot. Next series, the judging on this show and the CV interviews will be combined into one hideous process where all the business ideas will be along the lines of ‘making rumba easier for men’, ‘Komedy Koncept Generator app’ (pair the wacky concepts listed by your Christian and Surname initials to provide a theme for your dance/product/advert/name of firstborn child.  Mine is Marrakech AntonLatin!) and ‘Clim Bon Leen 2: Climming Bonnier and Leener’. Hmm I’m sort of wishing we still had the time and energy to recap that show now, even if it has become a parody of a parody of itself. [I'm quite sad I never got to recap Jessica. - Steve]

Anyway, where were we? Oh yes, Daisy and Aljaz’s dance. It’s a Viennese waltz to ‘Daisy Bell’ (Bicycle Built for Two) - which is the kind of on point song choice we would usually get in week one. I swear this is the first time I ever knew that the lyrics for this song are technically ‘built for two’ rather than ‘made for two’. I also looked up the second verse that I remember singing as a child - and I couldn’t remember whether that was a real verse or not - turns out it was an amalgamation of several of the ‘folk’ versions of the second verse, so I learned something from this week’s episode.

The dancing is lovely and whimsical - possibly a little too sweet for many people’s tastes, but such is this show’s way of presenting the Viennese waltz, I guess. For those interested in Aljaz’s trouser situation - red and moderately tight. [Dat ass tho. - Steve] Daisy is wearing a white frock and smiling throughout. Then there’s some cycling choreography, which is wonderfully twee, and I think the theme and song are just about knowing enough that it isn’t too nauseating. However, the look of thunder on Pearl Lowe’s face in the audience might suggest otherwise. Where’s the pre-Wake Up-era Boo Radleys? The Salad b-sides? The faux-ironic-sell-out Benny-Hill-cum-Keith-Allen-Damien-Hirst-and-Mouse-Trap-not-at-all-coke-fuelled stylings of  Blur’s ‘Country House’? Pffft. Bring your daisy stall to her on Four Rooms and she’ll send you packing to Celia Sawyer before you can say ‘where the fuck did Anita Rani go and what’s with this Sarah Beeny’s Four Rooms crap?’.

Bruno calls her ‘easy does it Daisy’. Bit personal there, Bruno. He loves the effortlessness and charm and thoughts the section where they were emulating a tandem was really cute. Craig says she coped really well with the changes in direction and liked that there was a quirkiness to the dance. There were a couple of technical issues, but overall, he thought it was brilliant. Darcey says she looked in control during all the changes in direction but her top line could have been more exaggerated and she says the Daisy has a beautiful aura when she’s on hold. Len thinks it was charming and that, although there isn’t much choreography to a Viennese waltz, they managed to bring in some quirks. He disagrees with Darcy about Daisy’s top line.

In the Clauditorium, Claudia reveals that Aljaž has been strict in training and a whole heap of viewers swoon at the very thought. Scores: eight, eight, nine, nine for a total of 34.

Ore and Joanne now - Ore is wearing the same shade of blue on his top that I’m currently wearing on my fingernails. It’s not a stanning choice, honest. Tess says that last week, Craig gave them poor comments, and leans over his desk so that the strange bangle she is wearing on her upper arm digs into her flesh. Ouch.

Their VT is a purely training footage oriented one - recapping their car crash Charleston (but somehow still got two 9s), Ore trying to wiggle his hips, rehearsing lifts for their salsa.

They are dancing to ‘Turn the Beat Around’ and I’m really glad to see some party Latin back on the agenda this series, which has felt somewhat light on the genre so far. I am, of course, living for the bright colours of their lighting and outfits - what I am not living for so much is the terrible extensions they have whacked on Joanne, which keep getting in her face at every twist, turn and lift, making the whole thing look a bit of a mess. For lovers of white trousers, there is much to be gained from the pair Ore is wearing. [With the blue top though, they do look a bit Bucks-Fizz-at-Eurovision. - Steve] The routine is energetic, fun and fast, his hip work is a bit hit and miss and when he is bringing her into a (usually quite crazy) lift, he tends to stutter to a standstill, rather than it feeling part of the organic flow of movement of the dance. It’s a fun watch, but somewhat sloppy in terms of technique.

