Tuesday, 30 October 2007

This week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...

- Craig wears silver trainers with a black suit.

- The judges have still failed to learn that their aggression and insults invariably backfire. When Claudia attempted to point out that slagging off Kate and Kenny leads people to defend them, every single judge simply refused to accept it, instead choosing to take the position that the public are just wrong when they vote for non-dancing reasons. (Surely if it WAS just a technical dancing competition, it wouldn't be open to a public vote at all? And if it really is all down to the dancing, why do the lines re-open after the results show on Sunday when no-one is due to dance again for another six days?)

- Craig thinks his role on the programme is to "educate" people about dancing, the pompous git. Head Judge Len's role, apparently, is to be the "nurturer". Claudia is very good at surreptitious insults, having told Craig that the viewers are not "more stupid" than he is, thereby implying he must be at least a bit stupid in the first place.

- Head Judge Len rang in from LA and was still fuming about having to choose between Gabby and Penny. Interestingly, he says he preferred the way things ran before, ie when he didn't have to take responsibility for anything, and he is furious with the BBC for putting him in that position. Claudia looked worried.

- Bruno rang in from LA, sounding like a total parody of himself, screeching away about "marking from the heart". And yet he still has the gall to berate viewers for voting for people they like.

- Gabby and James sat on the sofa and smiled through clenched teeth. They mentioned "jokingly" that if anyone wanted to drop out, they would happily go back into the competition.

- Penny clutched Ian's thigh throughout their interview with Claudia.

- The start of Tuesday's episode was taken up with more whining about Gabby through a montage of people looking woebegone and expressing their devastation. Fuck's sake, she's not dead. Kelly's reaction on the revelation of last week's bottom two was, "neither of these two should've been in the bottom two." NO, YOU SHOULD'VE, YOU CHEATING COW. Fortunately the studio guests brought a proper sense of levity to proceedings, as Alesha proceeded to cackle her way through her interview and voice her ambition to become "a foxtrotter".

- The middle of Tuesday's episode was taken up with 15 minutes of filler from last year as we followed Mark and Karen's journey to the trophy.

- The end of Tuesday's episode was taken up with talking about how marvellous Letitia is, which obviously has nothing to do with the fact that she's doing the Strictly live tour next year.

- Gethin hates the word "journey". HE'S NOT ALONE.

- Kenny is planning to do a haka in his paso doble. For the uninitiated, the haka is the big tribal war chant the New Zealand All Blacks do before they play rugby.

- Kenny and Ola have choreographed a lift into their paso doble. Training footage reveals their thoughts on the matter: "If you break the rules, you don't get penalised, in fact you get given full marks." Well done, Bruno, way to ensure the competition's integrity. If you dare criticise the public's voting patterns this week, there'll be trouble.

- In honour of Hallowe'en, Craig was temporarily renamed "Craig Devil Horwood". Heh.

- Craig admitted that Kate's rehearsal footage this week indicates "remarkably, a very slight improvement".

- Brendan's bad boy of dance schtick is really getting tired, and actually causing Steve to agree with Craig, which is deeply unsettling. Kelly's big concern appears to be a PINK SPARKLEE CAPE YAAAAAAY for her Paso Doble, which is going to make her the first female celebrity EVAH to do a spot of cape-waving. Craig is all in favour of role-reversal on the dance floor, as long as it does not constitute RULE-BREAKING.

- Penny (whose husband is Rod Stewart, not sure if you know that) is a crusader against LIES IN TELEVISION, and does not welcome the contestants' opinions being taken out of context for the benefit of making Brendan and Kelly look bad. Especially since Brendan and Kelly are quite capable of looking like asswipes without any outside assistance.

- Penny's toddler son has a strange mullet haircut, like his dad. Rod referred to his wife's dance partner Ian as "a really nice kid".

- Gethin doing a mock Blue Peter on how to make your own spangly legwarmers and using the word "accessorise" is doing nothing to stop the onward march of Strictly Slashwatch.

- As hard as this may be to believe, Anton does actually swear when he's angry. However, Angry Anton is still more gentlemanly than your average person on a calm day. And he's still SCB's favourite (not in a patronising ironic Brucie way).

- Erin joined Kate and Angry Anton in rehearsal on Wednesday to protect La Garraway from the righteous wrath of Du Beke - "That's nothing. That's nonsense. You'll get slaughtered for that, and rightly so. You don't even make it hard for them. It kills me when you do this. You dance so nicely, then you do that immediately afterwards." Explaining his rage to Claudia, he says, "I love Kate. I love dancing with her and I love working with her." Aw. Kate interjects, "We've made up, though!" Anton nods, replying, "Yes, we've made up, kiss me!" and pounces on her. AHAHAHAHA, take that, Kate Garraway's mean husband!

- Matt is boycotting the cape for the paso, because Flavia does not trust him with props.

- Lilia has done more screeching at Dom, and quite right too. He has taken to wearing vests in rehearsal. Ew. She said, "If you keep telling me how many fucking minutes we have left, I'm walking out of here," and "I'm really stopping liking you," and "Stupid, stupid person" (whispered to camera), and "I think I've finally met someone I would really like to murder." They were all smiles on Friday, though.

- Sob story alert! Dom is diabetic.

- Head Judge Len is appalled at the idea of Kenny in a kilt doing the paso doble. He also likened Letitia to "a tortoise who's lost its shell". He thinks the foxtrot could be Gethin's breakthrough dance.

- Brendan reckons that "caping is an extremely difficult thing to do". The verb "to cape"! Whoop!

- Harry Connick Junior makes Claudia scratch herself in public.

- Arlene says Alesha is sloppy "between the boobs and the ribcage".

- Last thing on Friday, Claudia urged us to vote for our favourite couple because it is ENTIRELY UP TO US.

Join Georgi tomorrow for the dancing, and Steve on Sunday for the results show.

No comments: