This week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...

- Aljaž smells of musky spice, or possibly catnip.
- Aljaž has sweaty palms.
- Alison had to get rid of her long nails in order to dance. She was very sad about this.
- Alison's dance made her feel like Sasha Fierce, 'like my other alter ego', which means there are at least three Alison Hammond variants in existence think on that.
- Zoe Ball recommends mittens for solving the problem of clammy hands.
- Judy went wrong in the same part of her waltz every time she did it.
- Pixie is superstitious, so the presence of new shoes on a table (well, a lectern) during Tim's cha cha cha made her very nervous.
- Gregg wants to dance with Simon.
- Greg the floor manager is still around, and still hotter than fire.
- Kristina thinks Simon is 'a great environment to work with'.  I wonder if that's what she said about Joe Calzaghe.
- Simon was a bit happier with how his jive went after he watched it back.
- Karen Hardy has joined the ranks of ex-pros who are having babies.  Congratulations Karen Hardy!
- When a woman slaps her thighs, it means business. (According to Karen Hardy.)
- When you resort to air-punching, it's not good. (Again, per Karen.)
- Judy's cha cha cha will have some towelography in it. If it involves Anton getting out of the shower, I am running far away from this series and not looking back.
- Thom has already taken his shirt off for votes, and it is only day five.
- Pixie got her friend’s mum to video her performance on her phone and WhatsApp it to her. Kids these days.
- Pixie is hoping not to let Darcey down.  Nice to know she's aiming for a low bar.
- Kevin worried about looking rubbish in the titles, because if you mess it up, you look rubbish for the whole series.
- Scott considers Joanne to be his “temporary girlfriend”.
- Iveta's dance moves include the Star Trek, the holding baby twins, the fruit salad and the balloony ball.
- Thom is no less wooden off the dance floor than on it. :(
- Iveta thinks that Thom’s comfort zone does not encompass wearing a tail suit. Presumably because it involves wearing clothes at all.
- Thom thinks Iveta sounds like Bruce Willis when she says “body”.
- Karen Hardy does a very telling 'yeeeas' noise when Zoe reminds her another KH (another Karen H, no less) is on the show.
- Karen Hardy would like us to remember that Marks and Karens make good teams.
- Alison Hammond has RHYTHM in her body, according to Karen Hardy.  She does stop short of calling it natural, mind.
- Karen Hardy refuses to criticise Thom because he's wew fit and a SPORTSMAN, innit.
- No man who’s done a waltz in week one has ever won.
- Jennifer is too nice to jive.
- Tim and Natalie put in the most hours of training in week one.  Given that Michael Vaughn regularly did way more training than anyone else, I think we can assume Natalie Lowe really likes to work her partners hard, which is another reason why she's the best.
- Tim is like Mick Jagger, but better. And a whole decade younger.
- Tim appears to wear sunhats indoors during training.
- Caroline is allergic to apple juice.
- Caroline has a twin sister
- Caroline has never danced in front of millions of people before. (Except that time she was on Let’s Dance For Comic And/Or Sport Relief.)
- Ian is old enough to be Trent’s father.

- Tristan and Jennifer’s waltz looks like a paso doble

- Ian is trying to make ‘an 8 from Waite’ happen.  If this means head judge Ian is imminent I’ll happily approve.
- Scott liked Saturday’s show because all he had to do was walk down the stairs and laugh.
- Mark reminds Zoe of Nick Berry - “it’s that twinkle in his eye”.
- Mark’s nans are big Strictly fans. Somebody wants to be the new Alesha, doesn’t he?

- Despite a good couple of decades of presenting live TV, Zoe Ball has no idea how to prove a show is actually live.
- In much the same way as the jive is hard for tall people, apparently the tango is hard for peppy people.

- Joanne’s way of getting Scott’s posture to improve involves a bizarre combination of sitting on his shoulders, sticking a pen under his chin, elastic and water bottles.

- Aliona got married over the summer.

- Aliona has spent her whole time in training telling Gregg to stop mincing.

- Aliona is still a fan of custard, hurrah. That means we don't need to write any new jokes.

- Gregg doesn’t wear underwear. BLEE.  Also: Aliona’s. Face. At this revelation.

- Pasha and Caroline’s training involves them pretending to dance with their exes.  FAUXMANCE rumours start here, folks!

- Anton describes his cha cha cha as a bag of spanners.

- Tim is a fan of wearing a floppy hat in training. He also likes rules.

- Frankie isn’t very keen on pink.

- Sunetra almost forgot her son’s Harvest festival.

- Zoe has taken to wearing tops made of the same fabric as the ITT cushions.
- Scott Maslen's advice for Jake was "sleep and eat".
- Kevin is worried that he's losing his hair.
- Guido called Kevin "Joanne" backstage on Friday's show.

- Ballroom is hard for big girls.

- Louis Smith thinks cha cha is hard.

- Abbey Clancy hated Latin. Probably not as much as Steve hated Abbey's Latin, FUCKING DISCO SALSA NEVER FORGIVE NEVER FORGET.

- Abbey  thinks Thom will be first to go, Louis thinks Scott and Lisa Riley thinks Jenny. Seriously, guys?