Sunday, 12 October 2008

I don't think you're ready for this, Jelly

Results show
Tx Sunday 12th October, 2008

Last night, the laydeez danced! Jessie cried and stropped off; Arlene cried at Cherie's beauty; now one couple must leave FOR EVAH. This! Is! Strictly Come Dancing!


Celeb couples, Bruce, Tess - looking lovely again in a short asymmetric black dress, though I'm not convinced by the shoulder detail, which looks a bit like a dead crow. Bruce is worried about the credit crunch and has to go to the bank to lend them money tomorrow. Ha. Ha. Ha. [Maybe he could lend some to the show's pro-dancers who ARE POOR according to Brendan in one of the Sunday tabloids. - Steve]

Recap from last night. Jessie and Darren were slated roundly, and she cried. Craig feels sorry for her because he knows she was enjoying it; Head Judge Len reckons none of them want to make anyone cry. Jon Culshaw thinks the public will root for her. Jodie and Ian did a tall rumba complete with inappropriate snogging. Des Lynam thought Jodie was TALL but BEAUTIFUL. All the judges want to see her back next week; Head Judge Len thinks she has potential. [Jodie reminds me of Penny Lancaster last year - the judges kept insisting she had potential, but she was consistently average and then got voted off. - Georgi] Heather smiled a lot but her quickstep was not admired. Her son thought they were mean, as did her partner - "it was despicable, actually". Christine and her smug face quickstepped with Matthew to a bloody awful song, which was not appreciated by Head Judge Len. Jane Horrocks thought she looked like Audrey Hepburn. Lisa and Brendan had the JUICE, but he was disappointed with the marks. Johnny Vaughan thinks she'll get better; Lisa's sister is very proud. Rachel and Vincent did a miniature quickstep. She wittered on backstage but it's not worth recapping. Cherie and James were teachers' pets once again, and feel honoured to be top of the leaderboard, the pretentious wankers, but Natalie, her daughter, is not happy about the eroticised dancing.

Bruce welcomes the judges and talks about their hidden talents - Bruno is fluent in Italian, English and gibberish. HAHAHA. Then the joke does not continue as you'd imagine it would, ie with the hidden talents of Arlene, Craig or Len. Len doesn't think anyone stands out just yet; Craig wants the rubbish people to carry on trying hard. Yawn.

Show dance samba with the multiple Latin champions. Carmen's dress is made of spray-painted spider webs. I hate the bloody results show now that it is padded out with a) people I don't know (ie now) or b) people I don't like (ie later on tonight).

Austin has watched sambas on the internet. Erin has told him that he will never be able to be as good as the people who dance on the internet. Tess makes embarrassing comments about the guns. LEAVE IT, DALY. [Austin shows great restraint in keeping his guns holstered. - Georgi] Cherie thinks competing against the boys will change things completely and it'll be tough. Christine is in the middle of the leaderboard and would be very worried should she find herself in the dance-off, and will give it 110 per cent [drink! - Georgi] should that occur.

Filler VT prior to next week's co-ed competing. Bruno draws another car metaphor (qualifiers into a Grand Prix, apparently); Craig says the competition will really begin now; Austin will up his game for he is a sportsman; Jodie thinks everyone has to focus; Don will not be complacent; Christine will up the ante. Bored now, not recapping any more.

Group dance from the pros - an American smooth to Hello Dolly, crucified by the singers, but then we really wouldn't expect anything else, would we? Andrew says that the pros look so happy when they're not dancing with the celebs. Aw. Jessie was frustrated, disappointed and angry last night, just in case we hadn't noticed. Tess tries to comfort her - "you're an actress, the show must go on!" Jessie wails, "I'm not that good an actress!" ["YES YOU ARE!" - Steve, getting in a "you ain't my muvva" joke while he still can, oops spoilers] John and Kristina want to samba next week in order to recreate the steamy atmosphere of Brazil. I suspect he's not being entirely serious.

Next week with Claudia - ALESHA! Whoooooooooop!

Arlene loved Cherie's rumba yesterday; it was so tender, it was "poetry in motion". Bruce hasn't seen her so emotional "since Mark Ramprakash". Yawn. Bruno has taken an alliteration pill - "the babes against the brutes" next week, apparently.

Now - Simply Red. Ew. Camilla and Ian do their best to enliven Something Got Me Started, a track that was first released 17 years ago, but they're fighting a losing battle.

Some more filler - Rachel wants to learn some more dances. Jessie doesn't want to let Darren down. Christine will be devastated if they go out tonight. Heather wants to dance a cha-cha with Brian. Jodie finds it hard to even think about leaving. Cherie feels very loyal to James. Lisa says the thought of letting Brendan down is hideous. Aw. [Is that because she's worried that he might storm off in a sulk? I know I would be. - Georgi]

FINALLY, the sodding results. The couples who will be dancing next week - Cherie and James; Lisa and Brendan; Jodie and Ian (who look absolutely bloody stunned - Ian says, "Well done, good girl!" like Jodie is one of her horses); Rachel and Vincent; Christine and Matthew (she hurls herself at him; he hugs her back in a restrained fashion).

So it's Heather and Brian versus Jessie and Darren, and seriously, I think we know how this is going to pan out, don't we? They dance. The judges give their verdicts - Craig says both couples improved, but the best couple was Heather and Brian; Arlene agrees, mumbling about a "showbiz instinct"; Bruno says that under the circumstances it is hard, but he has to go with Heather and Brian. Many hugs and kisses, and Head Judge Len is obnoxiously contrary, saying he would have saved Jessie and Darren, which is an utter lie but needs to be said to maintain his facade of Man of the People. [Except The People didn't vote for Jessie in the first place, so cram it, Len. - Steve]

That's it for this week. Join us next weekend for the boys/girls head-to-head!


Anna said...

I'm afraid you're going to have to suffer comments from me most weeks I imagine...

So, I can't help but love Jodie and Ian, I agree that Jodie is very endearing and I like watching couples who get on well... I do think perhaps Ian was hoping to garner votes through a bit of lip contact and I don't think I mind because I think I fancy him a bit. I really hope she gets better and stays in as I find most of the good (dance wise) girls a bit boring to be honest, except Lisa who I also find rather endearing. I also loved how surprised they were.

I am also trying to like Christine, I think this is because I want to like whoever Matthew is dancing with...

Jenny H said...

There are so many contestants lacking in personality this year - Jodie, Rachel, Lisa, Christine, The Swimmer, Andrew, Tom... probably more who are so blank that I've forgotten them.

Jessie had a bit of something about her but she was a lump. Heather has more potential, I think, and Brian does some interesting routines. I'm mesmerised by his scary eyes...

Essen said...

I want to like Christine for pretty much the same reason, anna, but she's getting on my nerves a bit.

Ian's ok, but he really needs to shave and sort his hair out. That 'badboy' image really really doesn't work when you're a tall slim blond dancer - it makes you look a bit of twit.

Jelly fell victim partly because once again the wardrobe can't dress anyone who isn't a stick insect. Whoever thought pale salmon pink would work with permatan skin needs to be shot - they can be lined up with whoever has the totally, utterly wrong idea that draping square bits of fabric over the torso will disguise someone's tummy. It doesn't - it makes you look slightly pregnant.