Craig said he has much improved and he thought the lifts were great. He praises the syncopated hip work on some of the beats, but says there could be more rotation in the figure eights, which weren’t so smooth. Darcey says she loved the amount of choreography in there, but he needs to watch his arm work, as sometimes that was overemphasised at the expense of his feet. Len says he was ogling Ore’s bum and his hips are hypnotic. It’s all coming out in this last series, isn’t it? Bruno says they have a great partnership and it’s really brave to have those tricky lifts in it. He says he disagrees about the hips, because the music is so syncopated it naturally lends itself to having less fluid sense of movement.

In the Clauditorium, Ore says they’ve had a lot of fun this week and Claudia says that in training footage Joanne said to him that he looked like a chicken and she wanted him to be a jellyfish. Ore says ‘that’s a brief glimpse into the training mind of Joanne Clifton’. I suspect the training mind of Joanne Clifton is a slightly random and somewhat scary place to be much of the time, with an unusual fixation on sea creatures. Scores: eight, eight, nine, nine for a total of 34.

Ed and Katya next. We are reminded that last week, they did a decent performance, and got an eight from Bruno - Claudia’s hysterical fit at this in the recap is a sight to behold as their dance is set in a silent movie, we have a joke whereby Ed gets turned into black and white, start using cue cards and ends up being captured in an old-fashioned TV set. This does, however, all take place in a training room, so it’s almost akin to training footage. Kind of.

They are dancing the quickstep to ‘Help’, dressed as Laurel and Hardy (Ed playing Oliver Hardy, albeit without the moustache) [And Katya looking more like Oliver Hardy than Stan Laurel, but hey, at least they tried. - Steve] it is very identifiable as quickstep-all the core choreography is there, it’s danced with a lot of pace and whilst Ed’s technique is lacking in precision and cleanliness, he is executing all of the moves. There is a little comedy break in between where they do some silent movie style larking around that goes on a fraction too long, but is reasonably justifiable given the seeming of the dance and the fact that Ed is a comedy contestant. Then he kicks Katya up the bum as an ending, if the Daily Mail is looking for a suitable story angle for their lefty-pinko-bias-bbc outrage.

Darcey says there was a lot of good things in it-she liked that they brought a strong narrative and some quirks to a quickstep and she was really surprised by the lightness in his feet as they moved across the floor, although he’s a little too bouncy, rather than smooth, in some of his footwork. Len says he needs some help in his footwork and posture, but he also needs some love from reviewers and Len would like to see him here again next week. Let’s see if he is still singing to that tune when we get our inevitable Daisy versus Laura (or whoever else ends up down there) dance off, shall we?

Bruno praises the amount of content and says that, whilst Ed’s footwork still needs improvement, he’s working really hard and it’s paying off.  Craig does his usual ‘your thumb stuck up’ fake out and says it’s brilliant to see Ed improving. We must be running out of time, because that’s the length of critiques. If we can get through everyone so quickly, that will make my job involves a lot easier, not least because I seem to have been wandering off onto many a tangent tonight. In the Clauditorium, Claudia asks if it is too soon to ‘invoke the B word’ and I love that it takes Ed ages to cotton on to it meaning Blackpool and yes, yes it is too soon. Scores: six, seven, seven, seven for a total of 27 and their highest score yet.

Laura and Giovanni now, who were inflated to the top of the leaderboard last week. Is that likely to continue this week, or will she be back in the bottom two where she probably would have been had the judges scores not helped her last time (to be fair, I enjoyed her dance last week a lot - just not enough to vote for her). Their VT involves them going to the Pride of Britain awards and encountering unlikely Strictly super fan Joan Collins, who tells Laura that she has to beat Ed Balls and also tells her off for being out rather than training. Bring on Joan Collins for Strictly 2017, even if it means they can’t afford any other contestants. Heck, Steven and I have both been on television a few times, we’ll do it if they’re desperate (you can still dance if neither of your arms actually works, can’t you?).

