Sunday, 25 November 2007

Closing the Barnes door

Top 7 results: 25th November 2007

Our seven remaining contestants fought it out on the dancefloor. Kenny was massively improved! Kelly was underused! Brendan wanted to cut a bitch! And there were tens aplenty for Matt and Alesha. This is Strictly Come Dancing! I hope your clapping hands are warmed up. [*claps* - Carrie]

The celebs and their partners head to the dancefloor. Matthew Cutler appears to pat Gethin on the arm as he walks past, which makes me think I've been slashing the wrong Matt with Gethin. Bruce and Tess are back, and Tess's functional wardrobe of yesterday appears to have been a one-time only special offer, as "today" she's in some sort of big poofy aqua blue thing. Bruce warns us of the impending elimination, as if we didn't know why we're here, and Tess trails a Dirty Dancing tribute later. We get another look at the leaderboard, and Tess clarifies that Kenny and Ola got three points, not four as was published yesterday, lest the BBC get embroiled in another phone-in scandal.

Recap! John Barnes was not beloved of the judges. Lisa Snowdon thought he was great, but Craig was deeply disappointed by John completely looking at the floor. Backstage, John admits that Nicole's been telling him off for that all week and he shouldn't have done it. In a surprising sixth place are Kelly and Brendan, and Brendan's heated defence of Kelly is actually pretty offensive. Kelly doesn't like being at the bottom, but thinks the shock has been good for her because she realises how complacent she's got. Arlene thinks they should be ashamed of themselves. Brendan basically tells the judges to say their piece, but not be rude and obnoxious, or he'll smack you down. He then calls them "old idiots". And that sentence passed through my rude-and-obnoxious detector without triggering any alarm bells, naturally. [What the hell is wrong with Brendan? Sexual frustration, maybe? - Carrie]

The judges were very impressed with Kenny, as we saw, but backstage Kenny is in shock over it all. Gabby thinks this will be a brilliant boost to his confidence. Kenny is amazed that he's higher than Kelly and John, and he's probably not the only one feeling that way. Letitia's Viennese Waltz was quite pretty if not technically perfect, and she cops to being an emotional wreck backstage. Brian Capron (remember him?) thinks she's grown in confidence and is the dark horse. [I actually didn't recognise him. - Carrie] Len wants Gethin to bring his lovely personality onto the floor, and Bruno thinks Gethin needs to raise the bar because it's week eight. Backstage, Gethin punches the wall. Really gently. Hee. You can take the boy out of Blue Peter... Craig thinks Gethin needs to commit to the dance more. Camilla agrees. "Do you know what?" says Gethin. "I hate it when the judges are right. You know what I hate more? When you agree with them." Hee.

Matt is variously bringing sexy back, the Spice Boy, and the new Mark Ramprakash, and screen mum Linda Henry was very excited about it, growling for emphasis. Bruno appears to have some sort of stroke while watching Alesha dance, and she gets three 10s, which she is understandably excited about. Then, bless her, she says they have to thank Matt and Flavia, because watching them dance beforehand got them in the mood. Linda Robson thinks that every week you think Alesha has to have a bad week sometime, but she never does. Henry Winkler - yes, the Fonz! [the FONZ! WHO IS IN PANTO IN THE UK! - Carrie] - thinks Alesha is amazing. So do we. Len thinks she's one of the most talented dancers they've ever had on the show.

Bruce passes to the judges, and Len thinks this has been an unbelievable week, since Kenny is above John and Kelly. Arlene gave two tens, and loves Matt because he championed his dance tonight. She's excited that he's so passionate about it, and Bruce makes the obligatory joke about Arlene wanting to shag the attractive young male dancers.

