Show without a Thorne

Results show: 21st October 2007

So last night, the men and the women competed against each other for the first time. They were facing four plain-speaking judges, and this is demonstrated with four clips - barbed comments from Craig, Bruno and Arlene, with a nice comment from Len. Tonight, we will see one broken dream, so for the misanthropes among us, that's something to look forward to. [Whoop whoop! - Georgi]

Titles!

The celebrities and partners return to the floor, followed by Bruce and Tess. I'm initially very excited by Tess's dress, which is silver and strapless, but then the camera pans out and I don't like the hemline, so my hopes are dashed. [But you mainly see the top half, which is fine. Her hair has lost volume since "yesterday" though. - Georgi]

Bruce does a 'topical' joke about England losing the rugby. Tess reminds us that the couples performed either a jive or a tango; Bruce tells us that the public's votes will be combined with the judges' votes to decide who will leave.

A recap from last night, as the couples competed against each other for the very first time (o rly?). Anton is angry, and strangely alluring. Kate asks him if he's cross with her, and he says, "Absolutely not. If we have to dance it again, we'd dance it exactly the same way." Erin and Willie want to stay in for each other's sake, bless. Willie thinks that he can beat Kate in the dance-off. Dom tells Lilia that their routine was "pants". [I'd like to see him choreograph a better one! - Georgi] Ola is happy with Kenny; Kenny has been on a journey. Yawn. Penny's mum doesn't like seeing her daughter cry. Jamie, John's son, thinks there is a connection between quick feet in football and quick feet in dancing. Letitia felt more comfortable with the tango than she did with the rumba. Gethin is pleased that Arlene called him "gorgeous" [Gethin, be afraid, be very afraid - Georgi]; Camilla thinks they are the best comments she's got in all the series of Strictly. Random people from EastEnders say things about Matt. [Matt and Gethin were next to each other on the leaderboard. Coincidence? I THINK NOT. - Steve] Gabby is fuming backstage about her mistakes, and tries to drag James off to do some more training. Kelly hugs Brendan to reassure him about his errors, but he is sulking. Alesha is fabulous on all possible levels, and says she wouldn't have minded if she'd got 5s from the judges because she enjoyed it so much. [I bet she would have minded a little bit. But I think it's fair to say she'd probably take that score a lot better than Gabby would. - Steve]

Bruce welcomes the judges, who beam, and in the case of Len and Bruno, applaud the room at large. They all purport to be in good moods. Len expected the girls to overpower the boys, but now he thinks the boys are holding their own. Craig thinks that Penny shouldn't be in the bottom two, even though he was harsh on her; it was just that the dance didn't suit her.

Bruce says the next part is his favourite bit of the show - no, he's not going to sing, the professionals are going to perform an American Smooth to 'Leroy Brown'. Lots of sparkly satin gowns for the ladies, and an interesting element of partner-swapping through the routine - seems weird to see Flavia dancing with Darren and so on. Brendan keeps well away from Camilla, though, which is good seeing as they vowed after Eurovision that they would NEVER DANCE WITH EACH OTHER EVER AGAIN. An incredible bit at the end where James throws Flavia behind him, and Brendan catches her. Kenny says he would worry about doing something like that in case he drops her.

Lots of burble backstage - they all enjoy dancing, don't want to be in the bottom two, that kind of tedium. Claudia plugs It Takes Two, which is full of the usual stuff.

Angellica Bell thinks Alesha is great, as does Katherine Jenkins, but she's going to support Gethin because HE IS WELSH. Peter Beardsley is supporting John Barnes. Willie Thorne's wife is pleased with him. Kate's horrible husband thinks the judges are mean. Jane Horrocks loves Anton. Me too!

Bruce introduces a samba performed by Vincent, Flavia and the London School of Samba. Goodness, there simply are NOT ENOUGH CLOTHES on these people. It's October, you bunch of freaks, put your baps away for the winter. [They didn't even really do much samba-ing. Does shimmying a bit while wearing feathers count? -Georgi] Vincent is wearing a white sparkly see-through shirt, and Flavia has opted rather sensibly for a crop-top sequinned effort and a matching skirt, with a feathery tail.

