This week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...

Monday

- Rylan wants Johannes to be prime minister.
- Erin is looking fantastic.
- In foxtrot, the woman needs to pull her hips back to give the man room to move. 
- It's important for the woman to stay left in a Viennese waltz so that the man has a choice of directions.
- God it's depressing that so many dances are described as 'woman needs to do X for the man'.
- A charleston shoe has a flatter heel.
- David literally couldn't do any of his jive in time on day one.
- Nadiya has five different smiles, each of which conveys a powerful message if you know what to look for.

- If you missed the Carlton dance taking over proceedings at the weekend, worry not, ITT has it covered for you.
- Saffron twisted a rib in rehearsals.
- Giovanni wants a Johannes moment.  Don't we all.
- Johannes does not think heels feel great, but he thinks they look fabulous (and he's not wrong).
- If Michelle had settled her weight on her hips in the rumba she'd have oozed a bit more.
- Erin thinks Catherine's footwork could have been improved by a long skirt hiding it.  Oof.
- Erin thinks this week Mike needs to show the judges he's serious.  In Hallowe'en week.
- Chris felt naughty and cheeky standing on the judges' table
- The judges' desk wobbled when Chris and Karen were jumping up and down on it.
- This was the first weekend that Chris wasn't genuinely terrified before his dance.
- Chris and Karen are doing a samba to 'Everybody (Backstreet's Back)'.
- Shirley, Chris and his wife all thought he'd be out by now.

Tuesday

- The rumba has its origins in Africa and Cuba.
- It was banned in Germany in the 1930s, and all the other European countries followed. It only reappeared after the Second World War.
- It was originally called the Cuban Bolero.

- There are no heel leads in the rumba, you must always walk with your balls. Of your feet.
- The figure 8 move is not just about wiggling your hips, it's about weight distribution.

- Katya could not have squeezed any more samba out of Mike, so reading between the lines she could not have squeezed any samba at all out of him.
- Katya gets her rocks confused with her rolls.

- Mike's crotch emits a powerful beam of light when he does a hip thrust.

- Mike and Katya will be dancing the tango to 'What You Waiting For?' by Gwen Stefani this weekend.

- Will and Janette are doing a jive to 'Casper The Friendly Ghost' by Little Richard this weekend.

- Saffron and AJ are also doing a jive, to 'Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic' by The Police.

- Emma was surprised by how flexible her spine was when she did a backbend in her paso.

- Anton likes to bow and mess about to delay walking over to the judges when he knows the routine has been a bad one.
- Anton thought their paso went well on Saturday and was a bit surprised the judges were critical.
- If Emma is a potato she hopes she's a Maris Piper.
- Rylan is very concerned about Sharon and Shirley in EastEnders.

- Emma and Anton are doing a tango to 'Toccata & Fugue In D Minor', and the fact that it's an instrumental piece worries Emma because she likes a lyric as an aide memoire.

Wednesday

- Alex has started saying "found my groove" a lot.

- Neil is up for being lifted by Alex more often.

- Alex's style of dance when she's in the club with her girls is a two-step.

- Lots of people seem to think Alex and Neil look like the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. (Alex: "She's beautiful, he's all right.")

- Alex and Neil are dancing street/commercial to 'Ghostbusters' this week, and Alex is quite excited that she doesn't have to worry about her posture with this one.

- Alex will be doing the moonwalk in the aforementioned routine, or at least trying to.
- When Rylan doesn't wear tan, his skin tone is like Neil's.

- Ian isn't sure if you can say "knackered" on BBC2 at 6:38pm.
- Ian thinks Catherine's cha cha cha should be more straight.  She's dancing with Johannes, that seems unlikely.
- Kelvin and Oti have taken to wearing opposite-matching black and white training clothes.
- Ian hasn't a clue what Mike and Katya are doing from their training footage.  See also: their last two routines.

- AJ doesn't think anyone should ever get a 10 because nothing is perfect.

- Saffron is going to be Sabrina for Hallowe'en, not Grotbags.

- Saffron will be turning AJ into a cat in their routine.
- The foxtrot is the most fun Michelle's had in 'hundreds of years'.  The. Foxtrot.

- Will is getting faster at learning the routines each week.

- Will's parents were more excited to see Cheryl than to see their son dancing.
- Will is enjoying the jive more than any other dance so far.  Well, he is a short person so it should be easy.

Thursday

- Kelvin is not a natural when it comes to fan-work.
- But Rylan is a natural on heels.
- Saffron needs to get down, rather than out.
- Ian doesn't speak French (he lets the funky music do the talking, presumably).
- Ian doesn't know much about street/commercial but thinks it's a bit like the charleston (!).

