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Week 5: Top 12 Perform - 20 October 2018

Last week! A thoroughly mediocre set of dances! Stacey and Kevin finished top, whilst Katie and Gorka left! We learned that no-one is voting for Charles and Karen! “That” Seann and Katya incident! And Steve clutched his pearls at my using innuendo as a means of keeping myself entertained whilst slogging through that bilge!

We open with a dizzying montage of the celebs all rotating round each other talking about how much they want to stay and it makes me feel a bit ill, and reminds me why they should never broadcast this show in 4DX! Cue titles! Anton clutching Susannah’s leg in the least unsexy manner imaginable is always a highlight of my Saturday.

Tess and Claudia enter – Tess in a nice white jumpsuit and Claudia in a sparkly black dress. Tess’s jumpsuit looks a little unflattering round the midriff but overall these aren’t too bad. The judges enter, Shirley in a dress that appears to be made of the same fabric as Claudia’s, so the designers must have had a job lot; Darcey in a demure green; Craig in a black suit and Special Guest Judge Alfonso Ribeiro salsas on in a velvet red suit because Bruno is having another mid-series holiday.

The couples arrive: Charles and Karen; Faye and Giovanni; Seann and Katya; Stacey and Kevin; Dr Ranj and Janette; Lauren and AJ; Joe and Dianne; Kate and Aljaž; Graeme and Oti; Vick and Graziano; Danny and Amy; Ashley and Pasha and oh boy are there some crazy outfits and hairdos going on tonight. For those keeping tabs on the theme tune dancing, Lauren has gone beyond any attempt at being arsed and Ashley only remembers at the very end.

We then get a Very Special Introduction to Very Special Guest Judge Alfonso, including a reminder that he won Dancing With the Stars (series 19! At this point they must be signing up people’s housekeepers. I mean Strictly is only on series 16 and it’s already resorting to Susannah Constantine and Vick Hope). Tess doesn’t mention the past horrors of importing judges from that show, but Alfonso says (or, rather, shouts – his voice makes Bruno look quiet) that he’s ‘a glass half-full person’ and is looking for people having fun, so there’s a chance we’ll get some Donny 10s.

Ranj and Janette are first, and in their VT, Ranj says he thinks he is a ‘Latin boy’. I’m going to state right now that I am officially over contestants being declared as Latin/Ballroom boys/girls. This is especially annoying with Vick but they’re all at it. We also learn that Ranj is in a choir, The Adam Street Singers.  His choir turn up to surprise him at rehearsals, singing ‘Wouldn’t it Be Nice’, the song choice for this week’s routine. Then Janette sings along and ruins it which isn’t the first time she’s had a good thing going only to fuck it up part way through, amirite?

They’re dancing a foxtrot-based American Smooth with a 50s/60s beach theme – he in pastel braces and short trousers, she in red polka dots and a swishy pink skirt because costume are still working through their big book of mid 20th century design as per last week. It’s actually quite sweet as a routine; he may not always have very clean finishing in his movements, but he has a real knack for performance, and his timing is good. 

We quickly welcome the singers (Hayley, Jamie, Andrea, Tommy), Dave Arch and the orchestra.  Shirley declares it a sunny way to start the show and says she can see him starting to become comfortable in frame and improving his footwork. Alfonso does a perfect Bruno impression, standing, gesticulating and calling him wonderful - which I'll laugh at if he only does it this once -then says Ranj really delivered. Craig says it was a bit clumpy in hold but overall he loved the routine. Darcey says his core is strengthening (DRINK) but he does need to watch his transitions in and out of hold.

In the Clauditorium, we learn that Ranj has been tired and is still looking for a second ab. Scores: 5, 6, 7, 7 for a total of 25, which… seems lower than those comments suggested.

And now for our weekly terms and conditions slot in which we get our third former EastEnder in a row – Anita Dobson. Which puts paid to the theory about this being a way of previewing potential new contestants unless we’ve run out of celebrities and are resorting to recycling them. She reads the Ts&Cs out in her best RP newsreader voice, and no-one quite seems to know how to deal with it being taken seriously.

