Week 9 results: Sunday 2nd December
"Last" "night", the couples fought it out over two dances each. There are only three weeks until the final, and the judges' expectation have been raised, we are informed - and they bickered a lot to prove it. Or something. Gethin shocked everyone by getting many 10s, while Letitia and Kenny sucked. But who will be the next couple to face the chop?
Let's welcome the celebs and their partners back to the floor, along with Bruce and Tess - but don't make too much fuss; the audience have already welcomed them once, after all. Tess is wearing a reasonably inoffensive dress which is gold with a strap over one shoulder. Bruce announces that the professionals are going to be doing a Latin dance medley; one person in the audience cheers. We also have a special performance from Vincent and Flavia to look forward to, and Kylie Minogue will be performing her new single, along with the professional boys, who are "so excited they're jumping around like a bunch of kangaroos". Because Kylie is from Australia, geddit?
First, because you can never have too much filler, a quick reminder of what happened last night. Kenny and Ola were in last place, but his mum is still proud of him, bless. His foxtrot was passable but his rumba was appalling. Mark Durden-Smith calls Kenny a "Scottish lothario", and Gabby was amazed at his facial expressions. So she's obviously never experienced the "look of love", then. Letitia's quickstep lacked spring and her chasses were "too skippity". I would say she didn't do a bad job since she was holding down the vomit though. Her cha-cha-cha was worse, but she looked like death warmed up by that point, and Jane McDonald felt sorry for her. Darren is proud of her, though. Drink! Backstage, Arlene says Letitia has gone "back ten paces" this week, which I think is a bit harsh given the circumstances. [Yes, that was a weird comment from Arlene. Maybe she'd been on the gin again? - Carrie] Matt and Flavia's tango was dubiously choreographed, but Louisa Lytton thought they should have got 10s. [Oh. Well, that's OK then. - Carrie] Flavia reckons they've done it better in rehearsals, and Matt feels like he let Flavia down. Their rumba was better, which told a great love story. Arlene liked Matt's arms, but Bruno wanted more "lubricated hips". Matt feels that he "buckled under pressure, unlike some other couples" *cough* Alesha and Matthew *cough*. Although I found Alesha and Matthew a bit underwhelming this week, they got 38 for their tango. Len says Alesha has talent, which you can't teach, but Arlene expects perfection from Alesha - which is a bit unfair, some might say. [I would say that. - Carrie] Alesha says she knows she can do better and isn't sure that she deserved the high points she got - but Matthew earned the points for getting his chest out. [And at this point, all the haters who claimed Alesha is getting too big for her boots - my mother included - were proved wrong. Hooray! - Steve] Finally, induced multiple personality disorder seems to have worked for Gethin, who wowed the judges with his romantic waltz and shimmying salsa. His dad says the whole family is overjoyed. As well as the whole of Wales, presumably. [Gethin's dad is my third-favourite supporting artist, after Alesha's nans. He's great. - Steve]
In case you were confused by their scores and comments, Bruce has a chat with the judges to see what they thought of the dances this week. Bruce jokes that while the other judges are writing notes, Bruno is writing his list for Santa, adding, "I hope you get that scooter!" Bruno responds, "A Lamborghini please!" Hee. Anyway. Head Judge Len emphasises that LEARNING TWO DANCES IN A WEEK IS VERY HARD. Drink! Craig was impressed with Gethin, who has "lost all sense of inhibition, which is what dancing is all about".
Now the professionals are going to perform a Latin medley, which starts off with a cha-cha-cha to 'Dancing In The Street', and then changes into a salsa. The men are all in black and don't even have their chests out, so what is the point, really? The ladies are in skimpy but incredibly ugly flouncy outfits of various descriptions, but all involving lime green and pink. I note that Anton and Erin barely feature - but then Anton doesn't see the point in all this Latin nonsense. Hee. [I did enjoy that - Anton and Erin snuck on at the end, and could just imagine Anton moaning back stage: "All that wiggling. What's the point?" - Carrie]
Backstage, Tess commends Gethin for being top of the leaderboard, and everyone else applauds - Matt looking pretty reluctant about it. [Strictly Slashwatch - Matt pats Gethin's knee proudly. Awww. - Steve] Still, Matt shouldn't be too grumpy - at least he's not at the bottom, like Kenny. Kenny sounds resigned to his fate, saying that he has "enjoyed every minute" and that "whatever happens, happens".
Time for a quick plug for It Takes Two. It's SUPERFAN WEEK - Pauline Quirke (honestly, doesn't she have anything better to do?), Paul Whitehouse and Marian Keyes will all be joining Claudia in the studio, plus the usual training updates, etc. [Why have they not asked us on yet, please? - Carrie]
For some reason Vincent and Flavia are doing a waltz. Any excuse to have Vincent on - it's not as though it's their speciality dance, is it? [I thought that. I do not want to watch them waltzing. I want Latin fire from them. - Carrie] Perhaps Vincent thought Flavia and Matt were getting a bit too cosy. Anyway, they're dancing to 'Kissing You' by Des'ree - and I'm worried the singer might murder it, but she does alright until the high notes right at the end. Yeep. Vincent and Flavia are all in white, and do some good Acting at the end. Awww.
Bruce goes over to get Arlene's comments, but she's a bit flustered because the dance was "so moving". Once she gets herself together, she says she loved "Glorious Gethin", who "took two dances and made each of them his own". Drink! Bruce asks Bruno who he was disappointed with, and Bruno replies, "How can I be disappointed?!?"
Bruce introduces Kylie - "I asked if she'd like to sing one of her hits with me. She said I should be so lucky." Ha! Kylie is singing her latest single '2 Hearts', which is not a cover of the Phil Collins song. I'm not sure about her black dress - if it was in white, she'd look like a meringue. I like the sparkly microphone though. She has all the Strictly boys as dancers, which is surely every girl's dream. [And every 1-in-10 boy's dream, I should think. - Steve]
It's almost time to find out who's in the dance-off, but first we have to watch a pointless VT about how NOBODY WANTS TO BE IN THE DANCE-OFF. It is terrifying, awful, horrible, etc - and could be the last time you'll ever dance! Yes, yes. Getting down to business, the couples who are safe are: Gethin and Camilla; Alesha and Matthew; and Matt and Flavia. That means the worst two couples are actually in the dance-off for a change, and unless the judges really have lost their marbles, we should finally get rid of Kenny. [Fingers crossed! - Carrie] In her pointless link from the balcony, Tess says, "We don't want to say goodbye to anyone at this stage." Except for Kenny. We've been wanting to say goodbye to him for some time, as it happens.
It's a shame this isn't live on Sunday because Letitia would have had more chance to recover. She and Darren are doing their quickstep again, and I can't imagine all that bouncing up and down is good for a poorly stomach. Kenny and Ola are re-dancing their foxtrot. Kenny's arms at the beginning are terrible, and I hate that stupid bit of choreography where he stands around a bit chatting to the judges and then runs across the floor to Ola. Is that dancing? I'll leave you to decide for yourselves.
At long last, it's decision time for the judges (and Crunch Time for one of the couples). Craig says he is voting "based on the dance-off alone", and he's voting for "musicality and showbiz" - Letitia, of course. Arlene says she "never thought it would be such a difficult choice" - oh, come off it, Arlene. Are you seriously asking us to believe that you considered voting for Kenny? Fuck the fuck off. She goes for Letitia because she put in the spring that Arlene thought was missing "last" "night". Bruno says that "one person tonight raised their game and excelled", and for a moment I was worried that he might vote for Kenny just to be contrary, but he votes for Letitia, meaning that she's through and Kenny is out. Whoop whoop! [HOORAY! - Carrie] Bruce asks Head Judge Len his opinion "just to make sure", although it wouldn't actually mean anything even if he disagreed. Len tells Kenny, "If I could judge with my heart, it would be you, but I have to judge with my brain." I'll be expecting more sensible judging from Head Judge Len from here on in, then. Kenny wants to say thank you to everyone behind the scenes. This isn't an Oscar speech, Kenny - you've lost, you know. Ola does deserve thanks for putting up with him for this long though. [Strictly Slashwatch - there was some excitement over reports that Gethin kissed Kenny goodbye, but having replayed it several times (because I have nothing better to do), I don't think he did. He's just pressed up against Kenny's cheek so closely that it looks a lot like it. Kenny does appear to have his hand on Gethin's bottom, though - I'm not saying a word. - Steve]
With Kenny out and three more weeks to go, the competition is getting serious. There'll be "double trouble" again next week, so be sure to tune in!
Sunday, 2 December 2007
Trying our patience
Last week! The judges sent SHOCKWAVES through the competition by not thinking Kenny was shit, and telling Kelly and Brendan they hadn't trained hard enough. In retrospect, they feel pretty bad, because Kelly's dad died this week, and she's now pulled out of the competition. Anyway, everyone else has to do two dances this week - Letitia has cried a lot, and as you'll know if you've seen ITT, she and Darren have both been sick this week, with a great deal of snot and phlegm. Everyone wants to stay in, it's really difficult, yada yada yada.
Credits - we're live from London - Bruce and Tess - you know the drill. Tess is wearing a blue dress with a strap on one shoulder and a disgusting plastic belt. Bruce makes a bad joke, referring to "filthy Forsyth and trashy Tess". This is the same old same old, so let's meet the dancers - Matt and Flavia; Letitia and Darren; Gethin and Camilla; Alesha and Matthew; Kenny and Ola. Everyone's costumes look horrible this week. Bruce and Tess remind us that Kelly's dad is dead and she will no longer be competing; Bruce says that Kelly was one of his favourites, and both of them look sincere and sorrowful.
Then they pick up the speed, because what's a dead parent when you have a competition to win? [Ask Niki. - Steve] Tess goes through the voting details, and Bruce introduces the first couple to dance, Matt and Flavia, who will be doing the tango first up. Last week, Matt's salsa sent temperatures soaring, and Arlene was alliterative. Matt claims to want to be the king of dance, and he wants to beat Alesha. He wheels out the usual platitudes about hard work and stuff, and now he has a day job to do, so it's all very difficult indeed. Matt does not like being sexy, but he wouldn't change Flavia for anyoneexcept Gethin, and he does not want to let her down. Yawn.
They're tangoing to Gwen Stefani's What You Waitin' For, and obviously the singers are crucifying it. Is it just me who gets distracted by the sheer aural horror, and cannot concentrate on enjoying the dance? [No, although occasionally they surprise me. I was expecting horror when they did 'Crazy in Love' last week, and it was actually brilliant. - Steve] This is OK, beginning with some ticking-clock arm action, but hmm, I'm not really moved by it. Bruce introduces the judges, and in the tabloids today, Head Judge Len was snapped taking out his wheelie bin. Len interrupts and says he was taking out Arlene's wheelie bin. Everyone whoops, except Bruce, who takes a few minutes to work out the innuendo. Len says Matt has improved week on week since he was in the dance-off. Yay! Bruno says that Matt is like a snarling young lion, and admires the performance. Craig thought they should have carried on the tick-tock stylisation all the way through. Boooo! Matt asks him what he means by stylisation. Bruno says Craig hasn't got a clue what style means; Craig says he is talking about stylISATION, and says he loves the modern music they used. Arlene likes fashionable music, but would have liked more staccato, and it wasn't as sharp as she would have wished. Bruno screeches; Head Judge Len says Craig and Arlene are wrong. He's really beginning to annoy me. Scores - Craig 7; Arlene 7; Len 9; Bruno 9. Tess says that she thinks the rumba - the dance of love - will be a "walk in the park" for them. What is she implying?
Later - Gethin has an acting coach WHO I HAVE MET, and Letitia cries. Yawn.
Next, Gethin and Camilla! Whoop whoop! Bruce makes an Arlene-dragon-Welsh flag joke. The camera backstage cuts to Gethin covering his mouth and looking amused and appalled. Because everyone keeps telling him to bring his personality out, Gethin has an acting coach this week. His coach is Peter Gallagher, who is very tall, and played Caiaphas in Jesus Christ Superstar in the West End. [But sadly not THE Peter Gallagher, of best eyebrows in the world fame. - Steve] He makes Gethin and Camilla act as the embodiment of the other's perfect partner. Gethin tells Pete, "When I do this [gyrating], who really wants to see this?" Um...? [Me! Me! I do! *faints* - Steve] Pete asks him in return, "Do you want to win this competition?" and Gethin replies, "Does Dolly Parton sleep on her back?" Heh. Gethin is now distinguishing between "Geth", who is him, and "Gethin", who is the dancer. And he's looking very, very rrrrrrrrrrrrrr while he's acting as "Gethin", even with his cute boy-next-door glasses. [What is it about cute boys that makes them even cuter when they wear glasses? I can't be the only one who thinks that, surely. - Steve]
They're waltzing to If I Were A Painting by Kenny Rogers, and bloody hell, this is amazing. Gethin is leading - leading properly - and he's doing all sorts of acting. His footwork is tidy, he's framing Camilla, and the head action is synchronised. Oh dear God, there is some caterwauling, but even that doesn't detract from the beauty of this. I really hope this gets great marks. Arlene says Gethin has demonstrated the most commendable improvement out of anyone in the competition. Bruce advises him to pack the other job in. Head Judge Len is in a devil-may-care mood, apparently, and says there were three mistakes which he is NOT EVEN going to worry about. Bruno wibbles about "the King of Romance". Craig is visibly salivating, and admires the beauty of the routine as well as Gethin's leading [although, unlike Head Judge Len, he is going to worry about the mistakes - Georgi]. Gethin gives a big shout-out to Pete Gallagher. Aw. Cutest. Scores - Craig 9; Arlene 10; Len 10; Bruno 10. HOORAY! Well done, Gethin and Camilla!
Letitia and Darren are next. Last week, Letitia was nervous and flaky and Arlene told her not to be. So this week, she has cried and sneezed her way through rehearsals. She is now the oldest person in the competition because SHE IS 40 [Was she not the oldest person in the competition when she was 39? - Georgi], but she's still struggling with the hip action, and Darren thinks it's a very difficult week because they are doing two quick dances. Weep weep weep. Sob. They're starting with the quickstep to Walking Back To Happiness, and Letitia is wearing a hideous purple monstrosity. I quite like this dance, because I really like watching Darren, but there's too much material floating about the place to really assess how good Letitia is in a restricted camera shot. Craig had issues with Letitia's neck, and felt the dance lacked spring. Boooooo! Bruce makes a spring-it's winter HAHAHAHA joke, and Craig is very sweet and just says, "I think you did a good job." Arlene babbles and gets booed, Len says nice things and gets cheered, and then suggests that she lifts her ribcage more. Like I said before, I suspect Letitia is hamstrung by the fact she's rather busty and it's DIFFICULT to carry that amount of extra weight on your front without hunching your shoulders. She looks like she's about to throw up [and then has to actually run off to throw up - Georgi], and then Tess informs us all that she's been vomiting all afternoon. Hope nobody's eating their dinner. Letitia and Darren share the details of their illness this week. Yuck. Scores - Craig 7; Arlene 7; Len 8; Bruno 8.
