Black(pool) Mirror

Week 5: Top 8 Perform (NotBlackpool Week) - 21 November 2020

We begin with a VT in which JJ explains that normally at this point they'd be packing up the set and heading to Blackpool. Well, yes, but normally at this point it wouldn't only be week five, so this whole Ersatz Blackpool Week feels misplaced to me already. Jamie explains that Blackpool Week is the most "iconic" week in the Strictly calendar and the week that everyone wants to get to (except Jonnie Peacock, who just wanted to get to Halloween Week so he could dress up as a pirate, so pure <3). Clara says that there is "nothing normal about 2020" and Ranvir says it "really hurts" not to be going (okay, I think we're getting a little out of perspective here?) but they're going to create Blackpool in the studio. You know who I bet is not at all bothered about not going to Blackpool? Gorka. I bet he thought his luck had come right in this year. JJ says he's gutted that he won't get a chance to experience the bouncing dancefloor of Blackpool and that at least I understand, particularly as there are some routines tonight that really would have benefited from it. Maisie says she's been training so hard this week, and Jamie vows to give it everything. Caroline says there are some very strong dancers this year and she's feeling the heat. JJ says he doesn't see where the cracks are forming and he doesn't know who could go home next. Spoiler: I think he might have more of an inkling once he's seen this week's leaderboard. HRVY says it's going to be iconic, Maisie says they are going to make this the best show yet, Bill says he couldn't be more excited to take part, and Ranvir says they are going to do Blackpool proud. Blackpool, sensing what lies ahead, retains the services of an expensive PR company to distance itself from all of this.

Titles! I'd already forgotten Max was ever on this show, to be honest.

So we open with a Blackpool-themed routine to 'Walking On Sunshine' in which everyone is wearing shades and summer clothes and...guys, you know that even when you do go to Blackpool you still go in November, right? There's lots of Blackpool paraphernalia including "Bruno's Puppet Show", and I spend far too long trying to work out if the three puppets are meant to be anyone in particular. I don't think they are? The music switches to Wanda Jackson's 'Let's Have A Party', and there's a bit where Katya bins off Gorka to dance with Anton and honestly, my suspension of disbelief can only go so far. Then we go into 'Making Your Mind Up' as Shirley turns the lights on at the disco and the music changes again to DJ Ötzi's 'Hey Baby', and I wonder why Anton gets such a spotlight role in a clearly latin-heavy routine as Craig rides a plastic donkey (not a euphemism). Tess and Claudia emerge from some beach huts with BLACKPOOL glasses on and the music changes one final time to '(Is This The Way To) Amarillo', a confetti cannon goes off and it all turns into a "wish we were there!" postcard. I wonder if the lack of a Blackpool week this year means we'll be spared the Blackpool hangover week? Then again, knowing what I know about what lies ahead, I think maybe they've just combined the two.

Tess and Claudia arrive. Daly Dresswatch: a simple black number that looks great, honestly they are absolutely nailing her outfits this year. What Winkleman's Wearing: a leopard-print two-piece and a tan that appears to have been applied Mississippilessly, per Ross from Friends. (I saw her looking rather orange on Friday's It Takes Two and I assumed that she was freshly sprayed and it hadn't quite settled down yet, but no, she's still the same colour a day later.)

Tess thanks the pros for the Blackpool-themed opening, and Claudia reminds us once again that all the pro routines were recorded earlier in the year when everyone was bubblin', and please not to call Public Health England. Tess tells us that "some" of the couples will be bringing the magic of Blackpool to the ballroom tonight, and I am intrigued by this admission that only some couples will be doing it. Is it just that they could only find a way to shoehorn Blackpool into some of the routines, or is it because they know some of them aren't going to be any cop?

Claudia welcomes the judges: Shirley's in a red dress, Anton's in a black tux, and so is Craig. Honestly, we must never again allow the men to outnumber the women on the panel, not just because of feminism but because wardrobe get so lazy. Tess reminds us that Motsi will be joining us from home later for a catch-up. Hooray! I miss Motsi so much.