AJ and Lauren are in the death slot with our first couple’s choice of the series: contemporary dance.  Darcey is asked what it’s about – and, shock! It’s about everything coming from the core. And also fluid, continuous movement with supple-ness and emotion.

In the VT, Lauren says she struggles with emotion, which the dance requires. However, we don’t get an acting coach, instead, we have her emotional life story – her family supporting her through her life and career and inspiring her not to let her disability define her life, which is very sweet. AJ and Lauren go to meet her family in ‘Central Park’ - and to think we said it was extravagant that time they flew Kevin and Louise to Paris for a VT. 

They’re dancing to ‘Running’ and it will come as no surprise, I’m sure, that the routine opens with dry ice, blue lighting and big ceiling hankies. It quickly becomes apparent why this hasn’t been given a great slot in the running order. The dance really doesn’t suit Lauren – which isn’t helped by her costume, an odd blurple tunic affair with a glittery leotard underneath that ends up shaped like a bit of a loincloth – and with her movements being oddly hunched and clumpy, it gives the effect of her doing the haka. AJ at least looks more the part in the classic open white shirt and tight trousers male pros usually get to wear for contempowaft on this show. The routine is full of lifts, some executed more successfully than others (there’s one where she rolls back onto his head and he lifts her up which is pretty impressive just for the physics-defying nature of it), and overall it just looks angular and uncomfortable rather than soft and lyrical. She then goes to hug her family in the audience which is quite nice, I guess.

We learn that Alfonso performed a contemporary routine on DWTS and got a perfect score for it, presumably for not crashing into the singer and violinists who took up half the dance floor, because it only had about three steps in the whole thing. [Three steps? Wow, that's the longest routine in Dancing With The Stars history! - Steve] He says he was pleased Lauren had this dance because she has an emotional story to tell, but neglects to comment on the dancing itself. Craig says it felt like a set of still, unconnected pictures rather than a full, flowing routine, but he thought she was really brave with all the lifts. Darcey praises her strength and control but says it needs to breathe more and have a smoother quality. Shirley says she loved her flexed feet, and thought Lauren delved deep today into the emotion although she agrees with Craig about it lacking fluidity. AJ says there were about 12 lifts in the dance, although it seemed like more, to be honest. Scores: 4, 6, 7, 7 (LOLWUT) for a total of 24.

Graeme and Oti are the third couple of the show, and his eyeliner looks about as convincing as Pasha’s did last week. Their VT features his 3 adorable kids (for it seems to be ‘get the families involved’ week) begging Oti to come over, and if someone is ever casting for a child version of Glasses Kevin, they could do a lot worse than Graeme’s son.

Their tango is to ‘Roxanne’, which is not exactly an exciting choice given it turns up every other year or so. They’re wearing black and red, which is just confusing, for they are surely the colours of paso doble? It’s a standard mid-table tango – traditional rose-in-mouth, traditional use of ‘Roxanne’, traditional mean’n’moody lighting – it’s solid whilst not flashy. You can see him really trying with the technique - keeping his knees bent and trying to focus – although the effort is sometimes written on his face too obviously. 

Craig says he could really see that he’d been working on technique, although it lacked passion. Darcey agrees and says he also needs to watch his head which moves a little too much.  Shirley says she disagrees and thinks the ‘international’ tango doesn’t need to have emotion. Alfonso babbles on about ‘goals’ in the manner of someone who thinks all these English sports are the same, but I think he liked it. Graeme then runs onto the dance floor to grab the decapitated head of the rose and shoves it in Tess’s mitts before planting a kiss on her, which freaks her out, and I bet he was on a dare to do that as revenge for all the times she gets ‘the claw’ out. Scores: 6, 7, 8, 8 for a total of 29.

