Strictly Come D'awwwwing

Week 4: Top 13 perform - Saturday 18 October

Last week Steve took you to the movies. Kevin once more proved to be the king of Paso, Simon found his way into the bottom two and, Mamma Mia! Jennifer was sent home after wearing a denim apron over a ballgown couldn’t save her. Seeing as she went straight back to work filming Mrs Brown’s Boys, I’m not sure she was actually too bothered.

Tonight! It’s no-theme week! And the show manages to come under the two hour mark! (Barely, I grant you, but I’m counting it.) We get a pre-titles montage of the remaining contestants making half-arsed attempts at exercising, which are somewhat incongruous with Tess’s voice over insistence that no-one wants to go home.  Oh well, cue titles!

Tess and Claudia arrive, this time accompanied by Pasha and Anton.  Daly Dresswatch: a deep purple thing with white feathers that look almost like a skeleton’s bones (it’s not a disaster but I do think it might have been better kept for Halloween week). What Winkleman’s Wearing: black, but spattered all over with pink so it resembles a child’s party frock. I kind of like it though. The judges are still dancing on and Darcey is even less invested in this nonsense this week than normal, walking on cringing and then standing about until Craig gives her his hand to walk down to the judges’ chambers.

The stars enter: Jake and Janette; Pixie and Trent; Steve and Ola; Judy and Anton; Mark and Karen; Alison and Aljaž; Frankie and Kevin; Tim and Natalie; Caroline and Pasha; Simon and Kristina; Scott and Joanne; Sunetra and Brendan; Thom and Iveta. Investment in theme tune jigging? Most are attempting something, except Judy who stands stiff as a board – although that is dancing for her – Jake, who looks a bit embarrassed, and Caroline who has Pasha all messing about with her skirt.  I’d take Pasha mess- [Redacted as usual – Ed]

The first couple of the evening are Frankie and Kevin. Last week their paso got the highest score of the series (and kind of the first ten, but we will return to that later). This week, it was Kevin’s birthday so they go to Grimsby. Sure enough, they arrive at Grimsby Town station, and sure enough that’s the hypnotic paving in front of it. BUT THEN! The rest of the VT (including a wee catch-up with Kevin’s parents who bring him a shop-bought cake still in its plastic. So invested.) is filmed in CLEETHORPES and not Grimsby at all. OMG BBC LIES! CALL OFCOM!  (Cleethorpes also has a train station so they may as well have just got off there and wasted less VT time). [See, this is the kind of local colour you just don't get on Digital Spy. - Steve]

Their cha cha cha is to 'Call Me Maybe' and they’re both in a bright blue. Frankie’s dress has fringing but is much more flattering than the kinds they put Caroline in. It’s pacey and watchable, but her legs are a bit bent throughout and there’s some pointless posing at the start. Still, always good to get cha chas out of the way and get onto the good dances, right?

Tess welcomes the fabulous singers, the band and Dave Arch. Somewhere, Bruce is shaking his head as she has not only said that in entirely the wrong order, she’s not waited until song six and someone barked it in her earpiece. Bladdy women.

Len says Frankie went for it full-on but her footwork sometimes went a bit loose. Bruno says it had plenty of cheek and she’s a good dancer, but she needs to stretch her knee and press more through the ball of her foot. Craig says her right arm was unplaced at the beginning and she needs straighter legs, but she has expressive hands and great musicality. Darcey loved the way she finished each step cleanly and says it was well-performed, she could have achieved a straighter leg, but it was fast, fun and cheeky.

They bounce up to the Clauditorium, camera firmly positioned over Frankie’s chest area in case of wardrobe malfunction. Frankie says the comments were fair enough and Claudia says she wants to eat Frankie’s eyes. [Again, I'd say someone is a bit early for Halloween week, but on the other hand...Claudia. - Steve] Yum. Scores: 8, 8, 8, 8 for a total of 32.  Claudia asks if they were pleased with that given they got a ten last week. "Well, a Donny ten… which is half a normal ten." GODDESS OF ALL OUR HEARTS FOREVER.

