Saturday 7 December 2019

This week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...

Monday

- Alex has learnt what whisks, voltas and botafogos are.
- Alex expected to be in the dance-off every week.
- Michelle took Alex out for dinner last night to cheer her up.
- Johannes has a nice singing voice.
- Johannes really loves the samba.
- Flavia loves Johannes' bounce.
- Johannes got 49 botafogos with zero disqualifications, but he's just happy not to have had any disqualifications.
- Everyone was loving green this week, Michelle Visage be damned.
- Shirley seems to have been taking specs advice from Michelle.
- Motsi gets excited when 'the guys' dance well, but it's unclear if she means 'the guys' generically, or the men specifically.
- Motsi finds it hard sending people home in the dance-off because she feels like she's telling someone they're not good enough.
- Shirley thinks that wearing the dress put Craig in a good mood, like Princess Seraphina from Mother Clapp's Molly House, and that's why he gave the 10.
- Motsi cries when she had to eliminate someone after the dance-off.
- When Shirley was dancing competitively, her biggest technical problem was her shoulder line kept lifting.
- Motsi's biggest issue was that she was used to dancing a lot more freely in South Africa, so when she came over here and had to stay very still in hold, her strict Russian teacher told her she couldn't dance.

Tuesday

- Natalie Lowe's baby is due in 11 days.
- Natalie thinks Rylan is the perfect height to partner her. FROM YOUR LIPS TO GOD'S EARS, NATALIE LOWE.
- AJ thinks he has dodgy knees and Rylan thinks he's too young for that kind of excuse.
- Craig and AJ were trying to have banter during the pro challenge.  Or rather, Craig was trying to offer advice and AJ got snappy, first time I've found AJ relatable TBH.
- AJ thought he did badly at the pro challenge until he saw Katya only got 36, which made him laugh uproariously.
- The pros who have scored the lowest have been eliminated from the pro challenge leaderboard already.
- AJ scored 63 after two disqualifications, leaving him in fourth place, and was frankly a little chippy about it.
- Kelvin and Oti will be doing a paso to 'Seven Nation Army'.
- Karim and Amy are doing an American smooth to 'Sweet Caroline'.
- Emma and Anton are doing a waltz to 'Gymnopédie No. 1' - you'll know it when you hear it.
- Jenny Thomas has been working on Strictly for 13 years.
- Rylan was once in the audience for Strictly Dance Fever.
- Jenny Thomas was an elf in Polar Express.  Wasn't that all CGI?
- Gangnam Style's choreography was a team effort and can thus be blamed on Ed, Katya AND Jenny.
- Jenny really likes the 'hitchhike' move in Charleston. That's the one that looks like you're using a loofah on your back in the shower.
- Chris is pretty sure that he and Karen are the only couple ever to high-five each other under the dance-off red light.
- Chris found the dance-off his most relaxing routine yet.
- Chris thinks if it was up to the judges he'd have been gone in week 1. (It was actually week 6 before Chris hit the bottom of the leaderboard.)
- Chris calls Shirley 'Head Judge Shirley', the little teacher's pet.
- Chris will be doing his rumba to 'Don't Watch Me Cry' by Jorja Smith and his Viennese waltz to 'Somebody To Love' by Queen.
- Chris thinks performing the rumba feels like 'a weird drama class'.
- Karen did a Viennese waltz and a rumba the last time she was in the semi-final too (with Mark Wright in series 12). Hmmm.
- Karen thinks it'd be the cherry on the top if they got to the final, 'but a lot of people don't like cherries'.  Awww.

Wednesday

- Kelvin thought Luke Evans was dreamy.
- It took 20 minutes to put Kelvin's Gaston wig on.
- Oti looked weird in rehearsal because she was rehearsing interacting with the prop dancers when they weren't actually there.
- Oti thinks the semi-final is the time to 'have fun'.  Bet Emma and Karim don't feel like that.
- Kelvin thinks the show has been 'unforgettable and something I'll never ever forget.'  Man of many words, as ever.
- The rumba is - wait for it - a difficult dance for the men.
- Ian won't let Zoe forget that her cha cha cha went pear-shaped in the semi-final (except it was actually the quarter final).
- It really looks like Karim hasn't had any sleep this week.
- Ian thinks Emma's waltz is looking very basic.
- Aljaž is not naturally gifted at Irish dancing.
- He looks darn cute doing it though.
- Giovanni scored 80 botafogos after 3 disqualifications and has broken Artem's record.

Thursday

- Zoe still isn't entirely sure how to pronounce 'Gymnopédie'.
- Zoe thinks the 'number of costumes just doubled' this week despite the team having to dress a ton of prop dancers last weekend.
- Karen is wearing acid green in the rumba, how sexy.
- Emma pronounces 'pivot' as 'pivvit'.
- Lots of the pros think that AJ is a big baby who sleeps with a teddy and can't swim.
- But it's actually Luba who sleeps with a teddy ("Sully") and Nancy who can't swim.
- Karen once slept at Luba's house.
- Luba's 'It Takes Who' portrait is possibly the worst one.
- Amy did 71 botafogos after one disqualification and is in second place. She's officially the highest-placed woman.
- Giovanni was very nervous when he joined the show because he spoke hardly any English.
- Debbie was Giovanni's favourite partner of all five so far. (From the politely distant review he gave her, it would appear Laura was his least favourite.)
- Giovanni and Debbie liked it when Craig knelt at their feet.  Even if nobody else did.
- Giovanni liked to do 'creative' dances with Faye.  That's one word for their charleston.
- Giovanni intends to keep being the King of Halloween.  Not going to be hard if they keep giving him ringers.
- Giovanni is actually capable of saying 'thank you' just once.
- Karim only needs two more tens to overtake last year's winner.
- Michael Ball is still hardcore stanning for Karim.
- Karim didn't really register what scores he got for his jive after Craig's 10 because he was too busy being bumped up and down by Gorka.
- Karim and Amy don't seem too convinced about the Argentine Tango but think the American Smooth will be a piece of piss.

Friday

- Kelvin is indeed doing "the knee thing" in his paso.
- This week's Friday panel is Marian Keyes, Richard Arnold and Mollie King.
- Mollie never stops talking about the fact that she was on it and even her family are fed up.
- Marian's new book is about a family that seem perfect on the surface but have all sorts going on beneath. Inspired!
- Mollie didn't like the cha cha cha and can't watch hers back.
- Craig said the show "sounded like a train crash" when he first got the call to do it.
- Craig and Len were convinced the show was getting axed after the first episode.
- Craig believes that Bruce deserves the credit for most of his catchphrases catching on because it was Bruce who kept making fun of them.
- Anton considered himself just a supporting act in Emma's charleston. He's clearly been reading the blog.
- Anton's kids think this is his first year on the show. MORE KATIE DERHAM ERASURE I SEE.
- Emma's hoping to be able to hear a pin drop in her waltz.
- Giovanni didn't think Kevin would beat him in the pro challenge "because he's old".
- Graziano scored 90 botafogos with no disqualifications and Kevin got 73. Graziano wins! (And they spelt his name wrong on his certificate.)
- Craig's arguments with Len were sometimes real, but also sometimes not.
- If Craig gives you a 1 (fnar), it's because you showed up and nothing else.
- Craig really loves watching back Fiona Phillips's rumba for the lolz.
- Marian wanted to vote for Chris and Karen to go home but she was catching a train to Newcastle after the show so she voted for Emma and Anton. Richard voted for Chris and Karen, and Mollie voted for them too because "the rumba is hard".
- It was Kelvin's son's birthday this week.
- This show continues to be a promo vehicle for the Kemp family endeavours.

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