Ashley and Pasha now, and their VT features some fairly ropey looking training footage and Ashley pronouncing Pasha as Par-shah [question that occurred to me this week: since she pronounces his name "Par-sha", why doesn't she pronounce her own name "Arsh-ley"? - Steve], but other than that, it’s hard work, she’s a bit nervous, there’s nothing happening here that’s in any way interesting, unless you count Faye cheering her on in training with a ‘better not beat my rumba score bitch’ glint in her eye.

They are dancing to ‘Something About the Way You Look Tonight’, ie the song they used to have to play on Top of the Pops when Elton John decided not to sully the purity of his quickly knocked-off Candle in the Wind reboot. Clearly he was Aliona and Jay’s inspiration for not reliving that jive in the series 13 final. And it’s fine – it doesn’t have much in the way of gimmicks (sparkly navy blue outfits that are relatively tasteful, no dry ice or props) unless you count Pasha spinning Ashley round like a wooden top. The movements flow together pretty well although Ashley’s posture is a bit stiff at times.  But Ashley’s performance seems to be focused on ‘let’s show you I can dance this’ rather than any kind of emotional connection with Pasha (she doesn’t even look at him at any point), so it all feels a bit competent but tame.

Darcey praises the extension and resistance in Ashley’s movement, but notes that sometimes there are jerky elements she needs to watch. [Seann Walsh? - Steve] Shirley praises the technique, the hip action and the spins and says Darcey is right in the sliding door action but it was mostly really polished. Alfonso loved the changes in tempo, whilst Craig declares it uh-may-zing. Claudia says Ashley is a weirdo for wanting to do the rumba and Ashley growls about hip action. Scores: 9, 9, 9, 9 for a total of 36.

Seann and Katya are next, and their VT tells us that Seann is playing a busker this week and therefore needs to learn to play guitar, so to teach him they bring in… Graeme and Oti? Anyway, it turns out Graeme doesn’t have any mad skillz to impart, so this may just have been chaperoning under another guise. The rest of the VT features Seann moaning about using a prop and also he’s over this show now, he has no shits left to give, vote him out, see if he cares.

Following a sex-free pizza Charleston, then, we have a sex-free quickstep to ‘Lightning Bolt’, which does not sound good, sorry new boy Jamie. It also doesn’t look especially good – Seann is struggling to keep his balance, there’s a bit where they sit on the floor and struggle to get up again, and the timing is all over the place. Still, Seann’s hair is tied up so maybe Shirley will like that.

Shirley points out that there were loads of issues with technique, many mistakes, but the dicking about with the guitar was OK. [Please don't say "dicking about" w/r/t this couple - Steve] Alfonso says he personally doesn’t really get the quickstep and was shit at it himself (and had a seriously messed-up song choice), so he sympathises, but you couldn’t miss the mistakes. Craig says it looked a state, but it was at least lively. Darcey says he gets over-excited and it just results in him being bouncy and uncontrolled. Scores: 5, 6, 6, 7 (TAKE THAT QUICKSTEP, ALFONSO’S GONNA OVERMARK A TRAINWRECK FOR REVENGE) for a total of 24.

Stacey and Kevin now, as she continues her journey towards being this series’ best non-ringer.  They’re apparently dancing to ‘Tequila’ and every time someone says they’re going to dance to that on this show I keep hoping they mean the Terrorvision one and yet they never do, the spoilsports. [Omg same - Steve]

Their samba is a full on camp extravaganza, all pink tassles and feathers, as if Kylie’s Showgirl era was a bit too subtle for Kevin’s taste [which it probably was - Steve]. It works because Stacey is absolutely game for this theme and has a personality loud enough to cope with it. She could let loose in her body a little more and appears a lot more comfortable out of hold than in it, but as Kevin Clifton Strictly Ballroom tributes go, it’s much more successful than that unholy mess he brought to the dancefloor last year.