Still to come - Kenny being vile, Alesha being amazing, then everyone dancing again.
Next to perform are Kenny and Ola. Bruce does a Scottish accent. Tess VOs that last week Kenny raised his game; I'd argue that all he managed to raise was Ola, because his dancing was still beyond shit. Kenny PTCs something or other. Jonny Wilkinson is forced to endorse Kenny's dancing by Gabby. Kenny talks about his "look of love". I'm watching this with my friend Jonathan, who mutters, "The look of mugging, more like." He's right; Kenny's look of love is all sinister and squinty-eyed. [I just kept laughing at it - it was like Blue Steel. - Steve] Anyway, they foxtrot to They Can't Take That Away From Me. Well, I say "foxtrot"; as far as I can see, Kenny plods around the floor in flat-footed fashion, although he does remember to get on his toes occasionally. He's clearly concentrating, but when he sticks his tongue out to lick his lips mid-routine, he looks like nothing but a total simpleton. Bruno says Kenny led like "a giant on wings" and did a great job. Really, really not. Craig says it was Kenny's best dance yet. Maybe, but it was still shit. Arlene says random stuff about leg extensions. Len churns out his usual bollocks about rugby players TRYING REALLY HARD. Kenny wishes his mum a happy birthday, and I think it's rather insensitive to mention parents this week. Scores - Craig 7; Arlene 7; Len 8; Bruno 8.
Finally, we get to watch Alesha and Matthew. Bruce says that he's never heard Alesha laugh, and apparently she told him, "That's because you've never said anything funny." Last week, Alesha was amazing and shiny, and triggered some sort of embolism in Bruno. In retrospect, Alesha is worried about the pressure on her because of the 10s she got for her cha-cha, and she is struggling in training. She suddenly catches Letitia's wimpy wet disease and begins to weep in a cupboard of some description. Matthew cuddles her, and she tells him, "I feel blue." Aw, bless her. They tango to Jealousy, and it's good, but...can't help thinking Alesha isn't her usual self tonight. I don't know why. I did really enjoy the end, though, as Matthew dragged her across the floor. Arlene fucks up her attempted alliteration, but she's generally positive. Len says he is expecting perfection from Alesha and so he is going to mark her down for mistakes. So basically he's marking her to a different scale to everyone else, which seems markedly unfair. Fuckwit. [It was particularly stupid of him to say that when he said the exact opposite to Gethin earlier. Stop grading on a curve, Len. - Steve] Bruno is more toned down than usual; Craig admires her fantasticness. Scores - Craig 9; Arlene 10; Len 9; Bruno 10.
Brendan is wheeled on, and Tess assumes her sincere voice. He explains Kelly's decision to drop out and says he supports her, and Tess looks sad and understanding.
Time for the Latin section of the show. Matt and Flavia begin it with their rumba to Get Here (warble warble warble forced vibrato). She has a very pretty turquoise dress. I suspect Matt is feeling a little self-conscious, but yet again his posture and stance are both admirable. Craig is impressed by the story-telling (because his BACKGROUND IS IN THEATRE) [because Matt is good at "pretending" to be in love with Flavia, fnar fnar - Georgi]; Arlene is impressed by Matt's arms (because she LIKES ARMS); Len says he thinks Matt is great (because he IS THE NURTURER); Bruno says that Matt should lubricate the hips and demonstrates what he means (because he's a DIRTY LITTLE MAN). Arlene shouts, "That wasn't romantic hips, that was gratuitous!" Tess makes more hints about Matt and Flavia sleeping together. [Tess's interest in Matt's lovelife is starting to creep me out. And this from a person who's been mercilessly slashing him with Gethin since week one. - Steve][I am beginning to suspect there's some sort of backstage bet going on. - Georgi] Scores - Craig 8; Arlene 9; Len 8; Bruno 8.
Gethin and Camilla are salsaing, and fucking hell, Gethin is AMAZING tonight. He's got a see-through sequinned shirt on, open to the waist, and he's dancing this properly, all smiles and passion and throwing himself into it with abandon. Obviously Camilla's brilliant anyway, but she looks delighted to be dancing with a proper partner she doesn't have to worry about. Bless Gethin. Their routine is met with loud cheers, and rightly so - Gethin looks so, so happy, and the judges are beaming at him. "I KNEW you could turn it on!" screams Bruno. "You're turning into the Loin King!" Craig is in a state of shock, and tells them it was fantastic. Arlene likes a bit of hip action, and wants Gethin to reach up and out next week. Len hails the work of the acting coach, and says they will expect that week after week now. Hooray! Gethin tells Tess he didn't realise his shirt was see-through. Hilarity ensues. Scores - Craig 8; Arlene 9; Len 9; Bruno 9.
Letitia and Darren cha-cha to Drive My Car, and it's a bit lumpen and leaden, but as she looks pale and as if she's going to faint any minute, I think we can let her off. Arlene is critical but seems to be biting her tongue; Len says that she did well to sell the dance, but he doesn't comment on the dance content; Bruno is nice, and Letitia is about to burst into tears; Craig says it had good energy, and recommends that she make love to the floor because it will pay her back in great dividends. Scores - Craig 6; Arlene 6; Len 7; Bruno 7. Letitia is leaning against Darren and really looks very ill indeed. Go and lie down, woman. [I was so hoping for a Marie Osmond moment here - was that mean of me? I kept picturing Letitia projectile-vomiting across the dancefloor and not missing a step, proper little trooper that she is. - Steve]
Kenny and Ola take to the floor to rumba to Fields of Gold. I hate this song. [I hate Sting getting royalties. - Georgi] Kenny has his mugging face on. Ola is is rubbing herself against him, and though it looks good when she does such moves with James, Kenny is so very static that it appears that she's molesting him. Kenny does a lot of standing still, with the occasional hip twitch. Where is the dance, please? [Is this what they call "showcasing" Ola? - Georgi] Len says that Kenny TRIES HARD, and that as much as he likes watching him, there was too much Ola and not enough Kenny. Bruno says it started well, then he stopped in the middle like a bouncer in a bad mood, whatever that might mean. Craig says it was missing any real rumba steps, and Kenny was a coathanger for Ola, but the storytelling was good. Arlene says it was like "the pole and the Pole dancer dancing around him". She quickly clarifies this to make sure nobody thinks she is calling Ola a tart - "Pole, from Poland" - but Ola seems to be offended. [She really would've been much better off to apologise and admit it came out wrong rather than trying to correct herself. Oh, Arlene. - Steve] Len starts chatting about "Give him a chance, he's a rugby player!" Do fuck off, Head Judge Len; Arlene is quite right, it's WEEK NINE. Scores - Craig 4; Arlene 5; Len 7 (BOLLOCKS, Head Judge Len); Bruno 7 (BOLLOCKS, Bruno).
Alesha and Matthew are on last with their samba to (Reach Out) I'll Be There, and again I can't help but think this is a bit flat, somehow. I don't know if Alesha isn't quite as confident as she usually is, but there's not the overflowing joie de vivre we're used to from there. Anyway, Bruno is happily hitting the judges' desk in time to the music, so he's obviously enjoying it. Alesha complains that she has no saliva, and Bruce says he wishes he could get her some. Ew. [Although he adds "from a saliva shop", which is more tasteful than some things he could have said. - Georgi] Craig says that he could watch her all night, but the footwork was a little laboured; Arlene only wants perfection from Alesha, and that was not perfect, because she has LAZY LEGS. Len says that if Alesha had learned Latin American as a child, she would be a professional on the show. Alesha says she wishes that she had learned Latin American as a child. Aw. [I got all weepy at that. Dreams of what might've been, indeed. Although if she had, then arguably Mis-Teeq would've been about 68% less good, so I suppose it all worked out in the end. - Steve] Bruce says that Alesha could be the Beyonce of Europe. Bruno sniffs at the mention of Beyonce, and instead likens her to a young Josephine Baker. I'm not sure Alesha quite knows what he means. Scores - Craig 9; Arlene 8; Len 10; Bruno 9.
So, Gethin and Camilla and Alesha and Matthew finish with 74 points each, and are joint top of the leaderboard. Matt and Flavia are third with 65 points, Letitia and Darren are fourth with 56 points, and Kenny and Ola are bottom with 53. Tess urges us to vote, and we get a recap of the dances.
Bruce says that everything is lovely, but nobody is safe without our help. Tess brings to our attention some inaccurate captioning, but struggles to give out the numbers as she clearly has an assistant producer shouting in her earhole. [And yet is still infinitely smoother than Dermot O'Leary when he's filling time between showdown performances on The X Factor. - Steve] Who will be the ninth couple to leave Strictly? Join Georgi on Sunday evening to find out!
Credits - we're live from London - Bruce and Tess - you know the drill. Tess is wearing a blue dress with a strap on one shoulder and a disgusting plastic belt. Bruce makes a bad joke, referring to "filthy Forsyth and trashy Tess". This is the same old same old, so let's meet the dancers - Matt and Flavia; Letitia and Darren; Gethin and Camilla; Alesha and Matthew; Kenny and Ola. Everyone's costumes look horrible this week. Bruce and Tess remind us that Kelly's dad is dead and she will no longer be competing; Bruce says that Kelly was one of his favourites, and both of them look sincere and sorrowful.
Then they pick up the speed, because what's a dead parent when you have a competition to win? [Ask Niki. - Steve] Tess goes through the voting details, and Bruce introduces the first couple to dance, Matt and Flavia, who will be doing the tango first up. Last week, Matt's salsa sent temperatures soaring, and Arlene was alliterative. Matt claims to want to be the king of dance, and he wants to beat Alesha. He wheels out the usual platitudes about hard work and stuff, and now he has a day job to do, so it's all very difficult indeed. Matt does not like being sexy, but he wouldn't change Flavia for anyone
They're tangoing to Gwen Stefani's What You Waitin' For, and obviously the singers are crucifying it. Is it just me who gets distracted by the sheer aural horror, and cannot concentrate on enjoying the dance? [No, although occasionally they surprise me. I was expecting horror when they did 'Crazy in Love' last week, and it was actually brilliant. - Steve] This is OK, beginning with some ticking-clock arm action, but hmm, I'm not really moved by it. Bruce introduces the judges, and in the tabloids today, Head Judge Len was snapped taking out his wheelie bin. Len interrupts and says he was taking out Arlene's wheelie bin. Everyone whoops, except Bruce, who takes a few minutes to work out the innuendo. Len says Matt has improved week on week since he was in the dance-off. Yay! Bruno says that Matt is like a snarling young lion, and admires the performance. Craig thought they should have carried on the tick-tock stylisation all the way through. Boooo! Matt asks him what he means by stylisation. Bruno says Craig hasn't got a clue what style means; Craig says he is talking about stylISATION, and says he loves the modern music they used. Arlene likes fashionable music, but would have liked more staccato, and it wasn't as sharp as she would have wished. Bruno screeches; Head Judge Len says Craig and Arlene are wrong. He's really beginning to annoy me. Scores - Craig 7; Arlene 7; Len 9; Bruno 9. Tess says that she thinks the rumba - the dance of love - will be a "walk in the park" for them. What is she implying?
Later - Gethin has an acting coach WHO I HAVE MET, and Letitia cries. Yawn.
Next, Gethin and Camilla! Whoop whoop! Bruce makes an Arlene-dragon-Welsh flag joke. The camera backstage cuts to Gethin covering his mouth and looking amused and appalled. Because everyone keeps telling him to bring his personality out, Gethin has an acting coach this week. His coach is Peter Gallagher, who is very tall, and played Caiaphas in Jesus Christ Superstar in the West End. [But sadly not THE Peter Gallagher, of best eyebrows in the world fame. - Steve] He makes Gethin and Camilla act as the embodiment of the other's perfect partner. Gethin tells Pete, "When I do this [gyrating], who really wants to see this?" Um...? [Me! Me! I do! *faints* - Steve] Pete asks him in return, "Do you want to win this competition?" and Gethin replies, "Does Dolly Parton sleep on her back?" Heh. Gethin is now distinguishing between "Geth", who is him, and "Gethin", who is the dancer. And he's looking very, very rrrrrrrrrrrrrr while he's acting as "Gethin", even with his cute boy-next-door glasses. [What is it about cute boys that makes them even cuter when they wear glasses? I can't be the only one who thinks that, surely. - Steve]
They're waltzing to If I Were A Painting by Kenny Rogers, and bloody hell, this is amazing. Gethin is leading - leading properly - and he's doing all sorts of acting. His footwork is tidy, he's framing Camilla, and the head action is synchronised. Oh dear God, there is some caterwauling, but even that doesn't detract from the beauty of this. I really hope this gets great marks. Arlene says Gethin has demonstrated the most commendable improvement out of anyone in the competition. Bruce advises him to pack the other job in. Head Judge Len is in a devil-may-care mood, apparently, and says there were three mistakes which he is NOT EVEN going to worry about. Bruno wibbles about "the King of Romance". Craig is visibly salivating, and admires the beauty of the routine as well as Gethin's leading [although, unlike Head Judge Len, he is going to worry about the mistakes - Georgi]. Gethin gives a big shout-out to Pete Gallagher. Aw. Cutest. Scores - Craig 9; Arlene 10; Len 10; Bruno 10. HOORAY! Well done, Gethin and Camilla!
Letitia and Darren are next. Last week, Letitia was nervous and flaky and Arlene told her not to be. So this week, she has cried and sneezed her way through rehearsals. She is now the oldest person in the competition because SHE IS 40 [Was she not the oldest person in the competition when she was 39? - Georgi], but she's still struggling with the hip action, and Darren thinks it's a very difficult week because they are doing two quick dances. Weep weep weep. Sob. They're starting with the quickstep to Walking Back To Happiness, and Letitia is wearing a hideous purple monstrosity. I quite like this dance, because I really like watching Darren, but there's too much material floating about the place to really assess how good Letitia is in a restricted camera shot. Craig had issues with Letitia's neck, and felt the dance lacked spring. Boooooo! Bruce makes a spring-it's winter HAHAHAHA joke, and Craig is very sweet and just says, "I think you did a good job." Arlene babbles and gets booed, Len says nice things and gets cheered, and then suggests that she lifts her ribcage more. Like I said before, I suspect Letitia is hamstrung by the fact she's rather busty and it's DIFFICULT to carry that amount of extra weight on your front without hunching your shoulders. She looks like she's about to throw up [and then has to actually run off to throw up - Georgi], and then Tess informs us all that she's been vomiting all afternoon. Hope nobody's eating their dinner. Letitia and Darren share the details of their illness this week. Yuck. Scores - Craig 7; Arlene 7; Len 8; Bruno 8.
