Last night! One of
the most mediocre episodes in ages! No-one dared mention the ‘incident’! Kevin and Stacey got a 9 because something had to! Tonight! Another couple is going home, meaning next week’s performance show might
be five minutes shorter! Cue titles!
We begin with a pro dance in which all the female pros
smoulder in red leotards and black thigh boots, dancing a mixture of
miscellaneous sexy female pop video moves to ‘Hotter than Hell’, occasionally
partnering with the male pros, except AJ and Gorka who dick about on
scaffolding because for some reason this show has two more male pros than
female. That reason, presumably, being Jason Gilkison. It’s, you know, fine for a
random mid-series diversion from Latin and Ballroom, but your nan probably
tutted when she watched it whilst your grandad might have paid more attention
than he usually does. If any of you readers
are still young enough to have grandparents, that is. I also had to laugh that Katya was making
the most overt sex faces, so either this was a pre-record or she is straight up
trolling. [It can be two things, I guess? - Steve]
Tess and Claudia enter, and Claudia looks much better than
last night, in a navy dress with stars on.
Tess is in a sparkly blue dress that has an uncomfortable looking split
but looks OK from the waist up, so they both look better than during the
performances. Claudia thanks
the guest choreographer, and the judges come in, all also looking fairly well-turned
out.
Interminable recap of last night in which the following of
note happens: Stacey thinks the foxtrot is a ‘bleurgh’ dance and I’m sure there
are many who’ll agree with her; Kate was trying to hide before the show because
she didn’t want to do that dance and who can blame her; Danny pretends to be ‘over
the moon’ about his scores; Graeme’s mum thought he was brilliant, but his dad
remains silent; the couples singled out for criticism are Charles and Karen,
Katie and Gorka and Kate and Aljaž; Faye thinks getting an 8 from Bruno is
incredible sure hon; Stacey says getting a 9 makes her feel ‘like Faye out of
Steps’ which is the most I’ve liked her all series, keep that slight snark up. [I'm really starting to like Stacey now I've seen she's got a wry sense of humour. - Steve]
So here we are for our first set of safety announcements:
Vick and Graziano; Ranj and Janette; Stacey and Kevin; Ashley and Pasha all
live to dance another day… and they’re still dragging out the danger
announcements, so that’s it. Tess asks
Craig how couples stand out from the crowd and he suggests to take risks
because the audience vote makes up 50% and they liked Widdy and Sarge well
enough so if you chuck a gimmick in the plebs will probably lap it up. That would not have worked for you Lee Ryan,
obviously, put your personality right away.
In the Clauditorium we learned that Ashley has the rumba
next week and that’s the reason she wanted to do this show. I’m pretty sure the answer to that is
supposed to be ‘Charleston’, give Ashley a new pre-series questionnaire, she’s
filled it in wrong. We learn that Kevin
names all the days of the training week, and even has little songs for some of
them: Routine Monday; Principle Tuesday; Wisdom Wednesday; Thrash it Thursday;
Freak-out Friday; Showtime Saturday. And
Shameful Sunday if you’re Katya and Seann amirite? [Didn't Principal Tuesday run Sweet Valley High? - Steve]
Back with Tess and the music of delight and/or despair now,
and safe are: Graeme and Oti; Faye and Giovanni; Danny and Amy. The first couple in the dance-off? Charles and Karen. He doesn’t exactly look thrilled but manages
to bite his tongue this time. He tells
Tess he’s devastated but all they can do is convince the judges they should
stay. Darcey says she’s shocked they’re
here again (really? With that
leaderboard?) and is ‘very, very disappointed’, and tells him as he’s a large
man [fnar - Steve] he needs to really get softer in his knees and tighter in his feet to
achieve more.
Next week, Graeme is doing the Tango, but his daughter
Jessica doesn’t like his ballroom shoes so she keeps hiding them around the
house. Faye shares another of Luba’s old
wives tales – putting egg membrane over a blister, which sounds quite fiddly
and specific. Also, all these tales about
Luba are making her sound very intriguing, can we give her a celeb next year,
please? [Seconded. - Steve] Also, Danny likes to do
headstands, so he does one, going into the upside down splits then a full head
stand. His showdance is going to be
amazing if he ever puts enough effort into Latin and Ballroom to get to the
final.