Stacey declares how excited she is to be performing for ‘Charlton’ (Athletic, they’re all there, right on the back row where they hide all the men). [Like, I genuinely thought that's what she meant at first, it was only when people on Twitter started making fun of it that I realised she meant "Carlton". - Steve] Alfonso says she might top the leaderboard again tonight (she won’t) and compares her dance to painting the Mona Lisa. That painting famous for camp exuberance. Craig praises her party spirit, Darcey says it got a bit wild at times but it was still fantastic. Shirley says it was a great basic routine and Stacey’s face trying to work out if this is a compliment or not is quite a picture. But then Shirley stands up and says Stacey’s hips were going ‘boom boom’ which is probably a sign she loved it and if Bruno were here he would have absolutely turned that comment into a joke about ‘the last time hips went boom boom on this show Craig ended up in hospital’ and I kind of miss Bruno a bit.

Kevin escorts Stacey and her huge feathery fans up to the Clauditorium and Claudia mocks Stacey for looking like that when she didn’t even want to wear lipstick before she started on the show. Scores: 8, 7, 9, 9 for a total of 33. God I love it when Darcey goes a bit rogue and scores low for no particular reason and then gets booed for her trouble.

We are still at the stage in the series where we’ve got so many couples we need a mid-show leaderboard, so here it is:

1. Ashley and Pasha - 36

2. Stacey and Kevin - 33

3. Graeme and Oti - 29

4. Dr Ranj and Janette - 25

5=. Lauren and AJ - 24

5=. Seann and Katya - 24

Joe and Dianne now and they’re going to be doing a waltz, which hasn’t been seen round these parts for so long I was about to send a search party out to find it. In their VT, Joe is wearing some odd back support strap thing that’s all pastel purples and blues and therefore looks like a baby’s reins, as if this show wasn’t infantilising him enough. His sister Zoe turns up to training and the show is remarkably restrained in not going ‘aka the famous Zoella, she’s really famous she is’, in case you were wondering where she stands on the Brian May – Billy Connolly – Other Girls Alouds - Peter Crouch – JLS – Blue continuum of significant celebrity friends and family. She’s snuck in just below yellow JLS (Mewwy Christmas!) but above Antony Costa.

They’re dancing to ‘The Rainbow Connection’ and if you were hoping for Surprise! Muppet! Cameos! Then I’m afraid the closest you’re going to get is the fact that Dianne had Elmo skinned and his fur straightened to form her trademark hairdo. (Or is Elmo a Sesame Street?) [Elmo cannot be contained by any one show, more's the pity. - Steve] The theme of this dance is a bit undefined – Joe appears to be wearing the breeches and hat of the New York skyscraper builders from those Athena posters, but with a contemporary patterned blouse, cos that’s his Strictly signature outfit, and he happens to meet a glamorous Dianne on a log somewhere. His dancing is actually really good – I had thought the slow ballroom might not suit him but it looks like I was wrong. He doesn’t seem to be showing much emotion, but when does he ever?

Craig praises his dancing but says he wishes there had been more going on in Joe’s performance, Darcey says he was taking control of the dance and he had poise and elegance, although there was a little bit where they went out of sync. Shirley says the dance had innocence and vulnerability and she loved his footwork. Alfonso said he felt that there was a magical connection and he had an innocent smile which was ‘like Kermit the Frog’ and ‘small’. I’d say Kermit’s smile was the one big thing about him (so Miss Piggy tells me) [RAD - Steve] but I guess trying to make sense of an Alfonso critique is futile. In the Clauditorium, Claudia says she was watching his mum and nan and we learn that the waltz is both Joe’s nan and, somewhat randomly, Dianne’s, favourite dance. Scores: 6 (which gets a ‘what?’), 7, 8, 8 for a total of 30.