Their Samba (to 'Bamboleyo') is set on a red carpet, simulated by a light projection onto the floor-and this really scuppers the dance, because when they are dancing up and down, it looks quite good, but much of the time they are trying to utilise the rest of the dancefloor and therefore keep wandering away from the carpets, giving the resultant effect that they are sloppy and imprecise-even if that’s not the case. Laura is trying to give it her usual sexy face, but there’s also an element of her camping it up and seeming to find it all a little ridiculous. That’s combination of poor lighting and Laura not really being into it doesn’t do the dance any favours - and it’s not the most well danced routine they’ve done either, with a stumble part-way through. Then the whole thing is killed entirely when at the end of the dance, we get a single camera following Giovanni spinning around the dancefloor, making it all about him and not about the celebrity partner, to an extent that puts even Ola Jordan starfishing around her latest no-hoper to shame. [To be fair I think this may have been Giovanni having to cover for Laura not being able to dance on her gammy ankle, but it wasn't the best way of covering it. - Steve]

Len says that, although there was a little mistake, they generally recovered. However, he thinks the music was a little bit fast and they sacrificed some technique for that. Bruno says, they were sizzling-can I get a check on where the showmance is meant to be up to at the moment? He says they put in all of the Samba content that you would need. Craig says they stumbled a bit and that some Lucy Laura quite well but others like. He expresses surprise that Giovanni didn’t give her any bachacadas and took the limelight for himself at the end. Giovanni promises that they will have bachacadas next time-what, in the dance off? Darcey says she enjoyed the travelling and thought Laura heard a lot of work into her hips, but she really enjoyed Giovanni’s end-as do many of the viewers, I’m sure.

In the Clauditorium, everyone is spinning around, trying to pretend to be Giovanni. Claudia compares into windup toy. Emphasis is clearly on Laura here, hey? Scores: seven, eight, eight, nine for a total of 32. Laura looks a little defeated, as well she might, because this is unlikely to lift her outside of the dance-off zone.

The some reason, we then get a preview of what is coming up, which is unnecessary at any stage of the competition particularly when you’re already halfway through and you only have four dances coming up. Tess tells us that we will be having an ‘authentic Spanish Paso Doble’ coming up from AJ and Claudia later, which is the cue for Claudia’s wacky prop hour-a comedy moustache, sombrero, and rose between her teeth. However, it is also clear that Tess has not been watching It Takes Two, wherein we learned that Paso Doble actually originated in France. Spoiler alert - AJ and Claudia’s dance is also likely to be authentic as that Claudia (W) caricature.

Judge Rinder and Oksana now. Their VT is another purely training footage one, focusing on judge Rinder struggling with the timing of the quickstep music and getting frustrated, despite loving the dance. Do we think they blew all their VT budget on sending Louise to Paris the other week?

They are dancing to 'It Don’t Mean a Thing' and are both decked out in full Fred and Ginger - indeed, I kept forgetting that this wasn’t an American smooth, so used am I to the way the show styles that particular dance. You can tell that he is really enjoying this because he is giving it full on open-mouth wonderment. The dancing is light and effective, with some decent legwork and a charming energy. It’s very classical, yet with a sense of cheekiness about it.

Judge Rinder effuses that everyone should learn to dance dance-saying that ‘it is joy’. Bruno praises his dancing, but criticises his expressions, saying that he doesn’t need that. (Didn't say that to Danny Mac, did you?)  In other news, pot and kettle get into a minor scuffle. Craig says he needs something to lock his jaw. I’m sure there’s probably something filthy you could make out of that, but I’m tired, do that job for me. Darcey says that sometimes the joy takes over him although she liked it very much. Len calls the face the mirror of the soul, which I’m sure is a very muddled metaphor. Because we are apparently living in opposite land, he enjoyed the gurning. He wonders if something went wrong, because he detected some flatulence in front of the judges table - no, Len, the cast have clearly decided to aim that in your direction as a special parting gift.  

In the Clauditorium, Judge Rinder says everything is just joy and compliments Claudia on her lovely smiling face. Scores: eight, nine, eight, eight for a total of 33.

The next couple of the evening are Louise and Kevin. As it is the first Argentine Tango the series, Tess asks Len what to expect and he gets all hot and bothered going on about how steamy it is after describing the intricacies of the different movements. The way he’s going tonight, he needs a cold shower-and it’s usually Bruno who plays that role.

I realised something this week that had been bothering me about Louise all series and I couldn’t quite put my finger on - it’s that she is basically the older version of Zoella (or rather, Zoella is the younger version of Louise). I feel that that is one of those once you’ve realised it, you can’t unrealise it things, and I’m sorry if that has spoiled Louise for any of you in the way it slightly has for me. Anyway, their training VT goes on about how she finds it hard to act sultry and so she and Kevin have invented two characters called Santiago and Valentina for the sake of their performance. Again, another training focused VT. It’s like I don’t even know this show anymore.