Still to come - Kenny being vile, Alesha being amazing, then everyone dancing again.
Next to perform are Kenny and Ola. Bruce does a Scottish accent. Tess VOs that last week Kenny raised his game; I'd argue that all he managed to raise was Ola, because his dancing was still beyond shit. Kenny PTCs something or other. Jonny Wilkinson is forced to endorse Kenny's dancing by Gabby. Kenny talks about his "look of love". I'm watching this with my friend Jonathan, who mutters, "The look of mugging, more like." He's right; Kenny's look of love is all sinister and squinty-eyed. [I just kept laughing at it - it was like Blue Steel. - Steve] Anyway, they foxtrot to They Can't Take That Away From Me. Well, I say "foxtrot"; as far as I can see, Kenny plods around the floor in flat-footed fashion, although he does remember to get on his toes occasionally. He's clearly concentrating, but when he sticks his tongue out to lick his lips mid-routine, he looks like nothing but a total simpleton. Bruno says Kenny led like "a giant on wings" and did a great job. Really, really not. Craig says it was Kenny's best dance yet. Maybe, but it was still shit. Arlene says random stuff about leg extensions. Len churns out his usual bollocks about rugby players TRYING REALLY HARD. Kenny wishes his mum a happy birthday, and I think it's rather insensitive to mention parents this week. Scores - Craig 7; Arlene 7; Len 8; Bruno 8.
Finally, we get to watch Alesha and Matthew. Bruce says that he's never heard Alesha laugh, and apparently she told him, "That's because you've never said anything funny." Last week, Alesha was amazing and shiny, and triggered some sort of embolism in Bruno. In retrospect, Alesha is worried about the pressure on her because of the 10s she got for her cha-cha, and she is struggling in training. She suddenly catches Letitia's wimpy wet disease and begins to weep in a cupboard of some description. Matthew cuddles her, and she tells him, "I feel blue." Aw, bless her. They tango to Jealousy, and it's good, but...can't help thinking Alesha isn't her usual self tonight. I don't know why. I did really enjoy the end, though, as Matthew dragged her across the floor. Arlene fucks up her attempted alliteration, but she's generally positive. Len says he is expecting perfection from Alesha and so he is going to mark her down for mistakes. So basically he's marking her to a different scale to everyone else, which seems markedly unfair. Fuckwit. [It was particularly stupid of him to say that when he said the exact opposite to Gethin earlier. Stop grading on a curve, Len. - Steve] Bruno is more toned down than usual; Craig admires her fantasticness. Scores - Craig 9; Arlene 10; Len 9; Bruno 10.
Brendan is wheeled on, and Tess assumes her sincere voice. He explains Kelly's decision to drop out and says he supports her, and Tess looks sad and understanding.
Time for the Latin section of the show. Matt and Flavia begin it with their rumba to Get Here (warble warble warble forced vibrato). She has a very pretty turquoise dress. I suspect Matt is feeling a little self-conscious, but yet again his posture and stance are both admirable. Craig is impressed by the story-telling (because his BACKGROUND IS IN THEATRE) [because Matt is good at "pretending" to be in love with Flavia, fnar fnar - Georgi]; Arlene is impressed by Matt's arms (because she LIKES ARMS); Len says he thinks Matt is great (because he IS THE NURTURER); Bruno says that Matt should lubricate the hips and demonstrates what he means (because he's a DIRTY LITTLE MAN). Arlene shouts, "That wasn't romantic hips, that was gratuitous!" Tess makes more hints about Matt and Flavia sleeping together. [Tess's interest in Matt's lovelife is starting to creep me out. And this from a person who's been mercilessly slashing him with Gethin since week one. - Steve][I am beginning to suspect there's some sort of backstage bet going on. - Georgi] Scores - Craig 8; Arlene 9; Len 8; Bruno 8.
Gethin and Camilla are salsaing, and fucking hell, Gethin is AMAZING tonight. He's got a see-through sequinned shirt on, open to the waist, and he's dancing this properly, all smiles and passion and throwing himself into it with abandon. Obviously Camilla's brilliant anyway, but she looks delighted to be dancing with a proper partner she doesn't have to worry about. Bless Gethin. Their routine is met with loud cheers, and rightly so - Gethin looks so, so happy, and the judges are beaming at him. "I KNEW you could turn it on!" screams Bruno. "You're turning into the Loin King!" Craig is in a state of shock, and tells them it was fantastic. Arlene likes a bit of hip action, and wants Gethin to reach up and out next week. Len hails the work of the acting coach, and says they will expect that week after week now. Hooray! Gethin tells Tess he didn't realise his shirt was see-through. Hilarity ensues. Scores - Craig 8; Arlene 9; Len 9; Bruno 9.
Letitia and Darren cha-cha to Drive My Car, and it's a bit lumpen and leaden, but as she looks pale and as if she's going to faint any minute, I think we can let her off. Arlene is critical but seems to be biting her tongue; Len says that she did well to sell the dance, but he doesn't comment on the dance content; Bruno is nice, and Letitia is about to burst into tears; Craig says it had good energy, and recommends that she make love to the floor because it will pay her back in great dividends. Scores - Craig 6; Arlene 6; Len 7; Bruno 7. Letitia is leaning against Darren and really looks very ill indeed. Go and lie down, woman. [I was so hoping for a Marie Osmond moment here - was that mean of me? I kept picturing Letitia projectile-vomiting across the dancefloor and not missing a step, proper little trooper that she is. - Steve]
Kenny and Ola take to the floor to rumba to Fields of Gold. I hate this song. [I hate Sting getting royalties. - Georgi] Kenny has his mugging face on. Ola is is rubbing herself against him, and though it looks good when she does such moves with James, Kenny is so very static that it appears that she's molesting him. Kenny does a lot of standing still, with the occasional hip twitch. Where is the dance, please? [Is this what they call "showcasing" Ola? - Georgi] Len says that Kenny TRIES HARD, and that as much as he likes watching him, there was too much Ola and not enough Kenny. Bruno says it started well, then he stopped in the middle like a bouncer in a bad mood, whatever that might mean. Craig says it was missing any real rumba steps, and Kenny was a coathanger for Ola, but the storytelling was good. Arlene says it was like "the pole and the Pole dancer dancing around him". She quickly clarifies this to make sure nobody thinks she is calling Ola a tart - "Pole, from Poland" - but Ola seems to be offended. [She really would've been much better off to apologise and admit it came out wrong rather than trying to correct herself. Oh, Arlene. - Steve] Len starts chatting about "Give him a chance, he's a rugby player!" Do fuck off, Head Judge Len; Arlene is quite right, it's WEEK NINE. Scores - Craig 4; Arlene 5; Len 7 (BOLLOCKS, Head Judge Len); Bruno 7 (BOLLOCKS, Bruno).
Alesha and Matthew are on last with their samba to (Reach Out) I'll Be There, and again I can't help but think this is a bit flat, somehow. I don't know if Alesha isn't quite as confident as she usually is, but there's not the overflowing joie de vivre we're used to from there. Anyway, Bruno is happily hitting the judges' desk in time to the music, so he's obviously enjoying it. Alesha complains that she has no saliva, and Bruce says he wishes he could get her some. Ew. [Although he adds "from a saliva shop", which is more tasteful than some things he could have said. - Georgi] Craig says that he could watch her all night, but the footwork was a little laboured; Arlene only wants perfection from Alesha, and that was not perfect, because she has LAZY LEGS. Len says that if Alesha had learned Latin American as a child, she would be a professional on the show. Alesha says she wishes that she had learned Latin American as a child. Aw. [I got all weepy at that. Dreams of what might've been, indeed. Although if she had, then arguably Mis-Teeq would've been about 68% less good, so I suppose it all worked out in the end. - Steve] Bruce says that Alesha could be the Beyonce of Europe. Bruno sniffs at the mention of Beyonce, and instead likens her to a young Josephine Baker. I'm not sure Alesha quite knows what he means. Scores - Craig 9; Arlene 8; Len 10; Bruno 9.
So, Gethin and Camilla and Alesha and Matthew finish with 74 points each, and are joint top of the leaderboard. Matt and Flavia are third with 65 points, Letitia and Darren are fourth with 56 points, and Kenny and Ola are bottom with 53. Tess urges us to vote, and we get a recap of the dances.
Bruce says that everything is lovely, but nobody is safe without our help. Tess brings to our attention some inaccurate captioning, but struggles to give out the numbers as she clearly has an assistant producer shouting in her earhole. [And yet is still infinitely smoother than Dermot O'Leary when he's filling time between showdown performances on The X Factor. - Steve] Who will be the ninth couple to leave Strictly? Join Georgi on Sunday evening to find out!
Wednesday, 28 November 2007
This week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...
- Kate is perfectly willing to make herself look daft even after being booted off the show, by spending her day on Saturday's show as the ITT guide pretending that she didn't realise she'd been kicked off, and yelling things like "YOU CAN'T DO THE SHOW WITHOUT ME! I AM THE SHOW!" whenever another contestant or judge walked past. Kate is kind of awesome.
- Brendan doesn't think the judges can criticise him, because he's "seen your dancing on It Takes Two and it's not up to much." Sometimes Brendan makes even less sense than Arlene does.
- The Fonz dreamt about green feathers on Saturday night. And is in panto. In Woking.
- The Fonz is a huge fan of Len and Bruno (but not those other two). And is in panto. In Woking.
- The Fonz knows about the power of repetition. And is in panto. In Woking.
- Anton takes old ladies out for the day, because he's nice like that. And he's far less patronising about it than Karen is, too.
- Len explained that his reason for the infamous 10 awarded to John Barnes was that he'd already given Gethin a 9 that night, and that John's dance was better, so what else could he do? Our answer: stop overmarking everyone, Len. It can't have escaped your notice that the other judges don't suffer from this problem.
- Claudia demonstrated her wide sporting knowledge by introducing a VT about Kenny thus: "Kenny used to be a very good Wasp."
- On being inducted into the Wasps Hall of Fame, Kenny was asked, "Was it always your ambition to marry above yourself?" Kenny blustered something or other, and concluded, "I'm a better dancer than her, though." Gabby's rictus grin was something to behold. They're a charming and endearing couple, aren't they?
-Alesha and Matthew have trained for 35 hours this week (10 more than any other couple) and are "unbelievably tired".
-Head Judge Len described Gethin as "like a hedgehog that's been in hibernation".
-Head Judge Len thinks Letitia is struggling with the foxtrot because her heels are too high.
-Justin Lee Collins reckons Matt can go "all the way... and beyond!" (With Gethin?)
-According to '90s pop star Gabrielle (what do you mean she's got a new album out?), "Music is important, especially when you're doing a dance routine." Thanks for that.
- Brendan doesn't think the judges can criticise him, because he's "seen your dancing on It Takes Two and it's not up to much." Sometimes Brendan makes even less sense than Arlene does.
- The Fonz dreamt about green feathers on Saturday night. And is in panto. In Woking.
- The Fonz is a huge fan of Len and Bruno (but not those other two). And is in panto. In Woking.
- The Fonz knows about the power of repetition. And is in panto. In Woking.
- Anton takes old ladies out for the day, because he's nice like that. And he's far less patronising about it than Karen is, too.
- Len explained that his reason for the infamous 10 awarded to John Barnes was that he'd already given Gethin a 9 that night, and that John's dance was better, so what else could he do? Our answer: stop overmarking everyone, Len. It can't have escaped your notice that the other judges don't suffer from this problem.
- Claudia demonstrated her wide sporting knowledge by introducing a VT about Kenny thus: "Kenny used to be a very good Wasp."
- On being inducted into the Wasps Hall of Fame, Kenny was asked, "Was it always your ambition to marry above yourself?" Kenny blustered something or other, and concluded, "I'm a better dancer than her, though." Gabby's rictus grin was something to behold. They're a charming and endearing couple, aren't they?
-Alesha and Matthew have trained for 35 hours this week (10 more than any other couple) and are "unbelievably tired".
-Head Judge Len described Gethin as "like a hedgehog that's been in hibernation".
-Head Judge Len thinks Letitia is struggling with the foxtrot because her heels are too high.
-Justin Lee Collins reckons Matt can go "all the way... and beyond!" (With Gethin?)
-According to '90s pop star Gabrielle (what do you mean she's got a new album out?), "Music is important, especially when you're doing a dance routine." Thanks for that.
Sunday, 25 November 2007
Closing the Barnes door
Top 7 results: 25th November 2007
Our seven remaining contestants fought it out on the dancefloor. Kenny was massively improved! Kelly was underused! Brendan wanted to cut a bitch! And there were tens aplenty for Matt and Alesha. This is Strictly Come Dancing! I hope your clapping hands are warmed up. [*claps* - Carrie]
The celebs and their partners head to the dancefloor. Matthew Cutler appears to pat Gethin on the arm as he walks past, which makes me think I've been slashing the wrong Matt with Gethin. Bruce and Tess are back, and Tess's functional wardrobe of yesterday appears to have been a one-time only special offer, as "today" she's in some sort of big poofy aqua blue thing. Bruce warns us of the impending elimination, as if we didn't know why we're here, and Tess trails a Dirty Dancing tribute later. We get another look at the leaderboard, and Tess clarifies that Kenny and Ola got three points, not four as was published yesterday, lest the BBC get embroiled in another phone-in scandal.
Recap! John Barnes was not beloved of the judges. Lisa Snowdon thought he was great, but Craig was deeply disappointed by John completely looking at the floor. Backstage, John admits that Nicole's been telling him off for that all week and he shouldn't have done it. In a surprising sixth place are Kelly and Brendan, and Brendan's heated defence of Kelly is actually pretty offensive. Kelly doesn't like being at the bottom, but thinks the shock has been good for her because she realises how complacent she's got. Arlene thinks they should be ashamed of themselves. Brendan basically tells the judges to say their piece, but not be rude and obnoxious, or he'll smack you down. He then calls them "old idiots". And that sentence passed through my rude-and-obnoxious detector without triggering any alarm bells, naturally. [What the hell is wrong with Brendan? Sexual frustration, maybe? - Carrie]
The judges were very impressed with Kenny, as we saw, but backstage Kenny is in shock over it all. Gabby thinks this will be a brilliant boost to his confidence. Kenny is amazed that he's higher than Kelly and John, and he's probably not the only one feeling that way. Letitia's Viennese Waltz was quite pretty if not technically perfect, and she cops to being an emotional wreck backstage. Brian Capron (remember him?) thinks she's grown in confidence and is the dark horse. [I actually didn't recognise him. - Carrie] Len wants Gethin to bring his lovely personality onto the floor, and Bruno thinks Gethin needs to raise the bar because it's week eight. Backstage, Gethin punches the wall. Really gently. Hee. You can take the boy out of Blue Peter... Craig thinks Gethin needs to commit to the dance more. Camilla agrees. "Do you know what?" says Gethin. "I hate it when the judges are right. You know what I hate more? When you agree with them." Hee.