Vick and Graziano and the saga of is she a ballroom or Latin girl now, and Tess says ‘what better week for her to go home’ – YOU ALREADY KNOW SHE’S LEAVING? ARE YOU TELLING US THIS SHOW IS RIGGED TESS? #CALLOFCOM. Oops no, she meant they were going to visit Newcastle to see Vick’s home town (/city). They visit a park and a windy beach but there’s no sign of Byker Grove, Gazza, the cast of Geordie Shore, Newky brown or my ex-uni housemate John, and the ‘Tyne’ doesn’t have any fog on it, so are they really in Newcastle or is it just BBC lies? (Yes they “visit” the Angel of the North but any old fool can use photoshop) She says it’s a part of you and somewhere you’re proud of, but not so proud you keep the accent, eh Vick?

Their cha cha cha is to ‘More Than Friends’ i.e. that recent remix of En Vogue’s ‘Don’t Let Go’, and it’s not the easiest track to dance to, not that we can blame what’s going on here entirely on the track. This routine starts very badly, with Vick stumbling around trying to get her feet to work. She’s approaching Charlotte Hawkins levels of uncomfortable in places, as the pace and rhythm get the better of her; and at one point in the spins it looks like Graziano is giving her the Heimlich manoeuvre, although she does try to put energy into it even though she looks like that one friend who you know you should take home because they’ve had a few too many and they’re seconds away from telling everyone in the club how much they love them before throwing their shoe at a bouncer, getting kicked out and crying all the way home. In other words, it’s all just a bit awkward and leaves me wondering yet again why she was cast, as, whilst she’s OK in ballroom, she’s far from the ringer we were expecting. She seems lovely though, and I quite like the pink and yellow dress she’s wearing, though I appreciate this is the faintest of praise. The audience, however, whoop like crazy, so maybe it had more to it in the studio.

Darcey praises her conviction and the wildness of the routine, but says her technique needed a lot of work – she got straight legs some of the time but not consistently. Shirley says it took 16 bars before anything recognisable as cha cha, that she disagrees with Darcey and there were no straight legs; that they didn’t do anything at the start of the dance; the facial expressions didn’t match the movement (?) but at least she was giving it some welly ‘as Len would say’ but he’s a ‘beautiful girl’. Wow, that felt savage. Alfonso said she was having a great time, and if you were in a club you’d want to dance with her, but Shirley is correct about there being technical issues. Craig says it’s true that she had energy, but that didn’t stop it being a DAHNCE DISAHSTAH.

In the Clauditorium, Vick says she enjoyed it but she was nervous and Claudia reminds us that everyone hates the cha cha (or at least they have since last series). Scores: 4, 6, 4, 6 for a total of 20.

Still to come: Faye’s thighs are hurting and she’s finding it hard to go down. Ooo-err missus etc.

Kate and Aljaž are next, and we cue up their routine with Tess and Claud discussing their romantic Viennesse waltz, and them sending a love letter. Tess asks if it has kisses on the bottom and Claudia replies ‘no I think they just hold hands’, which: no to the idea of a chaste Kate, thanks, bring back the wanton sex goddess. Their VT involves Kate saying her sister told her she needs to find a character for this dance, Aljaž teaching her what a fleckerl is (it’s one of the few dance moves every viewer can confidently identify is what it is), Stacey and Kevin watching their rehearsal as Kate fucks up her ankle and Stacey saying it’s fine if you fluff rehearsals because it’ll make you do it right on the night – which is a well-known theatre superstition, so does Stacey have a secret stage background after all?

Anyway, this Viennesse Waltz is to a song called ‘Finally Mine’ that I don’t think I’ve heard before, and it’s the same ‘woman misses her military boyfriend and then he comes back / visits her in spirit how romantic’ storyline we get a variation of every year. Is this the poppy deployment button, meaning every person who appears on telly between now and a few days after Remembrance Sunday has to wear one at all times or they’re branded an enemy of the people? (God that never gets old, does it?) Given the theme, it’s very chaste and sweet rather than sexy – although I expect that is the opposite of what really happens when military personnel come home from duty – and at the end it’s all a dream and Kate hams up crying over her love letter which is the best bit honestly because Viennesse Waltz is the boringest. 

