The old haunts

Week 6: Top 11 Perform (Hallowe'en Week) - 27 October 2018

Last week! Is apparently when the party really got into full swing, mostly thanks to Charles, Stacey and Danny. Sadly, Vick Hope was the one who turned up to the wrong address, didn't get the memo about the dress code, and vomited in the punch bowl, so we had to send her home on the bus, which she promptly threw Shirley and Graziano under. Well, after Katie's dignified exit we were due some drama, right? Anyway, it's time to move on to Hallowe'en, and I will never not apostrophise it even though nobody else does, because I'm pretentious like that. The show opens with the cast singing (well, various definitions of that word) 'This Is Hallowe'en' from The Nightmare Before Christmas. Stacey can't even get through it without laughing, and Ashley makes it clear that she was definitely hired as a Pussycat Doll for her dancing skills more than anything else. Also, I've never seen The Nightmare Before Christmas, so I was slightly baffled by the entire thing until I was enlightened by the good people of Twitter. [Have you actually seen any films? - Rad]

Titles! The cry of "ho!" over Seann and Katya really came to take on a whole new meaning, didn't it?

Because it's a special week, we've got a big pros-'n'-celebs group number to open the evening: it's to 'Jump In The Line' by Harry Belafonte, and it's Dia De Los Muertos-themed, and I'd get itchy about cultural appropriation here but I feel like four years on from Around The World week, that ship has long since sailed. Points of interest: AJ's Robbie Savage wig, Lauren doing the absolute minimum and waving a tambourine (Lauren <3), Graeme playing a bunch of skulls like a glockenspiel, Ashley emerging from a coffin, dirty filthy same-sex dancing from Neil and Johannes, Kate and Aljaž getting to be front and centre for the very end of it all.

Alan Dedicoat welcomes our "horrible hosts" (bit harsh, Tess is getting better) - terrifying Tess Daly and creepy Claudia Winkleman. Dresswatch: Tess is in a long-sleeved red number with a slit up one leg, Claudia's in a strapless tight black dress with silver buckles all up the front. It's not a great week for either of them, but I think Tess's dress is slightly the more flattering of the two. Seriously, what has Claudia done to upset Vicky Gill this year? In the audience: Keith Lemon, Nicole Scherzinger and Kimberly Wyatt (I so almost typed "Ashley Roberts" there, are we sure they're not the same person?), so it's clearly going to be a big week for Ashley, watch this space. Tess thanks the celebrities and pros for raising the roof "and the dead" with that routine, and we welcome the judges: Craig "Devil" Horwood, Shirley "Beastly" Ballas, Bruno "Terrifying" Tonioli and Dame Darcey "Blood-Curdling" Bussell. We're only six minutes into the show and we've already used "terrifying" twice, someone buy the writers a thesaurus.

It's time to welcome our Strictly stars and see who got the short straw costume-wise this year: Charles and Karen as Riff-Raff and Magenta; Faye and Giovanni as...more Dia De Los Muertos, I guess? [I thought she might be that time Lady Gaga was a skeleton - Rad]; Seann and Katya as Mad Toymaker and Creepy Haunted Doll; Stacey and Kevin as The Doctor and a Cyberman; Dr Ranj and Janette as a slightly off-brand non-copyright-violating Sully and Boo from Monsters Inc. [Having just seen this, the blatantly Munsters Ink nature of the outfits greatly amused me - Rad]; Lauren and AJ as a Wicked Queen, and whatever Lauren's come as tee hee hee; Joe and Dianne as vampire and long-necked lady victim; Kate and Aljaž as Ice Queen and King; Graeme and Oti as Michael and Janet Jackson; Danny and Amy as...generic undead, I think; and finally Ashley and Pasha as Manic Pixie Dream Troll and Tubby Green Troll. Poor Pasha. Always the true victim of Hallowe'en. Musical flourishes update: only Stacey and Kevin really bothering at this point.

Opening the show this week we have Graeme and Oti. Tess tells us that so far Graeme's been "Spider-Man, spaceman, tango man and tonight he's going to be zombie man". That list really ran out of steam halfway through, didn't it? Oti explains that they're doing 'Thriller' this week, and that Graeme will be a zombie - which is a relief because he's had such an enthusiastic tan this week that for a moment I was worried he was genuinely meant to be Michael Jackson. They go to the West End to watch Thriller Live (/a private, truncated performance thereof) and the cast give Graeme some advice on how to give good zombie.

