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Week 9: Top 8 Results (Blackpool Week) - 18 November 2018

Our Blackpool results show opens with a dance by the celebs and the pros, and someone who looks suspiciously like Trent is singing (or lip-synching, but it's good lip-synching if it is) 'We Speak No Americano' as Giovanni walks into an Italian club with his lady-love Luba on his arm. But then! Luba sees Graziano! Whose name I really struggled to remember! Giovanni is not pleased, and warns Graziano to keep away from his woman (and possibly also from the cha cha cha, just for good measure) and the two of them throw down, dance-style, for her affections. As dances involving two men fighting over anything inevitably are, the whole thing is intensely homoerotic, so I suppose it's only right that it ends with Luba standing in between them and inviting them both in for a kiss, only to duck out so they accidentally "kiss" each other, lol. Ah, "accidental gay" as a punchline in the same series that we were gifted with vague same-sex pro-dancing (what happened to that, by the way? It seems conspicuous by its absence these days) - and honestly, if you're going to do it, try not to make it quite so obvious that the two of you stopped far enough apart that you could do a charleston between your lips.

After everyone clears out, Tess and Claudia return - Tess still wearing her Sunday best cooking foil (copper-coloured this time), and Claudia in leopard print. In the audience: Patrick Grant! Claudia reveals that routine was choreographed by Jason Gilkison, because of course it was. Tess points out that there were a lot of 10s given out on Saturday: two for Faye, two for Charles, three for Joe, four for Ashley, and none for Stacey Dooley, bye. The judges return, Tess teases/warns us that Take That are on later, and then it's time for our behind the Blackpool scenes recap of yesterday.

There's some business with Craig going missing as the judges are called in to get costumed up, only for Darcey to find him eyeing up his own waxwork. But then they pass a Darcey waxwork on the way out and she turns to the camera and gives it full "Natalie Cassidy Is Doing This Now" face. Graeme thinks you can smell and fear the history in the Blackpool ballroom, Kate loves the murals, Stacey thinks the atmosphere is electric and that it feels like a massive school trip, Charles makes quite the meal out of pronouncing "Gloria Estefan", Ashley and Faye chat about the bigger sets, extra dancers, and massive props, while Joe points out that his slicked back hair makes him look like a conker. Lauren is very nervous, so AJ gives her a big hug. Joe says that they've got lots of family in, so the pressure is properly on, and Kate says it feels like hallowed ground for ballroom, so she wants to do the best dance she possibly can. Kevin predicts this will be the best Blackpool ever. As far as post-performance reactions go: Stacey thinks the most important thing is that the audience went wild, Graeme says it was the most fun he's ever had in or out of dancing shoes, Kate says that everything was as special as she hoped it would be, AJ tells Lauren that she did herself proud, Faye's parents say that she was amazing tonight, Faye is giddy at getting two nines and two 10s, Nana Phyllis is very proud of Joe, Joe can't believe he was two points off a perfect score, Charles says this has exceeded every expectation he had, Ashley can't quite believe she got all the tens. The judges all celebrate Craig finding his 10 paddle. Maybe his waxwork had it the whole time?

Tess has the Cue Cards Of Doom: Blackpool Edition, and it's time to reveal the first set of couples who are safe. They are: Charles and Karen, Ashley and Pasha, and Lauren and AJ. The first couple doomed to the Dread Dance-Off is...Graeme and Oti. Tess tells Graeme that he was on top of the world on Saturday, and he got his highest scores so far; Graeme points out that the competition is extremely tough at this point, and it's no great hardship to repeat a dance that he loves. Bruno tells him he just has to do the same thing again, as far as he's concerned.

The three safe couples are with Claudia, and Lauren admits that she really thought she was in the dance-off, and she's really loving dancing and doesn't want it to be over, so she's really thankful to everyone at home, at which point AJ crashes in to talk over her as usual and say they really thought they'd be dancing again tonight. Ashley is asked again about getting 40 (spoiler: it was great), and Claudia reminds Pasha that the last time he did a jive in Blackpool it was with Flackers, and he went on to win that year - does he see lightning striking twice? Pasha, who you'll remember barely gave a shit about winning when it actually happened, says it would be nice but right now his dream is to open his own fish 'n' chip shop. Charles is thrilled with his 10s, and Karen is still very emotional as she points out that this is her seventh year and that's the first time she's had any 10s at all. She says she owes it all to Charles, who's working so hard and loving life right now. They have the tango next week, and Charles shows off his serious tango face. It may need some work.

Next, Take That perform their absolutely diabolical new single 'Out Of Our Heads'. (Although I can see it being used for a charleston next year, or possibly even a quickstep.) The whole thing is styled like an alt-right rally, and after about 30 seconds of it I think I would rather listen to an actual alt-right rally. Also, they've brought their own dancers, which remains rude. I hope their dancers are paying their taxes, at least. [Also: what the hell has happened to Mark Owen?  He always had a touch of Mark Hammil about him but now he's gone full-on Jedi hermit era Luke Skywalker, except without the brooding mystique - Rad]

I unplug my fingers from my ears as we get to Dance Debrief, where Darcey wants to talk about Joe's marvellous frame and unmoving shoulders, and Claudia wants to talk about Darcey hitting Craig for only giving Joe an 8. Claudia offers Shirley an early Christmas present of Charles's samba in slow-motion, which she loved because he "brought his own spice to it". Craig confirms that he couldn't fault Ashley's jive and that every single element came together for it. Rather than considering the past, Bruno is asked to look to the future by talking about the Lindy Hop-a-thon next week (figuring out exactly how to hyphenate that is going to haunt me, although I suppose technically it's Rad's problem - sorry Rad!) - he explains that the Lindy Hop is a precursor of the jive, but is much freer and more energetic, and with lots of scope for lifts and throws, and they'll all be dancing together so they'll have to show some floorcraft, and of course the judges will be scoring.