Next up, a medley of two dances: the Charleston and the Quickstep. Brucie does a bit of Charleston for us, and then remembers that he's not performing it, yelling "WHY?!" backstage, which is kind of funny. It may be a bit philistinic of me, but I sort of don't care when I'm watching dancing that doesn't involve the celebrities or the show's pros, which the Charleston routine does not. The people who dance it are very good, but they're not the reason I switched on my telly. Sorry, folks. [Heh, heh, that's exactly what I was thinking when the troupe piled on to the floor, but wasn't going to admit to it! - Carrie] Thankfully then Anton and Erin bounce in with a quickstep, involving a very cute little skit where Anton drops Erin on the judges' table and does an adorable little solo dance, which Erin then promptly scores with a "1" paddle. Hee. Those two are great together. [I love Anton and Erin, and she was looking lovely with her full Goth make-up. - Carrie]

Backstage in the House of Tesstosterone. Kenny got 30 this week, which no one can believe (some more kindly than others). Kenny is happy to have given the judges something nice to say. Tess thinks he may be another Matt Dawson. PLEASE GOD NO. Also, in doing this she accidentally pokes Kelly in the eye. Hee. Kelly says that it's not her night, once again exposing the LIE that is the Sunday ["Sunday" - Carrie] results show. Kelly thinks she messed up her timing and couldn't get to grips with the dance this week. [Perhaps because she ONLY BLOODY TRAINED FOR SEVEN HOURS. - Carrie] Matt's enjoyed the training for the two dances, and said that the experience was filthy. I don't doubt him.

Training footage from the Dirty Dancing rehearsals. Unlike the footage we saw on It Takes Two earlier in the week, Gethin is actually present for this. Alesha and Kelly talk about how every girl loves the film. In a sequence that I'm absolutely positive is a shout-out to me, Gethin starts dancing seductively with Matt, and then the two of them talk about having a night in where they'll watch the film, paint each other's toenails and discuss what they'll wear on Saturday night. Awesome. They're like my favourite couple ever, and I love them both and also this show for indulging my personal fantasy. There will be THE LIFT, of course, and everyone wants to do that bit. Matt and Flavia and Alesha and Matthew make abortive attempts, as do John and Nicole. Kelly and Brendan's looks passable [because Brendan has been perfecting his Swayze impression for the last 20 years - Carrie], Kenny and Ola do a good one [because Kenny's only talent lies in his strength - Carrie], and then Letitia either steps on Darren's foot or knees him in the face - it's quite hard to tell [I thought she'd smashed him in the face with her bosom - Carrie]. Kenny derides Gethin's lack of strength in his arms (which I'm sure will be a scene in a Gethin/Kenny slashfic somewhere on the internet before the week is out - and don't try to tell us such things don't exist, because we do check the search engine stats that bring people here, y'know), and Matt and Flavia don't quite manage it once again.

And now: the Dirty Dancing tribute. I have never seen this film, so it's pretty much wasted on me. My flatmate has attempted to make me sit through it on numerous occasions, but I always get so bored after about half an hour that I just wander off and never come back. [And you call yourself a gay. They'll throw you out, y'know. - Carrie] This version, however, is lots of fun. Letitia looks like she's having, if you'll excuse the pun, the time of her life. Alesha is amazing, as always. Kelly is much better in this than she was during her Samba "last night". Unsurprisingly, Kenny does the infamous lift with Ola, because lifting is totally his thing, and he has already signed up for the Strictly Come Lifting live tour.

We go to the judges, and Bruno thinks it was a brilliant job from everyone, but singles out Alesha for praise. Bruce asks Craig if anyone disappointed, and Craig grumps that he always has to get the negative. Hee. Thankfully, he says no one disappointed, and it was the cleanest group dance they've had. Anyone wonder if that's because Kate wasn't in it? Craig adds that you can see the work that went into it. [You'll also note that anything remotely complicated had John and Kenny shoved on the stage at the back, tapping their toes while the others did the dancing. Also, Kenny and Ola were singing the lyrics at each other again, providing more evidence for my theory that that's the way Ola's getting him to step at something like the right time. Also also, I noticed how incredibly good Matt's posture is. In conclusion, well done all. - Carrie]

Before the results, we have the Sugababes. I'm not a massive fan of their new album from what I've heard so far, but since Carrie had to recap Westlife on The X Factor yesterday, I'm counting my blessings. Amelle seems to have metamorphosed into an entirely different person - possibly Jessie Spano - since joining the band. Unless she left and has been replaced by someone else, which is entirely possible, let's face it. Keisha's rocking a Charleston tribute hairstyle of her own, by the way. During the second verse, we get the obligatory interruption from the pro dancers - this week it's Darren and Lilia. There's an amazing move where Darren whirls Lilia around by her hands just above the floor, while she tucks one foot behind his neck. Damn, Lilia is flexible. I got a twinge in my hip just watching that. The Sugas are sounding a little scrappy tonight, to be honest. But still: not Westlife. Mustn't forget that.