- Oti is apparently working very hard behind the scenes to make Kelvin look so naturally rhythmical.

- Kelvin and Oti are apparently indulging in some mild power-control fantasies in training.

- Kelvin and Oti clearly do not enjoy having giant fake prop spiders dangled in between them mid-interview when they are least expecting it.
- Vicky Gill does not reuse outfits and is a bit miffed that 'members of the audience' (which I'm assuming means snarky people on Twitter) thinks she does.  Although it... doesn't seem the most eco-friendly message to be sending out.
- The VISCOUNTESS is wearing bright red this weekend.

- Dianne is going to be the head witch for the pro dance this Hallowe'en.

- Dianne's "best witch laugh" sounds like Anne from Little Britain.
- Choreographer Beth Honan likes 'dark' choreography.  Let's hope she doesn't mean like this.
- Catherine has taken to calling Johannes 'Jo-Jo'.

- While Johannes was strutting his stuff in last weekend's pro dance, Catherine was backstage auditioning to be Rose in Gypsy.

- Catherine and Johannes's tango re-edited with 'The Birdie Song' over the top of it isn't as funny as you might think.
- Rylan thinks Hallowe'en week is the one everyone bangs on about wanting to get to.  He clearly isn't prepared for the run-up to BLACKPOOL.

- Catherine cried when Steps split up, and Rylan took two days off primary school.  Given he was 13 at the time, that's quite some arrested development.

- This week Catherine and Johannes are playing Ada and Wilf. No reason, it just came to Catherine.

Friday

- Karim was not aware that he had so much junk in his trunk.
- Amy gets very Welsh when she's excited.

- Karim forgets to breathe when he is dancing well.
- Rylan has all the goss on the Sooty/Soo/Sweep situation.
- Karim wants to get into 'a bull's ring'.  Erk.

- Rylan would not recommend getting into a bullring. Such shameful Midlands erasure.
- There are loads of props for Saturday and they have to get squashed in a tunnel before they're brought on stage, and there's not much room to manouevre them.

- Friday panellist Ruth Langsford says that getting to Hallowe'en when you're in Strictly is a huge achievement. Unrelated: Friday panellist Ruth Langsford made it to Hallowe'en.

- Friday panellist Scarlett Moffatt thinks they could all win. All of them!

- Friday panellist Scarlett Moffatt is an award-winning ballroom dancer, so she's probably just finalising her deal to be cast in 2020.

- Friday panellist Rustie Lee still has an infectious laugh.
- It was only when she did her komedy salsa that Ruth realised there was no point in taking the show seriously.
- It was Rylan's birthday on Friday because somehow everyone involved in this show always has their birthday during the show's run.
- Kelvin has promised him a birthday kiss.
- There's a new segment called "Unforgettable Dances" which is such half-arsed content it's almost admirable. Anyway GANGNAM STYLE.
- Aljaž repeatedly drilling THE VISCOUNTESS (presumably in that jive) has paid off.

- THE VISCOUNTESS and Aljaž are doing their first lifts this week and they are quite ambitious.

- It's THE VISCOUNTESS's son's birthday tomorrow.
- Mike doesn't know what a spider looks like.

- Rylan does not approve of the J word (Journey, that is, not Jive or Johannes or judging).
- Will's jive training footage does not look good but the Friday panel think he'll be fine because the judges will take his disability into account, but also he'll be judged without taking that into account?  IDK the logic was a bit all over the shop.
- It was a clean sweep for Mike and Katya to go home on the Friday panel this week.

- Just to confirm: the storyline of Michelle and Giovanni's rumba was that he was dead and she was dancing with his ghost.

- To also confirm: Michelle's husband David cried at her rumba just like he did at all her other dances.
- Michelle and Giovanni's interview relationship continues to be a bit weird.

- Giovanni isn't sure if 'ooze' has good connotations.  Us neither.
- Michelle's up for playing anyone with black hair and Rylan's next on her list.
- Giovanni and Michelle have avoided using the actual music for their Addams Family dance in rehearsals as much as possible because they're finding it quite annoying.  That crunching sound?Anneka Rice grinding her teeth very hard (woo-hoo!).
- Giovanni has an average Hallowe'en score of 37.5.

- Alex's Ghostbusters routine is going to be "one for the kids".

- Chris will be a statue for most of the group dance, and he reckons he's nailing that bit.
- Alex will be playing a mummy.
- Louise (Nurding/Redknapp) is apparently trying to be a pop star again.