Our Strictly stars arrive: Caroline and Johannes, Clara and Aljaž, JJ and Amy, Maisie and Gorka, Ranvir and Giovanni, Jamie and Karen, and Bill and Oti. Oh there are some costumes on display tonight, let me tell you. I don't want to know what the hell is going on with Clara and Aljaž, but we shall get to that in due course.

Bill & Oti

Bill and Oti get to open the show tonight, most likely because their routine is very deliberately Blackpool Tower ballroom-themed. I hope they blow the entire series' effects budget to AR the entire studio into the Blackpool Tower ballroom. In their VT, Oti explains that Bill will be emerging from a giant top hat and inviting her to dance at the Blackpool Tower. Now, I had a theory that there was a gas leak at Elstree this week that had gone unnoticed and every single person on the show was high as a kite because that would explain a lot, and I think this might have been the point where I started to think it? Oti talks a bit about how much she loves Blackpool Week, particularly because she has such lovely childhood memories of competing there as a child against Aljaž, Katya, Nadiya and Luba. (Hilariously, each of these is accompanied by a grainy childhood photo of said person except Luba, for whom apparently no such picture exists. Poor Luba.) Oti makes Bill watch her dancing at Blackpool with Danny Mac, and Bill says that he always thinks theatres have something of an atmosphere of all the people who have performed there over the years. This feels like a very Couple's Choice kind of VT? Anyway, Bill says he hopes they will be able to do Blackpool justice.

They're dancing an American smooth to 'I've Got You Under My Skin' and Bill does indeed emerge from a giant top hat in a very Super Mario Odyssey kind of way. There's something very elegant and Old Hollywood about the routine, and Bill does a pretty good job with it, although when they're not in hold he never seems to be completely confident about where his arms are meant to be going. In hold, though, it's all rather lovely, and Oti's choreography is truly lovely. I know we've had a bit of fun doing wacky Bill Bailey stuff for the last few weeks but it's nice to see that he can play it straight when required to as well. [I liked his performance, but technically it wasn't all that for me, as you say, his arms were a mess - Rad]

Tess thanks the sensational singers who remain trapped behind perspex, and Shirley opens by saying that it was 53 years ago that she first danced at the Tower Ballroom, and she wants to thank Bill for opening the show with class and finesse. Anton reels off a list of things that he saw during the routine once again and compliments Bill's arm position, and then refers to Oti as "Otty". No big deal Anton, you've only worked alongside her for six years, no reason at all you should have learned how to pronounce her name in all that time. Craig thought Bill needed to open out a bit more and be a bit more expressive and point his foot when he does the jumps, but the hand-shaping was extraordinary and Bill is a revelation.

Bill and Oti trot up to the Clauditorium, and Claudia asks if Bill was nervous tonight. Bill says he was, because it was very different to last week's routine - this week he had to stay calm and be refined and precise. Claudia then brings Bill's teenage son Dax up on screen to give the most teenage boy message of support there has ever been: "Hi Dad, good luck tonight, you'll probably smash it. Dunno how you got this far considering you're so clumsy [a woman's voice in the background, presumably Bill's wife Kristin, laughing "you can't say that!"], in all seriousness, we're all proud of you, so go for it. Oh, bring us something back from the garage, yeah?" Claudia sends out a message to Dax: please tell us specifically what you want from the garage, we will all get it for you [If they have any Orange Twirls left, chuck one my way - Rad]. Oti says that she thinks she speaks for all the pros when they say that they miss it (Blackpool, not the garage), and for her, coming from South Africa, it was always something she looked up to. Scores are in: Craig 8, Shirley 9, Anton 8 for a total of 25. Bill is very happy with that score. [9s though? I'd 7 that all day long. We're clearly on BLACKPOOL scoring tonight - Rad]

Doing the terms and conditions this week: Dina Asher-Smith, looking flawless. Can we get her on the show next year?