They've pre-recorded a little bit of the two of them sitting in cinema seats pre-make-up, which is quite a nice touch, but I wish they hadn't done the transition by zooming in so close on Oti's cleavage. Anyway, there are some lovely Jacko-esque flourishes, including that hand gesture he liked to do which does unfortunately look a bit like Graeme and Oti are making 'wanker' gestures at each other. Of the actual cha cha content: it's off-time and danced without any real intent, and his attempt at the moonwalk should've been left in the training room, I think. (Also this is not a song that compliments the singers, regrettably.) It's odd - I know everyone's struggling with the cha cha cha this year (for some reason), but the one thing you can usually rely on Graeme to do is really sell a dance, and yet the cha cha here feels so half-hearted. [Lord knows why they thought this was the one to open the show with. The running order was so odd this episode  -Rad]

Ore and Portia Oduba applaud from the sidelines, and Tess welcomes our fabulous live singers: Hayley, Lance, Jamie and Tommy. The patriarchy strikes again! Shirley says that Zombie Man looks very good in his costume, and "a few of his bits thrilled me". Oh, Shirley. She says that his entertainment value and personality, his execution of the moonwalk (really?) and anything that wasn't in hold was outstanding, but the cha cha cha still needed a bit of work. She thinks he had stiff legs on purpose as a character choice, and Oti leaps right in to say yes of course he did. Heh. Bruno says that Graeme always delivers on the brief: "that was tremendously horrendous", but at times it was "more Michael Flat-feet than Michael Jackson". Oof. He didn't think it was without merit, though. Craig said it was "very special" - messy, with flailing arms, and flat-footed throughout, but he loved the 'Thriller' allusions and the energy. Darcey says the best bit was the moonwalk (again, really?) and while he came alive in the 'Thriller' elements, "everything else died". Everyone reacts in horror that Darcey's gone all mean for Hallowe'en.

Up in the Clauditorium, Neil is dressed as King Kong in a cage, and Graeme says that he did enjoy this week and having a laugh doing 'Thriller'. Scores: Craig 4, Darcey 5, Shirley 6, Bruno 6 for a total of 21. Oti says that Graeme's worked really hard on this - they finished at 2am this morning making sure he got all five of his steps. "All five", hahaha. This week reading the terms and conditions we have Moira Stuart in a pair of devil horns, sign Moira up for this show immediately please. Moira's very clear and newsreadery about it without being as serious as Anita Dobson, which is a very good balance to be striking. [Also, Moira definitely has a portrait in the attic. -.Rad]

In the death slot this week - surprisingly, given the amount of hype they've had this week - it's Stacey and Kevin. Tess is in the audience sitting alongside Mandip Gill (aka Yas from Doctor Who/Phoebe from Hollyoaks, depending on your allegiance). Tess asks Mandip if Stacey will make a good Doctor, and Mandip says yes because the Doctor travels through time and space and Stacey definitely knows how to travel...through...the space. I think that gag needed a couple more trips around the room, to be honest. In their VT, Kevin reminds us that the Doctor is being played by a woman for the first time ever, and Stacey says she's going to try to channel her fierceness and independence. Kevin says that Stacey will be the first in Strictly history to do some of the man's part as well (I assume he means "in the tango", because he did this same schtick with Susan last year, and honestly come on hurry up and just give Kevin a male partner already, he clearly quite fancies a crack at it). A Tardis materialises in their training room, so Stacey suggests they travel ahead to Saturday and see what happens in their dance. They peer out of the Tardis in the Strictly studio and hear the judges critiquing rather harshly, so Doctor Stacey insists they head straight back to training and work hard to change the future.