They are dancing to ‘Tanguera’, and the dance definitely benefits from having the more traditional music (something the Argentine Tango seems to be the only dance to get away with these days). It’s very well executed - the blue spotlight lighting adds a real sense of mood to the situation, but her movements are sharp, elegant and intricate. Sometimes their passionate faces read a little bit too overwrought, but then I have a very hard time placing these two as sexual beings (apologies Jamie and Karen) anyway. It ends in a really dramatic flounce to the floor, ending in a passionate clinch, that is well choreographed, rather than just the woman dying or whatever often tends to happen in these things. Overall, though, that set an incredibly high standard for the others to live up to and puts her right back up there after a few weeks where she’s maybe lost a little momentum. Really impressed with her footwork and leg movements in this dance in particular. [Definitely - this was the performance I've been dying for Louise to give us for weeks. - Steve]

Craig says it’s fantastic to see her more serious and he really loved the technicalities of the dance. Darcey praises the excellent choreography and says it seemed effortless, and the shaping, style and drama all came together. Len says he got what he was looking for - Louise under the lampshade. I’m having visions of those Tiki doll lampshades you get and I’m not quite sure that was the mental image he meant to leave us with - although it’s Len, so who knows? Bruno loved it so much that when he describes her going from a list into the sliding back up, he orgasms all over the place. I guess after the lacklustre last two weeks we all needed a little release, huh?

Scores: nine, 10, 10, 10 for a total of 39 and the joint highest score of the series so far. Unsurprisingly, they are very happy about that. I’m guessing somewhere on Twitter, a certain ex-professional was moaning about things being all tens for the Cliftons all the times, whilst Karen was furiously grinding her teeth at the Dave Myers- Nicky Byrne- Jeremy Vine-Will quitting-ness of it all.

The penultimate couple of the evening are Greg and Natalie. Last week, they performed a Halloweentastic Gothic horror contemporary dance rumba waftorama for the ages, which, for some reason, Craig ‘I think Bollywood is very full of salsa’ Revel Horwood decided to throw a snit fit about. To counter this, Greg has gone for the big guns in his VT - bringing his kid, Milo, to training for a full on BABY WARZ assault on the ovary voters.

They are dancing the Viennese waltz to the Grace version of ‘You Don’t Own Me’ (the original is probably normally more suited to the genre but I love the song in either iteration, so I’m not going to complain too much). The singers, who have generally been doing a good job this series, do strain a bit on this one in places, but I’ll let them off given that they’ve done such sterling work this series compared to some of the previous. The dance itself, is absolutely full of drama and passion, with some very quick spins around the floor and Greg giving a face that you might normally expect to see in the tango, but really suits the atmosphere of the song and production. [Haha, personally I thought Greg was wearing the face of someone who was very dizzy and trying not to puke. - Steve] Technically, it’s probably not as sophisticated as Daisy and Aljaz’s, but the performance and atmosphere mostly make up for that.

Greg says he really loved it, that last week and this week were his favourites - who would have thought he would be the one that was into all the sexy routines. It’s always those you least expect, isn’t it? I do hope we get to see their Argentine Tango although I fear it may be too X-rated for prime-time viewing. Darcey praises the use of the gliding movements and his travelling and says he looked really in control. She says he does throw away his free arm when he comes out of hold, so he needs to work on that, but overall - nice. Len compliments his flat back and wide elbows and he loved the travelling and the ‘how’s your father’. He says it lost a little bit of energy towards the end, but it’s great to see him back from the wilderness. Bruno declares him the King of melodrama and calls it a ‘Tennessee Williams Viennese Waltz’, which is actually an apt metaphor, so well done Bruno. Craig says that his thumb went up but he clocked him and he put it back down again. He notes that there were a few issues with the arms as others have noticed, but thinks the choreography was exceptional.

In the Clauditorium, Natalie and Greg praise each other and Greg says dancing has changed his life. Scores: eight, eight, eight, eight for a total of 32.