Matt is variously bringing sexy back, the Spice Boy, and the new Mark Ramprakash, and screen mum Linda Henry was very excited about it, growling for emphasis. Bruno appears to have some sort of stroke while watching Alesha dance, and she gets three 10s, which she is understandably excited about. Then, bless her, she says they have to thank Matt and Flavia, because watching them dance beforehand got them in the mood. Linda Robson thinks that every week you think Alesha has to have a bad week sometime, but she never does. Henry Winkler - yes, the Fonz! [the FONZ! WHO IS IN PANTO IN THE UK! - Carrie] - thinks Alesha is amazing. So do we. Len thinks she's one of the most talented dancers they've ever had on the show.
Bruce passes to the judges, and Len thinks this has been an unbelievable week, since Kenny is above John and Kelly. Arlene gave two tens, and loves Matt because he championed his dance tonight. She's excited that he's so passionate about it, and Bruce makes the obligatory joke about Arlene wanting to shag the attractive young male dancers.
Next up, a medley of two dances: the Charleston and the Quickstep. Brucie does a bit of Charleston for us, and then remembers that he's not performing it, yelling "WHY?!" backstage, which is kind of funny. It may be a bit philistinic of me, but I sort of don't care when I'm watching dancing that doesn't involve the celebrities or the show's pros, which the Charleston routine does not. The people who dance it are very good, but they're not the reason I switched on my telly. Sorry, folks. [Heh, heh, that's exactly what I was thinking when the troupe piled on to the floor, but wasn't going to admit to it! - Carrie] Thankfully then Anton and Erin bounce in with a quickstep, involving a very cute little skit where Anton drops Erin on the judges' table and does an adorable little solo dance, which Erin then promptly scores with a "1" paddle. Hee. Those two are great together. [I love Anton and Erin, and she was looking lovely with her full Goth make-up. - Carrie]
Backstage in the House of Tesstosterone. Kenny got 30 this week, which no one can believe (some more kindly than others). Kenny is happy to have given the judges something nice to say. Tess thinks he may be another Matt Dawson. PLEASE GOD NO. Also, in doing this she accidentally pokes Kelly in the eye. Hee. Kelly says that it's not her night, once again exposing the LIE that is the Sunday ["Sunday" - Carrie] results show. Kelly thinks she messed up her timing and couldn't get to grips with the dance this week. [Perhaps because she ONLY BLOODY TRAINED FOR SEVEN HOURS. - Carrie] Matt's enjoyed the training for the two dances, and said that the experience was filthy. I don't doubt him.
Training footage from the Dirty Dancing rehearsals. Unlike the footage we saw on It Takes Two earlier in the week, Gethin is actually present for this. Alesha and Kelly talk about how every girl loves the film. In a sequence that I'm absolutely positive is a shout-out to me, Gethin starts dancing seductively with Matt, and then the two of them talk about having a night in where they'll watch the film, paint each other's toenails and discuss what they'll wear on Saturday night. Awesome. They're like my favourite couple ever, and I love them both and also this show for indulging my personal fantasy. There will be THE LIFT, of course, and everyone wants to do that bit. Matt and Flavia and Alesha and Matthew make abortive attempts, as do John and Nicole. Kelly and Brendan's looks passable [because Brendan has been perfecting his Swayze impression for the last 20 years - Carrie], Kenny and Ola do a good one [because Kenny's only talent lies in his strength - Carrie], and then Letitia either steps on Darren's foot or knees him in the face - it's quite hard to tell [I thought she'd smashed him in the face with her bosom - Carrie]. Kenny derides Gethin's lack of strength in his arms (which I'm sure will be a scene in a Gethin/Kenny slashfic somewhere on the internet before the week is out - and don't try to tell us such things don't exist, because we do check the search engine stats that bring people here, y'know), and Matt and Flavia don't quite manage it once again.
And now: the Dirty Dancing tribute. I have never seen this film, so it's pretty much wasted on me. My flatmate has attempted to make me sit through it on numerous occasions, but I always get so bored after about half an hour that I just wander off and never come back. [And you call yourself a gay. They'll throw you out, y'know. - Carrie] This version, however, is lots of fun. Letitia looks like she's having, if you'll excuse the pun, the time of her life. Alesha is amazing, as always. Kelly is much better in this than she was during her Samba "last night". Unsurprisingly, Kenny does the infamous lift with Ola, because lifting is totally his thing, and he has already signed up for the Strictly Come Lifting live tour.
We go to the judges, and Bruno thinks it was a brilliant job from everyone, but singles out Alesha for praise. Bruce asks Craig if anyone disappointed, and Craig grumps that he always has to get the negative. Hee. Thankfully, he says no one disappointed, and it was the cleanest group dance they've had. Anyone wonder if that's because Kate wasn't in it? Craig adds that you can see the work that went into it. [You'll also note that anything remotely complicated had John and Kenny shoved on the stage at the back, tapping their toes while the others did the dancing. Also, Kenny and Ola were singing the lyrics at each other again, providing more evidence for my theory that that's the way Ola's getting him to step at something like the right time. Also also, I noticed how incredibly good Matt's posture is. In conclusion, well done all. - Carrie]
Before the results, we have the Sugababes. I'm not a massive fan of their new album from what I've heard so far, but since Carrie had to recap Westlife on The X Factor yesterday, I'm counting my blessings. Amelle seems to have metamorphosed into an entirely different person - possibly Jessie Spano - since joining the band. Unless she left and has been replaced by someone else, which is entirely possible, let's face it. Keisha's rocking a Charleston tribute hairstyle of her own, by the way. During the second verse, we get the obligatory interruption from the pro dancers - this week it's Darren and Lilia. There's an amazing move where Darren whirls Lilia around by her hands just above the floor, while she tucks one foot behind his neck. Damn, Lilia is flexible. I got a twinge in my hip just watching that. The Sugas are sounding a little scrappy tonight, to be honest. But still: not Westlife. Mustn't forget that.
Little VT of the celebrities. Kenny only expected to last two weeks. Letitia thinks that working hard really pays off. Matt thinks it's gruelling and terrifying, but he loves it. Gethin knows lots of people dying to have a go (me! me!), and feels lucky that he can. Alesha thinks it's a great release. Kelly can't believe how obssesed she is with the show. John wants to go as far as he can. Essentially, no one wants to leave, and I can't blame them. Kelly treats every week like the final (except this week, apparently). Alesha is terrified of having to stop dancing. Awww.
Returners announced in random order: Kenny and Ola! They're indestructible! [For FUCK'S SAKE. He did two good lifts but he CAN'T DANCE. - Carrie] Alesha and Matthew! Hooray! Matt and Flavia! Whee! Gethin and Camilla! Squee! Only one couple left who is definitely safe, and that couple is...Letitia and Darren! So the bottom two is Kelly and Brendan and John and Nicole, which I'm really not surprised by at all. Len advises John to keep his head up, and advises Kelly to bring more sparkle and more magic.
John and Nicole dance first, and to his credit John doesn't appear to be staring at his feet this time. His footwork, however, is looking quite ropey still. It's lacking a bit of energy, but I think that's because John knows his days are numbered. Not that I think Kelly and Brendan are definitely safe (I'd be very surprised if they go, but anything can happen in this show), but it's clear John just lacks "populist support", as Gabby might have put it. Kelly and Brendan dance again, and Kelly's clearly trying to make her routine livelier, but the choreography is rather hampering her attempts. They're still in an entirely different class to John and Nicole, though. But then, Kelly isn't a SPORTSMAN with BIG HANDS who has had a JOURNEY and dances LIKE A FELLA, so who knows?
And now it's decision time for the judges' decision. Nicole looks resigned. Brendan looks miserable. Kelly looks nervous. John looks...pretty stoic, actually. Craig says that he has to vote for the best dancer, and votes to save Kelly and Brendan. Arlene thinks that a lesson has been learned, and votes for Kelly and Brendan. Bruno says it's getting harder every week, but since it's a dance competition, he has to vote for the best dancer, the one who will provide more in the future, so he votes to save Kelly. John and Nicole are out. Bruce asks for Len's opinion, and he says that he saw a small mistake from Kelly but would've put them through anyway. He apologises to John, who says it was the right decision. John jokes that the one time he kept his head up, he got his steps wrong anyway. Heh. Nicole says he's humble and a gentleman.
Next week, each couple will have to perform a ballroom AND a Latin dance. John and Nicole's final dance is to 'Stop Crying Your Heart Out'. It looks like John goes to pick Nicole up and she shakes her head and tells him not to. Heh. The other contestants descend on John to hug him goodbye, and it looks like they were all very fond of him. Awww. [Well, it was the right decision from the judges, but it's going to be tricky from now on in. I don't want anyone to go now APART FROM KENNY. Can't they all just stay forever? - Carrie]
Our seven remaining contestants fought it out on the dancefloor. Kenny was massively improved! Kelly was underused! Brendan wanted to cut a bitch! And there were tens aplenty for Matt and Alesha. This is Strictly Come Dancing! I hope your clapping hands are warmed up. [*claps* - Carrie]
The celebs and their partners head to the dancefloor. Matthew Cutler appears to pat Gethin on the arm as he walks past, which makes me think I've been slashing the wrong Matt with Gethin. Bruce and Tess are back, and Tess's functional wardrobe of yesterday appears to have been a one-time only special offer, as "today" she's in some sort of big poofy aqua blue thing. Bruce warns us of the impending elimination, as if we didn't know why we're here, and Tess trails a Dirty Dancing tribute later. We get another look at the leaderboard, and Tess clarifies that Kenny and Ola got three points, not four as was published yesterday, lest the BBC get embroiled in another phone-in scandal.
Recap! John Barnes was not beloved of the judges. Lisa Snowdon thought he was great, but Craig was deeply disappointed by John completely looking at the floor. Backstage, John admits that Nicole's been telling him off for that all week and he shouldn't have done it. In a surprising sixth place are Kelly and Brendan, and Brendan's heated defence of Kelly is actually pretty offensive. Kelly doesn't like being at the bottom, but thinks the shock has been good for her because she realises how complacent she's got. Arlene thinks they should be ashamed of themselves. Brendan basically tells the judges to say their piece, but not be rude and obnoxious, or he'll smack you down. He then calls them "old idiots". And that sentence passed through my rude-and-obnoxious detector without triggering any alarm bells, naturally. [What the hell is wrong with Brendan? Sexual frustration, maybe? - Carrie]
The judges were very impressed with Kenny, as we saw, but backstage Kenny is in shock over it all. Gabby thinks this will be a brilliant boost to his confidence. Kenny is amazed that he's higher than Kelly and John, and he's probably not the only one feeling that way. Letitia's Viennese Waltz was quite pretty if not technically perfect, and she cops to being an emotional wreck backstage. Brian Capron (remember him?) thinks she's grown in confidence and is the dark horse. [I actually didn't recognise him. - Carrie] Len wants Gethin to bring his lovely personality onto the floor, and Bruno thinks Gethin needs to raise the bar because it's week eight. Backstage, Gethin punches the wall. Really gently. Hee. You can take the boy out of Blue Peter... Craig thinks Gethin needs to commit to the dance more. Camilla agrees. "Do you know what?" says Gethin. "I hate it when the judges are right. You know what I hate more? When you agree with them." Hee.
Matt is variously bringing sexy back, the Spice Boy, and the new Mark Ramprakash, and screen mum Linda Henry was very excited about it, growling for emphasis. Bruno appears to have some sort of stroke while watching Alesha dance, and she gets three 10s, which she is understandably excited about. Then, bless her, she says they have to thank Matt and Flavia, because watching them dance beforehand got them in the mood. Linda Robson thinks that every week you think Alesha has to have a bad week sometime, but she never does. Henry Winkler - yes, the Fonz! [the FONZ! WHO IS IN PANTO IN THE UK! - Carrie] - thinks Alesha is amazing. So do we. Len thinks she's one of the most talented dancers they've ever had on the show.
Bruce passes to the judges, and Len thinks this has been an unbelievable week, since Kenny is above John and Kelly. Arlene gave two tens, and loves Matt because he championed his dance tonight. She's excited that he's so passionate about it, and Bruce makes the obligatory joke about Arlene wanting to shag the attractive young male dancers.
Next up, a medley of two dances: the Charleston and the Quickstep. Brucie does a bit of Charleston for us, and then remembers that he's not performing it, yelling "WHY?!" backstage, which is kind of funny. It may be a bit philistinic of me, but I sort of don't care when I'm watching dancing that doesn't involve the celebrities or the show's pros, which the Charleston routine does not. The people who dance it are very good, but they're not the reason I switched on my telly. Sorry, folks. [Heh, heh, that's exactly what I was thinking when the troupe piled on to the floor, but wasn't going to admit to it! - Carrie] Thankfully then Anton and Erin bounce in with a quickstep, involving a very cute little skit where Anton drops Erin on the judges' table and does an adorable little solo dance, which Erin then promptly scores with a "1" paddle. Hee. Those two are great together. [I love Anton and Erin, and she was looking lovely with her full Goth make-up. - Carrie]
Backstage in the House of Tesstosterone. Kenny got 30 this week, which no one can believe (some more kindly than others). Kenny is happy to have given the judges something nice to say. Tess thinks he may be another Matt Dawson. PLEASE GOD NO. Also, in doing this she accidentally pokes Kelly in the eye. Hee. Kelly says that it's not her night, once again exposing the LIE that is the Sunday ["Sunday" - Carrie] results show. Kelly thinks she messed up her timing and couldn't get to grips with the dance this week. [Perhaps because she ONLY BLOODY TRAINED FOR SEVEN HOURS. - Carrie] Matt's enjoyed the training for the two dances, and said that the experience was filthy. I don't doubt him.
Training footage from the Dirty Dancing rehearsals. Unlike the footage we saw on It Takes Two earlier in the week, Gethin is actually present for this. Alesha and Kelly talk about how every girl loves the film. In a sequence that I'm absolutely positive is a shout-out to me, Gethin starts dancing seductively with Matt, and then the two of them talk about having a night in where they'll watch the film, paint each other's toenails and discuss what they'll wear on Saturday night. Awesome. They're like my favourite couple ever, and I love them both and also this show for indulging my personal fantasy. There will be THE LIFT, of course, and everyone wants to do that bit. Matt and Flavia and Alesha and Matthew make abortive attempts, as do John and Nicole. Kelly and Brendan's looks passable [because Brendan has been perfecting his Swayze impression for the last 20 years - Carrie], Kenny and Ola do a good one [because Kenny's only talent lies in his strength - Carrie], and then Letitia either steps on Darren's foot or knees him in the face - it's quite hard to tell [I thought she'd smashed him in the face with her bosom - Carrie]. Kenny derides Gethin's lack of strength in his arms (which I'm sure will be a scene in a Gethin/Kenny slashfic somewhere on the internet before the week is out - and don't try to tell us such things don't exist, because we do check the search engine stats that bring people here, y'know), and Matt and Flavia don't quite manage it once again.
