Nightmare on Ramsey Street

Week 12: Top 4 Results (Semi-Final) - 8 October 2019

We’re straight into the credits with no final ‘final please’ pleas. Then we open with an Argentine-tango-cum-flamenco-cum-paso-cum-circus pro dance featuring some random centre stage [!!!! That's Carlos Acosta! - Steve] whilst Luba, Dianne, Nancy, Nadiya, Janette and another random make sexy faces at him, whilst Gorka, Graziano and Katya tempt him from the sidelines. Then he pirouettes around the place like Karim on steroids, then he does acrobatics with Katya who is wearing the worst outfit ever seen on this show that wasn’t inflicted on Michelle Visage or Tess Daly – some red trousers and top combo that looks like those crepe paper Christmas trees you made in school. Also it featured too much sitting around on the floor. I did not like it. Apart from the bit where all the pros made fierce power shapes for their end poses glaring daggers at Katya and random ballet bloke.


Tess and Claudia enter and thank ‘world renowned ballet star’ Carlos Acosta and the pro dancers. I don’t mind them bringing in guest dancers for pro routines every now and then – but mid-series when it needs a boost (Blackpool hangover week, say) would be more exciting than in the semi-final which is meant to be a bit of a last hurrah with the cast we know and love before next week’s bombast. Dresswatch: Claudia’s in classic black. Tess is in an unpleasant aqua sequinned dress with a cut out halter neck, but also puffy sleeves?  It’s possibly the worst thing she’s worn all series.

The judges enter: Bruno and Shirley (in a white cape) and Craig and Motsi (in one of those pink turban things grannies wear, also possibly the worst she’s looked all series. Her looks have generally been one of the best things about this year, but not tonight).

Interminable recap of last night in which the following happens: Chris flinches when people touch his face, but Kelvin loves getting his make-up done, Hot Greg is MIA again [he is there, we see him briefly in a corridor, but he's not getting to do the big shout this week - Steve], Emma’s dances are both made out to be A LOT better than they actually were, they cut out the judges mentioning that Karim and Amy botched their lift whilst showing said botched lift.

And we return to our penultimate cue cards of doom. Kelvin and Oti are in their quickstep outfits, Karen and Chris rumba, Emma and Anton waltz, and Karim and Amy American Smooth. Kelvin and Oti are quickly put in the final, thus increasing the drama for the second reveal. The first couple in the dance-off? Karim and Amy, meaning either Chris or Emma is going home. Presumably. Also, I just noticed that when the red light is on, the glitterball looks like a massive red nose.

Karim says he’s a bit shaky, but he’ll be ready to dance again. Craig’s advice is ‘believe in yourself’ because ‘we believe in you’. It’s as close to saying ‘look, you’re going to be against either Chris or Emma, don’t worry about it mate’ as you can get without using those exact words. [It's also very close to the Arthur theme tune. - Steve]

In the solo Clauditorium, Kelvin says this has been the best thing ever, and he says he thought it was a wind up at first that he was called up from the subs’ bench. Oti starts waffling on about 1% this and 100% that and Claudia tells him to thank the people that voted for him even though he was top of the leaderboard anyway so was probably never in danger.

Our very special guest star of the week is Niall Horan and he’s apparently morphed into Matt Cardle, though whether or not he gets the same amount of pussy is yet to be confirmed. His song sounds like generic 00s indie rock – basically Kasabian meets the Arctic Monkeys but in that way that pairings can sometimes end up producing the most average versions of each act rather than amplifying their unique strengths. As boy band solo projects go, it’s fine, but unmemorable, as is the dance from Katya and Gorka that happens in front of it.

In dance debrief, Motsi waxes on about Karim being brilliant but there’s not much detail here. Shirley demonstrates the ‘woodpecker’ – it’s that thing you do in the quickstep with your feet going behind each other and tapping toes, so there you go, some education for a change. We cover Chris having a bit, but not enough, rise and fall and it being hard to tell what’s a standing spin and what’s a fleckerl. Honestly, not sure I can tell and I’ve been watching this show for a thousand years. And Bruno waxes lyrical about classical music again bless his heart, whilst sticking to his story that Emma and Anton got their dance right. This is followed by judges’ best bits: Motsi’s intro dance, Craig in drag, teethgate, BRUNO SINGS, Motsi giving away her hairpiece and her 10 paddle to Karim, everyone fanning themselves over Kelvin's rumba, the one week they all made their endpose in unison.