Maisie & Gorka

Oof - putting Maisie in the death slot the week after she was in the bottom two? That's cold. Tess says that Maisie's plummet into the dance-off last week came as a shock to everyone (unless you've been looking on social media where people keep saying they "just can't take to that one off EastEnders"), and it's made Maisie more determined than ever to keep her place in the competition. In her VT, Maisie says she doesn't want to remember last week - the lights going red on her was such a scary feeling. Maisie adds that she thinks she was focusing so much on the beat that she wasn't thinking about the upper half of her body. She thinks that having the salsa this week will help to loosen her up and remove that rod from her back that Craig was complaining about last week. Gorka says she just needs to bring the Maisie that he sees in rehearsals to the studio on Saturday night. Unfortunately, Maisie says that just being herself is what she finds the hardest. Nonetheless, she says she wants to go from that stiff girl with a rod in her back to a "19-year-old loosey goose" at a party having fun.

They're dancing to 'Better When I'm Dancin'' by Meghan Trainor, and I'm not sure what the wardrobe department were going for with Gorka this week but they appear to have landed on Fred Flintstone? It's a much looser performance than last week with a lot of acrobatics thrown in that Maisie pulls off well, apart from one where Gorka throws her over his shoulder with a little bit too much enthusiasm and she lands off-balance and stumbles backwards, but to her credit she recovers quickly and doesn't miss a beat. It's a strong comeback routine - but is it memorable enough to get people to vote for her from a terrible performance slot? I'm not sure. [I thought it was a very complex routine - possibly too much so, though she mostly coped - and it was a bit of a shame they death slotted this compared to... well, about 60% of the other routines tonight - Rad]

She's absolutely knackered afterwards, bless her, as is Gorka. Anton says it was absolutely brilliant, and she was nice and fluid and loose this week. Anton comments on the awkward landing which Gorka immediately takes responsibility for, and Anton does the whole "yes I know Gorka I didn't like to mention it ha ha marvellous" thing and then, having been confronted by the idea of a professional dancer making themselves look bad in order to be supportive to their partner, a concept that is utterly alien to Anton Du Beke, he completely dries up and forgets what he was supposed to say next. He claws his way back by saying that he feels like Maisie has a lot more to give, and he wants to see her dance more like she does in rehearsals, because he's apparently just lifting lines from the VTs now. Craig says the bad landing was unfortunate, but he's going to blame Gorka for overthrowing her. He thought the isolation was amazing and her hips were fantastic - he thinks it was incredible. Shirley says it was a great way to come back from last week's dance-off, and she loved Maisie's use of the "feminine sensing zone", whatever that is, as well as her fearlessness. She says Maisie is getting better by the week.

They head up to the Clauditorium to shake their booties some more, and Maisie says that she had the best time, which is what she's here to do - she's just happy to still be here. Maisie giggles that she's shown everyone her bruises from the lifts, and Gorka says she has so much trust in him from day one - he's very proud of her because she works very hard. Scores: Craig 9, Shirley 9, Anton 9 for a total of 27, their highest score of the series.

JJ & Amy

Next up are JJ and Amy with their own Blackpool-inspired quickstep. JJ says that he loved doing the jive last week, but it was a little bit heartbreaking when the scores came in because he'd worked so hard. He'd utterly convinced himself he was going home, but then he was declared safe on the results show - which was the biggest surprise ever. [Not really though, was it, you done a war and a Royal in the same week, you were probably close to the top of the public vote - Rad] JJ says that there are so many steps in this week's quickstep, and they are very complicated and massively varied. Amy runs through a long list of all the steps she's thrown into this one, and JJ says that he needs to make a comeback after last week's close shave. Their dance is set in the Blackpool illuminations, and JJ says that he feels a need to prove himself now that people have shown they believe in him.

They're dancing to 'For Once In My Life', and Amy wasn't kidding when she mentioned how many different steps she'd put into this routine - it does look really difficult. I think JJ does a pretty great job of keeping up - he's definitely more at home in hold than he is doing side-by-side, but there's some lovely footwork on display. His frame could use a little bit of work, though - I know obviously he has physical limitations that are doubtless making it very hard for him, but there's some noticeable gapping throughout this routine and it would be nice to at least tighten that up a bit if at all possible.