They're dancing to the Doctor Who theme, and first of all may I say how much I love Stacey's Doctor-themed outfit. It's a great interpretation of it for the ballroom [I agree, but the less said about Kevin's outfit the better - Rad], and I say this as someone who spent most of this Saturday at Comic Con, so I like to think I'm pretty good at spotting quality cosplay at this point. I'm less sure about Stacey's tango face, which is mainly about sucking her cheeks in and pouting her lips. There's some odd choreography here, including a bit where Stacey goes limp and Kevin drags her around in a circle while a clock is projected on the floor, like she's one of the hands (to indicate time travel, I assume?) This is actually a much better dance on rewatch than I remember it being at the time - the quality of her actual tango looks pretty good, although there is one bit where it looks like her legs get a little big tangled up in each other. The much-vaunted bit where Stacey leads is literally about three bars, right at the end, and it's not actually that impressive from a dance perspective but I'm here for it generally in terms of what it represents for the sisterhood. Also can I just say that the Cyberman costume is definitely the strongest showing from Kevin's Arse so far this series.

A brief sidebar, if I may: I was concerned a few weeks back that, while I'd enjoyed individual dances on this series, there hadn't been any that I'd been particularly inspired to rewatch on YouTube. I can now confirm that, thanks to Stacey both this week and last week, that is no longer the case.

Stacey's boyfriend Sam (who I originally thought was Andy from Emmerdale, but him being Stacey's boyfriend does make a lot more sense in this context) goes wild in the audience and there's a big standing ovation from the crowd. Bruno says that like the Doctor herself (I still get such a thrill out of hearing that), Stacey seems to regenerate and come back better than ever. He says that apart from the fact that it was "splendidly styled", it was so sharp and focused, and always a proper tango. Craig says it was a very, very strong performance with good intent and full of purpose, though he would've liked a little more staccato in the footwork, and he thinks this is a great look for Kevin. Kevin cracks that he can't actually hear anything with his big Cyberman earmuffs on, and Craig says that this is one of the few occasions where it would've been nice to hear his comments. Heh. Darcey loved the attack, frame and footwork and the way Stacey danced from the beginning to the end. She loved the change in lead as well. Shirley said that a few weeks ago Stacey's body was "loosey-goosey", but now she's really toned it - there was a closed promenade where she brought her feet together beautifully and there were great technical aspects, particularly the way she switched the lady frame from man frame.

They upgrade their way to the Clauditorium, where Stacey says that her wig is too itchy. Claudia says that Stacey's boyfriend is here tonight, and Stacey says "he's had a couple of beers, his eyes are a bit wobbly!" Heh. Apparently Sam is a "fitness expert" who thought she wouldn't have the stamina for the show, and Stacey's very grateful to Kevin for teaching her so well that she's managed to stick around. Scores: Craig 8, Darcey 9, Shirley 9, Bruno 9 for a total of 35.

Tess then delivers possibly the best segue of all time - "from Doctor Who to Dr Ranj!", and points out that Ranj was third on the leaderboard in week one, but hasn't been that high again since. (Unlike Bruno.) Yeah, I don't think we should hold our collective breath waiting for that to happen again, as much as I like him. In his VT, Ranj confirms that they're doing a jive to 'Monster Mash', and Janette tells him that it's a high energy dance so he'll need to get some good sleep this week. I'm not sure Ranj has actually slept since July, but okay. We cut to Ranj in bed, in his jammies with his space rocket duvet, having disturbed sleep because his bed is shaking. Well, that's what you get for staying in the hotel room next to Seann and Katya. Ranj says he thinks there's something under his bed, and when he looks later that night, there's a two paddle under there. I don't think any of us could sleep with a number two under the bed, to be fair. Anyway, this all culminates in Craig being under his bed, because of course it does. I do enjoy Craig's willingness to be ridiculous for Hallowe'en VTs, bless him.

So yes, Ranj is a cuddly monster and Janette Manrara, 34 (nearly 35), is playing a scared little girl. Ranj's dancing shoes have also been covered with fur, which has the unfortunate side effect of making it look like he's doing the whole thing in slippers. Although to be fair, that might just be his actual dancing, because it is quite flat-footed. He's not getting much bounce back from the floor, and there's a segment about a third of the way in where it looks very much like he's completely forgotten where he's meant to be going. Regrettably, the best bit of the whole thing is when the two puppets at the bottom of the bed start lip-synching the words.