And now: the Dirty Dancing tribute. I have never seen this film, so it's pretty much wasted on me. My flatmate has attempted to make me sit through it on numerous occasions, but I always get so bored after about half an hour that I just wander off and never come back. [And you call yourself a gay. They'll throw you out, y'know. - Carrie] This version, however, is lots of fun. Letitia looks like she's having, if you'll excuse the pun, the time of her life. Alesha is amazing, as always. Kelly is much better in this than she was during her Samba "last night". Unsurprisingly, Kenny does the infamous lift with Ola, because lifting is totally his thing, and he has already signed up for the Strictly Come Lifting live tour.
We go to the judges, and Bruno thinks it was a brilliant job from everyone, but singles out Alesha for praise. Bruce asks Craig if anyone disappointed, and Craig grumps that he always has to get the negative. Hee. Thankfully, he says no one disappointed, and it was the cleanest group dance they've had. Anyone wonder if that's because Kate wasn't in it? Craig adds that you can see the work that went into it. [You'll also note that anything remotely complicated had John and Kenny shoved on the stage at the back, tapping their toes while the others did the dancing. Also, Kenny and Ola were singing the lyrics at each other again, providing more evidence for my theory that that's the way Ola's getting him to step at something like the right time. Also also, I noticed how incredibly good Matt's posture is. In conclusion, well done all. - Carrie]
Before the results, we have the Sugababes. I'm not a massive fan of their new album from what I've heard so far, but since Carrie had to recap Westlife on The X Factor yesterday, I'm counting my blessings. Amelle seems to have metamorphosed into an entirely different person - possibly Jessie Spano - since joining the band. Unless she left and has been replaced by someone else, which is entirely possible, let's face it. Keisha's rocking a Charleston tribute hairstyle of her own, by the way. During the second verse, we get the obligatory interruption from the pro dancers - this week it's Darren and Lilia. There's an amazing move where Darren whirls Lilia around by her hands just above the floor, while she tucks one foot behind his neck. Damn, Lilia is flexible. I got a twinge in my hip just watching that. The Sugas are sounding a little scrappy tonight, to be honest. But still: not Westlife. Mustn't forget that.
Little VT of the celebrities. Kenny only expected to last two weeks. Letitia thinks that working hard really pays off. Matt thinks it's gruelling and terrifying, but he loves it. Gethin knows lots of people dying to have a go (me! me!), and feels lucky that he can. Alesha thinks it's a great release. Kelly can't believe how obssesed she is with the show. John wants to go as far as he can. Essentially, no one wants to leave, and I can't blame them. Kelly treats every week like the final (except this week, apparently). Alesha is terrified of having to stop dancing. Awww.
Returners announced in random order: Kenny and Ola! They're indestructible! [For FUCK'S SAKE. He did two good lifts but he CAN'T DANCE. - Carrie] Alesha and Matthew! Hooray! Matt and Flavia! Whee! Gethin and Camilla! Squee! Only one couple left who is definitely safe, and that couple is...Letitia and Darren! So the bottom two is Kelly and Brendan and John and Nicole, which I'm really not surprised by at all. Len advises John to keep his head up, and advises Kelly to bring more sparkle and more magic.
John and Nicole dance first, and to his credit John doesn't appear to be staring at his feet this time. His footwork, however, is looking quite ropey still. It's lacking a bit of energy, but I think that's because John knows his days are numbered. Not that I think Kelly and Brendan are definitely safe (I'd be very surprised if they go, but anything can happen in this show), but it's clear John just lacks "populist support", as Gabby might have put it. Kelly and Brendan dance again, and Kelly's clearly trying to make her routine livelier, but the choreography is rather hampering her attempts. They're still in an entirely different class to John and Nicole, though. But then, Kelly isn't a SPORTSMAN with BIG HANDS who has had a JOURNEY and dances LIKE A FELLA, so who knows?
And now it's decision time for the judges' decision. Nicole looks resigned. Brendan looks miserable. Kelly looks nervous. John looks...pretty stoic, actually. Craig says that he has to vote for the best dancer, and votes to save Kelly and Brendan. Arlene thinks that a lesson has been learned, and votes for Kelly and Brendan. Bruno says it's getting harder every week, but since it's a dance competition, he has to vote for the best dancer, the one who will provide more in the future, so he votes to save Kelly. John and Nicole are out. Bruce asks for Len's opinion, and he says that he saw a small mistake from Kelly but would've put them through anyway. He apologises to John, who says it was the right decision. John jokes that the one time he kept his head up, he got his steps wrong anyway. Heh. Nicole says he's humble and a gentleman.
Next week, each couple will have to perform a ballroom AND a Latin dance. John and Nicole's final dance is to 'Stop Crying Your Heart Out'. It looks like John goes to pick Nicole up and she shakes her head and tells him not to. Heh. The other contestants descend on John to hug him goodbye, and it looks like they were all very fond of him. Awww. [Well, it was the right decision from the judges, but it's going to be tricky from now on in. I don't want anyone to go now APART FROM KENNY. Can't they all just stay forever? - Carrie]
Saturday, 24 November 2007
Cha-cha-champions?
It's WEEK 8! There are seven couples left in. Last week, "some raised the bar" (Matt and Flavia) "while others dropped it" (Kenny). Kate went out. Anton was angry. Grrr! [Phwoar. - Carrie] EVERYONE in being DESPERATE for a PLACE in the FINAL SHOCKER! Titles! [*claps in time* - Carrie]
Here come your hosts, Bruce Forsyth and Tess Daly. Tess's costumiers have finally realised that a plunging neckline is quite flattering on large breasts, rather than just covering them up with fabric. In fact, Tess may have the nicest dress in the ballroom this week. What's going on? Bruce says a Strictly insider told him that 90% of the phone votes last week were for Anton du Beke. Tess: "Who told you that?" Bruce: "Anton du Beke." Ha!
Time to welcome the remaining couples back to the dancefloor. They are: Matt and Flavia; Kelly and Brendan; Letitia and Darren; Gethin and Camilla; Alesha and Matthew; Kenny and Ola; John and Nicole. I am desperately hoping that this is the week when Kenny's luck will run out. The standard now is too high for him still to be there. Tess informs us that this week the couples will all have to dance either... a Latin or a ballroom dance. I think we know that by now, Tess. Tess reminds us of the phone details, so you can vote for your favourite before you see them dance. I don't have much that's nice to say about The X Factor in general, but at least they don't open their lines until you've seen all the performances.
Gethin and Camilla are first out. Last week the judges found their rumba cold. Gethin was disappointed, because he thought he had connected with Camilla on the dancefloor. Apparently that entitles him to treat her like a horse when rehearsing for the quickstep: "And trot on!" Hee. The WHOLE OF WALES has been voting for Gethin, so they went off to Cardiff just to make sure. No sheep were canvassed in the making of this VT. They visit the Millennium Centre - watch out for the Barrowman, Gethin, I think he hangs out around there. Gethin's dad is there to embarrass him. Hee.
Anyway, let's get on with the dancing. Gethin and Camilla are quickstepping to Cole Porter's 'You're The Top'. Camilla is the ruler of all things PINK AND SPARKLEEEE this week, while Gethin has his acting face on. They cover the floor well, and Gethin is quite light on his feet. I'm not that impressed by Camilla's choreography though; it's a bit dull. Expect good marks from the judges though.
Bruce welcomes the "wonderful singers" [who? what? where? - Carrie] and points out that it's Bruno's birthday tomorrow. 21 again? Len tells Gethin he did a "very, very good job" and his "footwork was right on the money", but it lacked personality and needed more gaiety, fun and spontaneity. Bruno says there was "nothing wrong but you failed to ignite", and since it is WEEK 8, "you have to raise the bar". Boo! Craig disagrees: "The performance level was fantastic", although he adds a few niggly criticisms about Gethin's right foot being pigeon-toed when he's going backwards and that sort of thing. Gethin is Arlene's favourite, methinks. "Flight officer Gethin is back" with "a spring in your step", but "the occasional trolley dolley". Could someone please explain to me what she's on about? [Nup, sorry. - Carrie] [I think it maybe involves some kind of slashfic that she's writing? - Steve] Backstage, the other contestants reckon it was Gethin's best dance yet. Gethin says he "didn't have to force the smile", and Camilla whines that, "Starting the show with a quickstep isn't easy." Blah, blah. The judges' scores: 8s from Craig and Bruno, 9s from Arlene and Len, for a not-at-all-shabby total of 34.
Next up, John and Nicole. The Racialist British Public have been desperately trying to vote John out for weeks now and the judges keep saving him (or as John puts it, in the requisite football metaphor, he has "escaped relegation" three times). Ola thinks the samba will suit his (club) dancing style, and he'll be able to show off his hip action. They're dancing to Sir Duke by Stevie Wonder. Is it just me, or do all John's Latin costumes look the same? The dance isn't bad, but sometimes John seems to be looking at Nicole for guidance [all the bloody time. It's very annoying. They complained about Kate relying on Anton too much, and just because John can stand up, they don't bother commenting on the fact that he's got no idea what he's doing. - Carrie], and his footwork is rushed in places. Mainly it looks as though John is concentrating too much on his footwork to do anything much with his arms. They have managed to evoke the party atmosphere of the samba though.
Bruce checks to make sure John has not literally danced his butt off. Dirty old man. The judges, who obviously were expecting a lot from John and his Natural Sense of Rhythm in the samba, are uniformly disappointed. Bruno says that "Instead of being a riot, it was a murmur", and that it looked like they had rehearsed in the corridor! Craig says they did have "an enormous amount of energy", but John looks down at the floor too much and needs to look up. Also, there was "not enough bounce", but his "timing was fantastic". Racialist. Arlene complains that John was "having a love affair with the floor", not with Nicole, although "everything from the waist down works brilliantly." Steady on! [Heh. I laughed. - Carrie] [Interestingly, I was listening to Philip Jackson on the interactive commentary, and he and Anton said precisely the opposite: that from the waist up John was fine, but his footwork was terrible. I suppose the judging really is very subjective. - Steve] Len says he was disappointed after the great salsa that he gave John and Nicole a 10 for. I think you'll find, Head Judge Len, that's because you grossly overrated the salsa. Anyway. He accuses John of "not putting in the work to fine-tune" the dance, and isn't sure John is up to learning two dances next week. Backstage, John vehemently denies that he isn't training hard enough and couldn't learn two dances, pointing out that they have been learning group dances in addition to their own. [This was a bit disingenous of him. He said that he is training hard when he manages to train, but he has been very busy this week. Ergo, by default, Head Judge Len is right - John isn't putting the time in. - Carrie] The scores are in: 6 from Arlene (a bit mean, I feel), 7s from everyone else, for a total of 27. Tess says, "It's WEEK 8 and the scores are going higher", although I'm not sure how she can possibly know that after two dances.
Still to come! Letitia is shaken (aww), Kelly is rattled, and the good times roll for Kenny. Do you see what they did there? [Not until you just pointed it out, actually. Sometimes I'm even slower than Brucie. - Steve]
Letitia and Darren are next to take to the floor, and you'd think Letitia would have more confidence after her best dance yet last week. But no, she's still piling the pressure on herself: "It can't just be good, it has to be great." Darren thinks they're "back in the running". They will be Viennese waltzing to Billy Joel's 'She's Always A Woman To Me', Letitia in a rather ugly brown dress. The intro is quite long - and just as well, because the rest of the Viennese waltz is pretty boring. Spin this way, spin that way, spin on the spot. They're quite a sweet couple though.
Prompted by Bruce, Letitia admits she had never imagined she could dance like that. Craig heaps on the praise: "Fantastic. I loved the intro. There was a great amount of rotation, great hand movements"... but says that when Letita was going backwards, her feet weren't closing. Arlene says, "I don't want to see one more VT of you worrying" - I second that - "because you're a beautiful woman and a beautiful dancer. Your arms have improved out of all proportion." Len says Letitia has mastered her top but has "problems down below". I thought this was supposed to be good, clean family entertainment? He proceeds to pick holes in her footwork - "no heel leads", "a mess-up on the change step", but concedes that she did the fleckle, which must be my favourite dance-step name ever. Bruce wonders if it will be "last orders for the Queen Vic landlady?" Which is a pretend-occupation-related pun, so - drink!
Backstage, Tess asks if Letitia is the dark horse of the competition, and Darren thinks she is, pointing out that in the VT we see her frustration about trying to learn the steps, but he has seen a lot of improvement in rehearsals. Awww. Back to the judges for their scores: 8 from Craig, 8 from Arlene, 7 from Len and 9 from Bruno, which he prefaces with a little justification: "Most improved dancer, I liked it very much!" [Hee. Sometimes Bruno is adorable. - Carrie] Total: 32.
Next up, Kelly and Brendan. It was Kelly's birthday yesterday. [You'd think she'd have dragged hers out for a fortnight. It seems a little unfair that only Letitia is allowed to do that. - Steve] Bruce makes a gag about Brendan wrapping himself up as a birthday parcel and Kelly refusing to sign for it. At least it wasn't a "birthday suit" joke. Kelly and Brendan are under pressure after their great jive last week, and they're getting up at 6 o'clock to rehearse. Brendan is pushing her hard and there's a bit of tension in rehearsals, so he throws her a surprise birthday party. These are the people who have been whinging about not having enough time to rehearse. Kelly's nan is there, but isn't as great as Alesha's nans. Kelly's mum Sandra wants her to win. Shocker! Kelly and Brendan will be samba-ing to Staying Alive. It's difficult to do a good cover of a Bee Gees song, and the band do a surprisingly good job. Their routine is okay, but nothing spectacular. I'd give Brendan extra marks for his waistcoat.
Arlene says her "high expectations have fallen flat... You should have stormed through the ballroom but you didn't." She thinks Brendan was sharp but Kelly wasn't, but Len disagrees - he doesn't even think Brendan did very well, criticising his choreography as "not a good enough standard of routine for a girl of her standard". He also says Kelly should "listen to Brendan and get on with it". And also get back in the kitchen and make him some pie. Probably. [That comment was beyond the pale, I thought. Especially since this week Kelly was actually making me like her by taking the judges' criticism with what I thought was good grace. - Steve] Bruno makes some kind of remark about their dance being like "Judi Dench reading the Yellow Pages". Brendan gets all mouthy about how they've only had eight hours to rehearse the samba because of the group dance. Wait a second, isn't everyone doing the group dance? If a celebrity signs up for Strictly, shouldn't they make sure they can fit it into their busy schedule? Brendan says the judges should "stop expecting Kelly to be the world's best dancer, because she's not", which is a fairer comment. Surely they should be judging the dance itself, rather than how well they think the celebrity in question could potentially have done it? [Yeah, but then Brendan treads on his point by saying that they did the best they could with the time they had available, which: tough shit. If you're not putting the time in, then don't expect to improve or garner good marks. - Carrie] Bruce remembers that Craig hasn't had a say, but he doesn't have much to add at this point, just that it was "technically not brilliant". Bruce tells Kelly and Brendan they're his favourites. Kelly says, "Does that mean we're going home?" LULZ. Backstage, Brendan is angry! Grr! He is fed up of all the negativity. And probably bored of not causing any controversy for a few weeks. The judges' scores aren't that bad, anyway: 8 from Bruno, 7s from everyone else, for a total of 29.