In the audience, Tess pounces on Caroline Flack who smiles at the camera, possibly in an ‘I’m looking for work, don’t worry, I will try and keep Olly Murs out of it this time’ kind of way, whilst also still giving off a little bit of the ‘Oh my God Tess is touching me’ eyes that all Strictly contestants, past and present give off when being pawed by her. (Ordinarily, this would be the cue for a Brucie joke, but as he’s apparently not well, I’ll just say best wishes to you Bruce hope you get well soon). The final couple of the evening are AJ and Claudia and they are dressed in some Day-glo pink Paso outfits. The costuming and theming for these two has been pretty atrocious all series, bless them. Oops, not ‘bless them’, I don’t need to add to the baby talk they get.

In their VT, AJ says the Paso Doble is his favourite dance, and to get Claudia in the mood, he’s going to show her some balls. STEADY ON. Claudia replies ‘balls, aren’t they dangerous?’ Yes, if you don’t use protection. [I would've gone with the "only if you're Katya during the American smooth" joke myself. - Steve]

He takes her to a leisure centre and she is surprised that there are balls in there, which is a bit weird, given that it’s a sporting facility. It’s only when Claudia asks about the animals that I realise they are both saying ‘bulls’ and not balls #accentracism. However, there are none of those either, it’s some Bristol-based basketball team, of all the tenuous VT storylines. Also, Claudia is tiny, it seems a bit mean to make her play basketball, no?

They are dancing to yet another inappropriate music choice, ‘Shut up and Dance’- they really have had the worst draw of song choices of all the couples, haven’t they? I suppose they’re using contemporary pop songs to make an appeal to the young audience, but they’re up against it in trying to make the dancing work to these songs a lot of the time. That said, they manage pretty well, other than at one point where Claudia gets stuck in a turn with her arms across her face. There’s plenty of Paso shaping here and if you watch it with the sound down, which I have done as part of recapping, it actually makes more sense than when the music’s playing. As ever, from them, it’s a creditable performance, with lots going for it, yet still something slightly forgettable about it-I think last weeks may have been there only real wow moment so far and I do hope they can find something else to make them stand out in the future, because I keep forgetting that they are even in the competition half of the time.

Len says he likes them and enjoyed a lot of it, but thinks AJ overpowered the dance and then he has a go at the audience for daring to boo him, as he always does. Tess tells him not be means AJ because it’s his birthday, and Bruno ‘awwws’, at which AJ pulls a face down the camera all ‘stop babying me pleeeeeeeeease’ and has never looked more stroppy teenager, sorry AJ. Also: is there anyone who HASN’T had their birthday this series? Bruno says she’s really strong but that means she has a tendency to hold poses rather than flow into the next movement (probably a gymnastic issue, I’m guessing?) Craig thought it was really powerful and loved it. Darcey liked the passion but wanted some more shaping as Bruno said, and thought Claudia lost character sometimes, smiling, rather than keeping her expressions fierce.

In the Clauditorium, AJ is presented with ‘22’ balloons as if they’ll ever treat him like he’s a day over 17.  Scores: 8, 8, 8, 9 for a total of 33.

Leaderboard:

Louise and Kevin 39

Danny and Oti 38

Daisy and Aljaž 34

Ore and Joanne 34

Judge Rinder and Oksana 33

Claudia and AJ 33

Laura and Giovanni 32

Greg and Natalie 32

Ed and Katya 27

We open the phone lines with Chas and Dave singing rabbit - except they forget the words to their own song. Guys, it’s one of two songs of yours that anybody knows, how can you forget the words?

That leaderboard presents a lot of ties, doesn’t it? I would say from that that Laura is a locked on cert for the bottom two, and pretty much anyone other than Louise and Kevin and Danny and Oti could be down there with her – a Daisy versus Laura dance off would not be surprising, although with all the hints about how much Daisy doesn’t want to be in the bottom, maybe the public will take pity on her this week and keep her in, in which case I would think that Ore, Claudia and Ed might be the next likely suspects - possibly Greg, but I think his vote will still be good enough to clear him this week.

Either way, join us tomorrow to see what happens!

This week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...

