Saturday 19 October 2019

This Week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...

Monday

- Dev went out to breakfast with Alex and Michelle this morning and it was all a bit awkward when they left to go on to training.
- Dianne seems to be taking this all very personally, to the extent of basically offering Dev free dance tuition for life.
- Motsi and Shirley both sent personal condolences to Dev and Dianne.
- Only Luba turned up for Kevin's birthday party.
- Anton was gripping Emma's neck so tightly in the rehearsal footage it looked like he was close to (accidentally presumably) throttling her.
- Oti should not quit the day job to become a hairdresser.
- Neil however has got his eye on Greg The Floor Manager's job.
- Greg also patted Kelvin's back for that bit too long as they were waiting to go on stage.  Well, he's only human.
- Michelle and Giovanni have started dressing alike.
- Michelle messed up the end of her salsa because she got excited that she'd almost finished it without making a mistake and lost her concentration. SUCH IRONY.
- Artem's accent has gone very American and also he appears to have had a complete personality transplant?
- Artem doesn't think the judges gave Alex enough credit for her footwork even though he admits her frame was an issue.
- Artem is kind of handsy these days too, and Rylan is not especially into it.
- AJ's taken to wearing what looks like his shirt from the last day of school with all the signatures on.  Wonder if there's a giant schlong on the back of it?
- Saffron never expected to get a nine ever ever ever
- AJ can confirm that their contemporary training was mostly as bad as the footage indicated.
- AJ didn't think Saffron would have heard of 'New York, New York' BUT SHE HAS.

Tuesday

- As much as Artem seems like a different person these days, at least he still gets his chest out on the flimsiest of pretexts.
- Artem thinks David and Mike's confidence is 'exhuming'.
- Artem doesn't know what the drops that THE VISCOUNTESS did in her jive are called.
- Artem isn't a fan of Chris's hands.
- Rylan is disappointed that none of the nail salons he goes to are like Catherine's charleston.
- Rylan's legs doing Charleston look uncannily like pipe cleaners, sorry Rylan.
- Apparently 'Who Let the Dogs Out' is salsa music now.
- Aljaž is now trying to appeal to the pup crowd - or at least he's doing a better job of that than he is of appealing to the birdwatchers.
- Aljaž thinks his jive choreography was "very ambitious".
- THE VISCOUNTESS has noted that Aljaž doesn't tell her if he's given her something really difficult to do until it's far too late.
- Aljaž has promised that he will never sing 'Kids In America' again.
- Most of the tricks Aljaž flung into the jive were things he's never done before.
- THE VISCOUNTESS thinks her husband "probably" liked her jive.
- Aljaž plans to repurpose his jive denim ensemble as pyjamas.
- The show has a new Dance Master and her name is Carmen and she is amazing.
- Carmen wears high-heeled boots that look like socks.
- They are managing to throw more content at this show now it's at 30 minutes than they ever managed with the 45 minute episodes, such great forward planning.
- Jive was originally all danced in hold.
- Oti's rumba with Kelvin is her highest scoring rumba ever, although she has only done two.
- Kelvin's a little bit embarrassed about the judges perving all over him on Saturday.
- Some perv on Twitter watched Kelvin's rumba 53 times in one day.

Wednesday

- It's 59 days until the final, which feels like both a ridiculously long time and a ridiculously short time.
- Emma B really enjoyed the acting part of her Viennese waltz (you don't say!).
- Oh, the show has remembered that Anton got high scores with Katie Derham, that's nice.
- The average paso doble score for an EastEnders star is 27.
- Mike's training footage looks like a drunk chicken with a bad back.
- Kelvin's a bit worried that his hips have been over-used. I mean, only one ballroom routine out of five would probably support that thesis.
- Ian's struggling to get his dance step names right.
- Ian thinks Catherine and Johannes' hold looks more like a waltz than a tango, which needs thumbs to be in armpits. 
- In rumba, the body needs to be over the legs, the legs should not be in front of the body.
- Will definitely finds it harder to dance to songs that aren't uptempo.
- Janette and Will are using the knees to try and get rise and fall instead of the ankles.
- Janette loves contemporary dance. Try to look surprised.
- David has only ever seen a jive in black and white movies.  David, you're not supposed to admit you don't watch this show usually. (Or that you haven't been watching your cast mates jiving).
- It takes Karim a long time to grow facial hair. 
- Karim has started forgetting entire sections of his routines.