Bruce introduces Kenny (cue much cheering - clearly the audience are not dance-lovers) and Ola with comments about how he can't understand anything Kenny says when he gets excited. Racialist! Kenny hopes he can turn the corner this week. Ola thinks the American smooth will be a good dance for Kenny because he can do lifts that no one else can. I suspect not steps, however. "A bit more graceful!" Ola instructs him in rehearsals, possibly fighting a losing battle. Kenny says he wants to "give the judges something to cheer about". They're dancing to 'How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved By You)', and I can't help but feel something a bit more swing would have been a better choice. In places they look awkward because Ola seems to be ready to move but is waiting for Kenny to lead her. Kenny is singing along, bless. [Ola is too, at odd points, and I think that this is deliberate because Kenny still can't hear the beat, so he's working out when to step according to what words are being sung. Watch it again - you'll see them both mouthing, "Stop!" at the "Stop! and thank you baby" bit. But of course he is dyslexic OMGZ!?1 so that's why he can't hear music. - Carrie] They do two lifts that cover about five different positions, including a one-handed overhead drape. (I'm not sure if that's the correct terminology, but it sounds good.) Okay, yes, Kenny has improved this week but I'm afraid he's never going to reach the standard of the other dancers. Let's see what the judges have to say.
Bruno says it was a "monumental effort", and for a moment I'm not sure if he's damning them with faint praise. He calls Kenny a "tower of strength... You've worked hard and it shows." Craig says it was "a lot more like it", although Kenny "could have smiled through the lifts - it's supposed to look effortless", and Kenny's knees were too bent. Arlene, in a bit of a non-sequitur, says Kenny has "caused more controversy than Heather Mills McCartney's interview with Fiona Phillips. Everyone's talking about you - but I'm talking about the improvement. You've taken a giant step." [Before I heard Arlene say "interview", I was really hoping she was referring to some kind of controversy involving Heather Mills and Fiona Phillips both being really bad dancers. Booo. - Steve] Head Judge Len wasn't struck with the lifts - "They weren't in keeping with the dance", which is supposed to be floaty and gliding, and "This isn't Strictly Come Weightlifting" - but he thought the actual dancing was much better. [He's right about the lifts. They're spectacular, but a bit...not smooth. Nor, indeed, American. - Carrie] [But I would totally watch Strictly Come Weightlifting, just for the record. - Steve] Backstage, Tess tells us that even the professionals can't do a one-armed overhead lift. Ha, that's nothing. They should try doing it On Ice, like another rugby player I could mention. The scores are in: a very realistic 6 from Craig (boo from the audience, hooray from me), an 8 from Arlene "for sheer improvement" - srsly, don't get me started [Fuck off, Arlene! - Carrie] - and 8s from Len and Bruno, for a total of 30. Sorry? What. The. Fuck? This isn't playschool, for crying out loud.
Matt and Flavia are doing the salsa this week, which Flavia says is "the most sexy dance". Isn't that the rumba? I'm confused. Matt was on form last week, after scraping through the dance-off the week before. He says it is "wide open, and I'm not going down without a fight." I think he was talking about the competition, although it might have been some kind of secret message to Gethin. [Heh! Filth! - Carrie] Flavia's having trouble getting Matt to move his hips, but once she gets him shimmying, she reckons he looks hot. Matt's trying to let himself go this week. Flavia's dress is rather demure, but they are dancing to decent samba music with a great Latin beat. Flavia's choreography has been good this series and this is another example, packed with content and risky moves like Matt kicking his leg over Flavia's head and holding her just off the floor with one hand. Don't drop her! As we learned on It Takes Two, it could break her neck. It's okay, though, it doesn't.
Bruce goes to Arlene first to make sure she's feeling alright. She certainly is - "The Ramps returns! It was hot, hot, hot! You sizzled like sausages on a barbecue!" Len simply states that it was "absolutely fantastic". Bruno enthuses, "You're bringing sexy back! You're the Spice Boy of the competition!" I think he might be confused. Bruce observes that Craig is "smiling and looks satisfied", and Craig is all like, "OMG, I am tOtAlLy LUVin ur wOrK!!!!111!!!1! It was brilliant!" Backstage, Tess calls Matt a "sexy beast". The scores are good: 9s from Craig and Len (although, again, what could they have done better to deserve 10s?) and 10s from Arlene and Bruno, for a total of 38.
The final couple is Alesha and Matthew. Last week, Alesha was "the belle of the ball" and they got two 10s. Alesha had "a brilliant time", but now she feels the pressure to be great every time she and Matthew are "stepping out". Hee! In rehearsals, Matthew says she has to "feel the cha-cha-cha flowing through your veins". Alesha wants to prove that she can do Latin as well as ballroom, because she gets too excited and her technique suffers. Control is the "cha-cha-challenge". Alesha is fabulous. She's wearing the scantiest dress this week as well. They're dancing to Beyonce's 'Crazy In Love', which is a bit of an odd choice because you can't really feel the cha-cha-cha beat, but it's a great routine, even though putting the sort-of-splits in at the end just emphasises that Alesha doesn't have the flexibility to actually do the splits (unlike Gabby, who isdead out of the competition).
Head Judge Len says it was Alesha's best dance. Bruno camps it up - "My pulse is racing! My heart is beating! It's DIVA TIME!" Craig describes it as "totally amazing. You are FAB-YU-LUSS." Arlene comes up with the rather unflattering metaphor, "This is a two-horse competition and you're one of them." Bruce reckons there might be more 10s on the cards. Do ya think? There's not much time for backstage banter. The scores are in: 9 from Craig, 10s from all the other judges (and a punch into the air from Bruno - drink!), for a nearly perfect total of 39, the highest score of the series so far. [And for what it's worth, I think that score was too high. I love Alesha to bits, obviously, and it was a brilliant routine to watch, but I'm not sure it had the technical perfection to deserve three 10s. And now I'm worried that this will trigger the as-yet-unrealised Alesha backlash. Sigh. - Steve]
The show is drawing to a close, but there's just time for a final look at the leaderboard. Obviously Alesha and Matthew are at the top, closely followed by Matt and Flavia, while John and Nicole are languishing at the bottom with 27, along with Kelly and Brendan, who have 29. Kenny and Ola have finished triumphantly third from bottom. There's a bit of a tradition of bad dancers getting voted off the week they give their best performance though, so anything could happen in the results show tomorrow.
Also in the results show, the couples will be performing a group Charleston, the Sugababes will be performing, and the professionals will be treating us to a Dirty Dancing medley. Yayz! Steve will be here to guide you through the mayhem of the WEEK 8 results!
Here come your hosts, Bruce Forsyth and Tess Daly. Tess's costumiers have finally realised that a plunging neckline is quite flattering on large breasts, rather than just covering them up with fabric. In fact, Tess may have the nicest dress in the ballroom this week. What's going on? Bruce says a Strictly insider told him that 90% of the phone votes last week were for Anton du Beke. Tess: "Who told you that?" Bruce: "Anton du Beke." Ha!
Time to welcome the remaining couples back to the dancefloor. They are: Matt and Flavia; Kelly and Brendan; Letitia and Darren; Gethin and Camilla; Alesha and Matthew; Kenny and Ola; John and Nicole. I am desperately hoping that this is the week when Kenny's luck will run out. The standard now is too high for him still to be there. Tess informs us that this week the couples will all have to dance either... a Latin or a ballroom dance. I think we know that by now, Tess. Tess reminds us of the phone details, so you can vote for your favourite before you see them dance. I don't have much that's nice to say about The X Factor in general, but at least they don't open their lines until you've seen all the performances.
Gethin and Camilla are first out. Last week the judges found their rumba cold. Gethin was disappointed, because he thought he had connected with Camilla on the dancefloor. Apparently that entitles him to treat her like a horse when rehearsing for the quickstep: "And trot on!" Hee. The WHOLE OF WALES has been voting for Gethin, so they went off to Cardiff just to make sure. No sheep were canvassed in the making of this VT. They visit the Millennium Centre - watch out for the Barrowman, Gethin, I think he hangs out around there. Gethin's dad is there to embarrass him. Hee.
Anyway, let's get on with the dancing. Gethin and Camilla are quickstepping to Cole Porter's 'You're The Top'. Camilla is the ruler of all things PINK AND SPARKLEEEE this week, while Gethin has his acting face on. They cover the floor well, and Gethin is quite light on his feet. I'm not that impressed by Camilla's choreography though; it's a bit dull. Expect good marks from the judges though.
Bruce welcomes the "wonderful singers" [who? what? where? - Carrie] and points out that it's Bruno's birthday tomorrow. 21 again? Len tells Gethin he did a "very, very good job" and his "footwork was right on the money", but it lacked personality and needed more gaiety, fun and spontaneity. Bruno says there was "nothing wrong but you failed to ignite", and since it is WEEK 8, "you have to raise the bar". Boo! Craig disagrees: "The performance level was fantastic", although he adds a few niggly criticisms about Gethin's right foot being pigeon-toed when he's going backwards and that sort of thing. Gethin is Arlene's favourite, methinks. "Flight officer Gethin is back" with "a spring in your step", but "the occasional trolley dolley". Could someone please explain to me what she's on about? [Nup, sorry. - Carrie] [I think it maybe involves some kind of slashfic that she's writing? - Steve] Backstage, the other contestants reckon it was Gethin's best dance yet. Gethin says he "didn't have to force the smile", and Camilla whines that, "Starting the show with a quickstep isn't easy." Blah, blah. The judges' scores: 8s from Craig and Bruno, 9s from Arlene and Len, for a not-at-all-shabby total of 34.
Next up, John and Nicole. The Racialist British Public have been desperately trying to vote John out for weeks now and the judges keep saving him (or as John puts it, in the requisite football metaphor, he has "escaped relegation" three times). Ola thinks the samba will suit his (club) dancing style, and he'll be able to show off his hip action. They're dancing to Sir Duke by Stevie Wonder. Is it just me, or do all John's Latin costumes look the same? The dance isn't bad, but sometimes John seems to be looking at Nicole for guidance [all the bloody time. It's very annoying. They complained about Kate relying on Anton too much, and just because John can stand up, they don't bother commenting on the fact that he's got no idea what he's doing. - Carrie], and his footwork is rushed in places. Mainly it looks as though John is concentrating too much on his footwork to do anything much with his arms. They have managed to evoke the party atmosphere of the samba though.
Bruce checks to make sure John has not literally danced his butt off. Dirty old man. The judges, who obviously were expecting a lot from John and his Natural Sense of Rhythm in the samba, are uniformly disappointed. Bruno says that "Instead of being a riot, it was a murmur", and that it looked like they had rehearsed in the corridor! Craig says they did have "an enormous amount of energy", but John looks down at the floor too much and needs to look up. Also, there was "not enough bounce", but his "timing was fantastic". Racialist. Arlene complains that John was "having a love affair with the floor", not with Nicole, although "everything from the waist down works brilliantly." Steady on! [Heh. I laughed. - Carrie] [Interestingly, I was listening to Philip Jackson on the interactive commentary, and he and Anton said precisely the opposite: that from the waist up John was fine, but his footwork was terrible. I suppose the judging really is very subjective. - Steve] Len says he was disappointed after the great salsa that he gave John and Nicole a 10 for. I think you'll find, Head Judge Len, that's because you grossly overrated the salsa. Anyway. He accuses John of "not putting in the work to fine-tune" the dance, and isn't sure John is up to learning two dances next week. Backstage, John vehemently denies that he isn't training hard enough and couldn't learn two dances, pointing out that they have been learning group dances in addition to their own. [This was a bit disingenous of him. He said that he is training hard when he manages to train, but he has been very busy this week. Ergo, by default, Head Judge Len is right - John isn't putting the time in. - Carrie] The scores are in: 6 from Arlene (a bit mean, I feel), 7s from everyone else, for a total of 27. Tess says, "It's WEEK 8 and the scores are going higher", although I'm not sure how she can possibly know that after two dances.
Still to come! Letitia is shaken (aww), Kelly is rattled, and the good times roll for Kenny. Do you see what they did there? [Not until you just pointed it out, actually. Sometimes I'm even slower than Brucie. - Steve]
Letitia and Darren are next to take to the floor, and you'd think Letitia would have more confidence after her best dance yet last week. But no, she's still piling the pressure on herself: "It can't just be good, it has to be great." Darren thinks they're "back in the running". They will be Viennese waltzing to Billy Joel's 'She's Always A Woman To Me', Letitia in a rather ugly brown dress. The intro is quite long - and just as well, because the rest of the Viennese waltz is pretty boring. Spin this way, spin that way, spin on the spot. They're quite a sweet couple though.
Prompted by Bruce, Letitia admits she had never imagined she could dance like that. Craig heaps on the praise: "Fantastic. I loved the intro. There was a great amount of rotation, great hand movements"... but says that when Letita was going backwards, her feet weren't closing. Arlene says, "I don't want to see one more VT of you worrying" - I second that - "because you're a beautiful woman and a beautiful dancer. Your arms have improved out of all proportion." Len says Letitia has mastered her top but has "problems down below". I thought this was supposed to be good, clean family entertainment? He proceeds to pick holes in her footwork - "no heel leads", "a mess-up on the change step", but concedes that she did the fleckle, which must be my favourite dance-step name ever. Bruce wonders if it will be "last orders for the Queen Vic landlady?" Which is a pretend-occupation-related pun, so - drink!
Backstage, Tess asks if Letitia is the dark horse of the competition, and Darren thinks she is, pointing out that in the VT we see her frustration about trying to learn the steps, but he has seen a lot of improvement in rehearsals. Awww. Back to the judges for their scores: 8 from Craig, 8 from Arlene, 7 from Len and 9 from Bruno, which he prefaces with a little justification: "Most improved dancer, I liked it very much!" [Hee. Sometimes Bruno is adorable. - Carrie] Total: 32.