Craig says he thinks the kids at home would love that number, but he didn't - he thinks the costume was covering a multitude of sins. Personally I thought the costume was creating several of the sins, but that's probably why I'm here blogging for free and Craig's the one on primetime BBC One. He thought it was heavy and lumpy, and that Ranj lost it on the drunken sailors. Not for the first time, eh lads? Darcey says that however gorgeous and sweet he is ("my god, I do want to cuddle you"), there were just too many mistakes in that routine. Shirley loved the concept and the fact that the monster jived on the bed - she thought it started well, but quickly unravelled, though she liked the bits of jive that he did do. Bruno calls him the "cuddliest, bounciest monster duster you've ever seen". Well, he certainly is the top of my list of...one. Bruno says it happens to everyone: "we all have a night off". Like you did last week?

In the Clauditorium, Ranj says that he doesn't know what happened - he's definitely done it without mistakes in rehearsals. Janette grabs him and honks "HE'S SO FLUFFY!" Ooooookay. Scores: Craig 5, Darcey 5, Shirley 5, Bruno 5 for a total of 20. You can tell when they get the five from Craig that they think the score might not be as bad as they were expecting, because he usually lowballs it compared to the others, and then the light gradually fades from their eyes as everyone else's fives come out. Ranj looks disappointed, like he might be going home this week.

Next are Kate and Aljaž, who will be doing a rumba as ice statues. In their VT, Aljaž takes her to an ice bar to get in the mood, and then sets out the store for their routine: "you're an ice queen, I'm an ice...princess." There's definitely something going on with Aljaž this year, isn't there? Whatever it is, I'm into it. Anyway, Kate steers things back onto gender lines by telling Aljaž he is in fact an ice king, and then says that she doesn't know how she'll fare as an ice queen: "I'm not that good with a cold". Heh. Kate says that the rumba is the scariest thing about Hallowe'en, because Ashley has told her how difficult it was for her, and she knows she's no Ashley. Aljaž says she just needs to go out there and own it and commit to it.

They're dancing to 'Skin' by Rag'n'Bone Man, and I think Kate's actually making a decent stab at what was always going to be a difficult dance for her. There's some credible hip action, a good sense of the rhythm, and of course her chemistry with Aljaž remains strong. It's a little bit stiff, true [I couldn't work out how much of the stiffness was deliberate character work. I love Aljaž, but sometimes his choreography goes to strange places - Rad] and I don't think she ever looks truly relaxed, but it comes across as a solid, if unexceptional, performance. Darcey says that as Kate warmed up there were glimmers of desire between them, but sadly just glimmers. She could see Kate working really hard on the feet positioning, but she felt Kate wasn't finishing her arm movements. Shirley loves the look, and says that she had good walks at one point, but then she did a heel lead and the music wasn't travelling up through her body - and as it's week six, she's expecting a bit more detail in the execution, though she loved the choreography. Bruno says that the rumba has to be fluid and she needs to extend every movement to the full - she did her best, but she needed more of the fluid quality of water, not ice. Craig finishes by saying that there needed to be a lot more resistance and tone in the body - he feels Kate's body is working independently, she needs to marry all of the parts together, but she does have fluidity in the hips so "we're off to at least a bit of a start".

Kate and Aljaž head up to the Clauditorium with Kate reassuring Aljaž all the way up that she loved it even if the judges didn't. She thinks it was the best they've danced it. Kate's friends Rachel and Christine from the school run are here, hashtag relatable mum. Scores: Craig 4, Darcey 6, Shirley 5, Bruno 5 for a total of 20. That's harsh, I think. Anton is shouting "undermarked", and loath as I am to agree with Anton, I think he has a point. [Me too. I thought Graeme and Ranj were both worse - Rad]

There follows a preview of everything yet to come, soundtracked by underrated Hallowe'en bop 'Scared' by A1, and then it's on to Danny and Amy, who will be doing a "ghoulish American smooth". Amy says that Danny's never done lifts before (which isn't what he said this week on It Takes Two, I will not stand for this Jackie Harman erasure). Amy and Danny spend the VT worrying that their training room is haunted and/or cursed, and it turns out to be Anton Du Beke. Scooby-Doo has a lot to answer for.

They're dancing to 'Spirit In The Sky', surrounded by dry ice, and I am absolutely here for ghostly Danny lifting Amy up out of the "ground" at the beginning. I'm not quite sure what happened last week, but after several episodes of these two just not really clicking for me, I'm totally seeing it now. (I'm actually starting to really like Amy too, after being fairly ambivalent towards her up to this point.) There are still a few moments where his ballroom frame is wobblier than I would like, and the lifts could be smoother (you absolutely cannot tell me that the last lift they do was intended to end the way it does with Amy's feet touching the floor long before they stop spinning), but after a run of fairly duff outings this evening, this gives me hope that tonight's show might not be a total washout.