Mark and Karen are next. He declares last week’s Superman atrocity an out-of-body experience and says he hates having his family in because it makes him cry and look like a "bit of a wussy". Mark seems to have run out of story already. To liven things up, he’s wearing a woolly hat to channel his inner Tim and they’re rehearsing in a church hall rather than the nice dance studios/gyms/etc other people seem to get. He brings Nanny Pat from the TOWIES to training and seems to call Karen Sharon. Nanny Pat tells him to keep "in tune". If Mark is singing, I am OUTTA HERE. My ears haven’t yet recovered from Len last week (or the Strictly singers weekly).

Their quickstep (featuring him in white PJs) is to 'Tiger Feet' (surely that should have been Steve's?) and I judge the lighting people for not having the lights go ‘That’s Wright, That’s Wright’ in the appropriate moments. This is excellent quickstep music, by the way, and I was surprised to learn it hadn’t been done before (at least not according to the lists on Ultimate Strictly). It starts well, punchy, kicky and, er, steppy, but then he starts to lose confidence and his footwork gets a bit sloppy and out of time, and his skipping is rubbish and it gets very messy by the end, which is a shame, as I think there was probably a lot of good material in there but the execution didn’t really work in the second half of the dance. [I didn't like any of it. The beginning wasn't even so much a dance as it was a casual jog around the edge of the dancefloor. - Steve]

Tess can’t believe Mark hasn’t danced before and Karen says he’s wonderful. Bruno calls him a fancy white White Knight and says he didn’t go wrong and it was very intricate, but sometimes he didn’t get the footwork right. So did it go wrong or not, Bruno? Craig says he liked the arabesque but Mark’s top line and hand went a bit wonky, and he loved all the Charleston sections. [Remember when people actually saved the charleston steps for the actual charleston? - Steve] Darcey says she knows ‘the boys’ are complaining about his top line but it has improved and he kept in sync.  Len whines that the trotting was a bit ‘mincified’ (SMH) and then he whines at the audience when they boo for ‘picking on the old bloke’ and snarks that he’s a pensioner. You want to be careful Len, you know what happened to the last pensioner on here, and there are plenty of fans who’d be more than happy with Head Judge Ian Waite/Erin Boag.

Up in the Clauditorium and everyone goes wild.  Mark says he was nervous but was so excited that he did it afterwards.  Claudia says his other grandma is here (Fie! Only Alesha is allowed two nans!).  Mark says so is his granddad, who’s his hero and we cut to them in the crowd.  Scores: 7, 7, 7, 8 for a total of 29. Claudia previews Alison as Beyoncé and Alison does the finger sizzle pose.  Heh.

The next couple are Judy and Anton. Last week she enjoyed her quickstep more than its predecessors but she needs to clearly loosen up. She reminds us of her tennis sons who are playing some dumb game or other in Europe instead of getting their priorities straight and whines that they’re never there when she needs them, so she forces them to awkwardly Skype her whilst she lies on the sofa. Jamie teases her about Craig saying she had rigor mortis. She then takes great pleasure in telling Andy the Tango is sexy and sultry and he gives the "aww no mum" embarrassed response we’ve been waiting for whilst Judy cackles. Hurrah! She tells Andy to sleep well and he says he’ll just watch her last performance. I love her, but now I kind of feel as if her arc is done, given this is pretty much all we wanted from her. [NEVER! I need Andy Murray actually there in the studio, CLEARLY DISPLAYING PHYSICAL PAIN. - Steve]

What I’m not sure I wanted is her in a dress with fleshy bits and then Anton chucking her so hard across the floor she ends up in a heap, legs akimbo, knickers on show.  They’re dancing to ‘Jealousy’ and tango posture actually suits her because it’s a fairly upright and static dance and although she’s mainly walking around, she’s managing to do so in time for the most part.  They end with her running and chucking herself into Anton’s arms where she’s caught once again in an ungainly pose and then he spins her around a lot. She tries to end by giving him a sultry sex face but just collapses into giggles instead. Hee. They get a standing ovation, like those count for anything. 