- Anastacia likes to keep it real, or as she puts it, "Honestacia".
- If you do the jive, at some point, you will fall over.  We're not sure if this is literally, metaphorically, or both.
- Salsa was the only dance Anastacia thought she'd be able to do.
- Anastacia didn't know there was a 'sensual' dance like the rumba until she did the show.
- Anastacia thinks that watching your best bits is a bit like dying and being able to see your own memorial.
- Zoe/the production team have found 'posh' candy corn.
- Brendan wants Danny to win.
- Chloe and Neil are back for choreography corner. Hooray!
- Neil has a bow tie made of clay and ginger socks.
- Neil thinks Greg didn't straighten his legs enough and that was why Craig didn't like it.  Suuuure.
- Halloween is allegedly Oksana's favourite 'holiday'.
- Laura needs to work on her evil laugh.
- The hair and make-up team are on the side of Twilight when it comes to the thorny issue of sparkly vampires.
- AJ was apparently off to his prom after Monday night's show, dressed like that.
- Claudia thinks lifts are 'a little bit' easy.
- Claudia has started to trust AJ. Just about.
- When she gets a new dance, Claudia rewatches the celebrities who have already done that one to see what the judges said, paying attention to the negative comments so she knows what to avoid.
- Neil was into the way Daisy beat Aljaž's chest.  Get writing that fic, people!
- Just before it was announced that they were in the bottom two, Daisy told Aljaž that she didn't think she could do that dance again. Oops.
- Aljaž' told Daisy to scream and shout during their dance to get into character,
- Daisy burps quite a lot in training.
- Daisy likes being in hold because it's comfortable, "like being in the womb".
- Daisy likes that you can smile in a Viennesse Waltz,
- Pasha and Anton are always late, while Brendan is very clumsy.
- Despite everyone knowing it, Bamboleo by the Gipsy Kings never made the UK top 40.
- Allegedly, this week's pro dance will feature Neil vs Anton in a battle for 'the girl' (who looks to be Oti).  Improbably, Anton alleges he will win.
- Zoe voted for Matt Flint to win So You Think You Can Dance.
- Jason Gilkison thinks Brendan was the greatest evil character the show has ever seen in this Sunday's pro dance. How quickly he forgot James Jordan.
- Every pro dancer gets the lead in at least one of the group numbers by the end of the series.
- Chloe and Neil think technique is more important than performance; Jason Gilkison thinks performance is much more important than technique.  Let's hope the celebrities aren't looking here for advice, then.
- The opening dance for BLACKPOOL will be a foxtrot.
- Ore was channeling Tom Hanks in Castaway for his charleston, with a little bit of Ron Burgundy.
- Joanne is adamant that the botched lift in the charleston wasn't Ore's fault, but rather the fault of them as a team.
- Ed didn't think he'd be any good at latin and feared the cha cha cha most of all. Ed, it is a week one dance.
- The bit in Ed's cha cha cha where he rubbed his crotch and his tits was not choreographed.
- Ed has challenged Lord Sugar to a dance off.
- Ed didn't want to go out in the first week.  Ed, no-one goes out in the first week.
- The WE WANNA GET TO BLACKPOOL narratives have begun in earnest, hooray.
- Zoe thinks Ian's wand is getting smaller.
- It is not easy to jive with slip-on shoes on.
- Karen has been training with Lutalo Muhammad for the Children in Need special; he hasn't taught her any tae kwon do yet, which is good bceause she's worried she might use it on Kevin.
- Karen loves that you can make faces in charleston.  As opposed to famously restrained, emotionless dances like the paso and rumba.
- "Exuberant" and "scandalous" are two of Zoe's favourite words.
- Like Ore, Zoe can only swivel on one leg.
- Karen's favourite step in the charleston is the flappy bird.
- Daisy has always wanted to learn the Viennese waltz because it makes her think of balls.
- Louise's kids finally think that she's cool now she's been Harley Quinn.
- Louise keeps referring to "swivel" as "swizzle".
- Following an incident in Argentine tango training, Lousie thinks she may have ruined Kevin and Karen's chances of having children.
- Louise and Kevin are playing "Valentina" and "Santiago" in their Argentine tango.
- Zoe can't tell a gancho from a gaucho (clue, Zoe: one is a cowboy, the other is a step named after a hook.  So think of pirates vs cowboys.  Maybe).

- Natalie was surprised that it was Craig rather than Len who objected to her rumba choreography. You and me both, hen.

- Greg was expecting to be an early boot.

- Greg’s turned-in feet is an issue that dates right back to childhood.