Shirley says that consistency is key on the way to BLACKPOOL (drink!), and Danny has beautiful arms as well as executing the lifts well - but it was a little bit bumpy along the way, so he just needs to work on his flow. Bruno says that he's missed him - he has such showmanship and presence, and everything is so well-placed. Craig says that it became a bit staccato and lacking in grace, but Danny does have musicality and that's something that nobody can take away from him. Darcey's impressed because Danny has softened his knees like she asked him to, and it's such an improvement. She warns him to take care with the dismount of the lifts and in particular "lovely Amy". Heh.

They go on up to the spirit in the Clauditorium, where Danny says that he's quite shocked by how well it actually went. Amy says that she injured her ankle this week, but Danny led her around the floor beautifully and took real care of her. Aww. Scores: Craig 6, Darcey 8, Shirley 7, Bruno 9 for a total of 30. Probably the right score overall, even if I'm a little sceptical of some of those individual marks.

Next up: Arshley and Parsha, as charleston-dancing trolls. Pasha still being around for Hallowe'en means a patented Pasha Comedy VT: here he's cooking up a potion in a cauldron to make the perfect charleston, and Ashley walks in on him and fails to heed his warning not to drink it until Saturday. Ashley drinks it and end up unable to stop doing the monkey the charleston. Oh no! Who could have foreseen such things?

They're dancing to 'Witch Doctor', and the theme of the dance is chubby Pasha troll trying to get Manic Ashley Dream Troll to like him. There's quite a lot of face-acting involved in the whole thing as he casts a spell on her and she gets cross with him for it (Strictly Come Dancing, tackling the hot-button issue of consent), but the actual charlestoning is very good, and even the charleston choreography is less horrendous than it has been over the last year or so. [The dancing and choreo were amazing, but tbe song, theme and oufits were the worst I've seen in a long time - Rad]

Bruno calls it "astonishing", and says it was an "exuberant, action-packed musical comedy". He thinks it was one of the best moments of the "season" (someone's been in LA too long). Craig calls it "swivelicious". Darcey loved how free it was with all those details, and how the choreography was led by the story, and Ashley's face working twice as fast as her body. Shirley says it was one of the best choreographic routines she's ever seen, and they were absolutely in sync with each other.

Up they troll to the Clauditorium, where Ashley says that her "chicas" (ie Nicole and Kimberly) being in the audience gave her extra energy tonight. They say thank you to "Alan" (Burkitt, just fyi), who choreographed the routine, and the scores come in: Craig 9, Darcey 10, Shirley 10, Bruno 10 for a total of 39. Ashley cries, and Pasha says he wants to thank everyone: "the judges, the academy, my belly". Heh.

Midway leaderboard?
1. Ashley & Pasha - 39
2. Stacey & Kevin - 35
3. Danny & Amy - 30
4. Graeme & Oti - 21
5=. Dr Ranj & Janette - 20
5=. Kate & Aljaž - 20

With the unenviable task of following that, Seann and Katya are on next. In their VT, Seann says that he's been in the bottom two now, and he's had that feeling that this could all be over, so he's going to have the most fun this week. They are being watched in training by a creepy doll of the kind you can buy from the pages of Take A Break, so they decide to hide...in a toy museum? Okay, if this were a real horror movie, these two would be the dumbasses who die first. Anyway, Katya derives inspiration from the harsh angles of the dolls' positions to show Seann how to hold himself in ballroom, and then gets statuified and Seann has to carry her to the dancefloor. I'm surprised they got that much touching past the censors at this point.

