Friday, 24 October 2014

This week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...

- Pixie is naughty. (So says Tim.)
- Craig went out dancing with some of the cast at the weekend and they all bonded. Zoe is hurt that she wasn’t invited.
- Craig does not wish to retract his comments about Scott from this Saturday.
- Sunetra was not familiar with the Viennese waltz before this week.
- Frankie can (just about) make balloon animals.
- Craig is desperate to give Pixie a 9.
- Tim is hoping to keep his paso outfit, because it’d be very good for Christmas.
- The main differences in Tim since he started on Strictly are that he now has a neck, and he has fewer chins.
- Mark’s tactics for learning how to do the salsa pretty much amount to “watch Jake”.
- Karen Hauer enjoys making puns around Mark’s surname.
- Karen Hardy is worried that Khoreography Korner doesn’t have as many fans as she thought it did, or that if it does, they just aren’t listening to her. Imagine!
- Janette is reasonably confident that she could turn Jake into a professional dancer: “he’s already got enough shoes.”
- Scott does not believe he is going to win this competition.
- The dancing children are still out there. We cannot rest until they have been stopped.
- Thom likes to try out different accents during training.
- Iveta is not great at recognising specific British regional accents. (Then again, Thom is not great at doing them either.)
- Judy and Anton’s training footage got stuck on a plane that was delayed by the aftermath of Hurricane Gonzalo. That old excuse, eh?
- Alison is training in wellies, for some reason.
- During their salsa training, Iveta elbowed Thom in the face. This taught him not to put his head in the wrong area, which will surely serve him well the next time he does a homoerotic photoshoot.
- Thom’s favourite outfit from the series so far has been his sailor outfit, hands down. (I’d like to get my hands down Thom’s sailor outfit, etc.)
- Steve thinks he can’t be emotional because he is a BLOKEY BLOKE. It’s like the last nine series never even happened, isn’t it?
- Costume-wise, red and black are the favoured colours, so there’s a race every week to see who gets to wear those. (But is there a rush for the men to see who gets to wear those ass-enhancing white trousers? Strictly Come Bitching insists: We must be told.)
- The celebs don’t find out what they’re wearing until Vicky Gill announces it on It Takes Two.
- Alison’s eye make-up alone took an hour last week.
- Alison is sorry to anyone who doesn’t like her constant cackling. (Don’t apologise, Alison. It’s the best cackle this show has heard since Alesha left.)
- Iveta will be wearing a very heavy outfit this weekend. 
- Judy’s mum Shirley makes shortbread, which Judy brings in to share with everyone every Friday.
- Zoe finds it hard to tell when Pasha is being truthful.
- Pasha is “quite stubborn and will never take it out”, according to Caroline. Sounds good to me.
- Simon will be channeling AljaĆŸ in his dance this week. (Whether he has the ass for it remains to be seen.)
- Jamie Murray will be in the audience this week, but Andy Murray will not because he won at the tennis. No offence, Jamie, but your discomfort is not what we’re all here for.
- Everyone on the crew was really excited to have Jane McDonald on the Friday panel. It’s almost like this show is made by gays or something.
- Rufus Hound believes he is “the reigning champion” because he won the Christmas special. Genuinely struggling to determine if he’d be worse than Clancy or not.
- Marian Keyes might be the only person in the world whose obsession with Pasha is more out of control than ours.
- Jane McDonald fancies Kevin.
- God, SHUT UP, RUFUS HOUND.

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