Craig says "thank goodness for those illegal lifts" for setting the piece off.  Remember when illegal lifts were the kind of thing Brendan would do when he was being a ‘bad boy’ and he’d fight with the judges over them? Now BLOODY Anton is doing them, AND getting praise? What happened to the PURITY OF DAHNCE? Anyway, Craig says her face was blank throughout but her natural stiffness came in handy. He asks for more aggression. Anton: "More aggression?  Do you think that’s wise?" Ladies and gentlemen, Anton has made me laugh with something other than his choreography. Craig says he likes the way Anton threw her around like a bowling ball. Darcey loved the beginning and end and says she gave it a lot of attack, but she wants the vase shape because she’s been cribbing notes from Ian on ITT. Len says he knew she’d be good at the tango because she’s used to the back and forth head thing from watching tennis. He says he couldn’t care less about illegal lifts and it won’t affect his mark. You’re your own worst enemy, Goodman. Bruno thought she was going to get flung out of the studio but it worked and it broke her pattern.

They walk sedately up to the Clauditorium, Anton grabbing Judy’s arm in a slightly weird way. Claudia can’t believe how much Judy trusts Anton. Anton says she had great attack and commitment. Scores: 4, 6, 6, 6 for a total of 22 which Anton can’t quite believe: "WHAT THE… HAHAHAHA".

Simon and Kristina are next and Good Lord, they’re dressed as a pearly king and queen and Kristina’s wearing a white bobbed wig for some reason or other. Last week they ended up in the bottom two and so this week, he needs his personality to come through. Uh-oh. Kristina takes him to a café and says Charleston is all about London. It is? Not about, you know, CHARLESTON or anywhere? (Fun fact about Charleston the place. They have some sort of dance called the shag and a Brit I know once went out there to work for a church and they were having one of these dances as a social event, and every time he got up to talk about ‘shagging’ in church he apparently had the natural schoolboy response we all would to a bemused group of Americans). They go to ‘the East End market’ to meet a pearly king and queen and do the Lambeth walk. However, I call BBC LIES yet again, and so soon after the Cleethorpes debacle, too. There’s no sign of the Minute Mart, Cindy’s Café, the Launderette, Peter Beale’s fruit and veg stall, Kat and Bianca’s stall of tat, Winston’s stall of tapes, nor Aleks and Donna desperately searching for anything resembling a storyline. Don’t tell me this is THE East End market. It’s probably one of those pop-up things they do for The Apprentice and they’re saving on filming costs or Summit.

Their Charleston begins in a replica of Bessie. (OMG can you IMAGINE if they did a Third Doctor themed dance? Kristina looks enough like Jo Grant to make it work and you could give Simon a bouffant wig and a cape, so that’d be a naturally dramatic outfit for a Paso, possibly infused with some Venusian Aikido for kicks). [I categorically draw the line at any Doctor Who-theming on this show. - Steve] They’re dancing to 'My Old Man' and it’s ridiculous, but Simon actually gets quite into the daftness of it, pulling his best CBeebies presenter faces throughout. He embraces the floppier steps well and whilst it might have merited a little more technique in some places, overall it’s a fun routine that seems to play to his strengths. I had no idea the silliest of all the dances would suit Simon, who sometimes comes across as a bit boring, but there we have it – as The Apprentice has taught us, in every quiet week one candidate there’s a raging loon waiting to come out.

Darcey says she knew there was a dancer in him and the fast, cheeky style really suited him. Len said he didn’t dilly or dally and he put a smile on the old boat race and if Simon doesn’t get through he’ll pickuw even more wawnuts. Bruno says he kept in character, kept in contact with his partner and had a focused performance. Craig says thank goodness for him finally showing personality. He loved the birdy flap and says the choreography really suited him. Scores: 7, 8, 8, 8 for a total of 31.  Claudia gets them into position and Simon says "yes boss", to which she replies "correct". Claudia is on fire tonight.