They're dancing the Viennese waltz to 'I Put A Spell On You' (yep, that one again), and it's not good. Seann's footwork is all over the place, he's very visibly counting to himself, and it's far more creepy than it is scary. It ends with the Katya doll somehow seizing control over Seann's body and turning him into the doll, which Tess calls "a very original concept", despite it being the concept for about 45% of all doll-themed dances ever. Craig says that he thinks Seann will be in the dance-off again this week - he felt like the timing was off all over the place and Seann wasn't really hearing the music. He also felt it was very skippy, rather than all on one level like it should be. Darcey agrees: it was jerky and skippy "even with all your wonderful effort". Shirley said there were some places where he did a good driving step (Seann interrupts her here to say he's weirded out by her eyes, because she's got creepy contacts in) and there was good foot placement on his fleckerl, but he just didn't have the correct footwork in general. But she did see some good things elsewhere, and declares it a "good try". Bruno says it was like watching Coppélia directed by Tim Burton and danced by Beetlejuice. He loved the "art direction" and the role-playing, but Seann got too stiff (madam) and lost the flow of the dance. He thinks it's a tricky one because "technically it wasn't very good, but visually it was very intriguing". Well, you're meant to be judging the dancing, Bruno, so it's not that tricky really. Tess asks us whether this will be enough to save him "in" the dance-off, and I hope that wasn't a slip of the tongue.

In the Clauditorium, Seann says last week was tough, and you can't imagine what the dance-off is like until you're in it. He felt Craig's first comment was "very deflating", and he just wants to get to a week "where we just smash it". I thought that happened a couple of weeks ago, according to the papers. Scores: Craig 3, Darcey 5, Shirley 6, Bruno 6 for a total of 20.

Next we have Charles and Karen with their Rocky Horror Show-themed jive, hot off the heels of their street/commercial couple's choice routine from last week. In training, Karen takes on the role of the Criminologist to explain the very complicated choreography of the Time Warp (there aren't many original Hallowe'en songs left at this point, are there?), and then they watch the film. Charles says that he loves Riff's spindly malevolence, to which Karen responds "he looks quite friendly, though!" Okay, I take it back: Karen's the idiot who dies first. Karen says she's going to "incorporate some of this choreography into our routine". Well, I would hope so: it's the bloody Time Warp, that choreography is literally in the lyrics, you're going to look a bit daft if you don't do it.

They start the routine in the audience, and I feel very sorry for the poor people who had front row seats to Strictly Come Dancing only to be discovered that they were going to end up covered in fake cobwebs in service of Chucky Venice. Now, I don't often have a lot of time for Karen or her choreography, but I think this is a bit of genius: it's actually a very high-energy jive, full of content, that pays homage to the original Time Warp without being slavishly devoted to replicating it. It's easily the most enjoyable routine of the night so far, and it's danced well by Charles - it's just a shame that he's clearly flagging by the last 20 seconds and really slips out of time as a result.

Darcey opens for the judges saying that Charles started so well - he came at the attack, gave it full energy and it was fast and frantic. There were moments, however, where he really had timing issues - she saw two "pacific" ones. Yes, she says "pacific". No, it's not a slip of the tongue because she says it twice. And people used to get at Alesha for her grammar! [Darcey's grammar has always been poor but the second time she said it I cringed so badly - Rad] Shirley tells him that last week he unlocked his "dance soul", and he started out with all the best promise this week - but she thinks there were about four or five timing errors in there, and she thinks he knows there. It was entertaining though, and she thinks he's still on his way up. (Lol, we'll see.) Bruno loved the "wacky energy", which he demonstrates on a fairly alarmed Shirley, and the "infectious appeal". The performance was pitched just right, it was just the timing that was the issue. Craig says he feels so sorry for Shirley having to sit next to Bruno. Bruno: "Maybe she wants me to have another week off? Haha!" Craig: "That wouldn't be a bad idea." Fight! Fight! Fight! Craig says that he loved the routine, it just needed tidying and tightening up.

Up in the Clauditorium, we learn that Charles's hair took three hours. Worth every second, I say. Scores: Craig 6, Darcey 6, Shirley 6, Bruno 7 for a total of 25. They are actively trolling him at this point, aren't they? [The moment he realised it was so pure. I want gifs. - Rad] Karen says she's going to name her first child "25", and Claudia vows to rename all of her children "25" as well. That's going to get confusing.

