God, last night was a load of old shit, wasn’t it? I’m so ready for tonight to be the equivalent
of that one random week they have on The Apprentice every now and then where Sralan
gets so bored he fires the lot of them. Chuck
them all out and just fill the remaining weeks with more Johannes, it’s what we
all want. Well, except the homophobes that call Ofcom and they can just go in the bin. With last night's dances.
Cue credits. I’ve
just noticed the ugly star tattoo Michelle has between her boobs and now I’m never
going to be able to see anything else.
Tess and Claudia enter without partners. Claudia’s come as bronze coloured wire wool,
and Tess as the foil bit from the Quality Street Toffee Deluxe (rip ur wiv da
angles now – perhaps the pro dance was a tribute?).
Then the judges enter: Shirley and Bruno, Craig and
Motsi. Motsi is in velvet shorts like
the ridiculous style kween she is.
Recap bit in which the following of note happens: Emma goes
into a misty haze as they make her into ‘Marilyn’ (or ‘blonde lady diamond
lover’ as the costume packet probably read), Chris tries to give an interview
whilst someone smacks him in the face with a makeup brush, Hot Greg is still
MIA, Emma and Saffron are given the worst critiques, Chris’s former headteacher
enjoyed the show, all the dances look just as shit in slow-mo.
Safety results: Anton (and Emma, but mainly an OTT jumping
up and down Anton) and Kelvin and Oti are safe. And in the dance-off? Saffron and
AJ. She cries because every year AJ goes
home in the samba and she doesn’t want to be responsible for it happening
again. Saffon, hun, if your partner
always goes out on the samba, it might suggest you’re not the one with the
problem.
Wow, the safety Clauditorium is getting more and more empty,
isn’t it? Emma is pleased to be through
as she expected to be in the dance-off, and she has the Charleston for Musicals
Week next week. Kelvin said he’d played
a joke on his dad by telling him he was going to dance at the start, so his dad
booked the day off work and got his hair cut. God, first he’s outed as a Brexiteer, then they put him in that top,
then it turns out he’s a mean bastard. And he’s still going to win, what a Boris. [Yeah, it was really odd telling that story and playing it for laughs because he did not come across well in it at all. Still, I'm sure his voters just thought it was BAN'ER. - Steve]
Our second special guest is Ellie, the teenager who won The
Greatest Dancer Starring Oti Mabuse coming back soon to BBC One. She’s dancing to ‘Keeping Your Head Up’ and
it is very gymnastic and dynamic and I’m not going to say anything snarky about
a teenage girl, she’s very talented, I’m still not watching that show, I
watched a couple of episodes last series and that was plenty.
Dance debrief covers Chris learning to do meen face, Kelvin
and Oti being ‘synchronised’ using clips where they’re completely out of sync
as per, Craig giving Saffron a 5 for being rubbish (he doesn’t give a specific
reason), everyone giving Craig a hug because his scores were so low and Claudia’s
worried he’s not OK (he says he did take her advice and eat some chocolate after it. Mate, I needed something much stronger to cope with that show, you have my sympathy), Karim doing big jumps, BRUNO SINGING, and no-one giving a
toss about Emma or Alex.
A preview for all the extra content available on social
media and apparently it IS on TikTok after all?
God last night was such a mess no wonder no-one knew what was true and
what was a joke. (Insert joke about this
week’s Tory FactCheck style bantz if you like, I’m too spent on that nonsense)
The Cue Cards of Doom save Chris and Karen but put Alex and
Neil and Karim and Amy in danger, and it’s Karim and Amy who receive the red
lighting, meaning Alex has a really strong public vote, perhaps more than I
anticipated, and that the public have well and truly TURNED on Couple’s
Choice. Karim said the dance meant a lot
to him and he’ll draw on that. Shirley
says he needs to just focus on the dance and musicality and keep his focus and
Karim says he’s ready.