- Greg is starting to learn the lingo.

- The Viennese waltz choreography for this week is even making Natalie nauseous.  As is typical for Natalie Lowe, she can even enthuse about this, bless her.
- Zoe was excited that someone in the audience knew Ian's dance acronyms... until she realised it was only Natalie.
- Ian has decided this week is going to be Louise's character/performance breakthrough.  Isn't that already supposed to have happened? It's hard to keep up with this series' performance breakthrough spreadsheet TBH.
- Ian thinks Claudia's gymnastic expressions might serve the paso well.
- Laura was impressed with Ed's samba and that made her look forward to her own.  So she says.
- Vicky Gill is laying the blame for Ore and Joanne's look last week at the door of her assistant Ezra.
- People (in the audience, one assumes, but this isn't specified) get snarky when the final performance outfits don't look exactly like the sketches you see on ITT.

- Danny’s foxtrot fuck-up felt 100 times worse than it looked, apparently.

- Oti feels like she and Danny can sense each other even when they’re not together. Worrying.

- Danny and Oti did 22 hours of jive rehearsals in two days. Yikes.

- After the red rope didn’t quite work out, Oti is disinclined to incorporate any further gimmicks.
- Oti keeps laughing when Danny does the 'sugar push' move in rehearsals.

- Judge Rinder had a brief moment of clarity when he was dressed as a moth and danging over the studio floor when he remembered he used to be a serious lawyer.
- Oksana knew the paso would be Judge Rinder's best dance from the start.
- Oksana has dodgy knees.

- Judge Rinder thinks any criticism can be improved by adding “…in a good way” at the end.

- Judge Rinder and Oksana are going to be FRED AND GINNNNGGGGE this week. Judge Rinder thinks that’s a step up from being Fred and Wilma a few weeks ago.

- Oksana’s husband has choreographed a salsa for us this weekend.

- The show is still getting its money’s worth out of Melvin by getting him and Janette to front a segment looking back at highlights of Strictly past. And also that time Victoria Pendleton flew into Wembley on a bike.

- Then again, the segment declared Russell Grant being fired out of a cannon at Wembley as the greatest entrance in Strictly history and claimed it was a massive public favourite when he was eliminated that same week, so it’s not off to a great start.

- Carol Kirkwood misses Pasha because he’s gorgeous.

- Richard Osman can’t pronounce Ore’s name properly.

- Jack Savoretti is backing Laura because she’s dancing to the Gipsy Kings this week and he’s a big fan.

- Richard Osman thinks all dances are ballroom.
- Jack Savoretti would like to learn the Argentine Tango.
- Jack Savoretti does not really understand how Pointless works.

- Carol Kirkwood isn’t great at it either.
- In an entirely representative sample of the public, most (13/50) identified Natasha Kaplinksy as a winner, and Kara Tointon was a pointless answer.
- Richard Osmon struggles to tell the difference between Nancy Dell'Olio and Lesley Joseph.

- Claudia’s paso face probably still needs a bit of work.

- Joanne has a “#TeamClifton” hoodie. Oh, hon. No.
- Joanne and Ore are in sync.  Not a training room you want to be near every four weeks or so then, unless you come armed with hot water bottles, ibuprofen and chocolate...

- Laura thinks Darcey is the most elegant woman in all the land.

- The elbow dip in a tango is called a “Spanish drag” and Giovanni would like us know it’s nothing to do with Gorka. That’s a suspiciously specific denial.

- Laura put on a pair of heels again for the first time yesterday.

- Giovanni’s Irish accent hasn’t got any better.

- Belly dancing is known as “the fertility dance” because it apparently has many benefits for a pregnant woman’s body.

- It was Louise’s birthday on Friday. Jamie bought her a necklace and Kevin bought her a bottle of tequila.

- Richard Osman is not a fan of shorts worn with smart shoes.

- Richard Osman would do Strictly if his partner was Claudia Fragapane sitting on AJ’s shoulders.

- Richard predicts Oti and Danny at the top of the leaderboard, while Carol and Jack think Laura and Giovanni. As for who’s going home, Richard thinks maybe Ed but hopefully not Daisy, Carol hopes not Ed, Jack thinks it’s Ed.
- Kevin and Karen and Aljaž and Janette went out on a double date last Saturday. They like karaoke.