Faye and Giovanni are on next, with the very first theatre-jazz (theatre/jazz?) routine of the series. Tess asks Craig, our resident West End Wendy, what exactly that means, and Craig says that it has to be theatrical, with big, robust ideas, big storytelling, there can be floorwork, soft-shoe, lifts, it's wide open. Is anyone else starting to feel like "couple's choice" is basically an excuse to start doing showdances a lot earlier? Because there don't appear to be any actual rules to follow in this round. As was established last week, Couple's Choice means we get a very earnest VT about that contestant's life, and Faye's absolutely does not disappoint: she talks about coming from a creative family and auditioning for a band among 600 other people and ending up in Steps. Fame, however, was overwhelming, and she had to deal with it quickly, and then those wretches H & Claire decided to run off, and Faye had to figure out where she stood now: "I was Faye from Steps, but who is Faye Tozer?" No, she really says that. Then her son Benjamin came along and brought light and joy into her life, and made her look at the world in a very different way. Apparently he has also told her she's going to go really far on Strictly, and now she's doing it all for him.

Which makes what follows all the more alarming: Faye is dancing to 'Fever' by Peggy Lee, repeatedly rubbing her boobs, popping her booty in Giovanni's face, or doing the splits upside down in mid-air. This is a bit like when that guy on American Idol said his performance would be a tribute to his parents and then sang 'Let's Get It On'. It's a good performance though, or at least it is as far as I can tell given that I don't really know what theatre/jazz is and we've really not been given any parameters by which to assess it. [I loved it, though it was completely ridiculous. - Rad]

Shirley says it's a bit of a new style for her, but the little details Faye put in were absolutely synchronised and first-class. Bruno calls it "Fosse fabulous and all that jazz". Craig offers up "uh-may-zing" and Darcey loved the mirroring, and particularly that part where Giovanni supported her while she was elevated. Up in the Clauditorium, Claudia reveals that Faye's been in agony all week and Faye confirms that she's strained muscles and has bruises all over her body, but it's been brilliant all the same. Scores: Craig 9, Darcey 10, Shirley 10, Bruno 10 for a total of 39.

In the penultimate slot tonight we have Joe and Dianne with a foxtrot. Their setting is vampires in a fairground, and Joe admits that he's scared of rollercoasters, so Dianne decides this is absolutely the time for him to face his fears. So off they go to a theme park, Joe boards a rollercoaster, and Dianne runs away to leave him to face it by himself, because apparently this is revenge for all the times Joe has pranked people on YouTube. In my limited experience, it's probably also exactly as inventive and as funny as all the times Joe has pranked people on YouTube. There is at least a funny bit at the end where Joe asks if that's the bit where they'll use the Strictly magic to turn him into a bat and fly away, and Dianne says no, they'll just walk out of the regular exit, and Joe grumbles that they spent all the budget on the aeroplane for Danny John-Jules last week. Heh. [That's the most I've ever liked him, I genuinely laughed. More snarky Joe please- Rad]

They're dancing to 'Youngblood' by 5 Seconds Of Summer, and I never expected having to say this about anything choreographed by Dianne, but I think this is the most traditional and conservative routine of the night. It's a proper foxtrot, with emphasis on proper technique, and I have to admit that Joe does seem to be making big strides in that direction. His frame has definitely improved, and what little I know about footwork tells me that he's doing well there too. There are some nice paso accents in the choreography too, which suits the music. It's not the most memorable routine of the night by any stretch, but it's done to a high standard.

Bruno calls it "a foxtrot with a bite" and says that Joe's improvement exceeds all of his expectations - he's controlling the dance almost like a professional now. He thinks Joe's becoming a good actor as well as a good dancer. Craig loved the breakouts and the snapbacks into hold, and was so impressed he might even follow Joe on the social medias now. Darcey agrees that Joe getting in and out of hold was brilliant, and she thinks we might even see him in the final. Shirley tells Joe to come up for a hug, and Bruno starts screaming "DADDY TOO! DADDY TOO!" Well, that's something I'm not going to be able to forget in a hurry. Shirley says that Joe's nanna Phyllis used to dance up in BLACKPOOL, and she's got a feeling that Joe will be following in her footsteps.

They vamp up to the Clauditorium where Claudia has a list of the many other things Joe is afraid of: deep water, heights, wasps, the unknown, solitude, sponges, space, Mrs Brown's Boys, Brexit, Ascension Sunday, advent calendars that cost £50 and only cover half of December, in-flight magazines and Lisa Snowdon's showdance. Scores: Craig 8, Darcey 9, Shirley 9, Bruno 9 for a total of 35.