Next up, Kelly and Brendan. It was Kelly's birthday yesterday. [You'd think she'd have dragged hers out for a fortnight. It seems a little unfair that only Letitia is allowed to do that. - Steve] Bruce makes a gag about Brendan wrapping himself up as a birthday parcel and Kelly refusing to sign for it. At least it wasn't a "birthday suit" joke. Kelly and Brendan are under pressure after their great jive last week, and they're getting up at 6 o'clock to rehearse. Brendan is pushing her hard and there's a bit of tension in rehearsals, so he throws her a surprise birthday party. These are the people who have been whinging about not having enough time to rehearse. Kelly's nan is there, but isn't as great as Alesha's nans. Kelly's mum Sandra wants her to win. Shocker! Kelly and Brendan will be samba-ing to Staying Alive. It's difficult to do a good cover of a Bee Gees song, and the band do a surprisingly good job. Their routine is okay, but nothing spectacular. I'd give Brendan extra marks for his waistcoat.
Arlene says her "high expectations have fallen flat... You should have stormed through the ballroom but you didn't." She thinks Brendan was sharp but Kelly wasn't, but Len disagrees - he doesn't even think Brendan did very well, criticising his choreography as "not a good enough standard of routine for a girl of her standard". He also says Kelly should "listen to Brendan and get on with it". And also get back in the kitchen and make him some pie. Probably. [That comment was beyond the pale, I thought. Especially since this week Kelly was actually making me like her by taking the judges' criticism with what I thought was good grace. - Steve] Bruno makes some kind of remark about their dance being like "Judi Dench reading the Yellow Pages". Brendan gets all mouthy about how they've only had eight hours to rehearse the samba because of the group dance. Wait a second, isn't everyone doing the group dance? If a celebrity signs up for Strictly, shouldn't they make sure they can fit it into their busy schedule? Brendan says the judges should "stop expecting Kelly to be the world's best dancer, because she's not", which is a fairer comment. Surely they should be judging the dance itself, rather than how well they think the celebrity in question could potentially have done it? [Yeah, but then Brendan treads on his point by saying that they did the best they could with the time they had available, which: tough shit. If you're not putting the time in, then don't expect to improve or garner good marks. - Carrie] Bruce remembers that Craig hasn't had a say, but he doesn't have much to add at this point, just that it was "technically not brilliant". Bruce tells Kelly and Brendan they're his favourites. Kelly says, "Does that mean we're going home?" LULZ. Backstage, Brendan is angry! Grr! He is fed up of all the negativity. And probably bored of not causing any controversy for a few weeks. The judges' scores aren't that bad, anyway: 8 from Bruno, 7s from everyone else, for a total of 29.
Bruce introduces Kenny (cue much cheering - clearly the audience are not dance-lovers) and Ola with comments about how he can't understand anything Kenny says when he gets excited. Racialist! Kenny hopes he can turn the corner this week. Ola thinks the American smooth will be a good dance for Kenny because he can do lifts that no one else can. I suspect not steps, however. "A bit more graceful!" Ola instructs him in rehearsals, possibly fighting a losing battle. Kenny says he wants to "give the judges something to cheer about". They're dancing to 'How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved By You)', and I can't help but feel something a bit more swing would have been a better choice. In places they look awkward because Ola seems to be ready to move but is waiting for Kenny to lead her. Kenny is singing along, bless. [Ola is too, at odd points, and I think that this is deliberate because Kenny still can't hear the beat, so he's working out when to step according to what words are being sung. Watch it again - you'll see them both mouthing, "Stop!" at the "Stop! and thank you baby" bit. But of course he is dyslexic OMGZ!?1 so that's why he can't hear music. - Carrie] They do two lifts that cover about five different positions, including a one-handed overhead drape. (I'm not sure if that's the correct terminology, but it sounds good.) Okay, yes, Kenny has improved this week but I'm afraid he's never going to reach the standard of the other dancers. Let's see what the judges have to say.
Bruno says it was a "monumental effort", and for a moment I'm not sure if he's damning them with faint praise. He calls Kenny a "tower of strength... You've worked hard and it shows." Craig says it was "a lot more like it", although Kenny "could have smiled through the lifts - it's supposed to look effortless", and Kenny's knees were too bent. Arlene, in a bit of a non-sequitur, says Kenny has "caused more controversy than Heather Mills McCartney's interview with Fiona Phillips. Everyone's talking about you - but I'm talking about the improvement. You've taken a giant step." [Before I heard Arlene say "interview", I was really hoping she was referring to some kind of controversy involving Heather Mills and Fiona Phillips both being really bad dancers. Booo. - Steve] Head Judge Len wasn't struck with the lifts - "They weren't in keeping with the dance", which is supposed to be floaty and gliding, and "This isn't Strictly Come Weightlifting" - but he thought the actual dancing was much better. [He's right about the lifts. They're spectacular, but a bit...not smooth. Nor, indeed, American. - Carrie] [But I would totally watch Strictly Come Weightlifting, just for the record. - Steve] Backstage, Tess tells us that even the professionals can't do a one-armed overhead lift. Ha, that's nothing. They should try doing it On Ice, like another rugby player I could mention. The scores are in: a very realistic 6 from Craig (boo from the audience, hooray from me), an 8 from Arlene "for sheer improvement" - srsly, don't get me started [Fuck off, Arlene! - Carrie] - and 8s from Len and Bruno, for a total of 30. Sorry? What. The. Fuck? This isn't playschool, for crying out loud.
Matt and Flavia are doing the salsa this week, which Flavia says is "the most sexy dance". Isn't that the rumba? I'm confused. Matt was on form last week, after scraping through the dance-off the week before. He says it is "wide open, and I'm not going down without a fight." I think he was talking about the competition, although it might have been some kind of secret message to Gethin. [Heh! Filth! - Carrie] Flavia's having trouble getting Matt to move his hips, but once she gets him shimmying, she reckons he looks hot. Matt's trying to let himself go this week. Flavia's dress is rather demure, but they are dancing to decent samba music with a great Latin beat. Flavia's choreography has been good this series and this is another example, packed with content and risky moves like Matt kicking his leg over Flavia's head and holding her just off the floor with one hand. Don't drop her! As we learned on It Takes Two, it could break her neck. It's okay, though, it doesn't.
Bruce goes to Arlene first to make sure she's feeling alright. She certainly is - "The Ramps returns! It was hot, hot, hot! You sizzled like sausages on a barbecue!" Len simply states that it was "absolutely fantastic". Bruno enthuses, "You're bringing sexy back! You're the Spice Boy of the competition!" I think he might be confused. Bruce observes that Craig is "smiling and looks satisfied", and Craig is all like, "OMG, I am tOtAlLy LUVin ur wOrK!!!!111!!!1! It was brilliant!" Backstage, Tess calls Matt a "sexy beast". The scores are good: 9s from Craig and Len (although, again, what could they have done better to deserve 10s?) and 10s from Arlene and Bruno, for a total of 38.
The final couple is Alesha and Matthew. Last week, Alesha was "the belle of the ball" and they got two 10s. Alesha had "a brilliant time", but now she feels the pressure to be great every time she and Matthew are "stepping out". Hee! In rehearsals, Matthew says she has to "feel the cha-cha-cha flowing through your veins". Alesha wants to prove that she can do Latin as well as ballroom, because she gets too excited and her technique suffers. Control is the "cha-cha-challenge". Alesha is fabulous. She's wearing the scantiest dress this week as well. They're dancing to Beyonce's 'Crazy In Love', which is a bit of an odd choice because you can't really feel the cha-cha-cha beat, but it's a great routine, even though putting the sort-of-splits in at the end just emphasises that Alesha doesn't have the flexibility to actually do the splits (unlike Gabby, who is
Head Judge Len says it was Alesha's best dance. Bruno camps it up - "My pulse is racing! My heart is beating! It's DIVA TIME!" Craig describes it as "totally amazing. You are FAB-YU-LUSS." Arlene comes up with the rather unflattering metaphor, "This is a two-horse competition and you're one of them." Bruce reckons there might be more 10s on the cards. Do ya think? There's not much time for backstage banter. The scores are in: 9 from Craig, 10s from all the other judges (and a punch into the air from Bruno - drink!), for a nearly perfect total of 39, the highest score of the series so far. [And for what it's worth, I think that score was too high. I love Alesha to bits, obviously, and it was a brilliant routine to watch, but I'm not sure it had the technical perfection to deserve three 10s. And now I'm worried that this will trigger the as-yet-unrealised Alesha backlash. Sigh. - Steve]
The show is drawing to a close, but there's just time for a final look at the leaderboard. Obviously Alesha and Matthew are at the top, closely followed by Matt and Flavia, while John and Nicole are languishing at the bottom with 27, along with Kelly and Brendan, who have 29. Kenny and Ola have finished triumphantly third from bottom. There's a bit of a tradition of bad dancers getting voted off the week they give their best performance though, so anything could happen in the results show tomorrow.
Also in the results show, the couples will be performing a group Charleston, the Sugababes will be performing, and the professionals will be treating us to a Dirty Dancing medley. Yayz! Steve will be here to guide you through the mayhem of the WEEK 8 results!
Monday, 19 November 2007
This week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...
- Often, radio mics go inside bra cups.
- Anton is still quite cross about the way the judges treated Kate. Carrie loves Anton.
- When Claudia asked Kate if she ever fantasised about not appearing on a Monday It Takes Two, Anton interrupted and said, "Fantasise? Yes, often, but that's another show altogether." Kate and Anton lounged on the couch holding hands and cuddling, until the end of the interview when he leapt on her again. AHAHAHAHAH!
- Len thinks the judges' job is to encourage, not criticise, and sent his love to Kate and Anton. He likened the weaker contestants to water buffalo.
- Anton is not supporting anybody now.
- Arlene will miss Kate's smile. She made no mention of Kate's dancing, surprisingly enough.
- Craig did not think Alesha and Matthew's waltz was worthy of a 10 because of a moment where Alesha started moving before Matthew did.
- Matt di Angelo is very grumpy on Mondays, and has now started wearing t-shirts to prove it.
- There is a LOVE TRIANGLE between Arlene, Matt and Gethin.
- Flavia is genuinely appalled that Matt has not seen Dirty Dancing.
- Carrie kind of wants Karen to be on the judging panel, because she speaks sense. Except for when she said, entirely seriously, "John and Nicole have what we in dance call 'a height difference'."
- Letitia Dean is ridiculously hard on herself. (In fairness, we could've guessed that, but all the same: Dear God woman, give yourself a chance!)
- In terms of physical fitness, James is better than Brendan and Vincent. Brendan won at running (and James runs like a girl) and rowing, James won at cycling and reactions, and Vincent didn't appear to win at anything. Apparently this was because he was letting them win.
- Gabby wants Kenny to win, Penny wants Alesha to win, and Stephanie wants Matt. And Gethin. Er, to win, I mean.
- Kenny does a hilarious impression of Gabby. "James! That wasn't good enough! Do it again! James! No, go back there and start again! James!" Hee hee hee. Gabby pretended she was amused by it, but it was a smile through gritted teeth.
- Darren bribes Letitia with cash to dance well.
- Head Judge Len gave his half-term report, and the grades were as follows: Alesha: A+, Kelly: A, Gethin: A, Matt: A-, Letitia B+, Kenny: B, John: B-.
- Kenny was so convinced he would be in the dance-off this week, he didn't even hear his name called out. Ola only registered that they were through when Gabby leapt to her feet and started clapping.
- Kenny would like to be in a show called Strictly Come Lifting.
- Alesha was on Thursday It Takes Two, with Matthew, her mum Beverley, and HER DOG ROXIE. Alesha is awesome.
- Alesha likes to cha-cha-cha. It is a challenge, a cha-cha-cha-challenge.
- AAAAAAARGH BARROWMAN ALERT!!!!!11111!!1oMGZ?! He says that sometimes Len does not make sense. He also suggested that Gethin would benefit from hip-moving classes with him. And Claudia.
- On Friday, Gethin called Claudia "snuggles".
- Kelly and Brendan have only trained for seven hours this week. Gasp! Brendan said that he and Karen don't get on, and Kelly isn't going to worry about her comments. AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH FOUR POOFS AND A PIANO!!!!!!111111111111111!!?!12 sang Happy Birthday to her.
- Len gave Claudia a medal for being the Saturday Night Fever Queen of the Ballroom. Whatever that might be.
- Ben Shepherd was on the panel on Friday. He has showered with John.
- Anton is still quite cross about the way the judges treated Kate. Carrie loves Anton.
- When Claudia asked Kate if she ever fantasised about not appearing on a Monday It Takes Two, Anton interrupted and said, "Fantasise? Yes, often, but that's another show altogether." Kate and Anton lounged on the couch holding hands and cuddling, until the end of the interview when he leapt on her again. AHAHAHAHAH!
- Len thinks the judges' job is to encourage, not criticise, and sent his love to Kate and Anton. He likened the weaker contestants to water buffalo.
- Anton is not supporting anybody now.
- Arlene will miss Kate's smile. She made no mention of Kate's dancing, surprisingly enough.
- Craig did not think Alesha and Matthew's waltz was worthy of a 10 because of a moment where Alesha started moving before Matthew did.
- Matt di Angelo is very grumpy on Mondays, and has now started wearing t-shirts to prove it.
- There is a LOVE TRIANGLE between Arlene, Matt and Gethin.
- Flavia is genuinely appalled that Matt has not seen Dirty Dancing.
- Carrie kind of wants Karen to be on the judging panel, because she speaks sense. Except for when she said, entirely seriously, "John and Nicole have what we in dance call 'a height difference'."
- Letitia Dean is ridiculously hard on herself. (In fairness, we could've guessed that, but all the same: Dear God woman, give yourself a chance!)
- In terms of physical fitness, James is better than Brendan and Vincent. Brendan won at running (and James runs like a girl) and rowing, James won at cycling and reactions, and Vincent didn't appear to win at anything. Apparently this was because he was letting them win.
- Gabby wants Kenny to win, Penny wants Alesha to win, and Stephanie wants Matt. And Gethin. Er, to win, I mean.
- Kenny does a hilarious impression of Gabby. "James! That wasn't good enough! Do it again! James! No, go back there and start again! James!" Hee hee hee. Gabby pretended she was amused by it, but it was a smile through gritted teeth.
- Darren bribes Letitia with cash to dance well.
- Head Judge Len gave his half-term report, and the grades were as follows: Alesha: A+, Kelly: A, Gethin: A, Matt: A-, Letitia B+, Kenny: B, John: B-.
- Kenny was so convinced he would be in the dance-off this week, he didn't even hear his name called out. Ola only registered that they were through when Gabby leapt to her feet and started clapping.
- Kenny would like to be in a show called Strictly Come Lifting.
- Alesha was on Thursday It Takes Two, with Matthew, her mum Beverley, and HER DOG ROXIE. Alesha is awesome.
- Alesha likes to cha-cha-cha. It is a challenge, a cha-cha-cha-challenge.
- AAAAAAARGH BARROWMAN ALERT!!!!!11111!!1oMGZ?! He says that sometimes Len does not make sense. He also suggested that Gethin would benefit from hip-moving classes with him. And Claudia.
- On Friday, Gethin called Claudia "snuggles".