Alison and Aljaž are the next couple and their VT involves Alison bringing a cardboard Jay-Z to the training room to embrace her inner Beyoncé because they’re dancing their samba to Bootylicious by Destiny’s Child.  You know who else was in Destiny’s Child? CHANNEL THIS NEXT PLEASE.  (I was also surprised Bootylicious hadn’t been used before.)

Alison wears a gold dress with fringing and a headband and she’s had some blonde extensions stuck in the back of her hair.  The dance has a lot of sass and she can do the rolls fine, but when they’re in hold it’s a bit walky. The footwork is laboured and I think this is probably an issue with being a larger woman, it’s never going to be possible for her to get a huge amount of bounce or swivel.

Len says it had plenty of bounce and energy but her footwork was a bit suspect at times.  Bruno says she’s good at going "to Funky Town" but samba is all about the bounce and foot placement.  She has high energy and performance value but needs to sort her feet out.  Craig says the footwork is quite flat although he’s not sure she should have attempted the bachacadas, but Alison says she loved them and does some more, which makes Craig giggle and say she’s giving the fringing the time of its life.  Darcey says she’s got it back and she saw the hips working and she wanted to be part of that party on the dancefloor.

Claudia asks her to do the "budgerigars" again and Alison corrects her.  Claudia says Beyonce is in London and Alison says "Do you think she’s watching? Hi B, see you later." And if you’ve never seen this, by the way, it’s definitely worth 7 mins 27 seconds of your time. Scores: 6, 7, 7, 7 for a total of 27 which makes Alison very happy indeed. Claudia tries to get Alison to do tango face and Alison’s two attempts are a) confused and b) camp gay sitcom character from the 70s.

Scott and Joanne next and Scott VTs that after dressing as a crab on TV, he can do anything. Their training footage sees him failing to lift and catch Joanne so he gets in another showbiz pal – his niece Emily, who says "Uncle Scott needs to be a better dancer" and then corrects his steps and posture. Bless.

Their American Smooth is to the not-especially-obvious choice of ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ as sung by an alley of strangled cats and bless the staging crew who’ve replicated the set from the video – all church windows, candelabra, dry ice and floating cloth. In homage, there is some very literal choreography, involving Scott turning around. The rest of it is pretty nothingy, with Joanne attempting some contemporary wafting and Scott pretty much just walking around or standing still but when Joanne launches herself at him he doesn’t drop her, which is something, I guess, and then, for some reason, he seems to end in a pose that crosses the Brucie and the Thinker. Scott tells Tess he did an air-grab "like I was in Westlife" and says it went wrong several times.

Bruno says it was supposed to be an American Smooth but it was more of an American Tragedy and it was really bizarre and he went wrong so many times he lost count, he says it’s like a puzzle where you have all the pieces and none of them fit together, which takes some doing.  Scott actually looks a bit hurt by this, bless him. Scott tells Craig he’s his favourite and Craig says he wishes he could say the same but Scott is the exception that proves the rule that anyone can learn to dance. Aww. The audience boo and Craig dismisses it with an ‘oh please’ and they quickly accede. Tess begs Darcey to give Scott a bit of love. She says she was having an out of body experience but saw moments in the top line and asks him to watch the male pros and how they do their lines and shapes and visualise that for himself to try and absorb it. Len says all the celebrities are taught the routine and they then have to interpret it in their own way and Scott looks like he’s taught, as if he’s doing it in bits and pieces – it needs naturalness and flair and ‘it is what it is’. 

In the Clauditorium they get a warm welcome and Claudia congratulates them on using the best song ever written.  Scott says ‘it’s Bonnie Tyler, not me.’ Claudia: ‘It doesn’t matter.’ She then lies that the singers sang it beautifully. I mean, I know we sometimes give them perhaps more stick than they deserve, but that was seriously painful. Scores: 2, 5, 4, 4 for a total of 15 and an ‘oooh’ face from Scott. Claudia says not to focus on the total. Claudia previews "Tim. Doing a Paso. To Tina Turner. All of these things are happening."  Worth.  Her weight.  In gold.