Shirley says she’s finally back and it got a bit lost with the faffing about at the desk, but there were some light and beautiful touches and her frame is getting better. Alfonso praises the elegance, Craig says he’s on the fence about it and feels it’s a bit mediocre when she has the potential to be exceptional. Darcey says there was a nice quality and sophisticated performance, but her back needs more feeling in it to create nicer shapes. Aljaž whoops his way up to the Clauditorium, we see Kate’s family in the audience and Kate says she’s had a wobbly week following the samba but she thought that was OK, and we learn that Susan Calman is a Kate stan. Scores: 6 (Silence), 6 (BOOOO), 6 (Also BOOO), 8 for a total of 26.

Amy and Danny are up next, dancing a jive, which Alfonso apparently scored 40 for when he was on a little known dancing show at some point. Like, doing a jive well isn’t really a big deal, I don’t think? This show has that many sacred jive routines in its catalogue that they’re selling them off at half price to be recreated by comedy contestants. 

Their routine is set on a 1940s-ish bi-plane [so we can't have same-sex couples but we can have bi-planes? Just keeping track - Steve], which is basically the theme of Kimberley Walsh’s Charleston, the thieves. Amy takes him to a field to stand on a plane and try to dance. Whilst it’s flying. And she watches him rather than being fool enough to try it herself. This is pretty much the most insane dedication to a VT storyline I’ve ever seen, so I’d be kind of inclined to give him a 9 or 10 for actually endangering his life in honour of dance.

And whilst they have a plane in the set for their dance, they don’t even dance on it – BBC Health and Safety might be OK with you standing on an actual plane in the air, but is never going to cover you titting about on a hastily-cobbled together bit of MDF, they still remember the teapot catastrophe from Changing Rooms thanks. However, this routine (to ‘Flip, Flop, Fly’) is probably the first time we see Danny really demonstrate his ability. I suspect jive is not that far removed from musical theatre in its steps, energy and rhythms, but that doesn’t detract from the fact that it’s a good’un. They incorporate ‘plane arms’ in a way that really works, and his kicks’n’flicks are great. There are a couple of places where he doesn’t seem to know what to do with his arms and his cheesy grin is a bit much for me, but at least we’re finally seeing something from this pairing that has some punch.

All the judges except Craig give him a standing ovation. Alfonso babbles on about Mother Earth being where the power comes from, which makes about as much sense as Bruno; Craig says it’s a dance for the final; Darcey calls it extraordinary and has an orgasm; Shirley says he ‘broke the seal’ which, coming off the back of Darcey’s O-noises, is either perfectly or terribly timed, you decide.  

Scores: 9, 10, 9, 9 for a total of 37 and if you were wondering if Darcey does the obnoxious standing up and bellowing ‘TEEEN’ thing she always does when she puts out for the first time, of course she does. Claudia reminds us that Amy left on a week 5 jive last year, and says she wonders how Danny’s kids will react to that. Danny says people are probably out on the streets celebrating. Calm down love, it’s a jive. Get a perfect score for a rumba and we might be talking.

Faye and Giovanni now. Faye tells Giovani they’re going to see the Northern Spire Bridge, in an episode sponsored by the North East tourist board. They closed the bridge for one whole second of them dancing on it, footage of which is obscured by a giant pillar. I bet motorists were REALLY chuffed with that situation. [This is honestly the most bizarre thing I've seen on this show, and you know I don't say that lightly. What was the point?! - Steve]

They’re dancing a foxtrot (is it just me, or does this series feel like an endless parade of foxtrots?) to ‘Just the Way You Are’ and it’s set in a forest with only one tree (so Sheffield, then). It’s quite a fast routine, with a lot of elements that feel more American Smooth than traditional foxtrot, including a lot of elements out of hold, but it’s well danced - not least because they have leaves falling all around them, which is surely a slip-up waiting to happen - and it’s very sweet and romantic in tone.

