This week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...

- Judging by the dancing kids videos, beige curtains are in in British homes.  (My own curtains are CREAM, not beige how very dare you.  Well, a beigey-cream)
- Before the show, Tim and Janette were under the sad delusion that Donny would know what the show was all about.
- Judy was channeling her inner Helen Mirren for movie week.
- Duncan From Blue was a bit disappointed with Simon’s score on Saturday.
- Len goes to the toilet five minutes before showtime.  LIVING ON THE EDGE.
- Zoe always gets her pirouettes and chaines turns confused.
- Despite having been a musical theatre star at least once, Craig doesn't know what singing has to do with dancing.  (Insert joke about a decade of listening to the Strictly singers here)
- Joanne told Scott to have fun being a crab on TV.  Scott's face tells us that may not have been his idea of fun.
- Scott’s producer Chris wants “the crab dance” to be the new Gangnam Style.
- The samba was the first dance where Scott wasn’t completely terrified beforehand.
- Judy enjoyed her performance at the time, but on watching her quickstep back, she thought she looked like she was wearing an ironing board.
- There are two ways of leading a woman across the floor in a dance, per Anton: you either guide her with your body, or “you just tell her”
- Judy's lipstick shade was 'trending online', whatever that phrase is meant to mean.
- Judy and Anton's illegal lift was deliberate.
- Judy has no intention of ripping Anton's kit off, for which we are all truly grateful.
- Craig had a dream about Simon Cowell on Sunday night. He was wearing jeans. (Simon, not Craig.)
- Tristan is married. Sorry ladies (and some gentlemen).
- Brendan O’Carroll claims that Jennifer’s hugs are “almost as good as Tristan’s”.
- Mark Wright is ill.
- Slow dances are the hardest. One of these days we’re going to feed all of this data into a spreadsheet and calculate the exact order of hardness for dances.
- Simon is normally good at hiding his emotions.
- Kristina is quite bossy in training.
- Karen Hardy thinks it would be a disaster for Steve to loosen up, so he should definitely not go clubbing. In other words: nobody should listen to Donny.
- Singing along is a big no-no, because if you don’t know the right words, you’ll probably get the dance wrong as well.
- Scott is “über-cool funny, not panto-funny” (according to Karen Hardy).
- People recording their own versions of ITT pre-credits routines is now a thing.

- Karen bought Kevin “a nice grey jumper” for his birthday. I wonder if it’s the Emoti-shirt from The Apprentice?
- Frankie is afraid of the cha cha because it's 'weird'.

- Iveta’s training room outfits remain amazing.
- Zoe and Ian think inside Iveta's wardrobe should be a regular feature.  YES IT SHOULD.

- Ola and Steve DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR CLUBBING.

- Ola only weighs 20 kilos. Says Ola.

- Caroline screams and grunts in training like a Wimbledon champion.

- Scott is scared of lifting Joanne in the American smooth because he has already dropped her three times.

- Aljaž, on the other hand, has never dropped Alison.

- Alison is plotting to get Will Smith and George Clooney on the judging panel. She is confident that she would get a 10 from both of them.
- Pixie points out that you only get one chance at the rumba.  As opposed to all the other dances, presumably.
- The thought of Mark in white makes Vicky Gill giggle.

- The reason there have been so many slim-fit trousers this year is because there are so many young men in the cast.

- Jake’s kids have made their own scoreboard for him at home. D’aww.
- Jake prefers Frank Sinatra to Elvis.

- Zoe seems to think “Sunetra” and “Sarker” are two separate people.

- Mark is jealous that Pixie always gets called safe before he does.
- Tim can make green accessories work.  Kind of.
- If you Wonna be my lover is a great under-name caption for Tim.

- Natalie has yet to see Tim turn up for rehearsals not wearing a hat.

- Zoe cried watching Sunetra and Brendan last Saturday.

- Even wearing her special glittery “left” and “right” gloves still hasn’t helped Sunetra to tell the difference.

- Stephen Mulhern and Vanessa Feltz both want to see Alison in the final.

- Vanessa Feltz thinks that telling the contestants not to think about the steps is unhelpful advice, because it just makes you…forget the steps.

- Stephen Mulhern thinks that Thom Evans “hasn’t got a lot of swing-about”. He’s obviously not seen the same photo shoots that I have.

- Stephen Mulhern thinks Caroline “could be a dark horse”, so he clearly didn’t watch Dancing On Wheels.

- Vanessa Feltz thinks Tim might go, Stephen Mulhern thinks Tim and Judy, Kelly Hoppen thinks Scott or “Julie”, whoever she might be.