In the Clauditorium, the teams in red and black are both
safe and Alex is a bit teary and thanks people for keeping them in and we’re
reminded of her JOURNEY. Chris is asked
about his bestie Karim being in the dance-off and says he knows Karim will do
his best but he loves Saffron as well. Claudia asks Karen if she thought she’d get an early boot and be able to
get on with her Christmas shopping and Karen says yes, a bit, but Chris is
great. They have a foxtrot next week and
nobody is especially here for it, oh well.
We get a trailer for Musicals Week in which Emma Barton is
really desperate to get there to do some more jazz hands, try and look surprised. God, could you imagine how many tears there’d
have been if she hadn’t managed it. She
also reprises lots of her couple’s choice, including that bit where Anton puts his
hands on her bum that absolutely none of us want to relive and are we sure they’re
not in tonight’s dance-off? Can we make
that happen based on a VT?
Saffron and AJ’s samba is no better than first time, and she
looks pretty defeated as you would, and the slow tempo really doesn’t help the
problems with this routine as it makes it hard to get any sense of flow. It’s a shame this routine is the one sending her
own rather than one of her ballroom dances, but it’s done now, they can burn those outfits and let’s never hear of this routine again. [Can they burn Kelvin and Oti's while they're at it please - Steve] As
for Karim and Amy, it’s a little bit worse than first time, there are a couple
of clear mistakes, but it’d have to be a spectacular clusterfuck to be worse
than that samba, and it clearly isn’t, much as I didn’t really care for it.
Craig says it was an easy choice (oof) [JE TÉLÉPHONE À LA POLICE - Steve] and saves Karim and
Amy for being technically the best, Motsi saves them for a ‘perfect performance’,
Bruno saves them for being better technically and artistically and Shirley says
she would have saved them as well.
So AJ breaks his semi-final curse, eh? Just perhaps not in the way he wanted. Saffron cries a bit and we see their journey –
some lovely ballroom, some terrible hairstyles, more knicker-flashing than she
probably wanted, HER NAN. She thanks AJ
for taking her out of her shell [YOU'RE A YOUTUBER, YOU TELL STRANGERS ABOUT YOUR LIFE FOR MONEY - Steve] and AJ thanks her for her positive mental attitude
and being his best partner (I don’t know if he meant it to sound like either a
burn on her predecessors or a way of stoking showmance rumours but there we
are).
They dance to ‘Last Dance’ which I’m sure is too overdone at
this point. I say it’s their last dance,
but literally the only people dancing are the judges. Still, there’s a pretty lighting effect, so
that’s something. The postmortem
features Karim blatantly having just cried a lot, and that’s going to make for
a fun VT next week I am sure.
So next week is musicals week, featuring special guests
Beverley Knight and Adele Dazeem. Oh,
and I did say I’d only plug it again when it came out, so my Reality TV book is out
tomorrow! And you can get 30% off with
the code REALITYTV, so you’re welcome for that Christmas present. Steve will take you to the musicals next week
and I’ll have the joy of two-dance week in a fortnight when we discover who will be joining (probably) Karim and Kelvin in the final.
6 comments:
Good lord, Kelvin talking about winding up his dad was a shit show wasn’t it. Did he think it was cute? He deserves to lose popular votes for that next week. And I thought his dance was a mess as well...
It was vile. And why would he be proud of it? The two most likeable contestants are the two worst dancers by some way, what a series.
I'm getting fed up with Chris Ramsey. When he says something like "I never thought I'd even get to week 1" (and he does, every week), he's basically saying “aren't I popular with the public".
I wouldn't say Alex and Chris are the most likeable contestants, as that implies that the others are unlikeable. And aside from Kelvin's dad-clanger, the rest of them aren't imo Ann Widdicombe-obnoxious or Dom Littlewood-creepy.
I'd say Alex and Chris are the most *relateable*.
Given the majority of the audience aren't showbiz types, the ultra-showbizzy/media-y Emma, Karim and Saffron might seem less relateable.
But I don't see how this series is any worse in this way than past series; I don't recall feeling that past series had far more un-showy, down to earth types. Especially by week 10.
Yeah, I think that's it, relatable more than likeable. I do like Karim and Emma but they are so highly strung that it's harder to make them seem like people's faves.
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