Tess tells JJ that she loved him singing along throughout, and JJ says that he couldn't help himself. Craig says that he normally hates it when people mouth along with the words, but on this occasion he thought it actually worked and was very enjoyable to watch. He thought it was a little bit jagged throughout and JJ's top half was moving around too much - it needed to be smoothed out. Shirley disagrees completely - she was impressed with JJ's vertical spine and the way he rolled smoothly through his feet. She was delighted with him. Anton reels off a list of steps that he saw, again, like this isn't Catchphrase, Anton, you can't just say what you see.

JJ and Amy step quickly up to the Clauditorium, where JJ says that he goes out there and gives his all, but he particularly loved this week because it was an amazing dance. He adds there was a moment in it where he realised he was dancing with one of the best dancers in the world, and he's so lucky that he gets to be able to do that - it's like cooking with a Michelin-starred chef or getting a driving lesson from a Formula One driver. Apparently JJ's daughter is a big fan of Amy and copies all their moves, and JJ says he has to stay so she can learn all the styles. Scores: Craig 7, Shirley 9, Anton 9 for a total of 25. I like JJ, and that was a good routine, but...nines? Really? In this economy? [THE SCORING TONIGHT THOUGH - Rad]

Clara & Aljaž

Last week Clara topped the leaderboard with her charleston - and this week she's got the samba. Oof. In her VT, she says that's the most free she's ever felt on the dancefloor, and Aljaž giggles that in every photo he's seen from the performance, Clara is just beaming with joy. Clara says she's not sure it will ever sink in that she topped the leaderboard. 

In training for the samba, Aljaž explains to her that the hips and the body never stop moving. Clara says that the concept for the routine is that she and Aljaž are going to be chefs (why?) and Aljaž says the routine will have three courses: the starter will be storytelling, the main will be technique, and for dessert the metaphor is going to fall apart. Oh well, they tried.

Speaking of which: they're dancing to 'That's The Way (I Like It)', and the chef's outfits are not especially flattering on either of them (I guess at least they put Clara in a dress rather than making her wear trousers?). I feel like this is a routine that should have suited Clara, given that most of her pre-interviews mentioned how much she wanted to do a samba, and it starts off well enough with good bounce and clean legwork, but unfortunately the wheels come off fairly quickly and from about 30 seconds in she just seems very lost. She's still Clara, so she's still selling it all from the neck upwards, but the body is telling a different story, sadly. It's a bump of a comedown after last week, and I think she might be in serious trouble.

(Also, does Aljaž hate the samba? Or does he just like making it a theme week even when it's not a theme week? This would suggest so, as would this.) [I think Aljaž's samba is long overdue an intervention at this point. I'd rather sit through one from ANTON - Rad]

Shirley says there is no mistaking the joy that Clara exudes when she's dancing, but it would be remiss of her to criticise Maisie's footwork and then let Clara's slide (I mean, if nothing else this show is fairly consistent in its inconsistency when it comes to picking up on sloppy footwork, but okay) - she says she couldn't always tell which foot Clara was on. She tells Clara that she can come back from this, but it was by far her weakest performance. Anton agrees that Clara's joy is wonderful and it carries her through, and she can light up the room with her performance. There were mistakes, but he doesn't want her to lose her enthusiasm because she has a wonderful freeness in her body and he thinks she is tremendous. Craig says it was very heavy, too into the floor, her feet were too far apart, she was pigeon-toed and her timing got out really badly, the batucadas were a disaster and he thinks Aljaž shouldn't have made her do so many. He admires the confident performance, but thinks this dance just didn't suit her.