That leaves Lauren and AJ in the pimp slot tonight, dancing to the song 'Poison' by Nicole Scherzinger, who happens to be in the audience tonight! (What, but they couldn't get Bobby "Boris" Pickett in for Dr Ranj? This favouritism is transparent and disgusting.) Nicole won Dancing With The Stars back in 2010 - "a while ago", as she puts it. Tess asks her if she has any advice for Lauren on dancing the paso, and the answer is essentially "no", because Nicole clearly remembers very little about it. Still, she says "bull-fighting" and "do it with bravado", which isn't bad for an improvised answer.

In her VT, Lauren says that Saturday went amazing, which is an interesting way to represent it given that the judges didn't like her contempowaft and she was second from bottom on the leaderboard. Also, the VT editors have chosen to recall her contempowaft as a series of still images, which is what Craig criticised it for looking like last week, and I find that quite *shade rattle* of them. Anyway, this week they've got a paso, and Lauren is struggling to connect to her inner evil queen, so AJ decides to get her to do some "evil apple-bobbing". They appear to be bobbing for apples in...wallpaper paste? Or something of a similar shade and consistency that really doesn't bear thinking about. Anyway, they get back into rehearsals, and Lauren cuts herself, but it's no match for AJ's FREAK AND BRUTAL NEAR-LIFE-ENDING INJURY, is it? No it is not.

Oh, AJ's got wood. Sorry, I meant to say that the story begins with AJ chopping wood, while Lauren enquiries of the mirrorball on the wall who the fairest of them all might be. Then the band kicks in (and hearing them yell "RedOne!" is a delight), and the paso begins and it's finally the Lauren breakthrough I was beginning to think would never come. Admittedly it's mostly in the form of stomping around and snarling at AJ, but it's undoubtedly progress: this is the most she's ever thrown herself into a routine since the series began. There is some slightly baffling AJ-ography in there (chiefly: the bit where Lauren crouches on the floor and AJ kind of...jumps to the side of her, rather than over her?), but in general it's choreographed cleverly to allow Lauren to channel maximum imperiousness, and the ending where AJ bites the apple and slumps to the floor is so camp and brilliant that I laughed out loud. Hooray! Even if the first half of the Hallowe'en special was a slog, the second half delivered.

Lauren picks up the apple that ended up rolling halfway across the studio (we stan a tidy queen) and hands it to Craig. Ha! Craig calls her "a woman after my own heart, a wicked queen". He thought the shaping needed work and it was a bit wobbly in places, but the focus and energy she brought were brilliant. Darcey loved her power and intention - she just wants Lauren to use her waist to create more curves in her body. Shirley loved the attitude, and disagrees with Craig - she didn't see any wobbly bits, she thought it was powerful and Lauren's best dance so far. Bruno finishes by saying that as evil queens go, Lauren is better and prettier than her (Craig), and it was a regal performance to be proud of. He finishes with the Brendan Cole Memorial Speech In Tribute To Hair, Make-Up, Costume And Production Design for all of their hard work this evening.

They queen their way up to the Clauditorium, where AJ wonders out loud why it was so easy for Lauren to get into the character of someone who wants to kill him. Why indeed. Lauren says she's loved this week, and maybe being an evil witch did help her. Scores: Craig 6, Darcey 7, Shirley 8, Bruno 8 for a total of 29 - Lauren's highest score to date. Lauren is overjoyed to get two eights, albeit briefly unsure whether she did in fact get two eights.

Final scoreboard:
1=. Ashley & Pasha - 39
1=. Faye & Giovanni - 39
3=. Stacey & Kevin - 35
3=. Joe & Dianne - 35
5. Danny & Amy - 30
6. Lauren & AJ - 29
7. Charles & Karen - 25
8. Graeme & Oti - 21
9=. Dr Ranj & Janette - 20
9=. Kate & Aljaž - 20
9=. Seann & Katya - 20

Wowzer, that's a lot of ties. Also, a three-way tie for last place? That's unprecedented, apart from the four-way tie for last we had last year during No Bruno Week, and then there were the mitigating circumstances of only having three judges and therefore having less score variation. Claudia declares the lines open, and we get our recap of this week's spooky performances. Then there's just time to tease tomorrow's results show, including music from Rita Ora and that pro routine where Aljaž tries to have a party without inviting Oti. Should be bloodshed! Join us for that.