This week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...

Monday

- Whoever scripts this show isn't quite familiar with what "tens across the board" means.

- Apparently it was Catherine's goal all along to make it to Hallowe'en, in a case of "be careful what you wish for."

- Catherine feels like she's "gone through a divorce and got custody of JoJo", so at least she's looking on the bright side.

- Pasha is having a lovely life, so that's good.
- To be honest, Mike's tango wasn't Pasha's favourite.

- Pasha isn't sure of the difference between "stompy" and "stumpy".

- This year's Children In Need special will be an all-EastEnders edition: Maisie Smith will be with Kevin, Ricky Champ will be with Luba, Louisa Lytton (yep, series four fourth-placer Louisa Lytton) will be with Gorka and Rudolph Walker will be with Nancy.
- Rylan likes it when Pasha says oomph *eyebrow raise*.
- Pasha thinks Emma and Anton would have been OK with 'just another rehearsal'.

- Saffron got whiplash during her jive rehearsals.

- It was clearly quite the week for injuries because she also got splinters in her bum from the floor in the training room. That's a bout of sepsis waiting to happen, surely?
- AJ thinks Craig smiling looks a bit weird.  Says the pot to the kettle.

- Saffron will be doing a salsa to 'Instruction' by Jax Jones featuring Demi Lovato and Stefflon Don.

- The final lift in their salsa involves Saffron cartwheeling across AJ's neck or something.

- Now Halloween is over, poppy season has officially begun.

Tuesday

- Tunes on Tuesday has apparently been promoted to opening act.
- Alex and Neil will be doing an American smooth to 'Ain't No Mountain High Enough'.
- Glasses do not suit Karen or Katya.
- Michelle and Giovanni will be doing a paso doble to 'Another One Bites The Dust'.

- The VISCOUNTESS and Aljaž will be doing a samba to 'I Don't Care' by Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber, and well, it's been nice knowing her.
- Apparently all Northerners hunch.

- The wig was Karen's first wardrobe malfunction ever.

- For those keeping score, Karen's wig got caught on Chris's sock at the start of their samba and that's why it looked so weird and awkward.
- Chris has decided he's not doing another samba in this competition, so he'd better hope that if he makes it past Blackpool, samba isn't the theme of the next rigathon. 

- Chris and Karen are doing a street/commercial to 'Let's Get Ready To Rhumble'. 

- Chris once rapped along to an entire PJ & Duncan album on Boxing Day morning when he was a kid.
- Rylan is now both bowing and curtseying to the DANCEMASTER.
- Rylan wearing black trousers and black shoes against a black wall is super great for demonstrating footwork.
- Although that might be a blessing for him as Viennese Waltz seems to not be his dance.

- The term "fleckerl" comes from the German word "fleck" meaning "spot", as in "on the".
- Halloween week needed 67 costumes.
- The name labels on the coat hangers had little pumpkins on this week.
- Anton was bitching about his costume not showing his glorious frame off properly.  After all the costumes they've put Pasha in over the years.
- Will was originally going to be the statue instead of Karim in the group dance.

- Mike is still trying to make the term "clockography" happen. Stop it, Mike.
- Mike loved 'going down the hole'.  Careful Mike, that's how tabloid scandals start.

- Not that we particularly needed the mics up to confirm it, but Katya is still talking Mike through his dances step by step.
- Notice that they got Pasha in the week before Mike and Katya get to trample over his and Kimberley's Charleston by using the same music.

Wednesday

- Will has had to pull out of the show officially because of his injury. That's a real shame, and we'll miss him, but of course his long-term health has to come first. Heal up soon, Will!
- Will's really gutted to be leaving, but he was glad he got to do a range of dances, and contemporary was his favourite.
- Saffron and AJ are having a quickie, according to gossip-monger Zoe.
- Zoe wants to steal Michelle's shoes.
- In further injury news, Neil is still on crutches and Alex is having to mark out her routine by herself in rehearsals, which seems like it's maybe not the best outcome.
- This show's attempt to blur out the 'Reebok' on Karen's training top are so piss poor they shouldn't have bothered.

- Just when we thought Ian might not be dragging up for Hallowe'en, Ian will once again be dragging up for Hallowe'en.
- Ian mocked up as Harley Quinn looks like Alan Cumming.
- Kevin and Luba entered 'Craig's Creepy Caves' - before the watershed, call Ofcom.
- Luba is a gift to comedy VTs and it's a shame we didn't get to see that before James was kicked out.
- It is a bit cruel to ask Luba questions about Strictlies past when this is only her second year.

- Michelle is not allowed to celebrate (or commiserate) how Saturday went from Sunday onwards, on Giovanni's orders.

