This week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...

- Stacey wouldn't let Kevin take a break in rehearsals last week because she kept wanting to do the jive again. Kevin likened her to "a kid with a toy at Christmas".
- Stacey wanted to do Strictly because it's a show that the whole family sits down to watch together and really gets invested in.
- Kevin thinks Stacey is the daftest partner he's ever had.
- Stacey and Kevin are still getting yellow make-up out of their ears two days later.
- Stacey does not know all the words to 'Hi Ho Silver Lining'.
- Stacey spends Mondays learning the routine, then Tuesdays being told by Kevin that every single move she's doing is wrong. That part is called "principles class".
- Stacey's meant to be going to pick up her MBE on Thursday, but it clashes with foxtrot training.
- Lee couldn't make it onto Monday's show because he had prior work commitments in Madeira.
- Interviewing Nadiya by herself because her partner is a four-hour flight away is not the one.
- Graeme's kids sent him a good luck card with Spider-Man on it saying "to a super dad".
- Aljaž is jealous of Faye getting to dance with Giovanni.
- Seann was cross when they ran out of fish fingers at Elstree.
- Ore, Danny, Daisy and Tameka all got together to watch Movie Week. Aww!
- Everyone is doing the Katya. Or they were, before "doing the Katya" came to mean something very different.
- Joanne agrees with Shirley that Faye and Giovanni's quickstep was best evarz.
- Zoe thinks she's quite good at being the man in a dance partnership.
- The best way to get your ballroom frame right is to act like a hot cross bun.
- Gorka's cracking jokes now!
- Katie's got the jive this week, and by all accounts it's going about as well as you'd imagine.
- Gorka will be wearing glasses this week, gird your loins.
- Ashley and Pasha messed up the lift in rehearsals. Don't try to sell this as jeopardy,  show, that's part of the actual plot of Dirty Dancing.
- Joanne thinks Ashley has got the X factor. Wrong show, hon.
- People "thought Charles and Karen were safe", it says here.
- Charles thinks "grab the bull by the scruff of the horns" is a phrase.
- It speaks volumes for how much attention I'm paying to Charles and Karen in general that they've scored 25 for every single dance so far and I didn't even notice until Zoe pointed it out.
- Vick and Graziano's salsa went wrong in rehearsals because of faffing about with a chair.
- Vick is unconvinced that smashing plates in an empty Greek restaurant in St Albans was a way to get her to feel sexy. (Too soon for a 'should have shown her the bins round the back' comment?)
- Vick's mum has a lot of friends.
- Vick is surprised that her mum is on a boat. Let's choose to believe that's the interpretation of 'that's not the kind of holiday I thought she was having', rather than the thought that she's on a swingers' break.
- Vick's mum has sung 'You Can't Hurry Love' to her many times. Aww.
- Celebrities tend to approach the quickstep as a running race and end up turning their whole bodies forward when they should just be moving their hips.
- Joanne's a big believer in playing characters in a dance - every time she did a foxtrot she played it as Marilyn Monroe.
- Joanne wants to douse Danny in fabric softener.
- Kate had only done the curtain and the steps bit of her foxtrot once before, which may explain the stumble.
- Aljaž is so excited about being a new uncle, bless.
- Kate calls Aljaž "my sunny Slovenian" because he's so optimistic.
- Kate actually suits a Farrah Fawcett hairdo.
- Kate has learned that what she does drunk dancing is an actual move.
- Charles has got some interesting training outfits.
- It Takes Two is not really the ideal format for an earnest "sorry we fucked up" interview.
- Not that Seann looked particularly sorry.
- Katya and Neil ARE FINE.
- Janette turned up in her nightwear.
- Dr Ranj loves his mum and dad.
- Dr Ranj is more Puss In Boots than Desperado.
- Dr Ranj is happy for us to slide into his DMs.
- Janette thinks she is a very bad pro.
- A 'jumping Frenchman' is a medical condition affecting lumberjacks.
- Ian's having trouble with his wand. Fnar.
- Ian is scornful of everyone being crap at cha cha because it's essentially the same as walking down the street.