Back to Tess to see who'll be joining Graeme and Oti in the Dread Dance-Off. Joe and Dianne are safe, as are Stacey and Kevin. That leaves Faye and Giovanni, and Kate and Aljaž waiting to see who'll get the red light - but it's Kate and Aljaž who end up in the danger zone this time. Kate and Aljaž make their way over to a sympathetic Tess who apologises for their plight, and Kate stoically says that at least she gets to dance at Blackpool again. Darcey is asked to give Kate some pointers, and she says that Kate gave every minute her all, so she just needs to do that again. Tess asks Kate how she's feeling, and Kate says she's feeling all right because her kids are going to get to see Mummy come down in a balloon again. Hee.

The other three safe couples have just joined Claudia, and Stacey reveals that she was absolutely sure she was in the Dance-Off, to the point that she was looking around wondering if they'd got the giant stick of rock back out ready for them yet. She's got the paso next week, and says she's going to channel her Faye vibes. She's very grateful to the voters at home for keeping her around to learn another dance. Joe says that he still can't get over what the ballroom looks like, "and it smells good too", and after being prodded to share his thoughts on that with the viewers at home by Claudia, he elaborates that it smells "like Shakespeare's house, after he's written a few good plays". That... doesn't sound like it would be all that pleasant a smell to me? Dianne talks about how she always wanted to compete in Blackpool ever since she was a little girl, but being Australian made that quite challenging, so she's thrilled that she's finally here - and got 10s into the bargain. Claudia asks Faye how she feels about the Lindy Hop-a-thon, and Faye says that she's with the king of jive, which is good, but giggles that "it might be a bit like bumper cars!" Faye is so gradually unravelling, isn't she? I find it fascinating.

Once we have been reminded that Strictly is also available on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, BBC Micro and Atari Jaguar, it's time for the Dance-Off. Graeme and Oti go first, and it's a pretty accurate copy of the first time out, apart from one moment quite close to the end where Graeme's umbrella tapping is wildly out of sync with all the professional dancers. Kate and Aljaž follow up with a slightly more relaxed-looking American smooth, and I think with slightly less gapping than it had the first time? One thing that really bothers me, which is nothing to do with the dance itself, is the back of Kate's dress: I don't think I mentioned this in the performance show recap, but it was the same thing there - there's a flesh-coloured band below her shoulderblades, but it's really poorly-fitted and makes it look like she has back rolls. I find it really distracting.

Craig votes to save Graeme and Oti "for technique and performance", Darcey says it's really tough, but on a more energised and detailed performance she wants to save Graeme and Oti. Bruno says that he has to vote for the couple who gave the most accomplished and stronger performance, so he's saving Graeme and Oti. Shirley agrees that she would have saved them too. The entire ballroom gets on their feet for Kate, who says that it's not that she wanted to go out here, but she couldn't have asked for anything better than to dance twice in this fantastic place. She adds that she's forever grateful to Aljaž for what he's taught her - Aljaž calls her "an incredible woman and an incredible mother" and says he's never going to forget this experience. Kate asks if she can say a few thanks to the people behind the scenes who work so hard to put the show together, and finally thanks Aljaž again for being her teacher, and she's had so much fun with him. I can't help feeling that, while Kate clearly loved doing the show, there's a faint hint of relief in here that it's over now. After all, going forward she was likely to have always been near the bottom of the pack, and I can't imagine she was particularly looking forward to the Lindy Hop-a-thon with her dodgy rib (or that it would have been a particularly natural fit for her), so in some small way going out here feels like the right thing for her. She's going out on a high, in Blackpool, on a dance she loved, and not having outstayed her welcome or done herself any permanent damage (hopefully).

Kate and Aljaž have their final dance to 'Bye Bye Baby', and I'm rather touched by the way that Faye runs up and hurls herself at Kate to say goodbye. I kind of wish I'd got to see more of that friendship. Thoughts over the credits: Blackpool has been everything Faye dreamed of and more, Stacey reminds us that there's so much history here (most Bruce chasing McFly off the dancefloor when Harry won, neva4get), Charles is thrilled to leave here still in the competition, Lauren refers to Kate as "the mother hen", Kate says she couldn't have had a better time, or gone out in a better place, Graeme feels like he's found a new side of himself that he didn't know he had, Ashley and Pasha have got samba next week, and Joe has "no idea what Lindy Hop-a-thon is, I thought it was an ice lolly". No, Joe. No you did not. Please, please, for the love of all deities everywhere, retire that joke construction now, you've used it at least three times and it is starting to make me itch.

That's it for this weekend! Join Rad next time for the post-Blackpool hangover, the Lindy Hop-a-thon, and the obligatory annual performance from Rod Stewart...