In the Clauditorium, Clara says she had a great time. Clara's mum has recorded a message for her, and it is so wholesome - "we are looking forward to seeing you tonight in your new outfit, I hope it is not too short". The scores come in, and they are not pretty: Craig 5, Shirley 6, Anton 7 for a total of 18. Yeah, looks like Clara is going to be bottom of the leaderboard tonight unless someone else literally faceplants. [And with those outfits and an Aljaž samba I feel she isn't very responsible for that herself, poor Clara - Rad]

Jamie & Karen

After the obligatory preview of the four couples yet to perform, we move on to Jamie & Karen with (sigh) their Couple's Choice street dance. Are we even bothering with anything else this year? Is anyone going to do a contempowaft? [JJ and Amy, if they get that far, betcha - Rad] I can't imagine anyone other than Caroline has any interest in theatre/jazz. We get the obligatory emotional TV about how well Jamie and Karen get on, what a loving person he is, and this is backed up by a call from his best friend Spencer Matthews. I'm not necessarily sure that "mates with Spencer" is a ringing endorsement of someone's taste and general social circle, but what do I know. Jamie says that his biggest supporter is his sister, Baroness Von Biscuits, and she says that he is a kind person and the most fearless person she knows. My favourite part of all of this is after showcasing his best mate and his sister, Jamie finally gets around to being all "oh yeah and I have a girlfriend called Sophie", like I bet she's thrilled at finishing third. Jamie reminds us that he waited a full year to be on this show, and he's dedicating this dance to his friends and family.

They're dancing to 'Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)' by C&C Music Factory, with a theme of performing around a dance machine at an amusement arcade. (There's even a "dance tempo" button that Jamie turns up two-thirds of the way through.) It's fine, and it's fun, but... in this year where the series is shorter and there are several styles that no one will get to learn, Couple's Choice feels like an indulgence too many, especially when it's essentially given out as a week's holiday from having to learn much in the way of technique or indeed worrying that you might not get a high score from the judges. And to be perfectly honest, I'm peeved that I've endured four street dances this year and no one's even done a rumba yet? Kudos to Jamie on delivering this routine, but my patience for Couple's Choice as a genre (and I say that in the loosest possible meaning of the word) is wearing very thin at this point. [Agreed, but I will say this was easily my favourite Couple's Choice of the series, and the one that felt most genuinely street 'commercial'. Not that it's a strong field - Rad]

The machine flashes up "TOP SCORE" (spoiler) as it ends and Shirley's on her feet. Anton says this dance is all about the style and the timing, and Jamie nailed it. He says it was Jamie's best dance by about a thousand miles. Craig said he worried it was going to be like "the homeboys of Belgravia" but he was wrong: it was amazing. He was just a bit disappointed by the lack of a headspin - Jamie insists that he wanted to. Shirley says she's a big fan of Karen's watching her dance like this, but Jamie absolutely held his own and he was indeed that (checks notes) "home boy". 

In the Clauditorium, Jamie does the same "straight outta West Brompton" joke he did on It Takes Two this week, and says it felt great. He says that it's hard because Karen looks so cool when she dances and he doesn't feel cool. Scores: Craig 9, Shirley 10, Anton 10 for a total of 29.

No. 

Just-over-halfway leaderboard:

1. Jamie & Karen - 29

2. Maisie & Gorka - 27

3=. Bill & Oti - 25

3=. JJ & Amy - 25

5. Clara & Aljaž - 18

I repeat: no. [Literally every one of those dances is overmarked. Including Clara, sorry Clara - Rad]

HRVY & Janette

HRVY says that last week the salsa lived up to all his expectations and he got a 10 from Shirley, and he's really pleased to be getting all the critiques from the judges because that's how he's going to learn and get better. This week he's got the tango, which he thinks is the hardest one he's had to do so far. Janette agrees that she's given him a really difficult routine. HRVY explains that Janette has told him not to have "these bad internal conversations with myself" and to believe in himself more. He says that he signed up for the Strictly challenge and this is definitely a challenge. I just hope he didn't sign up for the Cha Cha Challenge or whatever that would have been this year, because I imagine that has been ruled out by the 'rona.

