Saturday, 8 October 2016

This week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...

- Melvin and Janette continue to be the height of graciousness and diplomacy after going out in unusual circumstances, and we have the utmost respect for them both as a result.
- Janette wished never to have to do that tango again. Be careful what you wish for.
- Melvin's mum thought his tango face was glorious.
- Zoe is gutted to not have hung out with Melvin's mum.
- Ore and Tameka are keeping in touch with Melvin.
- Melvin can now use dance terms like "fallaways", though he doesn't necessarily know what they mean.
- If you want to see more of Melvin dancing, you can find him in the clubs.
- Melvin bought Janette flowers to say thank you for training him. None of her previous partners have done this.
- Naga woke up at 3am on Saturday and couldn't get back to sleep because she was so nervous.
- Judge Rinder brought donuts in for everyone, but Laura thinks this might have been a deliberate act of sabotage.
- Melvin and Ed have different ideas about what Ed being 'the daddy' of the group is.  Ed thinks it's an insult, Melvin thinks it means guv'nor.
- If you're interested in specifics, Will pulled his "left butt cheek muscle".
- Gemma Collins is backing Judge Rinder.
- Alesha currently holds the records for the highest combined score over her first two dances for a girlband member.
- There are only 3 steps in the Viennese Waltz (according to Kevin).
- You must never say "five" to Kevin. Clearly he has some outstanding beef with Jay and Abz.
- Laura has 'all the bricks stacked on top of each other' whatever that means (it's Karenese)
- Karen H thinks Ed wouldn't sit on the side at a wedding, but would get up and have a go.  At what, is not specified.  Maybe he just likes saying vows and having confetti thrown at him.
- Karen H thinks you should overlook Naga's dancing when she comes out looking like she did. #prayfornaga
- Karen H wants to wrap Naga in cotton wool and make her feel special. #sext
- Oti is the boss and she will hurt you until you understand that.
- Oti is not great at pretending she feels at risk of elimination in the near future.
- Oti does a silly dance to relax Danny when he looks moody.
- Pasha thinks the variation in the judges' scores is because they're sitting at opposite sides of the table and are all seeing it from different angles. Bless him.
- Naga and Pasha would like you to know that Naga is not a ringer.
- Naga doesn't seem especially thrilled that, when the scores for the first two dances have been added up, out of all the Breakfast presenters she's only beating Carol.
- Ed seems to think Flashdance was about tennis.
- Kevin is an old-school musical movie fan. We were as shocked as you to hear that.
- Kevin thinks Anton looks like Woody from Toy Story when he wears a cowboy hat.
- Zoe still labours under the misapprehension that Khoreography Korner is 'in-depth dance analysis'.
- Karen H has never seen anyone more powerful than Danny.  Oo-er.
- We can forgive using ankles in week two, whatever that means.
- Movie Week is Karen H's favourite of all the weeks.  Again, colour us shocked.
- Ed is politely ignoring Widdy's advice on social media.
- Katya was very excited when she found out Ed can play the piano.
- Katya is that one person who turned a bridesmaid dress into daily wear, at least going on her outfit on Tuesday.
- Yvette Cooper was texting Ed saying "unf unf unf" before his charleston. #sext
- Anastacia allegedly thinks more people would know who Melvin was than her.
- The original version of Anastacia's salsa had lots of really impressive lifts in it. She was practically a gymnast.
- Anastacia pronounces Claudia F's name wrong.  Either that, or she has revealed that Claudia W has secret gymnastic abilities.
- The Viennese waltz is apparently a good fit for Anastacia's injury because it doesn't require her to move her arm on the side where her torn scar is.
- Brendan doesn't think Strictly viewers will know the song 'A Thousand Years' from Twilight, having apparently forgotten that Kimberley danced to it in series 10. Twice. (Three, if you count the dance-off.)
- Brendan thinks the Twilight films were 'the big movies of the last couple of years'.  The last one was released in 2012.
- You have to hold on to your hold in a quickstep.
- Greg never thought his bum could cause such a stir. He clearly needs to check my Twitter feed more often.
- Sir Matthew Bourne thinks Greg has genuine dance talent, so that's nice.
- Claudia (F) is trying to claim that thinking about your feet and your hands at the same time is hard.  Because gymnastics never involves anything like that.
- Ian does an uncanny Ken Dodd impression.
- Ian is calling for this year's recipient of the annual acting coach to be Naga.
- Ian thinks Tameka looks like a koala in her training video.
- As if there weren't enough jokes about AJ and Claudia being children, they're doing a Bugsy Malone routine this week.
-'You Give a Little Love and it All Comes Back to You' is Zoe's favourite ever song.
- Lesley goes a bit gaga when Anton spins her round.
- Anton doesn't understand how the judges mark because he thinks everyone is quite good, really.  And he's favourite to replace Len?
- Lesley doesn't seem to know what a Karen Hardy is. The shade of it all.
- Zoe doesn't think they have many people in reserve if Judge Rinder drops Oksana. Somewhere, Chloe and Neil are waving their hands in the air frantically.