Steve and Ola are next and if you weren’t bored of ANIMALZ being his gimmick, 'Wild Thing' soundtracks their VT. Steve says he’s spent a lot of time in South America but never been able to join in. So, taking Donny’s advice to go clubbing, Ola takes Steve to a salsa night and he hits Ola in the face. Bet James Jordan took that well.

They’re dancing to 'Jump in the Line' and it’s really fun. Ola has got Steve’s tits out (he’s wearing a red shirt… just) and he beams a big grim throughout. It’s a bit dad dancing in places rather than sexy Latino and some of the lifts are a little ungainly (Ola screams ‘I’m alive!’ afterwards) but it’s an enjoyable enough routine and if he continues his Chris-Hollins-but-less-annoying journey, I wouldn’t rule out Ola as being the first pro to win twice. [I've been thinking about this a lot. He certainly seems to have a strong fanbase and I can see him going a long way. But I think one significant contributing factor to Chris's victory was the lack of any real competition - the only people good enough to win on merit were both D-listers from Hollyoaks. This year I think it might be a slightly stronger field - though as you say, I wouldn't rule it out just yet. - Steve]

Craig says he needed more hip action but the armography was good. Tess says Steve really wanted to impress Darcey. Oh Tess, I know you love a showmance, but give it up. Darcey says her husband is in the audience but she loved the lifts. Len says there was plenty of rhythm in the shoulders but less in the hips and he’s very watchable. Bruno says he made the most of his pecs appeal and screams "shake me, take me, any way you want me" and the energy and style were there but the hips weren’t.

In the Clauditorium, Steve declares dancers "nails" because he thought he was fit before but now he’s worked so hard.  Scores: 6, 7, 7, 7 for a total of 27. If anything, I think that might have been a mark or two under-scored.

Training footage from the couples coming up!  None of it is interesting enough to recap!

But what is worth recapping is the next bit. Tess announces that coming up we have Tim as a matador, Jake as Elvis and Tom as a florist, which is our cue for Claudia to come on as Elvis in a matador jacket clutching flowers and just about, kind of, keeping a straight face. She then bends down to give Tess the flowers and her glasses fall down her face. So cute.

Pixie and Trent are next and their VT reminds us that they look like brother and sister, not a couple at all, thanks, TESS. So she takes him home to meet her family. Oh, Pixie. They even get out all the embarrassing baby photos. Her sister VTs that she can’t wait to see her bridesmaid’s dress what Pixie’s got coming up next.

Their rumba is to 'Stay With Me' and features Pixie in a purple frock on a glittery bed, even though Trent’s the one who looks like he’s in (undone at the top) PJs. It’s very contemporary dance, and it allows Pixie a lot of opportunity to show off how high she can stretch her leg up and there’s a very impressive spin, but only some of it actually resembles a rumba. And, as you might expect, it’s more romantic and sweet than sexy but we all know which pro actually favours a chaste rumba. And then Pixie ends up sitting on the bed crying and Tess asks her what’s wrong, assuming it was a step or something, and then realises, with surprise, that Pixie is overcome with emotion.

Darcey says she was relaxed and into her storytelling but she’d like more physicality and tension in the body. Len says there was a lot of posing and it was missing a lot of rumba, although her dancing was beautiful. Bruno says he saw the most wonderful mood for love, with some lovely shaping but tonight all the hips are wrong and it was missing that sense of sensuous motion. Craig loved the split drag and her performance was exquisite, although her walks could do with more pressure, but he loved it anyway. Claudia offers her a tissue and Pixie says she really wanted to get into the character for that dance. Scores: 8, 8, 8, 8 for a total of 32.