- Giovanni thinks it's hard to get 10s with a foxtrot because it's a boring dance. Can he go back and time and tell the judges before the series six final?

- Michelle thinks 'Another One Bites The Dust' is an iconic LGBTQIA+ song. Hmmmm.

Thursday

- Over 75% of voters wanted Ian to drag up as Maleficent this year. (In a flat shoe, intriguingly.)
- Zoe can't pronounce Maleficent, however.
- Ian is available for panto.
- It looks like we might be getting Anton chest on Saturday, steel yourselves.
- Apparently samba is one of Zoe's favourite dances.
- Zoe thinks that Aljaž looked like Phillip Schofield when he had grey hair for Hallowe'en.
- This week was the first time Zoe had interviewed The VISCOUNTESS.
- The VISCOUNTESS's son John had a pirate party for his birthday on Sunday.
- Aljaž has been singing along to 'I Don't Care' by Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber all week.
- It's still better than what Brendan did to Kylie's 'Love at First Sight' on Celebrity X Factor.
- Michelle and Giovanni will both be matadors in their paso.
- Neil is not enjoying teaching from the sidelines.
- Anton pronounces Oti's name "Otti".
- Johannes would have been a rugby player if he wasn't a dancer. Someone please let me see into that parallel universe.
- AJ thinks Johannes as a rugby player makes sense because he has powerful thighs.
- Anton thought Amy would have been a rugby player because she's Welsh.  And has had to tackle Brian Conley and Danny John Jules.
- Karim found the paso hard because of the shaping and also because he's just naturally very smiley.
- Amy and Karim have been listening to the judges so there will be no tricks in his quickstep this weekend.

Friday

- Gethin's taken to wearing a T-shirt with 'Choose _ick' on it, those looking for signs.
- Emma B enjoyed going on first but doesn't like tango, to be honest. Anton?  Haha marvellous of course.
- Anton thinks it's "important" to reuse things you've done before.  Well, that would explain a lot of the song choices on this show, I suppose.

- Emma is not as good at remembering dance steps as she is at remembering acting words.

- Emma and Anton both seem to be on their last nerve with the judges, get your popcorn in.
- Emma bought Rylan a really cheap and inauthentic-looking Albert Square sign as a belated birthday present.
- Chris likes that in street commercial you can forget posture and frame and just do what you want.  Well yes, the majority of those routines on this show would imply that.
- This week's Friday panel is Rev Kate Bottley, Rev Richard Coles and not-Rev Dawn O'Porter. No offence to Dawn but in terms of the other two it's hard to imagine a worse panel that didn't involve Rufus Hound or Marian Keyes.
- Dawn's poppy fell off immediately, the heretic.
- Zoe has taken to calling street commercial 'freestyle' as if Couple's Choice wasn't already showdance by any other name.
- The highest scoring week seven in Strictly history was in series seven.

- Friday panellist Rev Richard Coles thinks he still holds the record for the lowest scoring paso in Strictly history. He is wrong.
- Luba and Graziano are the pros demoing the dances in Jason Gilkison's little bits this year.  Poor Nancy, will she ever get anything to do?  (Also: Luba is kind of showing Graziano up, maybe they should have asked Gorka?)

- Saffron and AJ are apparently going by "Team SJ" now?

- Saffron and AJ are apparently doing some sort of basketball theme for their salsa but were wearing baseball shirts for their rehearsal???
- Kelvin didn't really like being a caveman for the group dance.

- Oti is now obsessed with Emmerdale.
- This show's idea of who's in Emmerdale is a good decade or so old.  But maybe that's for the best, lest we invoke the spirit of L*s* R*l*y.
- This week's pro dance is an Elton John tribute.  No word on if Bruno is reprising his 'I'm Still Standing' video role.

- Michelle smells great, according to Gethin.

- The VISCOUNTESS will be doing a lot of pointing at Dave Arch during her samba.
- The VISCOUNTESS thinks everyone is shouting at each other in the dances because it 'helps' and 'it's funny on Instagram'.  It is not.  Remember when the judges used to critique people for that kind of thing in days past?
- The BLACKPOOL hype has started.

- It's another clean sweep from the Friday panel for Mike and Katya going home, for all the good it's going to do.
- Ian's muscle went during their dance and Zoe is disappointed there wasn't a snap noise.
- Kevin was better in rehearsal.

- Neil will not be dancing with Alex again tomorrow, but hopes to be fit by Monday assuming Alex gets through. Alex will be dancing with Kevin again this weekend.

- The charleston is making Mike sweat a lot.
- Rick Astley is looking like a grown-up David Sneddon these days.