- Kelly and Brendan have only trained for seven hours this week. Gasp! Brendan said that he and Karen don't get on, and Kelly isn't going to worry about her comments. AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH FOUR POOFS AND A PIANO!!!!!!111111111111111!!?!12 sang Happy Birthday to her.
- Len gave Claudia a medal for being the Saturday Night Fever Queen of the Ballroom. Whatever that might be.
- Ben Shepherd was on the panel on Friday. He has showered with John.
Sunday, 18 November 2007
What Katy did
Our eight remaining couples have battled it out on the dancefloor! Some elated the judges! Others deflated them! Now, one couple must LEAVE THE COMPETITION FOR GOOD! Cue titles!
We're not live from London, obviously, and the celebrities and their partners take to the floor, followed by Bruce and Tess. Tess is wearing a black dress with a silver sash, making it look like she's won some sort of beauty pageant prior to coming to the studio. [But: best she's looked in weeks, if you ask me. I think somebody bought a round of drinks for the wardrobe department between shows, eh Tess? - Steve]
It's nice to see us, to see us nice, and Bruce begins to witter about football, apologising to Kenny about the Scotland result, and inviting the audience to cheer for the lifeline thrown to England by the Israel-Russia result, and setting up an unfunny joke with John Barnes. [What is this "foot-ball" of which you speak? Is there dancing in it? - Steve] Tess tries to get the show back on track, and is called "matron" by Bruce, indicating that the rest of the week, he spends his time in a nursing establishment receiving the specialist care he really needs.
We recap last night's performances. Kate and Anton were bottom of the leaderboard, and Arlene used incomprehensible metaphors, while Len relived his childhood, and Anton was angry. Kate's horrible husband appears to have had a haircut. Kenny and Ola were just as bad, but as Kenny has a Y-chromosome and is a sportsman, he got more marks. Kenny talks, I've no idea what he says. Bruno says that Kenny makes him smile, and though he isn't very good, you want to see him back anyway. Bruno, I hope you're not forgetting that this IS A DANCE COMPETITION. John and Nicole failed to capitalise on John's Natural Sense Of Rhythm, but he hopes that he will get the ballroom sorted out soon. Now there's an idea. Gethin and Camilla were caught midtable, and Stephanie Beacham is angry with the judges' comments. She also says, "I want him as my son-in-law so badly." Heh. [I didn't know she was Matt's mum. - Steve] Matt and Flavia pleased the judges with their complex choreography. Flavia is proud of Matt. Drink! Letitia, WHO IS 40, was reborn to the ballroom with her stylish routine with Darren. She shares her tips on improving her posture - to stand like a meerkat. Kelly and Brendan were PINK AND SPARKLEEEEE YAAAAAAAAAAAY in their jive. Kelly's friends have flown in from America to support her. Alesha and Matthew were best, hooray! After receiving two tens, Alesha goes backstage to dance round Matthew, and then breaks into an impromptu rendition of Rewind ("We're lovin' it, lovin' it, lovin' it, we're lovin' it like thiiiiiiis"). Hee!
Bruce welcomes back the judges and tells them he appreciates the difficult decisions they have to make. That's what they're bloody paid for, idiot. Len likes Kelly and Alesha best, but that's not a great surprise, the dirty old man. Arlene gave her first ten of the series after watching "a hip-hop queen turn into the belle of the ball". [Were Mis-Teeq hip-hop? I thought they were R'n'B. Or possibly pop. - Georgi] She explains that what makes the difference between a nine and a ten is the emotional reaction to it.
The professional dancers perform a group foxtrot, starting off with James and Ola (WHO ARE MARRIED), Darren and Lilia (WHO ARE MARRIED) and Matthew and Nicole (WHO WERE ONCE MARRIED BUT ARE NOT ANY MORE), before the others join them. Anyway, it's all very lovely, finishing with Karen sitting on Craig's lap and kissing him vigorously, so well done all.
In the House of Tesstosterone, Alesha and Kenny are bickering between themselves in an affectionate fashion, so Tess decides to give up talking to them and turns to Kate instead. Kate knows that if she's in the dance-off, she'll be out of here, and she seems fairly resigned to that. Poor Kate. [At this stage, surely it's putting her out of her misery? It can't be any fun dancing when you're injured all the time. That would be a real sympathy vote. - Georgi]
This week! On It Takes Two! John Barrowman! [Jesus Christ. - Steve][No, Captain Jack - but he does seem to get resurrected more often than the Messiah. - Georgi] Head Judge Len's half-term report! The male professional dancers go to the University of East London to prove their fitness.
Jenny Powell and June Brown love Letitia. Viv off Emmerdale loves Alesha, as does Gloria Hunniford. Stirling Moss and Sally Gunnell like Kelly. Some man from BBC Sport slags off Kate for not pulling out of the competition. Gabby Logan is oddly old-fashioned and cute, saying that Gethin did very well to dance with any kind of romance with Camilla, because they are not married. [I love that she called it a "blinkin' great effort". I wasn't a fan of her on the show, but I'd be happy to watch Gabby the Dance Pundit every week. - Steve]
Bruce announces that we have a treat in store - the number one Latin couple in the world. I can't spell their names, but I can inform you that the lady is petite with cropped blonde hair and an odd dress, which transmogrifies in a Bucks Fizz moment to become a leotard, then again into a tasselly salsa dress. The gentleman is in black trousers and an open white shirt throughout, which is very unadventurous of him. Anyway, it's all very good.
It's time to garner Craig's opinions on last night's performances. He admires Kate and Kenny's courage, but urges us to remember that it is A DANCE COMPETITION. Bruno agrees with Craig, and says that Kelly and Alesha are jewels, with Matt barking at their heels, complete with barking dog hand gestures.
But! Before the results, we get to see West End Leading Man LEE MEAD, who is SINGING PAINT IT BLACK, all the better to please Georgi [if she was watching - Georgi]. [And to fill Steve with rage. - Steve] Ian and Matt strut on doing their caping, and Nicole and Camilla join them and paso doble all over the place, doing partner-swapping and everything, and it turns into a weird jive at the end for some reason. West End Leading Man Lee Mead claps the dancers. Bless his heart. [And HA, I knew they would paso to it. /smug - Georgi]
Ooh, results. I'm actually nervous. It's not even like this is live, and I still get a stomach-flip and butterflies. The moment of truth - dancing again next week will be: Alesha and Matthew (of course); Kelly and Brendan (of course); Gethin and Camilla (hooray!); Letitia and Darren (who are on the Strictly live tour, lest we forget); Matt and Flavia; Kenny and Ola. For FUCK'S SAKE. Bad Scotland.
So it's Kate and Anton versus John and Nicole in the dance-off, and I think we all know what way this is going to go. John and Nicole go first, Kate and Anton are second, and it's all much like it was "last" "night", except with added aggression from Angry Anton [Grrrr! Hee! - Georgi]. As they await the judges' decision, Anton has his arm firmly round Kate's shoulder, and she's clinging on to his hand. Aw.
Craig says he has a responsibility to choose the best dancer, and saves John and Nicole. Arlene saves John and Nicole. Anton whispers to Kate, and kisses her hair. Bruno says both couples upped the ante, and saves John. Everyone hugs. Kate looks relieved. Len says that he too would have saved John and Nicole. Kate thanks Anton and gives him a cuddle, announcing that everyone is great and that she would like to thank everyone who voted for her, because she's had a good run and she's really enjoyed herself. Which: good work, Kate. Dignified and classy and self-effacing. Yes, she was the worst dancer from week one, but she knows it. [Absolutely - I thought that was one hell of a classy exit. Good for her. - Steve] They have their last dance, and Anton picks her up and whirls her around. The camera cuts to Kate's horrible husband. TAKE THAT! AHAHAHA!
Right, if we're genuinely voting in a dance contest now, Great British Public, Kenny to go next week, yes? Join us again next Saturday!
We're not live from London, obviously, and the celebrities and their partners take to the floor, followed by Bruce and Tess. Tess is wearing a black dress with a silver sash, making it look like she's won some sort of beauty pageant prior to coming to the studio. [But: best she's looked in weeks, if you ask me. I think somebody bought a round of drinks for the wardrobe department between shows, eh Tess? - Steve]
It's nice to see us, to see us nice, and Bruce begins to witter about football, apologising to Kenny about the Scotland result, and inviting the audience to cheer for the lifeline thrown to England by the Israel-Russia result, and setting up an unfunny joke with John Barnes. [What is this "foot-ball" of which you speak? Is there dancing in it? - Steve] Tess tries to get the show back on track, and is called "matron" by Bruce, indicating that the rest of the week, he spends his time in a nursing establishment receiving the specialist care he really needs.
We recap last night's performances. Kate and Anton were bottom of the leaderboard, and Arlene used incomprehensible metaphors, while Len relived his childhood, and Anton was angry. Kate's horrible husband appears to have had a haircut. Kenny and Ola were just as bad, but as Kenny has a Y-chromosome and is a sportsman, he got more marks. Kenny talks, I've no idea what he says. Bruno says that Kenny makes him smile, and though he isn't very good, you want to see him back anyway. Bruno, I hope you're not forgetting that this IS A DANCE COMPETITION. John and Nicole failed to capitalise on John's Natural Sense Of Rhythm, but he hopes that he will get the ballroom sorted out soon. Now there's an idea. Gethin and Camilla were caught midtable, and Stephanie Beacham is angry with the judges' comments. She also says, "I want him as my son-in-law so badly." Heh. [I didn't know she was Matt's mum. - Steve] Matt and Flavia pleased the judges with their complex choreography. Flavia is proud of Matt. Drink! Letitia, WHO IS 40, was reborn to the ballroom with her stylish routine with Darren. She shares her tips on improving her posture - to stand like a meerkat. Kelly and Brendan were PINK AND SPARKLEEEEE YAAAAAAAAAAAY in their jive. Kelly's friends have flown in from America to support her. Alesha and Matthew were best, hooray! After receiving two tens, Alesha goes backstage to dance round Matthew, and then breaks into an impromptu rendition of Rewind ("We're lovin' it, lovin' it, lovin' it, we're lovin' it like thiiiiiiis"). Hee!
Bruce welcomes back the judges and tells them he appreciates the difficult decisions they have to make. That's what they're bloody paid for, idiot. Len likes Kelly and Alesha best, but that's not a great surprise, the dirty old man. Arlene gave her first ten of the series after watching "a hip-hop queen turn into the belle of the ball". [Were Mis-Teeq hip-hop? I thought they were R'n'B. Or possibly pop. - Georgi] She explains that what makes the difference between a nine and a ten is the emotional reaction to it.
The professional dancers perform a group foxtrot, starting off with James and Ola (WHO ARE MARRIED), Darren and Lilia (WHO ARE MARRIED) and Matthew and Nicole (WHO WERE ONCE MARRIED BUT ARE NOT ANY MORE), before the others join them. Anyway, it's all very lovely, finishing with Karen sitting on Craig's lap and kissing him vigorously, so well done all.
In the House of Tesstosterone, Alesha and Kenny are bickering between themselves in an affectionate fashion, so Tess decides to give up talking to them and turns to Kate instead. Kate knows that if she's in the dance-off, she'll be out of here, and she seems fairly resigned to that. Poor Kate. [At this stage, surely it's putting her out of her misery? It can't be any fun dancing when you're injured all the time. That would be a real sympathy vote. - Georgi]
This week! On It Takes Two! John Barrowman! [Jesus Christ. - Steve][No, Captain Jack - but he does seem to get resurrected more often than the Messiah. - Georgi] Head Judge Len's half-term report! The male professional dancers go to the University of East London to prove their fitness.
Jenny Powell and June Brown love Letitia. Viv off Emmerdale loves Alesha, as does Gloria Hunniford. Stirling Moss and Sally Gunnell like Kelly. Some man from BBC Sport slags off Kate for not pulling out of the competition. Gabby Logan is oddly old-fashioned and cute, saying that Gethin did very well to dance with any kind of romance with Camilla, because they are not married. [I love that she called it a "blinkin' great effort". I wasn't a fan of her on the show, but I'd be happy to watch Gabby the Dance Pundit every week. - Steve]
Bruce announces that we have a treat in store - the number one Latin couple in the world. I can't spell their names, but I can inform you that the lady is petite with cropped blonde hair and an odd dress, which transmogrifies in a Bucks Fizz moment to become a leotard, then again into a tasselly salsa dress. The gentleman is in black trousers and an open white shirt throughout, which is very unadventurous of him. Anyway, it's all very good.
It's time to garner Craig's opinions on last night's performances. He admires Kate and Kenny's courage, but urges us to remember that it is A DANCE COMPETITION. Bruno agrees with Craig, and says that Kelly and Alesha are jewels, with Matt barking at their heels, complete with barking dog hand gestures.
But! Before the results, we get to see West End Leading Man LEE MEAD, who is SINGING PAINT IT BLACK, all the better to please Georgi [if she was watching - Georgi]. [And to fill Steve with rage. - Steve] Ian and Matt strut on doing their caping, and Nicole and Camilla join them and paso doble all over the place, doing partner-swapping and everything, and it turns into a weird jive at the end for some reason. West End Leading Man Lee Mead claps the dancers. Bless his heart. [And HA, I knew they would paso to it. /smug - Georgi]
Ooh, results. I'm actually nervous. It's not even like this is live, and I still get a stomach-flip and butterflies. The moment of truth - dancing again next week will be: Alesha and Matthew (of course); Kelly and Brendan (of course); Gethin and Camilla (hooray!); Letitia and Darren (who are on the Strictly live tour, lest we forget); Matt and Flavia; Kenny and Ola. For FUCK'S SAKE. Bad Scotland.
So it's Kate and Anton versus John and Nicole in the dance-off, and I think we all know what way this is going to go. John and Nicole go first, Kate and Anton are second, and it's all much like it was "last" "night", except with added aggression from Angry Anton [Grrrr! Hee! - Georgi]. As they await the judges' decision, Anton has his arm firmly round Kate's shoulder, and she's clinging on to his hand. Aw.
Craig says he has a responsibility to choose the best dancer, and saves John and Nicole. Arlene saves John and Nicole. Anton whispers to Kate, and kisses her hair. Bruno says both couples upped the ante, and saves John. Everyone hugs. Kate looks relieved. Len says that he too would have saved John and Nicole. Kate thanks Anton and gives him a cuddle, announcing that everyone is great and that she would like to thank everyone who voted for her, because she's had a good run and she's really enjoyed herself. Which: good work, Kate. Dignified and classy and self-effacing. Yes, she was the worst dancer from week one, but she knows it. [Absolutely - I thought that was one hell of a classy exit. Good for her. - Steve] They have their last dance, and Anton picks her up and whirls her around. The camera cuts to Kate's horrible husband. TAKE THAT! AHAHAHA!
Right, if we're genuinely voting in a dance contest now, Great British Public, Kenny to go next week, yes? Join us again next Saturday!
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