Tim and Natalie are next and Natalie says "hello" right down the lens and blows us a kiss.  Hi Natalie! Tess gets a slightly-better-than-Bruce Craig jibe in when she talks about Craig giving Tim a 2 last week and she’s found something useful to do with the cape – upon which she drapes it over Craig’s head and gives us her best "come on guys, I know it was cheesy but at least give me this one" face.  Tess is endearing when she’s being a bit of a goof. Either that or being the straight woman, producers. Never try to make her be anything else. [Agreed. Anything that doesn't require her to land a verbal punchline. - Steve]

Tim’s paso is to 'The Best' and he is dressed as a matador with a golden cape.  He makes a decent attempt at caping for someone who’s clearly not the most natural mover. The dance features a fair bit of Natalie skirt swishing and pulling fierce faces down the camera to cover his moves and there’s a very awkward drag where he stumbles and she kind of pushes herself against him and across the floor at the same time. He’s not really in character much and it’s quite static rather than fluid but at least he’s giving all the steps a go.

Len says he was looking forward to the paso last week but "be careful what you wish for" although he gave it a go. Ugh, I said nearly the same thing as Len. I feel soiled. Bruno says he looked like a mildly irritated goat. Craig says it was rather strange and needed more performance, and the only bits with punch were his arms. Darcey says it was an improvement on last week but she missed the creepy perv-stalker aspect of the dance.

In the Clauditorium Natalie says he improved a lot from last week. Scores: 3, 6, 5, 5 for a total of 19 which Tim says is "quite respectable really." Adorable.

Sunetra and Brendan are the next couple (but sadly not the final one, even though it feels like this show has been on FOR EVER already). Sunetra loved her dance last week, especially getting a 9 (and not even a Donny 9). To get Sunetra in the salsa rhythm, Brendan has brought some bongos and Mexican hats, so she one-ups him and gets in a salsa band to play a song that doesn’t in any way resemble the one they’re dancing to.

Which is, in fact, ‘Turn the Beat Around’ and I can no longer hear this song without thinking of Pitch Perfect, I’m afraid. [I, on the other hand, can no longer hear it without thinking of this. - Steve] Sunetra’s wearing a pink and silver dress that makes her bust look enormous. The dance is a bit sloppy and ungainly and more like your mum after a few Lambrinis than a technically brilliant salsa (and there’s a Wagner tribute where they slap some bongos and glitter bounces off them) but, like Steve, Sunetra looks like she’s having enough fun to make it an enjoyable enough watch and vaguely cover up some of its flaws. What isn’t covered up so much is Brendan, who has a major wardrobe malfunction at the end due to the super-tight trousers he’s been shoved into. [First Kevin, now Brendan. When will it be Pasha's turn? *hopeful* - Steve]

Bruno tells Sunetra she’s nearly broken Brendan but she’s a clever girl as her performance covers up the mistakes she made. Craig says she needs to be stiffer in the lifts and to "channel Judy" and he says that it lacked some fluidity but was enjoyable. Darcey says she’s worked really hard but if she makes her steps smaller she’ll be more in control of the dance. Len says he couldn’t take his eyes off Brendan’s bits and it wasn’t her best but it wasn’t her worst. Helpful critique from the head judge there.

Aljaž goes right for Brendan’s bits once they reach the Clauditorium. [SLASH FICTION. - Steve] Sunetra says she’s never been lifted and it was an experience to then come back down and dance. Everyone is so cute tonight. Scores: 6, 7, 7, 7 for a total of 27.