Craig says they hit each other’s legs in the first half, which I couldn’t really see, so maybe the cameras didn’t pick that up, but he thought they were gorgeous, and he umms and aahs about if he liked the part they danced out of hold before eventually deciding he did actually. Darcey praised the control; Shirley says she agrees with Craig and that Faye needed to be an inch or two to Giovanni’s side to make it work, and she thought the stride wasn’t quite strong enough, but it was elegant overall. Alfonso says you have to go where the music takes you and they had some fun with it, and despite a couple of issues, it was fantastic.

In the Clauditorium, we learn Faye had no nerves about this one, the CONFIDENT MONSTER. Scores: 8, 9, 8, 8 for a total of 33.

In the pimp slot? It’s Charles and Karen, which is quite the choice given the way their narrative has been going over the past couple of weeks. They’re both dressed in bright suits – he in a yellow suit they might have recycled from Ed Balls’ Mask samba, and Karen in a red version. I like bold colours but these are a bit of a stretch, taste-wise, even for me – partly because the suits are paired with ugly red hats. They’re dancing ‘street commercial’ which is a terrible name for what seems to be an amalgamation of various hip-hop and funk styles (and ‘music video’ as we learned last week) and the show clearly has much more faith in this couple’s choice than it did in Lauren and AJ’s. Their VT shows us Charles reminiscing on his past growing up in East London with a strict mum, unsupportive dad and lots of siblings. He also visits kids at the Grenfell Community Centre, so this is overall a bit of a do-over of Charles’s show personality up until this point.

They are dancing to ‘Get Up Offa That Thing’ and it soon becomes clear why this has been placed last in the running order. Whilst we don’t have a benchmark to compare it to in terms of what the show expects from this genre, it’s clearly well-danced, they’re both in sync, there’s lots of athletic jumping about over chairs and off tables, waving of hankies and splits. It’s very fast and very fun and easily his best dance so far, in what’s been a good night for the older male celebs.

Darcey says he has strong command of style, she loved the isolations of his hands and feet, and the control he had over the different elements. Shirley says it was a MAJOR breakthrough, it was suave, funky and fresh and it’s a huge comeback after being in the bottom two twice. Alfonso stands and gives his best Bruno ‘well what about that’, but he doesn't fall over, so either go full Bruno or stop, Alfonso. He says it reminds him of growing up and that the key technique for street dance is a good time, and Charles is now a contender to win. I mean… he probably isn’t, but we’ll let him have a moment. Craig says he was slightly late on the hanky – which gets a chorus of boos – but if Charles is in the dance-off again, he feels sorry for whoever ends up there with him.

There’s loads of cheering and screaming as they bound up to the Clauditorium and Charles says he did his dad proud. Scores: 9, 9, 9, 9 for a total of 36.  Karen collapses and shouts ‘I need chicken!’ [Because KAREN LIKE FOOD. - Steve] She thanks the choreographers and neither of them can breathe, so we cut to a leaderboard:

1. Danny and Amy - 37

2=. Ashley and Pasha - 36

2=. Charles and Karen - 36

4=. Stacey and Kevin - 33

4=. Faye and Giovanni - 33

6=. Graeme and Oti - 29

6=. Joe and Dianne - 29

8. Kate and Aljaz - 26

9. Dr Ranj and Janette - 25

10=. Lauren and AJ - 24

10=. Seann and Katya - 24

12. Vick and Graziano - 20

Yet again, we have a ton of ties there, making it hard to call who’ll be in the dance-off, but I can’t see Vick escaping it. [I never imagined Vick being bottom of the leaderboard this early in the proceedings, so at least this show can still surprise me. - Steve] I suspect Charles will be safe this week, but any number of other couples could be in danger. But before that, we'll have our annual visit from Paloma Faith and endless plugging for HALLOWEEN, so join me then to see how all that pans out.