- Ian used this week's dance demos to cop a feel of Zoe's bust. Good job he's gay given The Thing That Happened This Week.
- Ian loves Stacey's feet.
- There's definitely something odd going on with Pasha's hair.
- Ashley and Pasha were 'flying high, if you know what I mean' on Saturday. Like that time Trent and Pixie went to Amsterdam?
- Ashley and Pasha's tango involves Pasha as a pawn trying to get to the other side of the board to become a queen. No, really, that's what he said.
- Joe and Dianne's singing makes us really appreciate their dancing.
- Faye literally had to be stitched into her Bad Sandy trousers and she was really excited about it, bless her (but not when she needed a wee).
- Giovanni is teaching Faye's son Benjamin some dance moves, so expect strategic deployment of that in a BABY WARZ VT at some point.
- Despite dancing the rumba to 'Chandelier', Faye will not be swinging from a chandelier.
- The rumba is not natural.
- Luba advised Faye to soak her socks in vodka to make the leather in her dance shoes stretch, and apparently it worked.
- Not just any vodka, either, raspberry vodka.
- Lee from Steps is quite a prankster.
- Faye's rumba costume has a lot of beading.
- Joe and Dianne film their dance every day in rehearsals. Then they UPLOAD IT TO THEIR YOUTUBE CHANNEL, LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE!
- Zoe and Darcey can make doing a Ruth and Anton impression weirdly erotic. Don't tell Shirley!
- Amy thinks it's not possible to be good at all dances.
- This show's subtitlers think Danny and Amy got 'hates across the board', the shade of itt.
- Vegas is Danny's spiritual home. That's going to seem very off-message once we start BLACKPOOL buildup.
- This week's pro dance is all about the girls.
- Luba is still taking every opportunity to show off herr amazing legs in case it helps her get a celeb.
- This week's Friday panel was Marian Keyes, George Lamb and Courtney Act. (And they sat in height order) Absolute MISSED opportunity to have Flackers and Courtney Act on the same panel, let me tell you.
- Marian is upset because Ashley pronounces Pasha as "Parsha".
- Marian thinks fear of Oti will make sure Graham dances properly.
- George likes to tell it like it is, he's just gotta be real, he didn't come here to make friends.
- Courtney will be happy to lend AJ a padded bum.
- The viewers voted to see Katie Derham's American smooth again over Nancy's rumba, this is why we don't deserve nice things.
- The fake tan lady seems very comfortable buffing Giovanni's chest.
- Stacey came for a fake tan last week even though she was going to be painted yellow.
- As well as nearly dropping Lauren on the launch show, AJ has now clattered her ankles into Zoe's coffee table.
- Lauren thinks she was pleased with all the scores she got last week. AJ says she wasn't quite so pleased about the 4 from Craig when they were in the training room and the cameras weren't on her.
- Whoever is responsible for researching the previous contestants' scores isn't looking at the Wikipedia page very closely because they only gave Denise Lewis's quickstep score as 34, from when she first danced it in the quarter-finals, and not 38, when she danced it in the final.
- The Queen doesn't give a shit about Darcey's ballet.
- Although she is allegedly a Strictly fan, so maybe she'll partner Anton next.
- Darcey's 10 is 'probably not far off'.
- Vick thinks Charles looks like "off-duty James Bond", bless her.
- In the dress rehearsal for Graeme's charleston when he was upside down in the harness, the wire got winched the wrong way and he almost got concussed on the floor.
- Graeme doesn't have a great attention span.
- Graeme and Oti fell out this week because he really liked one bit of his jive choreography but he couldn't really do it so Oti took it out.
- Seann and Katya are wearing black at all times, even in training, because they are so very contrite.
- It turns out Stacey was lying about prioritising her foxtrot training over meeting the Queen - she actually had a tour engagement she didn't want to break.
- Marian and her husband want to set up some sort of ménage à trois with Stacey.
- Marian thinks Charles might go home this week, George thinks Dr Ranj, and Courtney doesn't care who goes home as long as it's not Stacey.
- Louisa Johnson is still plugging away. Good for her.