Thom and Iveta are next and Thom appears to be dressed as a beige barrow boy but wearing a Technicolor cravat. It’s a look, I guess. Their VT features Iveta being the boss and Thom getting his revenge by teaching her rubgy. Of course Iveta excels because: Iveta. (This VT also reminded me of when Gavin took Katya to the rugby and made me miss Katya)

Their foxtrot is to 'Build Me Up Buttercup' and is very loosely based around Thom being a flower seller (he and Iveta both wear flowers and there’s a barrow on stage). He is, interestingly, better out of hold than in it, showing more personality and a better synchronisation with Iveta, although it’s not a disaster by any means even when in hold, and it’s quite sweet. [He does seem to be finally getting it together, doesn't he? There's even some sign of personality in there. - Steve]

Craig says he needs to watch some of his positioning but it was cute rather than saccharine. Darcey says it was charming and he held his frame and gave a nice performance. Len makes awful puns I won’t recap and offers no critique as usual. Bruno flirts a bit and says he can see the improvement in performance. Tom gives Claudia his flower and breaks the hearts of many. She tells him to just wait until the wrap party. Scores: 6, 8, 8, 8 for a total of 30.

HOORAY, there are just two couples left, and they’re both people I like.

Jake and Janette are the penultimate pairing. Jake was pleased that he gave a solid performance last week. Janette tells him he’s going to be Elvis, one of the coolest, sexiest men ever. Given the string of implausibly attractive women Max Branning has bedded, Jake apparently has no trouble being sexy. He flirts a bit with his TV ex-mother-in-law whilst, presumably, the script writers compile a hurried new plot line for him.

Their jive is to 'Hound Dog' and he has his name in lights all around him. That’s JAKE, people, not Max. His hips and legs are fantastic as ever, with some great kicks and swivels that really suit the music although there's one bit where he clearly stumbles. He recovers well, though and they even get in a few comedy moves, including some patented Jordan playing your partner like a guitar action. It’s fast, energetic, funny and lovely. The black and white outfits they were both wearing also looked good and suited the dance. Well done, everyone.

Darcey loves the dynamics, especially the height of his kicks. Len says his posture faltered in places and one of his arms was a bit unsure but it was a full on dynamic performance. Bruno says if he got his knees any higher, he’d have knocked Janette out, but whilst his legs are great, he needs to get his arms to match. Craig says there were some awkward moments where his free arm didn’t know what to do but the energy and performance were great.

Jake says he likes the jive and is a bit too out of breath to say much more. Scores: 8, 9, 8, 8 for a total of 33. Claudia then does another super-fast lyric-filled link and her punchline is to clutch her earpiece and go "What? A Little Less Conversation?" and then grins triumphantly. Imagine how long that would have taken Bruce and how much he’d have begged the audience to laugh.

Caroline and Pasha are the final couple of the night and he shows off by dancing on a treadmill. She attempts it by running in the air. Basically, it’s a VT of cheeky banter with Caroline pushing the sexual tension trolling for all its worth. I love her. [And more Pasha acting. I love Pasha acting. - Steve]

Their quickstep is to 'We Go Together' and it’s set in a fairground with both in pastels. It’s very fast, especially the spins and she keeps up with the pace well although loses her footing a couple of times. They end with Pasha grabbing a person-sized teddy bear and both of them giving it a smoosh, completing the many moments of coooot tonight. Then a load of confetti drops everywhere LIKE A WEDDING. 

Len says it was the best dance of the night for him. Bruno says he can’t believe how she changes character each week although she did have some slip-ups with her footwork and he can’t wait for her to do another quickstep in a few weeks’ time, which: WHAT? [Bruno's been making a lot of weird comments like that this year. Does he know of a format change that we don't? - Steve] Craig and Darcey also loved it.

Pasha clings to the teddy as they run upstairs to the Clauditorium.  Scores: 8, 8, 9, 8 for a total of 33.  Caroline: "LOVE that 9!" Hee.

Leaderboard time!

Jake and Janette - 33

Caroline and Pasha - 33

Frankie and Kevin - 32

Pixie and Trent - 32

Simon and Kristina - 31

Thom and Iveta - 30

Mark and Karen - 29

Alison and Aljaž - 27

Steve and Ola - 27

Sunetra and Brendan - 27

Judy and Anton - 22

Tim and Natalie - 19

Scott and Joanne - 15

So there’s… a lot of bunching and then the bottom three, then. But as we all know, NO-ONE IS SAFE so come back here soon when two of these adorable little poppets will face the dance-off. Awwww :(