Flop Cat

Week 8: Top 9 Results - 11 November 2018 

We open with our annual Remembrance Sunday dance, this time celebrating 100 years of the RAF by focusing on female pilots. Amy is front-and-centre for a mostly contemporary routine, which isn’t entirely doing it for me, because contemporary dance combined with starchy RAF uniforms doesn’t seem to be a comfortable match (and there’s a bit where they make all the female pros be little planes which is cute if cute is what you want from a Remembrance Routine.  Still, it’s better than the nonsense I had to recap last year, and on the strength of, well, events, it’s nice to hail Amy. Also, it’s being performed to ‘Rise Up’ like everything else vaguely inspirational that’s happened in the media since they used it in that Rosa Parks episode of Doctor Who. Get your own ideas, people. Whilst we’re on the subject of Doctor Who, there’s something weirdly symmetrical about that show having no decent baddies this year, whilst this series of Strictly has so many of them I’ve lost count.

Tess and Claudia enter: Tess in white with weird split sleeves that make it look like she’s wearing a cape; Claudia in a black dress with a droopy white bow. They welcome us and all the various military and charity related audience members, and it’s onto our judges, who are keeping with the Remembrance Sunday colours, all in black, navy and red.

Interminable recap of last night in which the following happens: BLACKPOOL BLACKPOOL HEY GUYS DID YOU KNOW BLACKPOOL IS COMING? Also, in pre-show news: Joe thinks Stacey looks like Audrey Hepburn; and Bruno wants Craig to say he’ll use his 10 paddle even though they haven’t seen any of the dances yet. Danny and Amy are shown singing ‘no mistakes, no mistakes’, hmmm, wonder why they picked that clip? Oh, and someone let H From Steps into the building. Bet it was Bruno forgetting to close the fire door when he snuck out for a smoke.

And time for our first set of safety announcements: Lauren and AJ; Charles and Karen (who get ages to deliver their ‘shocked’ reaction); Ashley and Pasha. The first couple in the dance-off? Graeme and Oti. Bruno tells him not to over-analyse (not sure you can over analyse that dance) and to maybe use the balls of his feet a bit more if he can be bothered to do something extra.

In the Clauditorium, we get a better look at Lauren’s dress than we did last night, and up close it looks a bit odd, like someone’s flung a curtain over a bustier to protect her modesty. And Charles calls Karen his sensei, plus he also has pre-show rituals of 30 push-ups and having his socks fully in line before a show (what does that even mean). Oh, and Ashley does not know what Blackpool is and I kind of feel sad that it almost certainly won’t be what she’s imagining. [Heaven help her if she decides to ask Gorka what it's like. - Steve]

Time for special celebrity guest performer of the night! Andrea Bocelli and his averagely-voiced son who looks a bit like an Ed Westwick character before we learned all about Ed Westwick. Neither of them sound great, and the song is boring BUT Luba and Anton do some lovely lovely ballroom in front of them and good Lord show give Luba a celebrity next year already, she is absolutely mesmerising to watch.

Dance debrief, and Claudia tells us that contemporary is a brand new dance. Yes, I’d like to forget that thing Lauren and AJ did, too. Darcey says the key to it was that Ashley’s routine came from the heart. We then see some slowed-down bits of Faye’s jive that do not look good and Shirley has to justify giving it an 8, when surely it should have been Bruno justifying giving it a 10. Claudia asks Craig what he meant when he said Lauren has danced for the first time, and he says he means it’s the first time it felt like she was emotionally connected and dancing for herself rather than being really self-conscious. Bruno then talks about Charles’ swivel over a clip of his dance that doesn’t include swivel, well done everyone.

We then get our annual Remembrance Sunday day trip, where the stars go to a tea dance with veterans and Kate, Danny and Joe share family stories of relatives who’ve been in service. Everyone dances with the veterans and there’s even some filthy SAME SEX DANCING going on.

And now for the rest of the results. Safe: Kate and Aljaž; Joe and Dianne; Faye and Giovanni. Stacey and Kevin and Danny and Amy are the two remaining couples, but it’s Danny and Amy who get the red light of dread. Danny says he’s feeling good, but I have no idea if he's being sarcastic or genuine in that 'I really wanna do it right and show you I'm THE STAR' way.  Shirley tells Danny to have more flow and continuous body action, but that he is a charismatic dancer.

In the Clauditorium? BLACKPOOL, NANS, Aljaž may or may not be able to swim because I really wasn't sure if he was joking when he said he couldn't; Claire from Steps has joined Luba in giving Faye mad old wives tricks to get ready. I am secretly hoping there’s a little Whatsapp group going on dedicated to coming up with the maddest things they can get her to try. This week: waving around herbs and making everything smell like stuffing.

There’s yet more BLACKPOOL babble, and then we finally get to the dance-off. Danny starts out mostly OK, but then he crashes into Amy a bit and loses time, regains it, then completely forgets what he’s doing and Amy pushes him into position wearing a really forced grin.  Graeme’s routine is a little sloppier than before and remains resolutely not a salsa, plus he almost drops Oti at one point.  But Oti’s bum is working so incredibly hard it might just take the dance off on its own merits. 

Craig saves Danny and Amy for sheer level of difficulty and Danny being a better dancer overall; Darcey wishes she wasn’t in this position (despite the judges putting Danny bottom and Graeme close to bottom) but saves Graeme and Oti. Bruno says Danny was slightly better but went wrong and Graeme gave a stronger performance, so because of what he saw ‘tonight’ he saves Graeme. Shirley says both couples put their ‘best Step forward’ – I didn’t see Faye but I’ll take it as one of those things we don’t see on camera – but for entertainment (i.e. not being a publicity nightmare) she’s saving Graeme and Oti.

Tess praises Danny’s showmanship and his getting the series' first 10. With a face like thunder he says it’s been a great experience and he’s unhappy he didn’t get Amy further and that he can only look as good as her dancing (is that shade?). Amy says Danny told her he was a frustrated singer and dancer and she’s glad the public got to see that – boy did we. Especially those of us that read that interview. Amy cries and, if nothing else, she should be happy that she’s got the audience fully on side – and following two challenging years (to say the least) let’s hope she gets a sweetheart next series as compensation. [HUNKY RINGER FOR AMY 2019 - Steve] They dance out to ‘Leaving On A Jet Plane’ and then he’s Danny Gone Jules (yeah, I had two possible post titles this week, of course imma use them).

Post show post mortem?  Thanks for voting for us, BLACKPOOL, no-one mentions Danny at all. 

Next week! Take That heard Steve was on recap duty so they agreed to perform just for him!  Wonder if they’ll do ‘The Flood’? [You MONSTER. - Steve] Oh and apparently they’re doing the show off-site somewhere, I dunno, they were a bit vague about it.