Then it’s our final trailer for the socials (no TikTok again), Joe Sugg (and definitely no-one else apparently) on the podcast, and Zoe and Rylan on ITT. And can I just say what a natural Rylan has been? Whilst it’s genuinely a shame we never had him as a contestant because I think he’d have been great, he feels really at home on that show. And I guess a Claudia vs Rylan Children in Need  / Comic Relief special could happen one day (given Tess vs Bruce already happened and Zoe and Gethin have competed)? Also I’m saying it here because I always chuck a token vote Tess’s way in Monkseal’s annual poll for ‘best presenter’ because I always feel a bit sorry for her coming so far behind everyone else when she’s not that bad really. [I find myself defending Tess Daly quite a lot these days. It's weird, isn't it? - Steve]

Anyway, speaking of Tess, here she is about to crush some dreams… and those dreams are…. Chris’s. Who hasn’t actually mentioned wanting to go to the final tonight at all and is probably going to be quite resolute rather than the actual trainwreck sobbing mess we’d have got had it been either Emma or Karim leaving.  

Chris and Karen go over and congratulate Emma and Anton and Chris says ‘massive congrats to Kelvin and Emma for getting into the final’ and for a moment I’m confused that he didn’t mention Karim, oops. Tess asks if he’s ready to dance again and he says ‘well I am, but seeing as it’s against Karim, shall we just call it an early night?’ Chris, you saw the filler these people came up with when they lost Will too early, you know they don’t have it in them to change the schedules, as Tess’s momentary panicked face demonstrates. Tess lies that it’s Chris’s most important dance of the series and Bruno tells him to give it all he’s got and ‘whatever happens’ it’s a pleasure to see him dance.

In the Clauditorium, Emma can’t believe Anton’s in the final again (most of the nation nod in agreement) and that she told Claudia after her rumba that she expected to go home. She says the show has made her fall in love with dancing because before that ‘I was always winging it'. It's pronounced 'ringing', Emma. Anton says he’s horrified to be in his second final. What a mysterious enigma. Also, we all know what this means… Anton and Emma showdance, brace yourselves.

Claudia asks Oti to tell people about the dances in the final, and when she mentions ‘showdance’ the cut to the worried looks on Anton and Emma’s faces is editing perfection.

We get our traditional trailer for the final showing the best bits of the ‘journeys’ with close-ups on the new glitterball looking as Perspex-tastic as its predecessor.

The dance-off sees a perfectly lovely reprise from Chris and Karen, who play it seriously where other doomed komedy contestants might have sacked it all off, and Karim and Amy don’t really execute that lift any better but are clearly much stronger overall.

Craig loved the storytelling in both but on technique saves Karim and Amy, Motsi saves Karim and Amy because the first time she saw it it was brilliant and the second time it was even better. Bruno loves them both and thought they were both entertaining but saves Karim for being the best dancer. Shirley would have also saved them, duh.

So not only have our contestants journeys ended up where we expected going into this week, the reputation of Blokerumba as being actually dangerous has been a bit restored this series, hurrah for narrative consistency.

Everyone gives Chris and Karen a really loud standing ovation and he thanks everyone and says he’s really proud of himself and thanks Karen, calling her the best teacher and really patient. Also being the easiest mark for dad jokes probably helps. We see their best bits and I think I might have something in my eye. I think they’re both going to come out of this series really well – if Chris isn’t hosting a game show within the next year I’ll be shocked, and if they don’t give Karen a (lady, preferably) ringer next year then there’s no justice in this world. [I've warmed to Karen so much this year! It's amazing what the right partnership can do. - Steve] Karen says he’s been awesome, she appreciates him going from not being able to walk in week one to becoming a semi-finalist. They dance out to ‘That’s What Friends are For’ and make it a kind of foxtrot, which I think is a first. Post-mortem footage sees Chris happy for his experience, everyone liking his personality and enthusiasm and the rest of them (well, mostly Amy) excited about the final.

So that’s our finalists sorted, and on paper it looks like an easy Kelvin victory, but with neither he or Emma having hit the dance-off, and the strong storyline potential of ‘Anton finally wins Strictly’, it's not a given. Could we be about to see this series reach its foregone conclusion, or end with one of the biggest plot twists in its history. Either way, the showdances are coming – join Steve next week to see how it all pans out!

(Also if you happen to be near Sheffield on Weds (11th), I'm having a book launch and there are free drinks available).