Thursday

- Emma B has a wild-eyed paso face for the ages, even if her technique looks a bit ropey.
- Ian thinks Kelvin's cha cha cha looks a bit rubbish.
- Will and Janette have apparently been rehearsing their contempowaft in some sort of castle?
- Mike looks like he's doing TIME WARP in his samba.
- Alex stayed in character all week for her tango, for all the good it did.
- Alex is enough of a superfan to have been genuinely excited to get a seven just because of that thing that Len used to do with his voice.
- Alex hasn't taken Motsi's "we'll never be happy" comment as the personal dig we all thought it was.
- Amy nearly blinded Alex with a party popper on Monday.
- Neil thinks he needs to be thrown around a bit. (Poor mite is clearly taking the divorce harder than we thought.)
- Alex dropped Neil on his head in training, and he kicked her.
- Emma B's skirt on Saturday might have looked grey but it was actually red and yellow and green and brown and scarlet and black and ochre and peach and ruby and olive and violet and fawn and lilac and gold and chocolate and mauve and cream and crimson and silver and rose and azure and lemon and russet and grey and purple and white and pink and orange and blue.
- Karim and Amy have not been touched enough with the Strictly sparkle. (Which... sounds a bit Operation Yewtree).
- Michelle's getting 2000 extra sparkles this week as an apology for that thing wardrobe did to her last week.
- Chris has a shirt that's exactly the same pattern as Steve's husband's umbrella.
- Karen is full of contradictions.
- Chris thinks his Elton John jacket improved his posture because he was peacocking in it.
- Everyone's been trying that jacket on in the studio this week.
- Chris and Karen's quickstep is going to be 'really silly'.  Surely not compared to what we saw from David and Mike last week?
- Chris is looking forward to a time when he can get up for a wee in the night and his feet won't hurt. (I'd say he should be looking forward to a time when he doesn't need to get up for a wee in the night at all but that's between him and his urologist.)
- Chris usually tries to avoid making eye contact with the judges.
- Chris and Karen will be starting and finishing on the judges' table this week.
- Chris describes the quickstep as running with your shoulders and face not moving at all.
- Chris' nana-in-law hopes he stays in so the family can keep having parties without him.  GET HER IN FOR A CAMEO NOW.

Friday

- Katya and Johannes have got their eyes on Zoe and Rylan's jobs.
- Katya's fashion choices remain as eclectic as ever (a ruffly top that looks like the top of an Edwardian lady's dress, cut-off pink trousers and sequinned red and blue boots).
 - This weeks pro dance is set at the Met Ball, is a mish-mash of styles, and everyone is playing a different diva except Amy who plays the poor, put upon assistant.  Johannes is the 'ultimate' diva (duh) and gets to wave a fan about a lot
- Friday panellist Anna Maxwell Martin is a big fan of It Takes Two and has cried a bit at the show this year, though possibly not as much as Katya.
- Friday panellist Melvin Odoom is now getting billed as a "champion".
- Friday panellist Jayde Adams isn't sure whether she can say "Amazon Prime" on the BBC or not.
- Melvin doesn't think THE VISCOUNTESS should have been in the bottom two last week.
- Emma and Anton are promising/threatening to turn the DRAMA up even more this week.
- Anna is in love with Catherine and Johannes.
- And all three of the panel adore Michelle.
- Rylan is better at the 'Single Ladies' dance than Zoe, look surprised.
- Johannes is still serving LERKS.
- Catherine is willing to admit that her second swivel in her charleston was a bit dodgy.
- Someone on Twitter burnt their chicken watching Catherine and Johannes's charleston. Maybe it was Shirley?
- Catherine and Johannes are playing birds this week called Freedom and The Crow.
- Catherine will be flown in for the start of the dance and believes she might vomit on the band.
- The story of their dance is that Johannes is a bird in a cage and Catherine frees him to do his thing but then realises she's unleashed a monster.  A metaphor for his journey on this show?  (God I love Johannes)
- Catherine is just going to eat "a bit of lettuce" to make sure she's nice and light for this dance.
- Michelle will be wearing lights.
- Chris did his dress run in some tracksuit pants the other week because his outfits are always late.
- Michelle's tear ducts dried up in 1976.
- David didn't want to do the quickstep.
- David has seen Alfonso do the jive.  Presumably in one of those black and white movies he claimed were the only place he'd seen it before?
- Chris loves galloping.
- Anna and Jayde don't think Alex and Neil have enough chemistry.
- Jayde does not like any showmance beyond having a little look at each other in the dancing.
- Janette's doing a fair bit of boob grabbing (her own) in the contempowaft.
- When asked how David's doing, Anna's response is 'huuuu-urgh'.
- The Friday panel think it's a possibility that Emma and Anton will get to the final.
- Rylan is not having Karen's rehearsal outfits.
- Jayde wants Chris to do a serious dance like a paso or tango.
- All of the Friday panel thought David and Nadiya would go home this week, although for some reason Anna's paddle had Alex and Neil on the other side.
- The first half of the Friday panel is now done by Zoe and the second half is done by Rylan, which works much better [/Baga Chipz] than having the two of them doing it together.
- Karim thinks he's got a good routine this week, but normally when that happens it ends up going badly.
- Mike had a mental block on the tenth step of his quickstep and every time he got it wrong in rehearsals he got the next 30 steps wrong.
- Mike thought Motsi might have held her paddle upside down, which would explain a lot.
- Katya thinks that Mike's quickstep had no gimmicks or messing around. Blimey.
- Mike's daughters seem like very nice young women.
- Mike and Katya will be doing a tribute to Alfonso Ribeiro in their dance this week, because they are teacher's pets.
- David loves data. He should see our spreadsheets!
- Shirley has actually judged Motsi before.
- One of Shirley's favourite dances this year from a technical perspective was Dev's rumba. Which is a bit odd, because he didn't do one. (Presumably she meant Kelvin, because he's the only man this year who's done one so far.) She also loved Saffron and AJ's contempowaft, but at least that one genuinely did happen.
- Shirley doesn't think there's anyone this year who's lazy or struggling to fit the show around their day job.
- Kelvin did 'level 3' rumba moves.
- A cuban break is the most popular move this series.  Mainly because we've had about a hundred cha cha chas.
- Gethin can't do the charleston or the samba. (He still remembers getting a 4 from Craig for the samba by the way.)

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