Our Very Special Musical Guests of the evening are a
reformed Backstreet Boys, with a mixture of live vocal (a bit shaky) and lip
syncing to a medley of ‘Larger than Life’ and ‘I Want it That Way’. Nick is
still trying to get away with the hair of a man twenty years his junior. I don’t know the names of the others to
comment, I think there’s a Howie somewhere? [There's a Kevin and an AJ, I think...wait a minute, is this the Backstreet Boys or the Strictly pros? - Steve] They all look as middle-aged boybanders might look, except in clothes they're all too old for. And I say this as a woman approaching middle-age who still wears neons and My Little Pony prints (on her socks anyway) (LOL JK I totally have an MLP T-shirt somewhere). And then it ends… but of course that’s a big old fakeout and we get what
we all came here for: ‘Backstreet’s Back’. [Speak for yourself, I was here for 'The Call'. - Steve] And to be honest it’s a waste having them here tonight rather than in Halloween week
in full monster make-up. The pros don’t
get to dance with them, eiher, worraswizz.
In Dance Debrief, Claudia asks Craig what Charles can do to
get out of the loop of 25s. Craig says
he needs to let loose and show more personality, whilst Shirley’s face says ‘be
partnered with someone who hasn’t hurt my KevvyWevvy’. Also, Shirley’s someone who’s spent her life
working on technical fundamentals of dance so that’s why she lapped up Stacey’s
footwork. We also get a slow-mo recap of
all the problems with Graeme’s jive that still got three 7s and Bruno telling
us Vick has never danced before which I’m sure none of us believe, also Bruno
is off on another jolly next week and so we are getting a special guest judge, former DWTS winner, Fresh Prince star, and former I'm a Celebrity star who all the other celebrities
hated, Alfonso Ribeiro. Because guest
judges from DWTS always go down sooo well. If they need a guest judge then, you know, there’s a whole host of
people hanging around ITT all the time - Ian? Erin? Natalie? Joanne? Vincent? In fact, get Chloe back, she’ll tell it how
it is.
If that doesn’t sound terrible enough, next week is finally
the time when COUPLE’S CHOICE descends on us. We get a little trailer explaining it to us. Couples can choose one of three genres. Contempowaft; ‘Street and Commercial’ (‘urban’
dance, hip-hop, funk, breakdancing or “music videos” – what’s the betting Anton
and Susannah would have tried to recreate this were they still here? God, that
would have been PERFECT for Nancy, come to think of it); and ‘Theatre and Jazz’
(Danny John-Jules). Basically ‘whatever
the fuck you want’ or ‘showdance without the need for us to garland you with 9s'. Still, got to be better than fusion, I
suppose.
And now for the final set of results. Returning are: Seann and Katya (Seann looks
less than pleased at this, but you should have really aimed for 2s if you
wanted to bottom out, Seann); Lauren and AJ; Kate and Aljaž. Joe and Dianne are
our couple before the bottom two, not that it seems likely they’ll be in danger
– and, of course, they aren’t, it’s Katie and Gorka. Katie says of course she’s disappointed but
it’s fine and Gorka says there’s always an opportunity to go back to school, ya
see what he did there, cos their dance was set at an educational establishment. (Psst. I think that might have been a Gorka joke, but I bet you don't dare laugh in case he throws another pissy fit).
Claudia decides to thoroughly interrogate Seann about the
issues that matter – whether he preferred being a pizza boy or Neo. He can’t pick, just like he can’t pick his
women amirite. Also he’s playing a busker
next week; Lauren and AJ have our first COUPLE’S CHOICE of the series
(contemporary, to Beyonce’s ‘Running’) and Joe’s promised to dye his hair
bright red if he and Dianne get to the final like and subscribe please. Also there’s a trailer for ITT, the podcast,
the website, the Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, Google+, MySpace,
Bebo, Habbo Hotel and Friendster (I hear it’s the hot young thing).
Katie and Gorka dance off first, and their routine is pretty
much as before. Katie seems to be fairly
relaxed and accepting she isn’t likely to stay, and it looks like she’s having
fun, which is as good a note to end on as any. Charles and Karen actually perform better than the first time and I
still quite enjoy the routine on the whole, even if that song has been in my head ever since Saturday
and won’t go away. [Same. - Steve]
Craig saves Charles and Karen for being the best dance;
Darcey saves them for a stronger performance and Bruno makes it a hat-trick for
being the couple that stood out. Shirley
would also have saved them this time. Everyone gives Katie a standing ovation and cheers and she takes it very
graciously. She says the experience has been really positive and she thinks
everyone else is a better dancer than her so she’s just happy to have done the
four weeks. Gorka thanks her for being a
wonderful person and always wanting to improve. Bless.
They dance out to ‘Give Me Just a Little More Time’ and
everyone says how much they’ll miss Katie and Amy tells Danny she’s ‘never’
made it to Halloween in the one time she did this show before. And he doesn’t appear too impressed. Anyway, next week I’m back with you for week
before Halloween week, because Steve is doing super something important I’m sure [family party! - Steve], but
he’ll be back for HALLOWEEN and the week after. So I’ll see you same bat time, same bat channel (or a couple of days later,
you know how it is at this time of year).
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