Bruno says that Matt and Flavia should not be in the bottom two, because only the tip of the iceberg has been seen so far, and Flavia is a gem. Arlene says she was not disappointed with the boys, who are in it to win it, and she loves Gethin, Matt and John. Bruno screeches, "There is so much love! I am melting!" [Then Bruce says, "Who's going to scrape you off the floor?" and Bruno laughs maniacally for no particular reason that I can see. - Georgi]

Before the results can be announced, obviously we need more filler. Katherine Jenkins and Andrea Bocelli are going to sing Time To Say Goodbye, because obviously the world needs to hear that. [I am so bored of that song. Are there no other classical duets, for goodness' sake? - Georgi] I don't really like Katherine Jenkins, and I'm beginning to think it's because of her hair. [Also, she has one of those faces you just want to punch. - Steve] She's YOUNG, for goodness sake, why does she insist on a sausage-roll curler hairdo circa 1941? I know she's supposed to be the Forces' Sweetheart, but there are limits. Anyway, Anton and Erin dance to the music, and are met with whoops. When it finishes, there's a standing ovation, and I'm sure there's a gag to be made about the X-Factor and a duo where one is blind, but I can't be bothered. [I watched this midway through watching The X Factor on video, and for a second I genuinely did expect them to cut to Louis Walsh going, "the poor boy's blind!" - Steve]

Bruce says it is the Moment Of Truth. The results will be read out in a random order. So the couples who are safe are - Alesha and Matt (shocker. Should bloody well hope so too); Gethin and Camilla; Kelly and Brendan; Gabby and James; Matt and Flavia; Dom and Lilia; Letitia and Darren; Kenny and Ola; Kate and Anton (hooray! Kate has been clutching Anton's hands very cutely throughout this bit, and now he picks her up and spins her round. Maybe she will run off with him, because as we know, Anton Likes Girls [Is he Not Gay?!??!?!!!11!!1! - Georgi]); Penny and Ian.

So it's John and Nicole and Willie and Erin to dance off, and thus I win for predicting that it would be two celebrity men in the bottom two. Len tells them that he knows they are far away from what they are used to, so they have both done really well. He tells John and Willie to lift their posture a little bit more.

John and Nicole will be first in the dance-off. Same as before, except the guitarist in the band forgets to stop this time round. Seriously, where do they get these musicians from? I'm telling you again - ring me. I'll work for peanuts. [Maybe that kind of thinking was the source of all their problems in the first place. - Steve] [I doubt whoever they've got in charge now is working for peanuts simply because they love the show, more like because they SUCK and nobody else will employ them. - Carrie] Willie and Erin dance again, and Willie, bless him, looks to be concentrating so intently on keeping his posture upright that his head is utterly immobile.

Now it's up to the judges, and Tess has her sympathetic yet serious face on. Bruce tells them that they are all so brave. For dancing. On the telly. Yep, that's courage embodied, right there. Head judge Len [Surely you mean Head Judge Len? - Georgi] pulls his funny face again when Tess says that he has the casting vote. Craig says both couples have their strengths and weaknesses, and opts to save John and Nicole because they have more dance talent. Arlene says that John tackled some very tricky rhythms set by Nicole, and votes to save them. Bruno waggles his eyebrows and chooses to save John and Nicole too, which means head judge Len doesn't get to vote at all, let alone use his casting vote. He says that it was a close-run thing, saying "there's not much in it, like my bank account" (at which Bruno cackles, "LIAR!" much too loudly and then laughs like a drain), but he too would have saved John and Nicole.

Willie thanks Erin with the usual gumph, Bruce makes everyone shout "Go, Willie!". [He's trying to be gracious, but on the snooker later Willie was officially the World's Worst Loser, saying that he thought both Kenny and Kate were worse than he was, and intimating that Kate only won because more GMTV has more viewers than the snooker! - Georgi] Next week it'll be an American Smooth or a samba, and Bruce advises us to do our shopping early so as not to to miss the show [Or! The Beeb shouldn't schedule it so bloody early - Georgi]. Willie and Erin begin their last dance to 'She's Out Of My Life', but are interrupted by the other contestants flooding on to the floor and chanting "Go, Willie!" at great volume. Get out of THAT, director! Ha. That's it for this week, viewers. Join us next Saturday!