They're dancing to 'Golden' by Harry Styles (apparently, it's not a song I'm familiar with, #TeamNiall) and, much like all those other routines that HRVY did where he feared he wouldn't get it, he kind of nails it. There's a nice staccato energy to it, lots of sharp snaps, he's driving the routine well and doing a great job of partnering Janette. If I had to nitpick, I'd say the pressure of remembering it all shows on his face sometimes, but otherwise: a good routine, nice storytelling, well-delivered, all in all another strong showing from these two. [I wasn't keen but I don't know how much of that was the fact the AR was raining so much gold over them I couldn't see what they were doing half the time - Rad]

Craig says he spotted a couple of mistakes in there and he thinks HRVY knows that, and he would liked to have seen it more on one level, but he loved the power of that dance and the control HRVY had over it. Shirley says that everyone has high expectations for HRVY and every week he delivers - there were mistakes, but what was impressive was the way he picked up and carried on. She tells him that his frame has fantastic potential to be the next king of ballroom - although it wasn't quite there - and move Anton off the throne. HRVY, sensibly spotting that Anton is next in line to comment, quickly clarifies that he has absolutely no intention of staging a coup. Anton loved the choreography, particularly the syncopated chase, and HRVY pulled it off beautifully. He particularly likes HRVY's frame and the way he moves his whole torso and not just his arms.

À propos of nothing, can I just say how much I like all the metallic-gold elements of HRVY and Janette's outfits this week? I really want that shirt he's got on, although I suspect it would wash me right out.

Claudia says that she saw HRVY fretting all week on It Takes Two about how hard he found the tango, and HRVY says that it really didn't come naturally to him at all, but they worked really hard, and Janette has been the best partner he could ask for. Janette says that HRVY has all the potential to be a fantastic dancer, and he was so nervous all week, so she's just impressed with what he's been able to do. Scores: Craig 8, Shirley 9, Anton 9 for a total of 26. HRVY is overjoyed, he was expecting fours. From this panel? Really? Tonight?

Caroline & Johannes

This weekend they've got "a feisty, flirty cha cha cha", according to Johannes. Caroline says that she's been told by Johannes that her body needs to be much further forward than usual, which she's finding rather alien. Caroline explains the story of the routine: she's a woman doing her domestic chores, and Johannes will be the handsome fireman who encounters her. She adds that people generally know her work through comedy and she hopes that some of that comedy will feature in her dance. She offers to give Johannes some acting lessons and the results are...middling, but for good measure Johannes brings a vintage fire engine to the studios, which Caroline is absolutely delighted by. The fireman's lift that he gives her afterwards, less so.

They're dancing to 'Rescue Me' by Fontella Bass, and I apologise to Rad and all the other vegetarians/vegans out there because this routine is a six-course banquet of ham. Caroline is gurning for the back row of a room that she's not even in, Johannes is mugging away as she tries to seduce him, there's even a bit in it where she mimes lasciviously licking his guns, because I guess someone has to step up for Tess this year? There is also some cha cha cha in there which seems broadly well-danced (and I mean 'broadly' in every sense), but it feels almost beside the point somehow.

Tess says she loved seeing that different side of Caroline tonight, and Shirley is beside herself with mirth - she thinks Caroline can sell anything. She loved Caroline's flow and her sense of time - she moved around the floor just like the judges have been asking her to, and there were changes of rhythm in there as well. Shirley seeks clarification that Caroline was indeed licking his arm at one point, and Caroline confirms that she was licking his arm "for the nation". Anton says that Caroline seemed to be having a (ha ha) marvellous time, and he loves to watch her dance - she always looks terrific. He thinks this is the way to do a cha cha - a proper number, and her feet and legs were a joy. He thinks this was by far her best dance of the series. Craig opines that Johannes is the one who really needed rescuing, but he loved it - straight legs, arm placement, cheeky and cheesy, all the things that he loves.

They head up to the Clauditorium, where Claudia points out that Caroline might be the only person all series who's really enjoyed the cha cha cha. Caroline giggles that they've probably enjoyed themselves a bit too much this week, if anything. Scores: Craig 8, Shirley 8, Anton 8 for a total of 24. "I can't do maths! That's quite a lot!" Caroline squeals.