Little VT of the celebrities. Kenny only expected to last two weeks. Letitia thinks that working hard really pays off. Matt thinks it's gruelling and terrifying, but he loves it. Gethin knows lots of people dying to have a go (me! me!), and feels lucky that he can. Alesha thinks it's a great release. Kelly can't believe how obssesed she is with the show. John wants to go as far as he can. Essentially, no one wants to leave, and I can't blame them. Kelly treats every week like the final (except this week, apparently). Alesha is terrified of having to stop dancing. Awww.

Returners announced in random order: Kenny and Ola! They're indestructible! [For FUCK'S SAKE. He did two good lifts but he CAN'T DANCE. - Carrie] Alesha and Matthew! Hooray! Matt and Flavia! Whee! Gethin and Camilla! Squee! Only one couple left who is definitely safe, and that couple is...Letitia and Darren! So the bottom two is Kelly and Brendan and John and Nicole, which I'm really not surprised by at all. Len advises John to keep his head up, and advises Kelly to bring more sparkle and more magic.

John and Nicole dance first, and to his credit John doesn't appear to be staring at his feet this time. His footwork, however, is looking quite ropey still. It's lacking a bit of energy, but I think that's because John knows his days are numbered. Not that I think Kelly and Brendan are definitely safe (I'd be very surprised if they go, but anything can happen in this show), but it's clear John just lacks "populist support", as Gabby might have put it. Kelly and Brendan dance again, and Kelly's clearly trying to make her routine livelier, but the choreography is rather hampering her attempts. They're still in an entirely different class to John and Nicole, though. But then, Kelly isn't a SPORTSMAN with BIG HANDS who has had a JOURNEY and dances LIKE A FELLA, so who knows?

And now it's decision time for the judges' decision. Nicole looks resigned. Brendan looks miserable. Kelly looks nervous. John looks...pretty stoic, actually. Craig says that he has to vote for the best dancer, and votes to save Kelly and Brendan. Arlene thinks that a lesson has been learned, and votes for Kelly and Brendan. Bruno says it's getting harder every week, but since it's a dance competition, he has to vote for the best dancer, the one who will provide more in the future, so he votes to save Kelly. John and Nicole are out. Bruce asks for Len's opinion, and he says that he saw a small mistake from Kelly but would've put them through anyway. He apologises to John, who says it was the right decision. John jokes that the one time he kept his head up, he got his steps wrong anyway. Heh. Nicole says he's humble and a gentleman.

Next week, each couple will have to perform a ballroom AND a Latin dance. John and Nicole's final dance is to 'Stop Crying Your Heart Out'. It looks like John goes to pick Nicole up and she shakes her head and tells him not to. Heh. The other contestants descend on John to hug him goodbye, and it looks like they were all very fond of him. Awww. [Well, it was the right decision from the judges, but it's going to be tricky from now on in. I don't want anyone to go now APART FROM KENNY. Can't they all just stay forever? - Carrie]

2 comments:

isabellelandon said...

Theres Strictly slash? Care to point me in that direction!
Excellent blog.

Adam said...

The potential nightmare - now John is gone - is that good dancers will get knocked out week by week til Kenny lumbers through to the final. This week also flagged up how crap Len's marking is this series. John's samba a few weeks ago deserved a 10 but Matt's salsa didn't this week? I reckon it's the jet lag.
Do you think he and Bruno have to fly back and for to LA together- as well as sit next to each other on both shows? No wonder Len's grumpy. I have visions of them tucked up in bed together each night too - bickering and wearing matching pee-jays, like Eric and Ernie