- Darcey is the first woman to make Judge Rinder really blush.
- If there is such a thing as the Strictly curse, Judge Rinder thinks Oksana might turn him.
- Judge Rinder isn't keen on possible future contestant Mark Addy, but Zoe loves him.
- Oksana has implemented a "no talk, no noise" policy in the training room.
- Judge Rinder finds it hard to get in touch with his inner Neanderthal.
- The quickstep is just 'smile, head, angle, bottom and dance', according to Lesley.
- Laura thinks Giovanni is better at being a woman than she is.
- Some viewer thinks Ian looks like Tom Hiddleston.
- Will is doing a "Bollywood salsa" which sounds like one of the worst ideas ever.
- AJ is trying to grow some bum fluff.
- The It Takes Two team hasn't quite decided yet which Disney Prince AJ most resembles.
- Claudia's friends think AJ is a pretty boy. Not confirmed yet: if Claudia's friends are actually parrots.
- AJ hasn't dropped Claudia yet.
- Ore knows nothing about the American Smooth apart from that it is 'effortless cool'.
- Will's training outfits are getting even stranger - highlight of this week? Maroon harem pants with a tight blue foil jacket.
- Vicky Gill has been using a lot of the old 'white opal stone' this series.
- Trying to match costumes, themes and dances in a theme week is hard.
- Tameka nearly fell off the stage at the Inside Soap Awards. Steve was there and can confirm this.
- Gorka pronounces 'half' as it's written, which sounds quite lovely.
- Tameka screamed in training when Gorka did a surprise leap frog over her head and then was full-on trembling in shock.  Wonder what he'll pull out of the bag for Halloween week.
- Tameka has a dodgy knee and is struggling with the tango because of it.
- The show's resident Don Lafontaine impersonator can't pronounce Giovanni's name properly.
- Ore has an interesting line in satin leopard-print bomber jackets.  Perhaps he's shilling for a presenting job on the C4 Bake-Off?
- Zoe loves Ore's hips.
- Ore was concentrating on heels over hips on Saturday.
- The fireman's pole Jo and Ore were dancing with wasn't fixed and was pretty scary.
- Jo also loves Hollywood musicals, like her brother.  Who'da thunk it?
- Sophie Ellis-Bextor skirts around the question of if this is the strongest-ever week two by saying 'they're all rather brilliant'.
- Sam Nixon has a lot of time for Ed Balls.
- Former Pop Idol contestants stick up for each other.
- Lesley's training outfits involve neon pink leggings under a flowing black skirt, coupled with white socks.  I'm wondering if this lot have a bet on as to who can look weirdest.
- Sam and Mark both quite fancy Gorka. They're only human.
- Mark Rhodes thinks Judge Rinder is a 'dark horse to win the competition'.  Don't dark horses usually go out mid-series?
- Oti can't button up a cardigan.
- Kevin changed their routine last week because there was a similar move in someone else's dance.  Isn't that... quite likely?
- Louise's girlband moves included the 'stir the pot, wipe the face'.
- Laura Whitmore doesn't seem to know what cock-a-hoop means.
- They're repeating Giovanni and Georgia's storylines with Laura right down to the 'Giovanni learns accents and sounds silly' one.
- The show is now trying to convince us that Movie Week has always been a thing, and that any dance with a vague filmic theme has always been part of Movie Week and we have always been at war with Eastasia.
- Daisy had a little chat with Abbey before the series started, and Abbey loved doing ballroom even though she was equally overmarked in both genres.
- Brendan thinks Pasha's tango looks like a waltz.  Meow.
- Will has only got one bum.
- Getting 5s from Craig makes Karen C comfort eat.
- Karen C has taken to wearing school uniform as her day wear.
- Will is going to win Craig over with a scented candle.
- Will burped Karen like a baby in rehearsal.
- AJ and Claudia stop doing flips when the cameras are in their rehearsal room to avoid spoilers.
- Everyone is overexcited about Danny playing Zorro.
- Mark Rhodes thinks Danny has peaked too soon.
- Sophie EB didn't get 'dancer face' until week 6.
- Zoe thinks Naga will go on a 'journey'. Sam Nixon seems less convinced, unless by 'journey', she means back home on the number 75 bus.
- Sam and Mark are glad Ore doesn't suck.  More a receiver than a giver, eh?
- Surprise surprise, Sophie EB thinks Julie Andrews is the most wonderful woman in the world.
- Of the Friday panel, Sophie hopes 'not Anastacia' will go home, Sam thinks Naga is going and Mark thinks Lesley.  Sophie thinks 'about seven' people could win, Sam and Mark think Ore.
- Neil can't wait to get started on actually doing something on the show.
- Chloe thinks she's the baby of the group.  I am betting this was recorded before Claudia appeared.
- Chloe thinks dancing 'in front of millions of people' is a whole 'nother level for her.  Unlike dancing 'in front of millions of people' on Britain's Got Talent.
- Neil was hired as the third looky-likey-ginger.  He hasn't changed his name to Greg yet, but it can only be a matter of time.
- Neil likes 'the original' Strictly Come Dancing.  So... Come Dancing?
- AJ is a very trustworthy person, as long as he's not looking in the mirror.
- If they were on the show, Sam would want to dance with Karen Clifton, and Mark would want to dance with AljaĆŸ.
- Sophie's new song is basically about being a Weeping Angel ('standing like a statue, waiting to surprise you').

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