Monday, 17 November 2008

This week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...

- Stop trying to make Brian Fortuna happen. It is NOT going to happen. His opinion at any given point is "whatever I think will annoy Craig the most", thereby making him not nearly as cool as we initially thought he was. He is still very gentlemanly and admiring of a lady's outfit choice, which endears him to Carrie. But then she fancies James Jordan.
- Len would like the viewers who voted for John Sergeant to be put in the position "to have to throw off those two girls". That's what she said.
- James isn't a sore loser, he's just totally fucked off that he didn't win.
- James's grasp on English grammar is almost as weak as Len's.
- Honestly, nobody at all would be watching the show if John Sergeant weren't in it, and it would be AXED because it would be all about DANCING which is totally BORING, or something.
- Lionel Blair does a moderately impressive Bruno impression.
- Mattesha's cha cha cha is Christine's all-time favourite dance from the show.
- Four Poofs And A Piano are desperately trying to convince us they're still working now the Jonathan Ross gravy train has dried up. Well, apparently. We fast-forwarded that bit.
- Despite attempts to reboot his character, James Jordan is still an ass.
- She may not be much of a dancer, but Kate Garraway is more awesome than you, I, or anyone we know.
- Anton thinks the show hasn't really been a dancing contest since Chris Parker made the final in series one. To be fair, he has a point.
- Austin and Tom did a quickstep together backstage. Try all you want, boys, but you will never be as epicly slashworthy as these two:

- Austin doesn't know the difference between "camp" and "homoerotic".
- Lilia insists on having a pug in every room for her house. Calm down, "pug" is not a sexual euphemism.
- Ian claims to have a reputation for being good at the jive. Steve's boyfriend begs to differ.
- There is no possibility of Len getting Claudia pregnant.
- Noddy Holder's 14-year-old son Jango has written lyrics to the Strictly theme tune which incorporate all the dancers' names.
- Gethin thinks Tom is a great actor. He obviously never saw the Paso Face.
- The dancers uses castor oil on the bottom of their shoes to prevent them from slipping on the floor, because it makes them tacky all through the dance. A bit like Tom.

5 comments:

Lianne said...

Brian Fortuna HAS happened - get over it!

Essen said...

The dancers uses castor oil on the bottom of their shoes to prevent them from slipping on the floor, because it makes them tacky all through the dance. A bit like Tom.
Ba-boom tish! I shouldn't have laughed at that, really.

We also learnt that JOHN SERGEANT-GATE IS HE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO HAPPEN THIS YEAR OR ANY YEAR EVER. Not just on Strictly, EVER.

I would gladly swap with Len. I know all his lines: more heel leads, jive/rumba/foxtrot/salsa is hard for blokes/tall people/old people, I like how you dance like a real man not a mincy poof, I didn't like all the faffing abaht.

Then if it's an ok dance I give 7, if it's good I give an 8, if it's good and they're male I give a 9 and if it's a week we've decided someone should have a' breakthrough' I give a 10.

Then I pick the best out of two dances based on no fixed criteria other than how I feel at the time and then get paid to bitch in all the newspapers about how difficult that is?

Sorted. I would LOVE to do that job. Do you think he was serious about letting me swap (not that I actually voted for JOhn, because I don't vote)

Carrie said...

Georgi and I LOVE Brian Fortuna! Steve is less keen.

Steve said...

I liked him on the show very much, but if the petty sniping and playing to the crowd in a manner uncomfortably reminiscent of Len Goodman on ITT are his true colours, then I'm not impressed.

Carrie said...

I like him on ITT. Sometimes he does descend into the occasional swipe but his actual commentary is very insightful and interesting. And I like when he admires ladies' outfits.