Ranvir & Giovanni

Closing the show with our first Argentine tango of the series (before we've had a rumba!!!!!!!!!!) [I am sooooo fucked off at this, I love a rumba, it's legitimately the one dance I'd like to try - Rad], it's Ranvir & Giovanni. Ranvir was very nervous last week, and rightly so because her cha cha cha was bobbins. She remembers doing an almost-Clara last week as she went from the top of the leaderboard to almost at the bottom - but mostly she's just glad to have it out of the way. In training, Giovanni gives her a lesson in the differences between the ballroom tango and the Argentine tango. His transformation into strict lecturer is apparently less than convincing, given how much Ranvir giggles throughout the lesson. Ranvir says there's a lot that goes into an Argentine tango, but she hopes that by Saturday night it will all come together in a beautiful package.

They're dancing to an arrangement of 'When Doves Cry' that I don't much care for (although I guess you'd want to avoid comparisons to Rachel and Vincent if you know what's good for you) with plenty of mood lighting, and Ranvir looks amazing. If I'm grading on atmosphere and sensuality then this is easily a 10, but if you look at the footwork, it's not quite as convincing: it's all a bit noodly and unsure, and most of the time she just comes across like she's got her heel caught in something and she's trying to free it without attracting too much attention. Argentine tangos on this show in general are often a bit of a triumph of style over substance, and it definitely feels that way to me here - from the knees up, it's great, but that lowest quarter isn't up to snuff. [Yeah, agreed, amazing atmosphere, but he was kicking her legs back into place half the time - Rad]

Anton says he didn't blink at all while watching it, and Ranvir has wonderful intensity - he's drawn into the moment that the two of them had together. Craig would have liked to see a straight leg in the second lunge - "we went for a bent one", Giovanni insists, and Craig tells him a straight one would've looked nicer. Nonetheless, Craig loved all the detail in there. Shirley says she it made her hot under the collar - she thinks Ranvir is very feminine but extremely powerful, and it felt like they were in their own room and we were all watching through the window. (I guess the "they shaggin'?" question is getting asked as much in the studio as it is in our homes.) She was particularly excited by their lips puckering, to the extent that she decides to re-enact it much to the alarm of both Ranvir ("me mum's watching!") and Craig. 

Ranvir and Giovanni head up to the Clauditorium where that gas leak-induced mass hallucination kicks in again and Ranvir speaks at length (at length) about what an honour it is for a Lancashire lass to get to close the show in Blackpool week. You. Are. In. Borehamwood! Scores: Craig 8, Shirley 9, Anton 10 for a total of 27.

Final leaderboard

1. Jamie & Karen - 29

2=. Maisie & Gorka - 27

2=. Ranvir & Giovanni - 27

4. HRVY & Janette - 26

5=. Bill & Oti - 25

5=. JJ & Amy - 25

7. Caroline & Johannes - 24

8. Clara & Aljaž - 18

Imagine watching the week one show and someone telling you Jamie Laing would be topping the leaderboard in week five. Imagine someone telling you he'd score two 10s before Maisie scored any! I've heard people bringing up the fact that there's been a different person at the top of the leaderboard every week so far and how that proves what a close competition it is, but honestly I think it's saying a lot more about the standard of the judging this year than it is about the cast. [I wouldn't have given any 10s tonight at all, and not sure how they're going to build from here, as two 29s by week 5 leaves us a lot of early 30s potentially. That said, I think I liked Jamie the best tonight, I'm sorry. I didn't vote for him if that helps (Maisie/Clara/Caroline) - Rad]

Anyway, justice for Clara, done so dirty.

Before the lines open, we teleconference in with Motsi, who is looking glittery and wonderful. She wants to tell everyone how hard they've all worked. Claudia asks her what she thought of the first Argentine tango of the series, and Motsi tells Ranvir that she is clearly very comfortable in her partner's hands (steady!) and she's definitely improved the co-ordination in the lower part of her body. Motsi declares the vote open, and literally everyone I follow on Twitter raced to rescue Clara, that's how I know I follow the right people.

After a recap of tonight's performances, Claudia sends her love to Blackpool and hopes that we will see it again next year. God, I hope so - the thought of still having to take COVID precautions this time next year is really, really depressing. In tomorrow night's show, Billy Ocean will be performing a medley of his greatest hits and there'll be another fabulous pro dance - and, of course, someone is going home...